The Quote Farm

quotefarm @ 2008-02-01T00:47:00

2008-02-01T05:47:41Z

Yang kicks Yin in the crotch. "Hey, this is the /modern/ navy. We stopped raping people in the ass in 1980something."

Eine Kleine Vindowsbash

2008-01-25T00:12:56Z

"Windows...it's...it's...the golden retriever of operating systems. You can't hate it because it TRIES SO HARD. Do ANYTHING in its presence, it comes gallumphing at you full-speed, crashes into you, then pants happily, because it's convinced everything from cordon bleu lessons to kinky sex is better with it right in the middle of things. Tell it to butt out, and it nodnods, slobbers all over you, sits two feet away...and makes my-bladder's-going-to-go-Nagasaki-on-your-poor-doomed-ass whines while staring raptly at you. Unblinking. Its sides heaving as if to remind you that a hundred thousand megatons of BLUESCREEN are lurking beneath its seemingly innocuous primary-colors exterior.

"And remember that episode of your favorite afterschool cartoon where the geek of the cast tried 'being cool' to fit in, and the lesson was 'Just be you?' THAT is Vista. Vista can be trained. But it freezes everything, blips, and wails 'DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!' when you try."

- rancourt, in a mood

quotefarm @ 2008-01-06T01:57:00

2008-01-06T06:57:19Z

viror: My asshole has failed me.

quotefarm @ 2008-01-06T01:56:00

2008-01-06T06:56:11Z

Mah Twin, she are spay-shul.

arphalia: I like the monkey better when it's dirty

quotefarm @ 2007-12-01T03:33:00

2007-12-01T08:33:38Z

Marek says, "I love actual native names translated. Because they're generally batshit insane or insanely practical."

Marek says, ""What's that lake called?" "The Lake of the Seven Horrifying Fish Monsters Who Yank Your Soul Out Through Your Anus." "And that forest over there?" "That Forest Over There." "

quotefarm @ 2007-11-02T21:48:00

2007-11-03T02:48:42Z

Lagos says, "(I can't wait for the next Wheel of Time book. I hear he's finishing it soon.)"
Nakar says, "he may be a bit late."
Lagos says, "I hear it's going to have a grave tone."

The terrible secret of bandwidth.

2007-09-06T03:52:35Z

Lagos says, "I carried a couple 500 gig drives across campus once and my bandwidth was like a gig/second. Sneaker net paradox: It's hard to beat the bandwidth of a stationwagon filled with data tapes driving down the highway."

Unclear on the concept

2007-08-22T17:36:23Z

"The biggest thing in the world is the universe."
--Some weirdo on HGTV

quotefarm @ 2007-08-05T02:06:00

2007-08-05T06:07:12Z

best quote EVAAAAAAAAR:
"quit moving like that, or one of two things will happen. you'll either throw up, or i'll get a hard-on"

On proper image

2007-07-16T02:55:20Z

While hunting for a dark shirt to wear for a picture to be taken in, Leonard Cohen style,

rancourt: "You can't be Darth Cohen in a My Little Pony t-shirt."

quotefarm @ 2007-07-09T05:56:00

2007-07-09T11:55:42Z

Me: Screenshots make me happy.
ausme: [That] sounds like a techno John Denver lyric.

Well, maybe you had to be there....

man-quote

2007-07-08T13:31:44Z

the context was dumb, but the message was worthy of a good punch in the kidney:

girl: DAMMIT! I'm breaking out again.
boy: it's not so bad
girl: yeah, but it sucks
boy: you know, you're not special...
girl: AHA! SO THE TRUTH COMES OUT !!

maybe it was a "you HAD to be there moment"... but jerry almost got punched.

Dickfreckles.

2007-06-23T23:38:50Z

“Since they’re intimidated by the size of your dick, they limit their comment to ‘Well, you KNOW there’s a freckle there on the shaft...’”

- kiarrh, regarding the fact that, the more incredible something is, the more likely its observers are to zoom in on whatever imperfections can be found. Hooray net.culture. “Dickfreckles” is my new favorite term for this behavior.

Uninstallation Unsuccessful

2007-05-27T17:04:45Z

"Oh man, when a program's uninstaller crashes, that's just like the programmers giving you a great big, 'Hey! Fuck you!'."
-- Me, on FL Studio

i can has flu ?

2007-05-01T01:32:44Z

So thanks to icanhascheezburger.com, this is how I describe my flu to people:

him: So what's wrong with you anyways?? You just not feeling ok?

me: No... I eat some foods and my tummeh is all *DO NOT WANT!*

quotefarm @ 2007-04-29T07:10:00

2007-04-29T06:11:32Z

From Radio 4's On your farm this morning:

Interviewer: Wielkopolsky - that's a Polish name, is that where you're from?
Mr Wielkopolsky [proudly]: My father was Polish. I was born in Scotland. That makes me as English as anyone.

quotefarm @ 2007-04-28T13:59:00

2007-04-28T21:00:35Z

Morgan, upon my putting a song by Robbie Williams (Rock DJ) on:

"This song is making me gay!"

i swear, i'm the ADD Queen

2007-04-27T21:30:14Z

"OH! Sorry... I forgot that I was easily distracted by kangaroos, wallabies, and wombats."

oh they don't, eh?!

2007-04-18T16:31:59Z

True conversation at the grocery store last night with my roommate, Jim:

Lizzi: Will Nathan (our other roommate) be upset if we get low-fat Mexican cheeses instead of just... regular?

Jim: Don't be silly. They don't make a fat Mexican

Truer words have never been spoken...

2007-04-16T05:21:58Z

From Stranger Than Fiction... a scene between Will Farrell (whose work I normally despise and for which I have a pretty complete lack of respect - his performance in this movie is actually, shockingly, quite good so far) and Maggie Gyllenhaal:

Mr. Crick.

>silence<

Mr. Crick.

>silence<

MR. CRICK!

Yes, what is it?

You are staring at my tits.

I wa...? I don't think I was. I don't think I would do that. If I was, I can assure you it was only as a representative of the United States government.

quotefarm @ 2007-04-08T11:11:00

2007-04-08T15:11:02Z

Linux: because rebooting is for adding new hardware.

Codemonkey political humor inbound.

2007-04-04T19:51:03Z

MacRae says, "I wish something could be done about riders in bills."
MacRae says, "Some sort of organizational requirements for bills, I don't know."
Lagos says, "Like a LaTeX template."
Lagos says, "And if you have too many \porkbarrel{} tags, it doesn't compile."

Humorous

2007-02-27T03:30:13Z

Russell Crowe: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius.
fmsilk: Oh reallyus?

care bears

2007-02-06T15:50:17Z

Harwich says, "They sometimes tried diplomacy first."

Harwich says, "But yeah, usually they resorted to Nuke It With Caring From Orbit"

Preston says, "This is the only diplomacy they needed: 'Don't fuck with us. We have stomach lasers.'"

Preston says, "That'll teach those kids to share."

The wit and wisdom of fmsilk

2007-02-02T21:09:45Z

fmsilk: I have to go potty.
Me: It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to...
fmsilk: (returning) Dammit, now that song's stuck in my head.
Me: Now it's Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry...
fmsilk: Ack! No, that's the sequel to the same song... now they're both stuck in my head.
Me: Okay. My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble...
fmsilk: ... Now all three songs are stuck in my head.
Me: Really?
fmsilk: Yeah. "It's Judy's turn to potty on my boyfriend's back."
Me: ...

(later)

fmsilk: I have to go potty again. Turn over.
Me: Sorry, it's not your turn.
fmsilk: I'm going to kill that bitch Judy.