Indiana Vasquez and the hunt for the lost city of Harlem
OVERTURE
ACT I
"you do know that your 7:15pm departure has been postponed for 11:15 pm tonight, right?"
-I guess I know now...
*****
was able to find a used copy of WALL-E at the airport movie store. BOY was that the right decision.
*****
PROBLEM: If my flight arrives in NEWARK AT 2:10 am, and the train from NJ transit to NY Penn Station stops running at 2 am. How am I going to make it from NEWARK NJ to NY PENN STATION after we land?
-TWO RICH SOCIALITES "Oh dear, take a cab, its only like 60 bucks to Harlem, and you dont get to deal with the mugging concept...its totally worth it"
-ONE NY BUSINESSMAN "I agree..cab it"
-EX BF ON THE PHONE "Child, dont listen to rich people, take this bus for 2 dollars...its called the OLYMPIA bus...it will take a couple of hours to get there"
-HUSBAND ON THE PHONE "Try to get on that Olympia bus...if not...just stay in the terminal until 4 am when the new train takes off"
-ME: Why jesus..why
ACT II: I AM NOT A LIFETIME MOVIE
As described to Will on Gmail Chat:
me: i dodged death like 4 times last night
Will: That airplane ride bumpy?
me: it was like a rollercoaster ride
but nothing as scary as that other plane that blew up
Will: truth
Will: I was worried last night that it was gonna be a rough ride... but didn't want to scare you
me: so, check this shit out
i almost got kidnapped and rapped last night
Will: say what?
me: so...as the flight is taking off at 11 pm last night
this black guy that was sitting next to me
was striking up conversation
so I was thinking 'hmmm maybe he will want to split a cab when we get to newark"
so im talking back, etc
so then he goes "where you going in NY again?
and I give him the coordinates
and he goes "im driving up there, I could give you a ride if you want"
so initially im like "thats cool...sure!"
and then as the plane is up in the air, i go "did i just accept to get into a car with a stranger in NY city? whats
wrong with this LIFETIME TV for WOMEN movie of the week?
Will: HAHAHAHA
me: then I realize that hes kinda flirting with me
letting his hand slightly touch my leg/etc
then I realize "ohhhhh helllssss no"
Will: He wanted some ass
me: so bottom line is: i dont want to be in a car with this dude
so when the plane lands, I act like im talking to my ex justin and that he's saying he's gonna pick me up
Will: Haha, you should have said my BOYFRIEND JUSTIN. TO WHOM I AM VERY FAITHFUL.
AND HE OWNS GUNS
me: cuz you know, you cant just be like "nevermind, i rather sleep in the terminal toilet than get a ride from you because you are sketchy"
and he's like "oh ok...you dont need a ride...thats cool
Will: Hah, you'll quickly learn rule #2 of New York... Don't talk to black men.
me: ha ha
BUT
omg
he's like...making sure i dont pass him
he's taking his time getting his bags...im behind him..he's walking all slow....
Will: Jesus
Creepy as fuck
me: yeah and everytine I try to pass him he turns around and goes "we should hang out"
Will: He did NOT
Ugh
Gross
me: and im like "HA HA...YOU SO CRAZY"
and he goes "i really wanted to give you a ride"
Will: yeah, b/c THAT'S not a double entendre
me: and I basically just started to walk in that "you are creepy, watch me walk in the opposite vector" motion
Will: hah
Was he at least an attractive black man?
me: no
Will: Should've said "Uh, you ain't no KANYE, I'll pass."
me: HA
well frankly, i was mostly freaked about by the whole "hey....this isnt Manhattan...where are you taking me"
Will: Yup
me: ive seen WAY too many horror movies for that
Will: Bc your ass would have been in NJ
And he could have gotten on the Turnpike
And you'd be like "Wait, what?"
And SCREWED.
me: exactly
and I aint trying to get eaten
Sent at 12:17 PM on Friday
Will: hah
that's so sketchy
Sent at 12:20 PM on Friday
me: i know right
im glad i said no
ACT III
Airport attendant: You may still be able to get a train...go buy the ticket quick and get to the station with a quickness!
ME: BUYS TICKET FOR 15 BUCKS AND TRIES TO GET THERE WITH A QUICKNESS
.
.
.
"Airtrain is not providing service to Raillink tonight, pls take a bus. we apologize for the inconvenience"
SUPERFRIENDLY BUS DRIVER LADY "Oh dear, you are trying to get to the rail link terminal right? poor child..Ill take you there"
*bus ride goes over some sketchy "escape from NY" looking shit*
Arrive at RAILINK
oh oh
THE LAST TRAIN LEFT ALREADY. NEXT TRAIN LEAVES AT 4:50 am
RAILINK Attendant "You can sit over there and wait" (points to guy with bags on the floor sleeping/drool coming out of his mouth and collection on the unmopped marble floor {clean up guy has mopped around him})
Call Brandon: "Hey, I Just wanted to let you know that Im stuck in Newark for a while /dont stay up for me"
Brandon: "You know a plane crashed tonight and we all thought you were dead"
....
Call Caleb: "Hey, sorry to wake you. There was a plane crash tonight...not my plane. I live"
Caleb: "praise jesus"
___
ACTIVATE: WALL-E (damn dvd has a skip, but it kept me fairly entertained)
4:50 am. Train arrives on time. We make it to penn station at 5:30
Act IV
Dunkin Donuts lady at Penn Station "Coffee with cream?"
me: Coffee with Caffeine, pls
Take RED line 1 uptown to 125 street. Everyone in the train is the living dead I swear to God. I do not notice im in the WRONG train. Arrive at 125 street station at 5:50 am and I realize i have to walk 6 blocks. Its fine. I am geeked out on Dunkin Donuts
Call Brandon. RING RING RING RING RING (40 times)/Finally wake him up and meet his couch at 6 am
instead of sleeping/I start uploading gencer operas from his box set into my itunes
Final Chorus: Some things never change
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