| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|01:54 pm] |
Contemplating shedding the tear of blood and repeating the tale of what happened two nights before the P.E. to the "world" * unexpurgated, and this time uncertain. Uncertain as to whether to employ Lethe, as every time I think of the place where it happened I am overwhelmed with grief for the house/safe haven that I lost in Portland, bcause I can see it so clearly in my mind and feel as if I am walking back through time to touch items of magic and sentiment that I lost and remember a person whom I love who helped put that house together with me, so I'm running into brick walls each time I try to do this.
Uncertain of Lethe also because to un-remember the pain of the Watcher working and the scorn which came for me afterwards is tied up in this.
* "world" has both magical and mundane meanings to me, it is all one in my mind.
X- posted to Zllha
|
|
|
| an experiment |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|02:13 pm] |
|
I'll be attempting a couple of the Kadmon rites that Akyrain wrote a description of below in the next week and I'll let you all know how it goes... |
|
|
| testing...is this thing on? |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|01:21 pm] |
:)
I'd like to throw a question out to the group. If anyone can stand looking back through my posts on my personal journal you'll see quite a few number of references to a working done with an individual named ErisX or EX. Her "purpose" for the working we participated in last year changed originally from working a form of prosperity magic through dialouge with whom we were trying to bring blessing to in the astral, which a friend of ours called "Enchantment". Next it evolved into my helping her contact the spiritual entities known as the Watchers.
Once she'd made the contact, she asked me to help her further in doing a "consciousness-raising" working with the Watchers. She seemed to want something similar to what this group is aiming for, but when blessings began coming back my way she accused me of using the workings to further my own aims.
My opinion on this is clear enough...IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I ALSO RECEIVE BLESSINGS OR NOT, they are part of HaShem's grace and I am part of the world after all. My question to the group here is: have any of you experienced any sort of kick backs in this way? And is it okaty to write on shabbat further of this ( In my own practice, I think Ha Shem would forgive.)
Reference my October 23, 2005 posts and the posts labeled "Genereation Hex" to get more of how this whole affair affected me spiritually. I really went through quite an emotional transformation... |
|
|
| Breakdown |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|10:08 am] |
Inside an Identity there are 3 major parts. Action, Image, and Perspective. These three things play a major influence on how we view ourselves and how others come to view us as well.
Action - This is where mostly religions base there faith upon. "If I continue to do good deeds everyone will see how righteous and holy I am." Often this ends up back firing and causing everyone to think your a self righteous bigot, looking to better yourself by out "doing" others. So take in account your actions, and not just the actions that can be seen. The actions you do in private weigh heavily on how you act in public. You may think you can fool yourself into thinking you can put up a mask, but eventually the sub conscious will sell you out. People can sense when something is being hidden away. Luckily for most, the majority of people pay no attention to what they sense in people.
Image - This is what we want shown to others. This is what we want to see when we stare into the mirror every morning. Our image will often influence our actions, but others images of us will also cause us to alter our image and change our actions. This is where identities get split. Causing you to feel uncertain of who you are. Dangerous, Image is often a vital part when a person reaches there teen years. This is when they feel they have enough information about the world to develop their identity. Unfortunately without address all three major parts, it is difficult to truly develop your own identity.
Perspective - This is usually the beginning process of the image. This also influences our actions. This also causes self doubt, and insecurity. What would people think if I did this, or if I worn that. Our perspective often seem rather tedious, but they are extremely vital. In order for the rest of the parts to function in our identity the perspective much be controlled. Not allowing to much influence. This process can cause major conflict later on in life. But it can also make us very powerful and beneficial to society.
There are many minor elements to an identity, but most of them attach themselves to the three major parts. In order to develop the identity we want we must keep ourselves aware of our actions, our self image, and our own perspectives. Because if we don't we may end up follow those identities others have built for us. |
|
|
| Thank you for the welcome! |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|01:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
If you read my profile you'll find that I'm rather harried these days, and yes, sometimes I post typos and wierd syntax because I really am tired at the end of the day. I've been reading the Exclusively Kabbalah list for about a year now sporadically. If I post what seem to be stupid questions please don't take offense. I've read a little of the Kadmon group homepage and I'm looking forward to speaking with you all.
best regards
Zillah |
|
|
| Experimental Identities |
[May. 20th, 2005|04:09 am] |
( Identity Experiment )
Has anyone else find out that they were never relating to others, but merely assuming their identity in an attempt to become like those people. Ever feel like you never had an identity of your own? Or an identity at all? |
|
|
| Good Fortune |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|07:38 pm] |
I had placed a few application in to a select number of businesses. Afterward I laid down and placed a request to the Kadmon. I asked it to bring me my job. I gave a preference, as well as a few requests as possibly a perminant position. I was uncertain when the Kadmon would supply my opporunity, but I kept my faith that it would come.
Today I was given my oppertunity.
The Kadmon had supplied my job at Circuit City, but for some unknown reason it fell through after nearly two months. Perhaps the Kadmon was unable to function as it was meant to in that environment. Perhaps I allowed myself to lose focus? And the lay off was some form of backlash. Maybe the proper protocols have yet to be developed for that type of environment. Circuit City is very self absorbed. Borders shows a much more liberal and relaxed environment. One that possibly the Kadmon can saturate within, cause subtle changes.
Also we have discovered that certain areas give off a different type of energy. Walking into certain stores such as Wal-Mart, or Target as a group, I would feel resistance. When we enter Borders the energy flow feels much more free. Could be location, could be the personel within the store.
In either case, out of the three locations I applied for a position. The Kadmon had selected Borders, admittingly it was the location I held a preference for. It simply felt right, or good, or meant to be. Perhaps I am growing a stronger sensitivity with the Kadmon? I hope this to be true. Possibly the induction of our newest member had added an element needed for my growth in the Kadmon. In either case The future looks promising within the Kadmon. |
|
|
| Interesting Behavior |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|11:23 pm] |
After the activation of the Third Set a few things began to occur. My mother who was claiming to be ill felt the need to push herself to clean the kitchen so she wouldn't have to worry about it the morning after. My father tries to involve himself more in my life. I have probably come across as resistant.
Our conversation seem friendly, but my tone sounds a little menacing. As if giving off a warning before we venture further.
I have noticed my tone has grown more harsh since the activation. I have began to correcting my mother for the misquotations or the "kiddie talk" she has been known to use. Although they pay no attention to the tone of my voice, I feel a little bad for sounding like a big grouch. The energy level remains balanced. My room stays at a convenient temperature. Even though I have considered myself a grouchy ass bastard, I have shown more signs of compassion toward my family. Actually showing interest in family affairs. My family has been bouncing back and forth between extremes trying to find the balance in our lives. Each day we come a little closer, but I feel we still have a long way to go. |
|
|
| Brain Storm Warning!! |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|01:39 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Desecrators of the New Age by Destruction | ] |
Recently I have been exploring the properties of emotions. What power can be access within each emotion. After a conversation about different emotional mental states (using characters from Dragonball Z as reference points). We processed separate parts of the Psyche in order to understand it as a whole.
So with a similar technique I broke down the properties of the emotional core. I took a CAT5 or UTP cable as the reference point. This particular cable is key in creating an ethernet cable. Which is used as a link between various types of networks together between computers.
From the outside a CAT5 cable looks much like how an emotion is perceived. It has a simple singular appearance. Now by itself it seems useless. Often why people attempt to ignore their feelings or emotions.
With that in mind, consider what might find if you strip away the outside layer of insulation. Underneath you'll find eight smaller cables. Now at first glance these cable appear only as four separate cables. Until you notice that each cable is actually made up of two cables twisted around each other raising the count to eight.
Now each of these cables can represent an emotion state of mind. Rage, Joy, Madness, Peace, Sadness, Love, Fear, Confidence. Of course, there are more than just these eight, but these particular eight usually work as the emotional base. Now placing them back into the four twisted cables, the four cables would twist together like so, Rage/Joy, Madness/Peace, Sadness/Love, Fear/Confidence. These emotions are normally twisted together because they work to nullify each other.
Now if we unravel these cables and strip them down we see the the true power source. In an UTP or CAT5 cable it is a copper wire. So if we strip emotions down to its true power source, it probably be raw energy. The energy we hitch a ride on when we hear a song we really enjoy, or reading a book that appeals to you. Of course the negative energy has the same flow.
Ultimately the energy is not negative or positive. Often its the emotion that defines it.
Ok, So emotions have energy. Big deal. What now?
Well, after we have stripped down the emotional core, or UTP(CAT5)cable, We need to connect it to something, a jack, so to speak. Now an ethernet cable uses a RJ45 connector. So what would be an emotional jack? I would say its our impulse. Be it physical or mental. We often get an impulse when we trigger certain emotions. So we separate each cable and arrange them to transmit in a certain order. A CAT5(UTP) cable can be arranged as a cross-over cable or as a standard ethernet cable. Emotional configuration has no manual so it can be arranged primarily to the persons needs or desires.
Yet is it possible to cross-over an emotional energy and channel it into a different emotion?
Any thoughts about this particular diagram? Or possibly anyone willing to expound on it? |
|
|
| Practice what You Preach |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|11:12 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional | ] |
If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Seemed much easier when it was in regard to other people. Recently I've had to bite the bullet by facing a harsh fact. I have been complaining about myself every time I stare into my reflection. Somehow I felt excluded from my own hypocricy. Because I didn't voice my issues, I had nothing that needed to change, but in my mind I knew I did. So now that I have talked the talked, I find myself in need to walk the walk.
I've been trying my damnedest to learn how to cope with emotion. Love, despair, hatred, and several others. I felt trapped, or stuck. My progress ceased, or it was moving at a pace it seemed as I wasn't moving. So I lost my drive, why am I even bothering to try and learn. Until I was passing through a dark hallway and saw a vision of a person much colder and empty. I was terrified of this person. I saw a reflection of myself within a shadow. Suddenly my drive jump started itself. Out of the fear of becoming a shell, I saw that I was growing, but at a pace that wouldn't overwhelm me.
I mean the alteration of reality just by reading a book blew my mind. That would probably be considered a small progression. If I can barely grasp that, I now understand why my development has reduced its speed. To prevent mental breakdown. Which I felt I was dancing on the brink of it.
So now I am in an assessment stage to determine what it is I dislike most about myself and changing it. The slow progression will help ease the stress. I am still trying to cope with emotions, but that is something that will take more than a week for me to adapt too. |
|
|
| Second real post |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|09:26 pm] |
|
Some one shut those crickets up damn it!! |
|
|
| The Omega Factor |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|12:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Everlast - Ends | ] |
To start, I suppose that this concept has essentially two parents: the verse from I Corinthians that I'm going to discuss later, and the Omega Directive of Star Trek: Voyager. I suppose it seems bizarre, but omitting the details of how the "Omega Particle" is described in the ST universe, I find it an apt metaphor for the property of human consciousness described by Paul.
First of all we have to take into consideration the fact that Paul was not just any ole' Rabbi. He was a Rabbi conversant in the Hellenistic Mysteries as well, and this factors in greatly when taking into consideration his terminology in order to determine his position. Context is very important here, and it cannot be ignored that Paul clearly spoke in the lingo of the philosophers of the period. (read down to the second review)
So here, I'll reproduce the verses (Thanks to the Blue Letter Bible site) and below I'll give a basic translation of the terminology being used. I'll also give links to sites describing how this terminology might be interpreted to understand the larger picture that Paul was trying to paint through these verses. In some cases I will give the infinitive of a verb in the following manner so that it doesn't break the sentence structure: [English verb/Greek infinitive form]
5 That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
that your Pistis should not stand on the Sofia of man, but rather the Dunamis of God
6 Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought:
We speak Sofia among the Teleios not the Sofia of this Aeon, nor of the Archones of this Aeon which are to be [destroyed/katargeo]
7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, [even] the hidden [wisdom], which God ordained before the world unto our glory:
but we speak Sofia of God in Musterion & Apokrupto which God [predetermined/pro'orizo] prior to the Aeon, to our Doxa
8 Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known [it], they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
which Oudeis, of the Archons of this Aeon [knew/ginosko] for had they [known/ginosko] they would not have [crucified/stauroo] the Kurios Doxa
9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
But as it is written Opthalmos has not [seen/eido], Ous has not [heard/akouo] and nothing has [risen/anabaino] upon the Kardia of man, of that which God has [made ready/hetoimazo] for those that [love/agape] him
The Archons
So my first question was, if an Archon can be anything sort of authority at all, what sort of Archons would God have to prepare something from before the world to deal with? I'd have to say that we're talking about the Gnostic Archons. The archon concept doesn't get much coverage from the Christian angle, so let's look to some of the books they threw out. This first quotation shows how the archons and the hidden wisdom relate to each other.
"Judas said, 'Look, the archons are above us; so, then, it is they who will rule over us!'
The Lord [Jesus] said, 'It is you who will rule over them. But when you remove envy from you, then you will clothe yourselves with light and enter the bridal suite.'
Judas said, 'How our garments be brought to us?'
The Lord said, 'there are some who will bring (them) to you, and others who will receive [them], for it is they [who will give] you your garments. For who [will] be able to reach that place [which is th]e reward? But the garments of life were given to such people because the know the way by which they will go. Indeed, for me too it is a burden to reach it.'"
"Judas said to Matthew, 'We wish to understand what kind of garments we are to be clothed with when we come forth from the corruption of the [fle]sh.'
The Lord said, 'The archons and the administrators have garments that are given (only) for a while and that are impermanent. [But] you, as children of truth, are not to clothe yourselves with these garments that are impermanent. Rather, I say to you that you will be blessed when you strip yourselves."
- The Dialogue of the Savior 19:5-12; 34:1-4
Next we see the process again elaborated on, in terms of removing clothes (consider it a reverse Adam & Eve story in that sense).
"His disciples said, 'When will you appear to us, and when will we see you?'
Jesus said, 'When you strip without being ashamed, and you take your clothes and put them under your feet like little children and trample them, then [you] will see the son of the living one and you will not be afraid.'"
- Thomas 37
And now, a link to Kabbalistic practice:
In Sefer Yetsirah (C. 200 C.E.?), "the ecstatic ascent to the throne is not the only element of that mysticism; it also embraces various other techniques which are much more closely connected with magical practices. One of these, for example, is the 'putting on, or clothing, of the name,' a highly ceremonious rite in which the magician impregnates himself, as it were, with the great name of God' - i. e. performs a symbolic act by clothing himself in a garment into whose texture the name has been woven."
- Gershom G. Scholem, Major Trends in Jewish Mysticism (1941/1961) pp. 77-78
So we can see that identity itself might be what Christ and others are speaking of as garments here. This would indicate that to be reborn, we must remove all old trappings of identity. This is not to say that one must be brain-washed or become zombie-like, but rather that the focal points of personality and self-conception become fluid so that they can be altered if the person so desires. This is the trampling process or the identification with the names of God described in the latter two quotes. As Christ points out in the first quote, we receive impermanent garments from the archons/Gods which would be seen as giving us our "impermanent" garments. These roles and identities might be said to be those received from the world around us. Thus the Archons we are seeing here are the archetypes within the collective unconscious. However, through a reforging of the personality/identity we can separate from those aspects of the collective that are not 'of the light' or rather do not make sense in a long term sense (consider, for example, certain societies and their dependence on a limited supply of a certain fuel). So what sort of garment must we receive to initiate this process?
The Oudeis
In the verse above, it states that the secret hidden wisdom was known to Oudeis/"no one." In looking up this word I found an interesting little-known fact about the word "no one." It's the same word that Odysseus uses in reference to himself on the isle of Kykklops.
"When tricking the cyclops in The Odyssey, there's a pun where Odysseus is asked his name and he says "I'm nobody." Which in greek is "Oudeis," thus it forms a pun on Odysseus. The lesson for poets, I think, from one of our seminal western texts:
I'm nodody. I am from nowhere. No home no school no love no body and I'm just like you.
Oudeis."
In the book, The Arkadians, Odysseus is only referred to by this Oudeis title, to add a touch of authenticity. Lloyd Alexander has an interesting sense of the reality behind mythological stories.
In the following exerpt, we can see where the Oudeis fits into the systems of presocratic thought and their conception of time.
4.1. Peri Peirasis. The Journey into, and Beyond, the Boundaries of the Time
The following will give a short condensation of ancient mythological views of time machinery as they can be found in the Odyssey and presocratic thought. (Dechend 1993; Diels 1954; Gadamer 1989; Gebser 1973; Goppold 1999d: 207-218, 1999h; Heuser 1992; Hölscher 1989; Pleger 1991).
Please allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of mnaemae and phrenae, Mnaemo is my name, and peirasis is my game.
(Perasis: the going through, the going beyond, the transcending; mnaemae: memory; phrenae: brain). The word mnaemo- connects us to Maemosynae, the ancient Greek "mother of the muses", the numinous personification of memory, and of poetic inspiration of the Aoidoi, the bards, epic singers, and prophets, of antiquity. It also reminds us of the captain Nemo in Jules Verne's novel. Nemo in Greek means: outis, maedeis, oudeis, and this is the name that Odysseus called himself in the land of the Kyklops. (Od. 9,366). From the word sounds, we can get a possibly interesting "pattern that connects" oudeis and Odysseus. As the captain, and seafarer, he is a gubernator or kybernaetaes. In his fragment B 64, Heraklit alludes to this: ta de panta oiakizei Keraunos: The Universe is steered by the Keraunos, the thunderbolt, or the Vajra. Odysseus had to endure seven years of captivity, on the island of Ogygia, the Omphalos of the Thalassaean sea (Od. 1,50; Dechend 1993: 183-185, 193, 269, 324). There is a deep cave, the hiding place of the God of Time: Kronos, in Plutarch's account (Dechend 1993: 121). Kronos is the original owner of the Keraunos, before his son Zeus, or Jupiter, had wrenched it from his fist, to govern the universe himself as usurpator. This island is guarded by the nymph Kalypso, whose name means "the Veiled One" (kalyptron, Od. 5.232), she is the personified numinous power of veiling, obscuring, and occulting, in the ancient Greek Homeric mythology. Her name also connects to the flower- kalyx, and the seed husk, thus symbolizing the encapsulation of future potential. She shares her occulting power with Laethae, the numinous force of death-forgetting. (Illich 1988: 13); Hesiodos (1978: verse 211 ff.)). When Odysseus was finally allowed to leave his place of banishment, Kalypso gave him two special tools to cut the trees and fashion his raft: two double axes, the pelekys megas, and the skeparnon, both being variants of the original Keraunos. (Od. 5.234-237; Dechend 1977). Now, as Dechend tells us, the Keraunos is the tool of the time, belonging to the god of the time: Kronos. (One could say: nomen est omen, because Kronos - Chronos and Keraunos are deeply related through their sound). And by its use, Time, the present, the past, and the future, is initially created, en archae, as is related in the mythic account of Hesiodos (1978). Its most common symbol in many cultures world wide is the double axe, the Pelekys, Thor's Hammer, or the Labrys, as it was called in Minoan Crete. (Marija Gimbutas sees a butterfly image in its symbolism, which has its own reasoning, via the temporal stages of metamorphosis, and their initiatic associations: caterpillar / chrysalis / butterfly (Gimbutas 1974: 185-190)). The Keraunos cuts both ways: into the past, and into the future. Its axis / axle / hub is the Kairos, the present, the decisive moment, the instant of creation, the Now. In the grand gory finale of the Odyssee, Homer describes down to the minutest detail the feat how Odysseus shoots his arrow through the hubs of twelve aligned double axes, the abovementioned pelekon. (Od. 21.75-21.421). Let is be said that the Omphalos is a navel as well as a hub (gomphos, Parmenides 1974: B1,17-20), and how else could the Keraunos steer the Universe than through the hub? (German: Nabe -> Nabel). In Roman mythology, the threshold of the past and the future is guarded by the god Janus, the Double-Faced One, who looks into the past, as well as into the future. He ist the guardian of the limen, the threshold, called peras, in Greek. (See also, the liminal, in Gennep 1960). His name re-appears in the month January. A lesser known aspect of the mythological chronology of January was that after the winter solstice on Dec. 21 (and the official end of the year), the following week was considered "outside of the time", that is, in the liminal, or limbo, and also in the hub of the time, until the new year began. Not without good reason, the celebration of the birth of the Christ was placed right in the middle of this period, to Dec. 24. The captain Nemo in Jules Verne's Novel makes his journeys in the Nautilus, or nao-telos, the naos, a submerged, or sub-liminal, ship. According to Vedic mythology, the Vajra was hidden on the ground of the ocean. (Dechend 1977: 99). But naos also evokes our association to noos, and nous, the thoughts, the stuff out of which our memories, imaginations, and anticipations, are fashioned. The connection of nous and telos (aim, goal, finish, completion, success, death, limit -> peras) leads us into the association field of anticipation, and planning, in the ancient mythologies personified by Pro-metheus, the before-thinker. This was also a characteristic of Odysseus the poly-maechanaes, the crafty, cunning, ruseful.
So Oudeis is a reference to Odysseus, a wanderer, a Nowhere Man. One of my favorite discontinued TV shows, Nowhere Man begins with an Image and a Crossroads (see above on the Kairos/hub of time). However, by the end, he discovers that the Image meant nothing (see my post on the Oversaturation of the Voci), that it was himself that he was searching for.
A hidden man. Hidden by his own hand from himself. Yet he possesses the Completion (Telos) of the Image (Logos) - which even the Archons have not possessed... or rather none but Oudeis, the Unknown God. I was thinking about the story of Paul on Mars Hill, and I would guess that YHVH was not unknown to the Greek Philosophers there, and yet Paul's insistence that he served the Unknown God was hinting at something greater. His purpose was not to introduce YHVH to the Greeks, but rather to, by this identification with Oudeis/Odysseus, point the way to them in a language they understood. Above it states that Oudeis has the Keraunos of Time, a power greater even than that of the lightning of Zeus. Oudeis seems to be guarded by both Kalypso and Laethae - The Veil and Death-Forgetting, as long as he remains in exile. In leaving he must become like Janus, facing both forwards and backwards, and cutting through both directions of time, through Memory and Prophecy. Ultimately the moment Now becomes the axis of reality, or as Clive Barker puts it:
"Memory, prophecy and fantasy - the past, the future and the dreaming moment inbetween - are all one country, living one immortal day. To know that is Wisdom. To use it is the Art."
- Clive Barker, The Great and Secret Show
The Death of Carnival
As per ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) salimondo's previous information, the point at which Oudeis embarks is personified by the Death of Carnival - time to get rid of the old calendar, the old personality, and start over with new goals and new identity.
"Wednesday was "the death of Carnival." Starting at 9PM a group of drummers dressed in black and white follow a fan carrying a huge puppet tied to a stick. The band followed the van with the puppet for about half an hour. The puppet attatched to the telephone poll is then posted in the ground as part of a bonfire and burned. It's a pretty cool tradition based in slave uprisings."
The enslavement is to one's own sense of self, and the larger things of the collective which this feeds: The Gods themselves. In my opinion, Gaiman got it half right in American Gods. They do feed off of belief, but not only belief and not primarily so. The Gods feed off of our actions. They feed off of the things we do that are in line with our beliefs and their essential nature. Without works, faith is dead. When we maintain a constant state of self, we become enslaved to a set of actions that we cannot change. This is true for the addict as much as for the glutton, and equally so for the obsessive hobbyist. In much of the material I've read, there is only a sense of despairing: a hopeless gesture of throwing the hands in the air. The advice given is typically to find non-destructive 'habits' or to speak more truly, obsessions. This seems unacceptable to me.
Now I can say that there is another route. It is no easier than the other routes, but it will solve the problem instead of casting it into obscurity and allowing it to continue. Become No One. In doing so, leave behind that which is hurting you. This is no call to abandon all material possessions. This is a call to abandon attachment to them. This is not a call to abandon relationships or families. This is a call to abandon what you think you know about them.
Everything you know is wrong. Just forget the words and sing along. All you need to understand is, 'Everything you know is wrong.'
- Weird Al Yankovic, Everything You Know Is Wrong.
Break free of the chains of the Archons. Create a new world within and the world without will change to match. |
|
|
| The Lillith Effect |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|12:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Evanescence - My Immortal | ] |
Three years ago, I had an experience that changed my life. I was arrested. Needless to say, I had to do many things I didn’t want to do, but ended up being a person I never thought I could be. The question that remains in my mind to this day is, “Why couldn’t I see before what I was, and the consequences that were incurred due to being that person?” I still don’t have a good answer. This is an attempt to look at this question, for the sake of the development of my own consciousness, and possibly the development of the consciousness of others.
During my life, I’ve constantly struggled to identify my own internal processes. This is because I’ve always had to fight to know what the right thing to do is. Typically I wake up to a mob of strange thoughts; these thoughts almost seem foreign in origin, and are maddening. My first reaction is to try and silence this inner turmoil, whether through self-medication or obsessive behaviors which allow me to zone out what some call the Committee. After wrecking a good portion of the good relationships in my life, I started to think of this inner conflict as a radio station that I couldn’t turn off. I prefer the term Radio K-Fuck to "the Committee". Trent Reznor expressed it in this way: “it won't give up it wants me dead and goddamn this noise inside my head.”
I’ve felt this way for so long that I can’t even describe the number of times I’ve spent sleepless nights due to the thoughts racing through my head. I struggle to find footing, but often enough, my mind spins and spins, trying to find a solution to some internal (often emotional) conflict. I run scenario after scenario around in my head, never finding an adequate solution, and denying myself any sort of internal peace. In A.A. they describe a similar pattern of thought.
"What happens when we don't go [to A.A. meetings], takes the form of an insidious and devastating thought process that slowly but surely dominates our lives. We begin to get edgy and irritable. Slowly but surely we begin to clash with our fellow men. Slowly but surely, we begin to experience discontent with our lives. Things begin to go wrong. We lose our peace of mind and serenity. Once I heard an A.A. member say that when he was still drinking, every day upon waking up he would usually start his day by going over in his mind all of the potential run-ins he might have with people during the course of the day. He would anticipate what these people would say to him and how he would react. Before he had even left home for work, he would be in a foul and combative mood ... He described this thought process as being like a bunch of 'uninvited guests' that you keep kicking out only to have them come right back ... Once this thought process begins, it is only a matter of time before we begin to forget all of the trouble that alcohol caused for us, and begin to think that we are not alcoholics. This is called denial, and is accepted as a major exacerbating feature of the 'disease' of alcoholism."
- The Path, by Esmeralda Arana, p. 86-7
The solution that A.A. offers is based in the ideas of Jung: it is a branch of the collective unconscious that is specifically designed to handle the problems associated with alcoholism. However, this is merely a patch placed on a hole in the heart of the world. As we are learning currently, denial can manifest anywhere, in anyone, and addiction is only one symptom of this crippling ‘disease’ of consciousness.
As a song by Santana puts it:
“Cause there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She say I’ve got nothing to fear”
There are essentially two drives pulling me in two. I believe that these two drives can be associated with the negative effects of an illness within the collective unconscious, and the positive effects of the individual ‘divine spark’ which seeks to improve and evolve our consciousness throughout life.
I also believe it was not always thus.
In studying the Genesis stories, I’ve identified the creation story as a tale that can imply the relationship that Adam (our active consciousness) has with Eve (the ideal image of the collective/passive mind). However, this also leaves a sinister train of thought to be dealt with: what of the legends of Lillith? Lillith would have been an aspect of passive/collective unconsciousness that was determined not to be regulated by active consciousness, but rather decided to infiltrate and control active consciousness.
“(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.”
Hebrew Myths: The Book of Genesis by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York: Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69
However, Lillith wasn’t exactly the same as Adam.
“(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. 4”
Hebrew Myths: The Book of Genesis by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York: Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69
If I'm correct, they are here referring to the child that was to be cut in two. Was it Lillith that clutched us to her chest, aware of her role as the guardian of the newly born (awakened)? Perhaps even these hypostases of collective illness can understand that without a host, a parasite will die. The only true long term solution is to form a mutually beneficial symbiosis. In fact, this can be linked to Christian ideas of the “Holy Spirit” and other ideas about the collective mind by way of the Jewish concept of the Shekinah. The following illustrates the difference between a healthy collective and a sick one.
"The Zohar repeatedly contrasts Lillith, as the whorish woman, with the Shekinah, the noble or capable woman of chapter 31 of Proverbs. Yet a comparison of two Zohar passages - I, 223a-b and III, 60b - shows how far the author's mythical imagination can go in uniting these two figures. The first passage describes the Shekinah in its appearance as a power of harsh judgement, manifesting destructive traits - but at the same time as the mother of Metatron, the highest potency in the angelic world, who 'emerged from between her legs.' The second passage is closely related to the first, developing variations of the same theme in new directions in a manner typical of the Zohar. Here the Shekinah is described as the mother of two females from the demonic region: Lillith and Naamah. Hence, the demonic figures are born from her - truly and extremely daring notion. In the first passage, in mages reminiscent of Indian mythology, the Shekhinah is called the 'wisdom of Solomon,' the moon, and, above all, 'the cattle upon a thousand hills' (Ps. 50:10)"
- "On the Mystical Shape of the Godhead" by G. Scholem
"According to one [version], she [Lillith] was created before Adam - in fact, on the fifth day of Creation, because the 'living creature' with whose swarms God filled the waters was none other than Lillith."
- The Hebrew Goddess by Raphael Patai, p. 230
Metatron can be seen as the manifestation of God by which he speaks to a person (typically a prophet or wise man) internally and guides their actions. Metatron is the sum of the collective intuitive drives of the human race. This is obviously a subset of the collective unconscious, as the advice often comes to us in dreams or in the voice of a person that we admire. This process of couching a message in it’s most congruent symbolic vehicle is the modus operandi of the collective unconscious, whose native tongue is that of symbols and metaphors.
So the fact that Metatron and Lillith emerge from the same mother (Shekinah) is indicative of the fact that Lillith is a process of the collective unconscious. From the idea that Lillith is composed of ‘filth and sediment’ we can understand that Lillith was born of the negative thought processes that the survival-oriented aspects of the minds of men have bombarded the collective mind with. We also know that she manifests as a swarm in the ‘waters’ which can represent a being that seems to be many, which is actually one, and which seems to be an internal process. The collective mind is intimately tied into every experience of suffering, every pain, every loss, and every sorrow ever inflicted upon or accidentally incurred by mankind.
Dream of the Tree: I was flying high in the air, in the midst of a dark gray cloud. Suddenly I dropped below the cloud cover and saw beneath me an enormous Tree, composed entirely of ashes. Each fleck of ash was a moment of human sorrow. It stretched high into the heavens and deep into the underworld. There was a small island of ash at what seemed to be the base of this Middle Earth, and I knew that I must go there.
The collective experiences our sorrows, because, like we feel pain in the cells of our bodies, the collective feels the pain that derives from the cells of its body.
"...because Kenesseth Y'Israel [the Congregation of Israel] itself was understood as constituting the body of the Shekhina, in which and through which the Shekhinah acts and suffers together with the people of Israel (perhaps somewhat parallel to Christianity's notion of the Church as Corpus Christi, the Body of Christ)..."
- "On the Mystical Shape of the Godhead" by G. Scholem
The congregation of Israel represents here the collective mind of the Jewish people. Just as every experience affects the collective in the Jewish model, the same can be said for the Christian concepts as well:
"He himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses." Matthew 8:17.
And what, in the stories, comes of this? Anti-Christ. A backlash of the collective against the ills we have allowed to be inflicted upon it. In earlier manifestations, this could be utilized by the healthy aspects of the collective as a teaching tool: much like how in the story of Job, the severity of God was utilized to test his faith.
"(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. 7 Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. 8"
Hebrew Myths: The Book of Genesis by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York: Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69
These are not the only examples of this phenomenon however.
"Should her laws be broken, Sedna's hand would begin to ache, and she would punish humans with sickness, starvation, and storms... Sedna is named for the Inuit Goddess of the Ocean - water - flow of the collective mind - grids - creation - return of the feminine/goddess energies."
Others see it through a psychological lens, dubbing it the Killer Mommy.
"...Our collective awareness -- is clouded by decades of commercially motivated distortion of information flow. And now collective mind is panicky, with fear and feverish with confusion. So she is only semiconscious -- delirious, perhaps. Certainly not clear-headed."
"Planetary Healing" by Rudolph Ballentine, MD
It gets better.
As severity becomes more and more dominant, it becomes an illness, an imbalance. Collective sickness leads to infection in every area of life: a polarization of ideology, a compression of consciousness (“There's a compression of consciousness going on. The more complicated a society, the less mental freedom the individuals can exercise, because it might start mucking up the system. So the society naturally starts suppressing ideas and independence to a ridiculous degree”), and a pogrom against its sages and ‘rainmakers.’
So the only people who could counteract this infection by raising consciousness are sacrificed, because they are more susceptible to its effects, and in such great mass that not enough are left to maintain the collective’s current state of health. It’s akin to killing off doctors so that you can give blood to dying patients. Sure, you save a few, but when all the doctors are gone, what then? Use up all the nurses? And when no one with any medical knowledge is left, then people start dying off en masse.
“What’s the solution?” asks the Mad Hatter.
Make better doctors... and make 'em faster.
The Lillith Effect as I’ve described it has parallels in another mythological symbol set: that of the Grail.
"Chretien de Troyes, in the Conte del Graal, recounts the visit of Perceval to the wounded Fisher King's stronghold where a maiden, after a procession of bizarre objects, bears a magnificently bejeweled graal. This graal has the supernatural power to sustain life and is of sacred origin. Perceval's failure to inquire about the strange procession prevents the healing of the Fisher King. Celtic myths of magic vessels and cauldrons are clearly the inspiration.
Many later authors have taken up the theme with a maze of intricate alterations and adaptations. Not only are the versions in wild variance, there is no uniform shape for the object or a consensus as to what it actually is. There are several themes that are recurrent like the wound motif. The wound itself may be sexual in origin and is directly related to the fact that the land is dying around the keep. If asked the proper question by a questor, "Who is served by the Grail?", the king and wasteland will revive."
"Grail." Encyclopedia Mythica from Encyclopedia Mythica Online.
[Accessed May 23, 2004].
Who is served by the Grail? The Grail King. The answer must imply the end result and the questioner’s nature. For how does the Grail serve the Grail King? It serves him by receiving of his essence – duplicating it fully. This is the mystery of the feminine waters which ascend from below: They take on the nature of their host; they become like the one that causes them to ascend. In the same way, I recently posed the implied question to a friend: “Who does the Grail King serve?” The answer is obviously the Grail (if you know the original question). For by imparting his essence into the Grail, he bears the responsibility for that which it manifests.
But the King is wounded. Not merely wounded in a superficial sense, but in the most vital of areas. He cannot reproduce, and an issue of blood is sometimes said to pour forth from his wound. This inability to reproduce, I feel is a reflection of the deep-seated frustration of tradition, unable to pass itself from person to person.
"The 'first light' which was the light of Mercy (another of the Ten Sefirot), appeared when, on the first day of Creation, God said, 'Let there be light.' When this light became hidden, Holiness became surrounded by a husk of Evil. This idea is expressed by the statement that 'a husk [q'lippa] was created around the brain,' and this husk, in turn, spread and brought out another husk, and this was none other than Lillith."
- The Hebrew Goddess by Raphael Patai, p. 231
Mercy is now concealed from us, and we have wandered in darkness since time immemorial looking for the light that was hidden long ago. It is the concealed beyond all concealment. It is that which gives freely to all, and restricts itself from not even the most evil or the strangest of us all. Our minds, cut off from each other, seek to cut like swords to break the husks around them. Neon Genesis Evangelion gets it almost perfect with it’s Absolute Terror Field concept.
Certainly we are seeing one of many possible crisis points, at which we have the opportunity to break free of this destructive form within our collective consciousness. Is this the first? No. Will it be the last? Most likely, no. If we do not attempt to strive towards freedom, to aspire to be more than that which we are, do we truly deserve another chance? Only that Mercy which has been hidden from our sight could say.
"A mystery of mysteries: Out of the power of the glow of Isaac's noon (i.e., the Gevurah), out of the dregs of the wine there emerged an intertwined shoot which comprises both male and female. They are red like the rose, and they spread out into several sides and paths. The male is called Samael, and his female [Lillith] is always contained in him. Just as in the side of Holiness, so in the Other [Evil] Side as well, male and female are contained in one another. The female of Samael is called Serpent, Woman of Harlotry, End of All Flesh, End of Days."
- Zohar i. 148a, Sitre Torah, quoted from The Hebrew Goddess by Raphael Patai, p. 230-1
Denial so massive and powerful that it could end the world, indeed could become the end of all flesh. Its birthing place was in our minds, and still we seem to ask, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Yes. There is no separation. It is only by realizing this that the destruction can end. It will not end forever: this isn’t an anime or a movie. Other problems will arise, and other complexes may arise. But we will have shown our quality by transcending this first problem – according to the Talmudic record, our very first problem. The first step is that we need to take a long hard look at what we have become... we must see the monster in the mirror for what it truly is, a beast that desires to be a man.
"While there is a lower class, I am in it, while there is a criminal element, I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free."
- Eugene V. Debs
When the darkness, the obfuscation is removed, then the problems can come to light and be dealt with. Often enough, the addict doesn't really think they are doing anything wrong. They see the negative consequences of their actions, but don't see them as consequences. The causal relationship is obscured. When these things are seen for what they are, they can, each in turn, be dealt with individually. Things don't change drastically right away, but they do start to get better, as issues are unravelled and the fear behind them is discarded. Then an amazing thing happens. The areas that seemed to be weaknesses, somehow turn into strengths. The pain twists something that should be a gift into a curse. And so when the complex is dealt with, the curse of the Grail becomes the blessing of the Grail. The issue of blood, once a sign of the unclean and infertile nature, is healed, and becomes a prophecy of newfound fertility and holiness. The collective, once a haven of sickness and perversion, becomes the unifying factor in creating a new surge of spiritual evolution.
And where should this happen if not here?
The New Colossus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek Fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset-gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightening, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin-cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
Perhaps some day, our grandchildren's children will say, "Some time ago, Humanity had an experience that changed its collective life. Its development was arrested. Needless to say, we had to do many things we didn’t want to do, but ended up being something we never |
|
|
| Repost: Voices in the Wilderness |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|12:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Staind - It's Been Awhile | ] |
For three thousand years and more, the voci have proclaimed to us what needed to be done. Often we might listen for a time but the messages were easily lost or just distorted (sometimes even by the voices themselves!). Some have been messengers of peace, while others seem like harbingers of war and crusaders. Others still are both.
Reactions have varied. Some people rejoice at the thought of approaching destruction. Others scoff at the notion that such violence is anything besides psychological complexes acting themselves out at a collective level. Others (much like Spock in ST VI) see history as "replete with turning points."
There may come a time when the strength of these voices will fail ["...but it will not be this day"] and there will be no one left to steer us to the left or right. It seems to me that long ago, revolutions that shocked the world from end to end began with the words of the prophets. And so we are content to weave words and symbols in the hopes that we are making a difference, or even perhaps beleiving that everything is just fine the way it is. But the time of the Voice has ended. This is a different time: the closest we've seen to a true revolution in a long time was closely linked to the widespread use of artificially stimulated alterations of consciousness. This too failed, but it points in the direction that we must head in, in order to mature and grow as a species. And yet we drag our feet and cling to the destructive habits that have ruined and destroyed our collective dreams so many times. Like a moth to the flame, this is our trial by fire, and once again we draw near to it, seeking what we desire and yet cannot survive.
I know that this is just another voice (little 'v') and I have no illusions that would lead me to think that this will even impact one person enough to slightly change their POV. The word doesn't have that power anymore.
But the question remains. Will we turn aside from madness? |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
qadmon