"Dear Pierre, Biggest confession of my life: I've loved you forever."
Title: Holding On (2/3)
Author: icanwaitforever
Pairing: Pierre/David obviously
Rating: NC-17.
POV: Third
Summary: Pierre gets the inspiration to write the song Holding On.
Warnings: Boysex, cursing and hinting of violence.
Disclaimer: Don't own either of them or Simple Plan's other bandmembers and songs, please don't sue. I am a poor college student with no money.
Dedication: For Rissa and Matt.
Author Notes: The song Holding On on the new Simple Plan CD pretty much screams P/D to me, ever since the first time I heard it, for a LOT of reasons. This is my take on the reason to why it was written. This is the sequal to The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, a fic I posted back I think in...February? They're two seperate fics, but this is a continuation of that story. I got a bunch of requests to continue it, so here it is! I hope none of you are disappointed.
*Sorry this chapter took longer than I expected! It took me forever to piece things together and actually make sense. Hopefully I'll get more reviews this time yes? ;)

Pierre figured he should at least make an attempt at small talk when he entered the bassist's hotel room, closing the door behind him as the other walked over to space the bed occupied. His vocal chords sort of froze though at the scene, images of the night prior flashing back into his mind. Blinking, Pierre shook his head and let the door shut with a click to signify that it was completely closed. The other seemed to be preoccupied with cleaning up...something. David moved around the area quickly, fixing up the bed and moving one of the pillows before ploppling himself down on the mattress. Pierre found this funny, the bassist didn't really have the need to clean up for him to arrive.

Figuring that it was time to at least try to make himself at home, Pierre walked over to the bed, taking a seat next to David. He made sure there was enough space between them so it wasn't too awkward, but apparently it wasn't enough and David scootched his body further away. The singer sighed.

"So...hi." Pierre looked at the other and cheesed slightly, giving him a smile, but all he recieved back was a cold glare and his attention moved over to his hands on his lap.

"What did you come in to talk to me about, Pierre."

It wasn't even spoken as a question. The tone in David's voice sounded like he had given up on everything, including having emotions in the way he spoke. His voice was monotone...dead. The words sounded chilling to the singer and he could feel one creeping up his spine at the noise.

"I...what happened last night David, it was--"

"A mistake?" David interrupted him before he could continue and he was looking at Pierre now, eyes semi hidden from the black hat he was wearing but the singer could still see the hurt in them. "Listen, if that's all you came to tell me then you really should leave--"

"No," this time it was Pierre's turn to cut the bassist off, practically yelling the word and he made David jump slightly in surprise, but he continued to speak now that he got the chance to. "That's not what I came here to say. God, David, don't put words in my mouth okay? Do you think it was a mistake? Is that why you're trying to put the words in my mouth? Because if that's what you think it was, then by all means let me know."

"We're dead Pierre," David snapped back at him, using his words as weapons against the older man sitting next to him. "There's nothing left of us anymore..." the volume of his voice decreased, but his words were still sharp as they left his lips. "You told me this a year ago...that we were nothing but sex and fun...so how am I supposed to take a year of nothing from you and then last night and not think of it as a mistake?!"

It was like recieving punch after punch into his gut and Pierre was going down without a fight. He didn't want to fight. David was ready for one this time around though, getting ready to at least go down swinging if Pierre was out to puncture his heart again. His heart just started to beat fully again, how could all of this happen?! This was something that the singer should've expected, how could he think that David would sit and politely listen to what he had to say without getting defensive? If Pierre was in his position he probably wouldn't even have let himself into the hotel room. David had enough guts to do that, but he was ready and armed to keep his heart from getting into the singer's hands incase he squeezed the life out of it again.

"I didn't want us to die..." Pierre replied quietly, voice barely over a whisper as he tried to get himself to speak. His throat was tight and not enough air was getting to his lungs, but he needed to talk.

"Come again?"

"I was stupid..." he breathed out, swallowing hard before trying to speak again, voice still unsteady but at least he was getting volume back. "No, to say I was stupid would be an understatement. I was an asshole. I was scared to be with you because I didn't know what would happen...with us, with the band, with everything. I was so scared that I'd end up fucking up and you'd leave me, so I thought if I stopped everything before it got too far...the damage wouldn't be hard to fix." Eyes glazed over with tears and he quickly blinked them away, refusing to cry infront of the other, especially since David's eyes were so blank and cold. Pierre had gotten used to that look way too much the past couple of months. "It...it was too late though...it did get too far..." he was tripping over his words now, swallowing again at a lump that had made home in the base of his throat.

"Pierre...what are you saying..."

The bassist's voice which had left off as harsh was now trembling, Pierre sensing the panic rising in the other.

"I...I'm saying..." Pierre licked at his dry lips and took a deep breath through his nose, looking directly into David's eyes as he spoke the next seven words. "I'm still in love with you, David."

David could feel his body go weak and he didn't know if he wanted to smile at the words, or cry, or throw something against the wall. He was fighting internally with himself, unsure if he should believe what he said or not.

"How am I supposed to believe a word you said..." David whispered, weapons and defence down, heart ready to be taken and broken by Pierre's hands.

"By what you feel with this."

And then Pierre's lips were pressed against David's in a kiss.

The bassist would be lying if he said he didn't see that coming, but he was done fighting over a battle he knew he wasn't going to end up winning anyway and he let the other take control of him. The kiss was gentle, just lips against lips for a few seconds but Pierre moved his hand to the back of David's head, slipping his fingers up into the ink black strands of hair and knocked his hat off, letting it fall to the mattress. He was scared that David would pull away, hoping that if he kept his hand there it wouldn't happen. It didn't. David's head turned slightly to deepen then kiss, moving his lips against the other pair in the way he knew how, in the way he remembered it. This kiss wasn't anything like the kisses they shared the previous night, there was hesitance and tenderness laced into it and David could feel it. It burned into every nerve ending on his body, an electrical shock from his lips to the top of his head down to the tips of his toes.

Then Pierre parted his lips and rolled his tongue along the other's bottom lip and David was gone.

If he was standing, he was pretty sure that his knees would've given out and he would've toppled to the floor. He brought his hands to the other's hips, sliding them around to the small of his back to pull Pierre closer, making the gap between them disappear for good. Opening his mouth, he let Pierre in and the two kissed languidly, taking time to memorize each movement, the singer's tongue mapping out every cavity and crevice of the bassist's mouth. They weren't sure how and when the motions became more desperate, but soon Pierre's mouth was pressed more firmly against David's and his free hand and moved up to cup the side of his face and brush stray strands of hair from his eyes and cheek. The battle between their two tongues continued for another moment or so before David whimpered softly, pulling away reluctantly to breathe in some air.

The room was still spinning and David didn't dare open up his eyes just yet, brain on overload and mind dizzy-drunk. A lop-sided grin made its way across the bassist's face, heart starting to beat a little more fully inside of his chest.

They were silent for a few more moments minus the panting and heavy breathing from the two of them as they caught their breath.

"So what did Lachelle say when you told her you loved me?"

Pierre froze. Shit. He wasn't ready for David to ask him something like that. He figured that he must've looked like a dumbass then and there because he fell completely silent and when David opened his eyes to look at him, awaiting an answer, all Pierre could do was open and close his mouth over and over again as he tried to find the right words to say.

"You didn't tell her..." The grin immediately vanished from his face. David laughed, but it wasn't one from humor. No, it was bitter, and he shook his head before giving the singer a hard shove and then standing up from the bed. "I should've fucking figured that one out, eh? After being kept a secret from her for three years I should've realized that you'll never end up telling her about me, about us; the truth." He ran his hands through his hair, combing it back through clenched fingers as he stared at the floor since he was unable to look at Pierre any longer. "You're un-fucking-believable, you know that, Pierre? You're such an asshole! All you care about is yourself and you being happy and satisfied...well I'm fucking not! I'm miserable. I'm so sick of being the dirty secret, the person on the side. Have you ever stopped to care at least once about how I've felt?! If you loved me as much as you say you do, then I wouldn't be so angry right now. You would be treating me with a hell of a lot more respect and Lachelle wouldn't be in the picture any longer."

Still on the bed, Pierre watched as the other screamed at him and his stomach turned, knowing that every single word that the bassist said was right. There was nothing that Pierre could fight against. David was one-hundred percent on the money.

"Stop toying with my emotions." Taking a deep breath, eyes filled almost to the brim with tears, David turned to look at the singer finally. "It's me or Lachelle, Pierre. Take your pick, because this time I'm all or nothing."

Getting nothing in return other than a lost look from the singer, David choked back the tears and fled from the hotel room, door slamming on his way out.

----

"A-are you sure about...about this?" David stammered, cheeks flushing and eyes fluttering closed as the singer's mouth did things to his upper neck and ear that sent chills up his spine and caused his boxers to suddenly get a little tighter than they normally should.

"Yeah, pretty sure...unless you have a problem with this...?" Pierre's voice lingered in his ear before sucking the lobe into his warm mouth and David quivered, pressing back against the arm of the couch to keep himself steady.

It was funny how all they could call what was happening "this", kind of ironic in a sense since they both were pretty sure about wanting to do it...then again not able to vocalize what was actually happening. If you went up and asked David fifteen minutes prior what he was going to end up doing since the show was over for the night, he probably would've answered; "fuck if I know, probably go and get drunk with the guys and then end up trashing my hotel room later" in a true wannabe rockstar fashion. The last thing he expected was the singer to walk into the dressing room while the bassist was only clad in his famous zebra boxers and a t-shirt of some band. The last thing he expected was to be pushed down onto the small couch that occupied the small room. The last thing he expected was for Pierre to climb ontop of him and bring his mouth down to attack David's own in a fierce kiss.

It was a long time coming, honestly. The two of them teased each other non-stop nowadays. It first started onstage as a joke and then morphed into a daily routine, something David usually, shamelessly started. Pierre and his antics had become something that constantly ate away at his mind. It was about time they fucking kissed for real. At least that's what the bassist thought and kissed back just as roughly and now...he and the singer were both shirtless, still hot and sweaty from the concert they had done that night.

Pierre then pressed his naked chest against David's, wrapping his arms around his waist to keep him close and the bassist's brain gave a little fizzle inside of his head.

"Nonono I don't. I want this," David managed to form coherent words to say, the singer's tongue swirling into his ear. If he wasn't so fucking turned on at the moment, David would've laughed about how oddly easy it was for Pierre to find his weak spot so fast. Instead he mewled in pleasure, rocking his hips up against the jean covered ones ontop of him to show the other how much he was turned on. Remoing his mouth from David's ear, Pierre made him whine in protest but covered his lips in another kiss to shut him up.

Kissing lazily for a few moments, Pierre tongued David's lipring before tugging at it with his teeth and groaning in wonder about how good it'd feel if his lips were wrapped around his...

"Let me suck you off..."

David spoke against the other's mouth, feeling how hard the other was against him and Pierre groaned louder at how he had read his mind so easily. Easing off of David slightly, Pierre started to move back, but the bassist's hands quickly moved to his chest and forced him backwards till the singer was lying on his back across the couch and he was ontop. The other eyed him suspiciously and David cracked a grin, proud of his actions. Leaning forward, he started a trail of small kisses and bites down the other's neck, flicking his tongue out at random spots and made sure he paid attention to the other's nipples when he arrived there, licking slow circles around them before decending lower.

The last thing David wanted to admit was that he had never given anyone head before in his life so he didn't know what the fuck to do. Yes, he had recieved head on numerous occasions and he knew what he loved the other person (who pretty much always was someone of the opposite sex) to do to him, but going down on someone else? David had been waiting for this moment for a long time, wanted to do it for what seemed like forever...but to only Pierre. Keeping his cool, the bassist placed more feather-light kisses down the other's torso, teasingly licking into the navel and got a jerk of the other's hips up against him in response.

"Jesus fuck you're a tease!" Pierre growled out, David taking that as a signal to start undoing his pants. He slipped the button out of the hole and tugged the zipper down and came face to face with...oh, he wasn't wearing any underwear. David smirked to himself, carefully tugging the denim down and off of his hips before completely sliding it off of his legs and tossing it to the floor.

Pierre laid before him in all of his naked glory and David's breath hitched in his throat, eyes drinking in the entire scene, wanting it to be permanently burned into his mind forever.

He had seen the other naked countless times before because the stupid singer liked to strip when he got drunk, so it wasn't anything new to the bassist's eyes except for the fact that this time he had the knowledge in his brain that Pierre wanted him. He wanted David to take advantage of him. Wrapping his finger's around the base of Pierre's cock, David groaned at how if felt in his hand, licking his lips before bending forward, slipping them over the head.

It didn't taste bad. That was David's first thought as he flicked his tongue at the rim and slipped his lips a little lower to take more of the singer into his mouth. He didn't understand why some girls complained about the taste because, honestly, the bassist had definitely put plenty of things in his mouth that tasted worse than sucking cock. At least Pierre's cock, anyway. Swirling his tongue around the head, he was rewarded with a groan of pleasure from the other, looking up when he felt Pierre's hand slip into his hair and grab at it sightly, messing up the fauxhawk he spent so long doing before the show that night. Honestly though, David could care less that it was ruined now. Fuck that.

David had a small mouth, oddly enough, but he took as much of the singer as he could inside of it before slipping his lips up, dragging his tongue along the vein at the underside and then back down again; repeating the action repetatively. Fingers clenched in his hair and the bassist took that as a good sign, sucking a little harder and hollowing his cheeks now that he had found a rhythm. Pierre jerked his hips up into David mouth though and the bassist choked slightly, pulling off and blinking back tears that appeared in his eyes from his gag reflex kicking in.

"S-sorry..."

He suspected that the singer wasn't sorry at all, but once he got enough air in his lungs again and swallowed a few times, David moved back down again...this time with one of his hands keeping the other's hips pinned to the couch. Stopping for a moment, David grinned to himself before dragging his bottom lip and lip ring up Pierre's cock slowly, teasingly and watching as he squirmed against the cushions of the couch. Flicking his tongue into the slit, the bassist took the other into his mouth again, easily finding the bobbing rhythm he left off on. The singer tensed beneath him, David slowing down his actions and watching him with a careful eye.

"I'm gonna come," Pierre warned breathlessly and David immediately backed off his cock, the hand at the base squeezing to stop him from reaching orgasm.

"Not yet," David commanded when the other looked at him incredulously.

Leaning over slightly, the bassist plucked Pierre's discarded jeans off the floor and sat back up on his knees, sticking his hand down every pocket he could find, searching for something.

"What are you doing...?"

"Looking for your wallet."

"I'm supposed to pay you for that pathetic blow job?!"

"NO, YOU ASSHOLE! I'm looking for a fucking condom."

Finally picking the right pocket, David pulled out the black wallet and flipped it open, smiling when he saw a condom tucked into the back of it. Of course Pierre had one. There was probably more in there as well, but the bassist only needed one and he took it out, tossing the pants and wallet back to the floor. He reached up, holding the corner of the condom package between his teeth as he rid himself of his boxers, adding them to the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...what are you doing?"

David looked at the other like he was stupid. "I'm going to fuck you...?" He spoke with the condom package still in his mouth, reaching up to rip it open with his teeth. The bassist stopped though when he was met with a loud laugh and the condom was snatched from his hand by Pierre and the singer sat up, trying to get up completely.

"Lie down. I'm fucking you."

Looking back at him with wide eyes, David made a grab for the condom again but Pierre was too fast, moving his hand out of the way.

"Like hell you are!" David spoke through gritted teeth, attempting to get the condom again but Pierre leaned back and stretched over his head so that it was way out of reach for the bassist. Hovering over the singer, David moved his body up and stretched his arm out to get the package. It wasn't working.

"Asshole..." he breathed out. "Give me...the fucking...condom..."

Finally pinning Pierre down, he got it back, but because he was stronger, the singer immediately flipped them both over...taking a tumble off of the couch and onto the carpet. David landed with a small 'oof' and Pierre was ontop of him, this time being the one to pin him down and pulled the condom from his hands. With a satisfied smirk, he tore the package open with his teeth, spitting out the piece he ripped off and looked down at the other who was squirming around in an attempt at being the dominant one again. Attempt failed.

"Stop fucking squirming around, it'll make this easier."

"Can't we fucking do...I don't know, rock paper scissor or something?" David asked, his body getting tired from all the moving around. He was starting to give in to defeat.

"What?! No!"

Pierre's erection was already beginning to die off, so he rolled his hips down, cock sliding against David's. The younger of the two cried out in pleasure and bucked his hips up, craving more attention. Pulling away, the singer looked down for his approval. It was either this way or no way and he made sure the other got that memo. He wasn't going to fuck someone who was unwilling.

"Okay, okay! Fine. Just...fuck me."

Sliding the condom on, Pierre tossed the package away and stroked himself to get some of the lube on his fingers, using his dry hand to prop the bassist's legs up on his shoulders. Without a warning, the singer rubbed his index finger at David's entrance quickly before letting it slip inside, the other sucking in a sharp breath. Pierre didn't hear it though, letting out a low moan in his throat as he worked the finger in all the way to the knuckle.

"Holy shit you're tight..."

"Your finger's in my ass, Pierre," David hissed out, closing his eyes and biting his tongue to focus on something else.

"Thank you, captain obvious," Pierre snapped back, twisting his finger slightly before pulling out to the tip and pushing back in with two. David yelped slightly, body moving away from the intrusion because...fuck. Two fingers definitely seemed like a hell of a lot more than one. He felt a light burn, stretching and his muscles immediately constricted against the fingers trying to push them out. The tighter David got around Pierre, the more the singer was ready to lose it, be inside of him already. Pumping his fingers in and out of him in a slow rhythm, the singer watched the other's face, waiting for the obvious discomfort to leave his features.

"It's not gonna get any better so just please do something already!"

Pierre figured he must be doing something wrong because...he was pretty sure that David was supposed to feel good by this point. Getting frustrated and wrist getting tired and limp slightly, he angled it differently inside of the bassist and suddenly the other's body jerked and David opened his eyes. Pierre stopped moving his hand in shock and their eyes met. "...holy fucking shit, do that again." Pierre did as he was instructed to do and David mewled out in pleasure, rocking his hips slightly to get the other to continue the pace and only let out a small groan when a third finger was entered, not giving a damn about the pain anymore. When Pierre thought he was ready, he removed his fingers, wiping his hand on the carpet before positioning himself at his entrance.

He was going to ask David to tell him when he could go, but the other looked at him and gave a nod before the words even left his mouth and Pierre pushed inside of him.

David wondered in his mind how fingers were honestly supposed to help prepare him since the singer's cock was definitely bigger than all of the three fingers that had been inside of him at once. It hurt. It hurt really, really bad and he suddenly wondered why he wanted to go through with this in the first place. It had happened so randomly too. It wasn't like he gave much thought to the situation. Eyes screwed shut tight again and bottom lip drawn into his mouth by his teeth which were biting down on it harshly, David waited until the other was completely inside of him. He stopped, wanting to make sure the other was okay, usually what he did if he had sex with women when it was their first times and David thrashed around a little beneath him in frustration. Pierre not moving inside of him definitely hurt worse.

"Ugh Pierre, I'm not a fucking girl...just move already!"

Not hesitating a bit, Pierre started to move, pulling out just barely before sliding back in, shallow thrusts at first so the other could at least get used to the feeling of someone moving inside of him. It was fucking killing him inside though, he wanted to just pound relentlessly into the other until he came, David's body like a hot, wet vice grip around his cock. Eyes fluttering closed, he swallowed hard, using every bit of will power to keep David in mind. He was just writhing in pleasure against his hand...why couldn't he be doing that now? Speeding up his thrusts, Pierre angled so that he'd be able to push into him with better ease, the bassist's body arching off of the floor all of a sudden.

"Merde sainte," David cursed loudly, Pierre pushing into him again as he rolled his hips down to meet up with the thrust. "That...feels so...fucking good..." he admitted, toes curling as the other bucked his hips into him again, brushing over something inside of him. Tilting his body to the side, David tried to change the angle a little more, opening his eyes to look up at the other, locking gaze. He wanted to speak, but the words were lost in his throat and they took a moment of just staring at each other, Pierre's hips swiveling as he pushed into him again and the bassist's jaw dropped in pleasure as his prostate was met dead on.

"Oh..." David gasped out, cheeks flushed and eyes glazed over with lust. "Harder...s'il vous plaît," he begged.

Pierre gladly sped up his actions, now pulling all the way out till the tip was just inside of him and pushed back in, slamming against the bundle of nerves. David yelped before cooing out in pleasure, reaching up with one hand to rub at one of his nipples, the other hand grasping at the carpet underneath him, nails digging into the material. Keeping the thrusts quick and rough, Pierre practically pushed the singer into the carpet, the roughness of it rubbing against his back. There would definitely be severe pain from it come later on, the obvious rug burn all over his back, but at the moment David could honestly care less. A mix of curses and commands for the other to go faster, harder poured from the bassist's lips, hand moving down his stomach to his own neglected cock, wrapping his fingers around it before jerking himself off to reach orgasm. A tight ball of pleasure growing in his groin, he moved his hand quickly over himself, thumbing at the tip as Pierre continued to fuck him. So close, he was so close. The singer's thrusts became somewhat sloppy and David could tell he was ready to come soon too. Letting a whine rip from the back of his throat, David bucked up into his own hand then down onto the other's erection, feeling himself ready to fall over the edge...

And then Pierre leaned down and kissed him again and David lost it. A few whimpers left his throat, the sound getting swallowed up by the other singer's mouth as he shoved his tongue into David's and the bassist's body spasmed, coming all over his own hand and their stomachs in a few spurts. His body froze as the feeling of orgasm washed over him like a tidal wave, trembling and feeling weak as he was lifted on the post sex high. Pierre came seconds after him, emptying himself out into the condom and groaned against David's mouth in satisfaction, nipping at the other's bottom lip.

They laid there for a few moments in the same position, though Pierre had eased the other's legs down so that his feet were on the floor again, kissing David lazily. Tongue met outside mouths for a few moments, the singer just taking in how the other tasted as he caught his breath through his nose.

Once their heartrates went back down, David broke the kiss, lips numb and he rested his head back against the floor. Looking up at the other a bit starry-eyed, he gave a small amused smile.

"So...that was interesting?"

"To put it...mildy, yes." with a groan, Pierre pulled out of David, the other whimpering with the lost contact and the feeling of being empty again. His backside hurt, knowing that tomorrow it'd probably be worse, but right then he'd rather just lay down for a few more moments to compose himself.

"Holy shit. I think...I think that was the best sex I've ever had in my entire life."

Pierre just smirked as he rolled onto his back next to the other, staring up and the blindingly white tiled ceiling. Yeah, he felt pretty good right about then.

"Is that...are we ever going to..." David bit his lip, trying to collect all of his thoughts together to say something that'd make sense...without sounding like a totally desperate girl. "...will that ever happen again? Or was that...just a one time thing?"

Silent for a moment, Pierre tought to himself and then spoke, voice a hell of a lot more steady than David's was. "I think we'd both be lying to each other and ourselves if we didn't want that to happen again." More silence followed that and finally the singer turned to his side and propped himself up on the elbow to look down at David. "But it's just sex," he stated firmly and the bassist looked at him with confusion, unsure of what point he was trying to get at. "All of this...this was fun but it doesn't mean anything...right?"

David nodded his head slowly, processing everything Pierre said in his mind. "Yeah. Just fun."

"Good." He started simply, turning to lay down again on his back. "Cause I don't know about you, but I definitely need it."

----

David had left the hotel room a half hour proir to that exact moment and yet Pierre was still sitting in the bed in shock from it all. He didn't know what to do. How the fuck was he even going to go about it all anyway?! Lachelle thought the two of them were fine. They weren't though, how could the singer classify everything as being okay when he had fucked someone else during the relationship? Of course that had been going on long before anyway, but it had stopped when Pierre honestly wanted things to turn serious.

He needed to tell her. It wasn't an option. Pierre feared that if he didn't do what was right this time, he'd lose David forever...as a bandmate, as a friend and as a lover. Just thinking about that caused his heart to stop dead in his chest for a moment and he gasped for air to desperately fill his lungs. He couldn't lose David, without the bassist in his life he was nothing.

Taking a moment to calm himself down, Pierre rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. The singer never suffered from a panic attack in his life and what came over him wasn't exactly one, but it felt close to it. Raking back his fingers into his hair in frustration, a scream ripped from his throat and he slammed his hands back down to the mattress. This wasn't fair. All of this pressure on him was too much. Pierre loved Lachelle, but he loved David more. How was this such a hard thing to figure out? Prior to all of this Pierre never really gave a damn about anyone else's feelings...then again that's what got him all caught up in this situation.

Maybe he needed to stop thinking just for a moment because all he was doing was just running around in circles.

Looking over to the head of the bed in thought, Pierre took a double glance at the pillows, curiosity striking him when he saw something peaking out from underneath one of them. He leaned forward, reaching beneath it and slid out a small notebook. It looked pretty old. Not relatively new, nor used for ages, but the bind of the book was worn and bent and the pages were frayed a bit on the side.

Flipping the book to see the front cover, the singer's eyes scanned over the brown material, fingers brushing along the words that had been carved into it. He traced over the letters slowly with his index finger as he mouthed what it said...breathing out the words.

"Holding On..."

It then dawned on Pierre that he wasn't holding just any book. This wasn't something David read in his spare time to kill bordom...the singer was holding his diary. Trailing his fingers down the spine carefully, he swallowed thickly, going back and forth between himself in his head. Should he open it? He had no right to...but God, the wonder was killing him, he had to know what was written in there, it could be things about him! he looked over at the door of the hotel room, eyeing it for a moment incase David decided to return but after a few seconds of the bassist not arriving back, he figured that he was in the clear. Flipping the cover open, Pierre was met with a blank page, but once he turned that over as well he was met with half of a page written in french.

Reading the first sentence, unable to help himself...a wave of guilt washed over him, but he was in too deep now to shut the diary and put it back where he found it.

Dear Pierre,
You'll probably never see this because I'm not even sure if I'll ever give it to you, but I was told that writing how you feel is a good way of releasing emotions that need to be let out so I'm going to try it. You've won. Are you happy? You've succeeded in building me up and tearing me down and as you leave me with a satisfied smirk on your lips, I lie here in pain and I hate myself for it. I don't love you. If that's what I thought love was, what I felt for you, then maybe true love really doesn't exist at all. It's not possible for someone to be so selfless, to be capable to love someone more than they love themselves. You've proven that to me. You broke my heart and stomped on all of the pieces left over. I don't love you. You're the most arrogant, conceited, selfish asshole I've ever met in my entire life. I hate you. You don't know the damage you have done and most likely nor will you ever. I don't love you. I could never in my life love someone like you. You are everything I don't want. Fuck you, fuck everything we've been through because it all doesn't matter anymore. Did it even matter when it happened in the first place? The first time was a mistake. The second time was a false alarm and the third time was a lie. Everything after that was a blur. I'm done with you any everything that you've put me through. This is the end of it. I don't love you.

You can say what you want, but you still can't fool me.