Purple Garters

“Five Times Jack Almost Told Sam He Loved Her”, J/S, 13+

2007-08-14T16:04:23Z

Disclaimer: The characters in Stargate SG1 do not belong to me. Too bad, too. Cause season seven would have ended a lot differently. But that’s another story…

Author’s Note: Written for and dedicated to deejay435, for the "Five Things" meme. Thanks to my BFF okeananaya for the beta.

O O O

Rated: 13+ (language)

Type: Sam/Jack, Angst, Episode-related

Spoilers: Minor spoilers through season 8

Summary: Fraternization was never a choice, but neither was letting her go.

O O O

“Five Times Jack Almost Told Sam He Loved Her”
by The X-Woman

O O O

The first time he almost told her was the day he killed her.

Technically, it wasn't her; it was the entity that possessed her, the madness that ensued around her. By the time he shot her, he had forced himself to believe that the Sam Carter who had once been in control of that body was dead.

But that didn't make it any easier, to pull the trigger of the zat a third time. It didn't make him feel less shitty about it, either.

Fraiser was cognizant enough to leave him by Sam's side for a few moments once she had been stabilized on the life support. Under the blistering lights of the infirmary Sam looked alien. Her translucent skin was spider-webbed with tiny veins beneath her limp mop of white-blonde hair. Her eyes—once shining clear blue with life—were closed, waxy lids sealed shut; her ashen eyelashes pressed against her cheek, absent of any blush of life.

A memory flashed before him: a strange planet, a starry night glowing beneath two moons, yellow from the soft glow of firelight. The snapping of a twig or the cry of a night bird brought him to consciousness. He rolled over, readjusting back into the lull of sleep, and cracked open his eyes. Across the fading flames of the fire Carter slept. Bundled to her neck in brown-green issue blankets, her mess of blonde hair alight strawberry blonde in the firelight. Her cheek plumped against the roll of a sweater and beneath the bundle of blankets her form rose and fell rhythmically. The warmth of the nearby flames coloured her upturned cheek a gentle pink. His eyes closed familiarly, peacefully, on the sight.

In the infirmary, he pressed his eyes shut. That was how he wished to remember her: flushed, warm cheeks, sparkling blue eyes and the way she would roll them when he said something particularly asinine. Not like this: an empty shell, a machine pushing life into her still lungs, her crumpled body having been shot down so quickly, so easily.

Grasping her hand, he dropped his head against her still shoulder. "Sam, I…" He stopped himself. There would be no point in uttering the words. She was already dead. No words were left to be shared and no words could bring her back. He had owed her more than that, more than he could ever give her now, and such simple words now would seem only forced, empty, convenient.

It was the first time he almost told her and the last time for a long time.

***

"I…"

He paused. The world swirled around him. Things happened too fast; everything he knew - him, her, the past, the future - fell out beneath him.

He forced his quivering body to still in the chair. The za'tarc detector burned into him across the room. Freya - Anise - whatever, hovered near it, her face the perfect form of surprised innocence. Behind the glass, Fraiser and Teal'c stood with stoic interest Jack envied.

And then there was Sam.

She stood in front of him, blue eyes wide, a look of knowing encompassing her soft face. He wondered how she knew, how it clicked in that brain of hers. It almost hadn't clicked for him; it was no longer a lie, but a way of life. It was not denial, but acceptance. He had grown accustomed to the way his breath would catch when her hand brushed his; the way he could make her laugh; the way the feel of her arms around him softened and soothed him. Fraternization was never a choice, but neither was letting her go.

So he settled, for the brush of a hand, a smile, a rare hug. It wasn't a lie - was it? When their eyes had locked, their bodies separated by the forceshield between them, the oncoming march of the Jaffa - metal against metal, rocking through the halls and to their very bones - he knew at that moment that losing Carter was worse than anything he could possibly suffer at the hands of the Goa'uld. And that was no lie.

But this was his career, and hers. Yes, he would give his life for her. Yes, the idea of living without her was wholly unacceptable. But also unacceptable was the forfeit of their career, their team, the fight they fought everyday to maintain the freedom of the world they lived in. It was an unfair, painful choice, but a choice, nonetheless, and it was one they had made.

He was not ready to tell her what she deserved to know. To speak such a simple truth aloud gave the words a frightening power and an admittance of that truth would open them up from dangerous backlash. He would not say the words; he was selfish. He wanted to keep it all from changing more than it had to. But he had to find words closest to the truth because he would not tell her goodbye.

"I care about her. A lot more than I'm supposed to."

***

Then Janet died.

After the funeral he glimpsed Sam across the room, dressed in her blues, sans make-up, her blond mop mussed from running her hand uncharacteristically through it; a nervous habit she picked up from Cassie, due to the amount of time the two had spent together since the battle.

Cassie stood next to her. Her brown hair was pulled into a haphazard bun and her black suit wilted around her like a flower too long in the sun. A pang of guilt struck Jack; it had been a few months since he had last seen Cassie and even longer since he had seen her. He could sense the striking difference that commanded her since she had grown; no longer the timid child, the woman she became bore a ghostly resemblance to her adopted mother. However, she clung to Sam's arm, face half buried in the other woman's shoulder. Jack imagined how haunted she was; her heart heavy with the faces of lost parents and his guilt sprung from too little time spent with the orphan girl who had been such a loved and under appreciated member of their family.

Sam was another story. He had seen her beaten - truly - only twice. Not long after she joined the team, when Jonas, her volatile ex-fiancé, had felt it his duty to create himself into a fearful god. He could have lost her then, before he truly understood the wealth of character and beauty that could have been snatched away so easily.

And then there was the incident at the Alpha Site, not weeks before. Watching Sam falter and fall, beaten and bloody, he wrapped his arm around her and prayed to a God he rarely believed in that he had not lost her for good. Her strong force beneath his touch promised him she was, and always would be, a survivor; but the image of her exhausted, weak, and helpless haunted his sleep for days after the threat had long passed.

Approaching the two mourning women, he did all he could not to reach out his arms and bring them close to him. He and Cassie shared a gentle greeting. She excused herself to accompany other guests and to mourn in the company of all whom loved her mother. Then it was he and she - Jack and Sam - silence pressed between them like a blanket. Jack pushed it away.

"She looks good."

"She's getting through."

"She's a fighter," Jack muttered. "Like her mom."

Sam's eyes met his, as if she were searching for something. "It's worth it, right, sir? The fighting, the dying. It's all worth it?"

He wanted to hold her. He wanted to capture her lips with his, to show her the power behind such desire, to prove to her that there was always something worth fighting for. But she belonged to someone else and at that moment, even as he was surrounded by dozens of mourners carrying the same question in their hearts, he felt smaller than he ever had before.

He could tell her but words could do no justice. No amount of love could bring the lost soldiers home, nor could anything but time heal the shredded hearts of those who were left behind to fight again.

Jack raised his hand and placed it gently on Sam's cold cheek.

"Yes," was all he could find the strength to say.

***

Arguably, there was no way not to love a woman who could fish and he allowed himself that non-discretional thought as Sam cast her line into the (empty) pond in front of them.

They had been on the side of the pond for hours with no bites to be found (no surprise there, of course) and Sam had yet to tire. He wasn't sure what he found more attractive: either the way she would push a stray lock of blonde hair from her sweat-slicked forehead, the glistening of her reddening cheeks in the sun, the way her eyes were shimmering like the pond in front of them; or the fact that she had held out for so long at his side in the near blistering heat with no sign of any available fish.

Daniel and Teal'c had wandered back into the cabin in search of hot dogs and hamburgers to throw on the grill, looking for solace from the constant afternoon sun. Sam had gone in and brought back out two frosty beers, placed one at Jack's side, and she twisted the cap of hers to take a startling deep chug. Settling back in the chair and hoisting up her rod, they sat in silence, watching the lake ripple under the almost non-existent tickle of a breeze.

Jack eyed Sam out of the corner of his eye, so it didn't startle him when she spoke.

"I broke off the engagement."

"Oh." He cringed as his voice jumped more than it should have. She turned her head to look at him.

"Did I make the right decision?"

He bit back a witty reply, sensing a deep longing and regret heavy in her words. It was the first instance he sensed it since she had held his hand to her cheek over her father's deathbed.

"With Pete?"

"Yeah."

The water rippled again, but the lines stayed still.

"Does it feel right?"

The leaves in the tree across the lake fluttered ever so slightly and he focused on their subtle dance.

"Yes," she said.

"Then you did."

A stronger gust of wind caught the leaves and Jack's fishing line crept across the lake, the water twirling around it.

"Jack, I did it because --"

Jack's head snapped to the side and he caught her stare, cold blue pools staring deep into him. The breeze swallowed her words and his.

"I know," he said instead.

He looked back to the lake. His line sliced through the water, catching itself against Carter's, fluttering against the wind.

Sam sighed. "Our lines are tangling," she remarked, lowering her fishing rod.

Jack took a sip of his beer. "Let 'em," he said.

***

Instead of requesting the SGC, he accepted his reassignment. Instead of going to her house the night that she called him, he hung up the phone and slept, fitfully, in the silent dark. Instead of resubmitting his retirement, he found an apartment in Washington, DC. Instead.

But instead of ignoring her message on his answering machine before he left, he asked her to submit leave, to help him move.

She jumped at the idea of going to Washington again. She still had friends there, though she didn't actually see any of them. Instead, she spent the whole of her leave helping him to unpack.

Sitting in the small living room of his apartment, she stared out over the couch through the picture window, glass of iced tea in hand, watching the city move by. Jack had opted for the first beer in his new home, allowing himself a moment of doubt in the choices he had made.

His home had been made, in essence, with Carter. She had chosen the situation of the furniture, the arrangement of his wall plaques. On the mantle she had placed a picture: himself, arm leant loosely around her shoulder, flanked by his team - a grinning Daniel and an ever stoic Teal'c - beside them a giggling Janet and General Hammond. Cassie had snapped the picture a few years ago at an impromptu New Years party, one of the few they had organized. Carter had brought the framed picture, he knew, to help him remember his friends. Somehow, it made him feel lonely.

"I never thought you would ever take a desk job," Carter murmured. Her words were heavier than they needed to be. "Especially so far from the SGC."

He shrugged. "Home World Security, Sam. Someone's gotta do it."

They had taken to first names since his reassignment. At least he had. Since he was no longer, technically, in her chain of command, formalities seemed silly.

"Just never thought it would be you, sir."

Old habits, he thought flippantly.

"Just try not the scare the new guy off too quickly. Though I've heard he is somewhat of a… challenge."

Sam smiled, the twinkle returning to her eyes. "I think we'll manage."

He took her to the airport the next morning and after she pulled her bags from the trunk, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing her against his chest. He felt her breathe, a sharp intake, her chest flush against his, her hair tickling his nose with the soft scent of his shampoo.

She pulled away and looked up at him. "Don't think you're being replaced. He's just keeping your seat warm."

His hand caressed her cheek before he could stop himself. "I'm not worried."

Watching her walk away, he had to swallow the words that fought to force their way from his throat. The last three days, years had passed before him: the greetings and the good-byes. And through it all, he could not find the breath to say what he wanted to say, to tell her the words he thought she needed to hear.

She lifted her hand and gave him a final wave, the curve of her mouth lifting to a smile. He reveled in the secret between them, the knowledge that he knew stirred in their hearts like instinct, like a fact that had always been and that no words could dare to capture. He was, for the first time, content in the words that remained unspoken.

Starlight Studios Update

2007-03-11T01:57:14Z

The fanfiction portion of Starlight Studios has been put back up.

I have links to all my fanfic so far, minus my Doctor Who fic and my adult fiction. Those will be updated at a later time.

Tom and B'Elanna Livejournal Layout

2007-02-15T05:42:58Z

A LiveJournal Layout set, theme Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres from the Star Trek: Voyager episode "Blood Fever."

~ 1 icon
~ 1 Friends Only Banner, 400x200
~ 1 Header, 750x260

icon.

friends only banner.

header.

+ Please refrain from editing these images, however you may resize the images as needed. I will be happy to change text on the FO banner if requested.
+ comments are love
+ credit my art comm purple_garters_ or my personal journal purple_shoes
+ Please, DO NOT HOTLINK.
+ Resources can be found in the userinfo.

"Extraordinary Day," Rose, clips up to "Doomsday"

2007-01-25T04:55:41Z

Title: Extraordinary Day
Sung By: Delta Goodrem
Video By: purple_shoes
About: Ten/Rose, Doomsday
Episode: Up to "Doomsday"
Size: 4.29MB (.zip)
Notes: This song, also know as "July the 8th", was written by Delta in response to the day she was told she had leukaemia. I felt that it was appropriate for Rose for two reasons: first, the episode "Doomsday" aired the 8th of July, a strange coincidence. Second, I felt that it echoed a similar, pinnacle moment when Rose realises her life, like many of our lives, is decided by fate, and the certain helplessness and strange comfort that can come from this realisation.

Many thanks to misssimm for so kindly being my webmistress and hosting my videos!

Colour Bars

2007-01-10T07:35:18Z

*Colour Bars
~ 5 Xena: Warrior Princess - 2 Gabrielle, 1 Xena/Lucy & Gabby/Renee, 2 misc Xena
~ 1 Doctor Who - Rose/Bad Wolf
~ 2 Misc - Fringes

**Xena

Cut & Paste Coding

***

Cut & Paste Coding

***

Cut & Paste Coding

***

Cut & Paste Coding

***

Cut & Paste Coding

Doctor Who

Cut & Paste Coding

Fringes Are Love

Cut & Paste Coding

***

Cut & Paste Coding

* All colour bars include a cut-and-paste code. If you choose to forgoe it and save bar(s) to your own server, please add a link to the image or somewhere on your site back to purple_garters_.
** I am aware that some of these pictures might not actually have pictures of Gabby from season 1 alone, but I felt that her looks are so similar, the principal stays the same. Call it... artistic license! ;-)

Doctor Who Limerick Project Tiebreakers

2006-07-12T17:51:14Z

Sorry about the long wait for more info on the Doctor Who Limerick Project at fandom_limerick.

Voting has ended, but we do have a few ties. Please head over and vote for the tie-breakers.

Voting ends this Saturday, midnight US mountain time. Winners will be posted hopefully early next week.

Thanks again for everyone who submitted limericks and voted! This has been very fun and quite a success.

Doctor Who Limerick Project Voting

2006-06-29T16:18:08Z

Voting for the First Annual Doctor Who Limerick Project is open!

Please read the rules and all of the nominated limericks before voting.

You didn't have to submit limericks and/or nominations to vote. So please do!

Voting closes July 7th, midnight US mountain time.
I will post reminders until I go on holiday July 3rd. Winners will be posted shortly after I return.

The Limerick Project, Con't

2006-06-23T19:32:07Z

Due to the small amount of nominations we've recieved for the Doctor Who Limerick Project, I am extending the call for nominations until Sunday.

Please consider heading over and reading the limericks and nominating. Even if you haven't been involved yet, it's a fun project and we had a great turn-out with limericks. You can nominate whether or not you wrote a limerick, we would still love you input.

And please pimp it!

This will be the last post about nominating since I feel bad about flooding everyone's flist and communities. So remember, nominate until Sunday (midnight), and I will post Monday with links to voting.

Thanks!

Nominations Closing

2006-06-22T14:40:01Z

A reminder: today is the last day to nominated for the Doctor Who Limerick Project. Please consider taking the time, even if you didn't write a limerick or haven't seen them yet, to read the limericks and nominate!

For those who have nominated already, a Funniest Limerick category has been added, so please feel free to go back and nominate for that category.

You have until midnight (US mountain time) tonight (Thursday, June 22) to nominate. Voting will go up as soon as possible.

Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Nominations Are Open!

2006-06-19T06:16:33Z

Nominations for The Doctor Who Limerick Project are now open at fandom_limerick.

Please read the submissions and rules, and nominate here.

Nominations are open to everyone so even if you didn't submit please nominate!

You will have until the 21st or 22nd of June.

Doctor Who Limerick Project

2006-06-15T03:37:39Z

My internet has been down for the last couple of days, so I haven't been able to bring forth any updates in regards to the 1st Annual Doctor Who Limerick Project over at fandom_limerick.

The cut-off was originally tomorrow, but considering my inability to post a warning I am extending the cutoff to this Saturday, the 17th.

I'll have voting up as soon as I can after that, but please make sure that you limericks are posted by midnight (US mountain time) to help me make putting voting together less painful and disorganised.

And thanks to everyone who has so far participated! The limericks are great and it's looking like a fantastic year.

First Annual Doctor Who Limerick Project

2006-06-01T19:19:49Z

Come post your limericks for the First Annual Doctor Who Limerick Project!

You have until June 15th to submit your limericks. Please pass on the word around your flists and comms!

Hosted by the wonderful theemdash and fandom_limerick.

"Stars", Doctor Who, Rose/Reinette

2006-05-17T07:08:45Z

Disclaimer: They're not mine... don't bother suing, the exchange rate drained me of any money I once had!

Author’s Note: Written for the Doctor Who Femslash Ficathon. For refche, who requested any minor or major character in the 2005/6 series (excluding Jackie), no fluff, and the following prompt: "She's still dreaming, because the alternative means that she is crazy."

O O O

Rated: 13+ (hints at adult concepts)

Type: Rose/Reinette, Rose/Sarah Jane (hinted)

Spoilers: minor spoilers for "School Reunion"; big ones for "The Girl in the Fireplace"

Summary: She is still dreaming, because the alternative means that she's crazy.

O O O

“Stars”
by The X-Woman

O O O

Reinette stands before her, her shoulders pulled back, her face still. Her frock spills across her front like a waterfall: tendrils of clothing envelop her like bursts of light. Rose thinks she is an angel.

The dream is always the same. Reinette comes froward, brings her hands up, and takes Rose's face into her smooth palms. Rose closes her eyes. Reinette's skin is like silk across Rose's face; it smells vaguely of sharp, bitter perfume. As she leans forward to catch Rose's lips with her own, the world around Rose fades. A cold air grasps her and fills her with an empty dread. It is a feeling she has had before.

When she opens her eyes, the ceiling of the TARDIS looms high and dark above her. At night, when she wakes up (which is often, from nightmares that she can never find the strength to share) she often traces the tubes and wires that tendril above her head. She wonders where they lead. If she is very quiet, she can hear the sounds of the TARDIS humming around her. She likes to pretend, sometimes, that they are alone in space. That she is the last of the Time Lords, floating alone on this ship, drifting into oblivion. Sometimes, when the Doctor isn't looking, she lays a hand on a wall of the TARDIS, and wonders if the slight vibrations are like the beat of a heart. She wants to be closer to the machine that surrounds her; she hopes it will bring her closer to understanding the Doctor.

If she is very quiet, some nights, she thinks she can hear Mickey in the room next to her. She imagines she can hear him turn, snore, or murmur something unintelligible. She can't ever hear the Doctor - she's not even sure if he sleeps. She would feel stupid to ask. She'll wait until Mickey asks, instead, and laugh as if she has known the answer all along.

But what she likes to do the most is close her eyes, and remember the dream. She tries to recreate the feel of Reinette's skin across hers, thinks of the ways that her hands could caress other parts of Rose's body. She tries to complete the dream and feel the brush of Reinette's skin on her own.

"Come on Rose, time so show me around the rest of this place." Mickey dragged her away from the console and to the door, as she stared back at the Doctor. She had never seen his face so empty, and she wondered why. She didn't know what it was for him to grieve; for a while, she didn’t think it was possible for Time Lords. When he mentioned his family and his people, dead and gone, it was always with a distance that stemmed from his own loneliness and not the act of the death itself. She knew the Doctor didn't fear death, and that she could understand. What she could not grasp was why now, of all times, did he choose to mourn Reinette's?

Rose was showing Mickey the wardrobe when he finally turned to her and crossed his arms. "Now I get the Doctor moping about like some beat dog, but you too? You know you don't have to get depressed every time he does."

She shrugged. "Don't know what you're going on about, Mickey. I'm fine. I'm showing you around, aren't I?"

"You mean your shoving me into rooms and letting me guess for myself where I am. I might as well have wandered 'round the ship myself, then."

"Mickey, I'm fine, really." She didn't look at him, instead fingering the sleeve of a jumper (one of the Doctor's old ones, she suspected), its cloth rough and scratching under her fingers. She thought about the Doctor, alone by the console, wondering where to go next. She thought about Reinette, waiting near the fireplace. How long did she wait? How long did she really believe he was going to come back? Fire prickled in the back of Rose's throat: the sign of oncoming tears. She looked up at Mickey, who stood, mouth ajar. "I said I'm fine."

"Rose, what are you like?" Mickey left the wardrobe and disappeared down the hall. She didn't follow him. Rose spent the next hour trying to convince the TARDIS to produce dresses from 19th century Paris, but they never appeared.

She had found other women attractive, of course. Teenage fantasies, and a rather drunk night with Shareen that remained unspoken of. There had been that stir when she met Nancy, and again with Sarah Jane. She suspected, however, that her short-lived fancy of Sarah Jane related more to her need to understand one of the Doctor's old companions rather than any sort of actual lust. Sarah Jane had been her future; Rose could not help but want to grasp it, and understand it in any way possible. Sarah Jane haunted her dreams for a long time, too. But in those dreams, Rose was looking into a mirror and seeing herself.

Mickey showed up at her door wearing only pants three nights after they left the space station. She wasn't used to such behaviour; the Doctor rarely came to her room and certainly never in his knickers. She stared at him for a moment, head cocked to one side, as if he had grown a stray head.

"I just… Was wondering if maybe I could sleep here tonight. You know? Like old times."

The sex had been pretty good; she'd give him that much. Though, he had been her first, and with a handful of other blokes and Jimmy Stone to compare to, he didn't have much competition. She had lost interest though, long before the Doctor had entered her life, and long before she had entered the TARDIS. As Mickey stood before her, she couldn't help but be repulsed by the idea. Worse more, she couldn't shake the nightmares, and there was no way she would risk him asking questions if she jerked awake suddenly in the night.

"I'm not ready," she lied. He believed her, as he always did, and with a peck on the lips he returned to his room. She loved him when she was fourteen years old. She still loved him, at moments, when she thought that perhaps he would be all she would have left, in the end.

She stands at the window and picks a star. She closes her eyes and tries to imagine the Doctor's hand around hers, but she sees only Reinette's face: blue eyes forcing their way into her soul. When she opens her eyes Reinette is still looking at her.

She is still dreaming, because the alternative means that she is crazy.

Rose backs away from the window, and Reinette takes a step away from her. Rose tilts her head, and Reinette does too. Only seconds pass before Rose realises that it's her mind playing tricks; the TARDIS playing tricks maybe, but she is seeing into her future again. She thinks about Sarah Jane, so near to her memory yet so far in the past; long dead now, 3000 years in the future. Reinette's slow road claimed them all: Sarah Jane, who waited every day for the Doctor to return. Reinette, who waited until the day she died. Rose didn't want to wait, but she knew she would. It was the curse of all companions, to wait. The slow road was just too painful, once one learned it could be forgone.

Rose had followed her back through the tapestry.

She didn't tell Mickey that. Nor the Doctor. Reinette had stood by the window, staring into the stars. She had been crying.

"Shouldn't you be trying to save me?" she asked, but Rose sensed a lightness in her voice.

"They are doing all they can. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine." Reinette turned from the window, staring at Rose. "You are a strange creature."

"Whatdaya mean?"

Reinette stared at her with narrowed eyes for a moment, and then turned back to the window. "You chase change across the stars, yet you fear when it nears. Why chase your monsters? I know I only endure mine because I have no choice."

Rose shrugged. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"You say that, but it means nothing." Reinette held up her hands, placing them against Rose's cheeks. "All that happens is meant to happen. You… you and the Doctor. You were meant to save me." She leaned in, and with a simple movement, brushed her lips across Rose's. Rose's body stiffened as the electric touch was made. "So," Reinette said. "Save me."

Rose had to remind herself that Reinette was a courtesan. One that, at that moment, had feared for her life. Her sexuality was not only her weapon, but also her reward; and she was not, at all, a daft woman. Rose wished she could one day have the strength of Madame de Pompadour.

Perhaps it was why the dreams haunted her. She would never know the meaning of the kiss; if it was a plead for Rose's help, or a signal of need in a time of emptiness. It was the latter for Rose. As her world began to fade around her, she saw what lie in her future: an empty life like Sarah Jane Smith's, or a forced life at Mickey's side. The Doctor must have offered the universe to Reinette as he had to Rose, that day so long ago. Rose wondered if the Doctor thought about her at all as he offered.

But it didn't matter to her then. Reinette was in trouble and Rose felt her world was so small; the doorways of Paris scattered around her with the one that would lead them to the moment they all knew would come.

If she had known how to ride a horse, she would have jumped through that mirror herself.

"Go through."

The Doctor had almost dropped the computer pad he had picked up from a nearby desk. Mickey had stopped moving and stared at her.

"What?" the Doctor stared at her, his dark eyes wide.

"I said, go through. It's the only way to save her. But you have to go through the glass and rescue her, we don't have any other choice."

The Doctor shook his head. "I told you, once that glass breaks it could cut off all the circuits completely. I won't be able to come back through. We'll have to find another way."

"There is no other way." Rose pointed to the glass in front of them. "They are going to kill her, Doctor. We've run out of time."

"I guess I've always had too much of it." He looked at the glass, and turned back to Rose. "You want me to go though, just like that?"

She stared at him, and then looked at Mickey, who is stared at her evenly. They both thought she was so unselfish and so hell-bent on doing the right thing. It didn't occur to either of them that she could love anyone, especially someone she had just met, as much as she loved the Doctor. It didn't occur to either of them that this was the most selfish act she could ever execute. Reinette would be safe. That was all Rose needed.

"Yes." The power in her voice scared her. Her tone did not sound like her own. "Save her."

The last time Rose has the dream, Reinette does not vanish. Her lips brush against Rose's in a soft dance, lifting and pushing against her, the damp ballets of tongues wrapped between them. Rose knows this will be the last dream, because it has been completed; any dream that is completed must be left behind, or one runs the risk of living a single dream alone.

In the morning, she awakens and traces the tubes and lines of the TARDIS with her eyes, and she wonders where they disappear. She knows better than to follow them, though, at the risk of being lost in an eternal maze. Instead she listens to the rustle of Mickey getting dressed, and a thumping of footsteps make her realise the Doctor is standing outside of her bedroom door. She stands and meets him there, examining him through her distressed strands of bleached hair.

"I wanted to thank you," he says.

"For what?"

"For letting me go back," he says. "I saved her from them. I guess that is what is important."

Rose nods. "You can't blame yourself, Doctor. She was meant to stay on Earth. You can't save everyone. Everything has its time." But that doesn't make it any easier. She thinks the words she knows he will never say.

When he leaves, she goes to the window and looks out into the stars. They scatter along space like sugar spread across a dark countertop. She points to one, and makes a mental note to ask the Doctor to visit that one next.

So many stars in the sky.

She wonders how many of them she is never meant to see.

iFandoms

2006-04-22T06:32:39Z

I used katrina87's fantastic iPod tutorial and made a ton of fandom iPod screens for various characters.

~ 8 Doctor Who
~ 5 Xena
~ 9 Stargate SG-1

tease: ; ;

Doctor Who

; ;
; ;
;

Xena

; ;
;

Stargate SG-1

; ;
; ;
; ;

+ comment & credit my art comm purple_garters_ or my personal journal purple_shoes
+ credits in userinfo

New Vids - Doctor Who

2006-03-22T18:06:51Z

I've got a new vid and some older vids I never really pimped available now at my site, Starlight Studios.

"Let Go"
Sung By: Frou Frou
About: Rose, Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose
Episode: Up to The Christmas Invasion/Season Two Preview
Size: 4.52MB
Notes: Inspired by Rose's experiences and adventures of her life with the Doctor.

"So Cold"
Sung By: Breaking Benjamin
About: Season One
Episode: Up to Parting Of The Ways
Size: 4.45MB
Notes: This one was done in conjunction with my brother, who talked me into doing a video to the song and then hung over my shoulder, poking, until I finished it.

"Ordinary Day"
Sung By: Vanessa Carlton
About: Nine/Rose
Episode: Up to Bad Wolf
Size: 4.52 MB
Notes: I think there is another vid to this song out there somewhere, but I heard it before I noticed someone else had done it and had to do it.

Our Lives
Sung By: The Calling
About: Season One
Episode: Up to Parting Of The Ways
Size: 4.53 MB
Notes: My video tribute to the first season of the new series.

If I Should Fall Behind
Sung By: Bruce Springsteen
About: Nine/Rose
Episode: Up to Father's Day
Size: 4.57 MB

Frantic
Sung By: Jamie O'Neal
About: Rose
Episode: Up to Parting Of The Ways
Size: 4.55 MB
Notes: I first heard this song on a Voyager video that Clara did. This is dedicated to Clara, who has been a dear and wonderful friend to me in person and overseas.

Eternal love and thanks to misssimm for running and hosting my site and videos.

LiveJournal Banners - Various Fandoms

2006-01-23T20:46:15Z

I decided to go ahead and put up some of the headers I've made for my LiveJournal over the past year or so.

~5 Stargate (1 Sam/Jack, 2 Team, 1, Daniel/Vala, 1 Amanda)
~2 Doctor Who (1 Billie Piper, 1 Rose/Doctor Christmas)
~2 Xena (1 Xena/Gabrielle, 1 Renee & Lucy)
~2 Misc (1 Natalie/Carlisle from Blackpool, 1 Billie Piper & Amanda Tapping)

Stargate SG-1/Atlantis

What a Feeling - Sam/Jack, 650x300
Unwritten - SG-1 Team reading, 720x360
Let Go - Atlantis Team, 720x300
I Can't Save the World - Daniel/Vala, 726x306
Blue Eyes - Amanda Tapping, 720x300

Doctor Who

Gypsy - Billie Piper, 720x300
Happy Holidays - Rose/The Doctor, 754x304

Xena

Anything But Death - Gabrielle/Xena, 794x333
Thistle - Renee & Lucy, 790x348

Misc
You're Beautiful - Natalie/Carlisle, Blackpool, 720x320
Thing for Blondes - Billie Piper & Amanda Tapping, 720x300

+please credt purple_garters_ if you use.
+contructive criticism is welcome and appreciated.

Xena: Warrior Princess - Icons, Colour Bar, LJ Header

2006-01-08T05:26:59Z

Icons
~6 Lucy Lawless
~1 Renee O'Connor
~1 Renee o'Connor & Lucy Lawless
~2 Xena/Gabrielle

Other
~1 Lucy/Renee, Xena/Gabrielle Colour Bar
~1 Gabrielle/Xena LJ Header

tease: . .

1. 2. 3.
4. 5. 6.
7. 8. 9.
10.

Colour Bar & LJ Banner

Cut & Paste Coding

+ comment & credit my art comm purple_garters_ or my personal journal purple_shoes
+ credits in userinfo
+ do NOT hotlink icons or LJ header, please!
+ you MAY hotlink colour bar (cut and paste code)