The Purgatorium

Yippee

2008-08-22T02:00:19Z

Just tonight I've had chicken alfredo pasta with broccoli, a box of chicken mushroom rice, a can of chicken corn chowder soup, and 3/4 of a quart of Breyer's Snickers ice cream. And as usual, it's all gone down the toilet. Literally. Ho hum. Well on a positive note, I've lost more weight and down to 155 pounds (I'm 5-5), so now I've officially lost 41 pounds. :) I'm doing some healthy things too to lose weight such as running 4x a week and I haven't had any alcohol in 73 days. I had 60 days without any alcohol before then and in between the two periods I drank for 6 weeks straight and for me drinking always means huge binge eating but no purging and no exercising because I'm too sleepy/hungover/depressed/etc from drinking the night before. The purging started again during my sobriety period #1 where I had 60 days because even without the alcohol I still can't control my binges (as usual) and I'm so desperate to lose the weight. It's not just the weight though, it's such a weird thing with food where once I start eating I can't stop. I think the running has been the biggest thing in me losing weight, but I can't seem to get out of this purge cycle I've gotten myself into. Every day I keep saying to myself that I'm not going to binge because if I don't binge, I probably won't purge ... but I might purge anyway, who knows. But in spite of what I say to myself, I always end up binging on something or another and then I try to talk myself out of purging sometimes but I always end up purging anyway. I really don't like feeling full but I don't like my stomach feeling totally empty and starved for food either. It's really weird. Plus my family doesn't know that my eating disorder has resurfaced. Well aside from my 75 pound weight gain in two years from nonstop drinking and binge eating along with no exercise and severe depression but a lot of people don't really seem to consider being overweight an eating disorder even though it really is. I was just binging without the purges. My mom and my sister know I've had issues with my weight and eating disorders in the past and although neither one of them know about my current situation with being bulimic, my sister's probably closer to realizing that I've had an eating disorder in the past because she used to be anorexic so she gets it. Recently I remember when she and I were talking about when I was at my lowest weight five years ago and how she and my mom thought I was so tiny and almost on the verge of being a bit too thin. After she said that I was like ya know, I didn't think I was tiny at all and that was the closest I've ever been to being happy with my weight. She asked me if at that time I'd still wanted to lose more weight even though I was so thin and I said yeah. That's the closest I've ever come to saying to anyone in real life flat out that I currently have or I have had an eating disorder. She wasn't weird about it or angry or anything like that and I felt okay telling her about wanting to be thinner since it was in the past, but I know she'd be really worried and concerned if I told her about my current ED status.

Plus, my family is already concerned enough about my alcohol addiction and my ability to stay sober for any significant length of time, so if I told them I am also bulimic that would just make things worse since they're already breathing down my neck about the alcohol issue. I am getting help for the alcohol issue though and I want the help for that, I just don't really want any help for bulimia though. I'm not sure exactly why or how that would make any sense that I want help for another issue but not this one. I feel like in spite of my uncontrollable binging sometimes and the resulting purges, this is the one thing that's truly mine. I'm on probation for a DUI that I got last November and I've already been caught twice drinking while on probation (hence the two periods of sobriety ... I am currently wearing a SCRAM bracelet as I did the time I had 60 days) which is two probation violations. If I get caught drinking while on probation again, I'm either going to wind up in jail or in an inpatient alcohol treatment facility and I'm on probation until December of next year ... and I'm required to go to 86 hours of alcohol outpatient groups as part of my sentence and in order to keep my driver's license. What's weird is I started voluntarily before I even got my DUI but now I'm required to go and although I hated being required to go for awhile, I don't mind it so much anymore and I feel like they are helpful for me as well as the AA meetings I'm required to go to and all that fun stuff. I still find it ironic that although I feel so much better physically when I'm sober along with the 40 pound weight loss, I'm way more excited about my weight loss than I am about sobriety. A lot of times I want to just numb out and not feel anything at all but that's not an option for me right now so I might as well take the help I'm being forced to get and use it as an opportunity to possibly make some positive changes in my life.

OK I think I'm done now. I didn't think this was going to be such a long post.

IMPORTANT

2008-08-20T23:23:41Z

I'm genuinely worried about everybody on here and I just want you, if you don't do anything else all day, to read this.

DON'T DRINK EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF FLUIDS AFTER PURGING.

I know most of you if not all will have heard scare stories about electrolytes and maybe have experienced symptoms regarding but please don't be ignorant to what happens to you. I'm not preaching for people to stop purging I just want people to learn how to lessen the risk they put on themselves.

To put it in the most simple terms I can. This is what happens:

When you purge you lose fluids through purging - In those fluids are electrolytes - If we drink a lot of fluid after purging we dilute the electrolytes that are left in the body - cue hyponatremia:

Hyponatremia (The imbalance of water to salt) is a metabolic condition in which there is not enough sodium in the body fluids outside the cells.

Sodium circulates in the body fluids outside the cells. It is very important for maintaining blood pressure. Sodium is also needed for nerves and muscles to work properly.

When sodium levels drop in the fluids outside the cells, water will seep into the cells to balance the salt levels. The cells will swell as a result of the excess water. Although most cells can handle this swelling, brain cells cannot, because the skull confines them. Brain swelling causes most of the symptoms of hyponatremia.

Symptoms: (ones in red are the one's I have experienced)

Headache
Muscle cramps/twitching
difficulty with short-term recall
loss of orientation to person, place, or time
frank confusion
seizure activity (focal or generalized)
Alteration to mental status
epileptic status
Nausea and unintentional vomiting
Difficulty concentrating
Lethargy
Agitation
Hallucinations
Decreased consciousness
Coma
Convulsions

Advice: If you drink excessively whilst purging. STOP. If you re-hydrate after purging by drinking lot's of water. DON'T. Instead drink maybe a glass of water and replace the ESSENTIAL sugar, salt and potassium which you have also lost through purging by eating something which contains those ingredients. I recommend a banana. Lastly if you are active after you purge STOP IT. Your body needs to recuperate and replace everything you've just rid it of. It's in a fragile state and to put it under any more pressure mentally or physically is dangerous.

Most people will be able to put hyponatremia down to a frightening experience with mild or moderate long-term implications but in other cases in has put people in comas, caused brain damage and death.

So please just be aware of what you are doing and take every caution to prevent this happening to you.

Open post

2008-08-13T17:19:13Z

I have banned the latest incarnation of the pro-thinspo troll, tipsandtrix.
For the record, I have been regularly deleting this one because it pisses me off so much. This last post, promoting the 400 calorie a day 'diet' has gone beyond annoying. It is promoting harm, if that seems hypocritical to you, well........fuck it, somebody else can explain.

we are not here to tell you how bulimia can help you lose weight.
we're not here to teach you how to starve
or how to puke better
or sell you diet pills
or cheer you on as you drop past a reasonable BMI
or.....push you into recovery if you're not ready

I'm not always sure exactly what we're here for, but one thing we're NOT is a bunch of liars.
nobody here believes their behavior is normal
or healthy
or admirable

But we neither beat each other up for being sick, or cheer each other on for staying true to 'mia'

We make each other laugh
we tell each other our stories
sometimes we shamelessly and with cool detachment chronicle our daily experiences with the disorder.
sometimes we sadly recount our struggles with recovery.

Sometimes we get our bitchface on for whatever reason, because NO, not everybody can be nice ALL THE TIME, especially when somebody seems all too gleefully eager to splash through some puke so they can 'loose weit' because they are 5'5, 125 and omg HEWGE

Anybody care to add to this?
I've reported pro-thinspo, ONCE AGAIN, to abuse.....

purgatorium @ 2008-07-21T22:57:00

2008-07-22T03:03:34Z

Hey everyone I just wanted to let you know I am leaving livejournal. I’m seriously trying to recover and I guess writing about it is making it harder to do so. This is an awesome page full of amazing people but sometimes it makes bulimia seem a little too fun and too much of a game. It’s not fun at all as you all know and it’s not something to be taken lightly. This disease is literally killing me and I’m really really scared. There has to be so much more to life than this.

I was taking a walk today and it was extremely windy. For a moment when the wind was really strong against my body I had this sensation that God (if there is a God) was hugging me and telling me that I can get better and live a happy life. I got a flash of all things I used to love to do and all the places I’ve dreamt of visiting. I started crying because I couldn’t believe how much I’ve been missing while being consumed by bulimia. I don’t think I deserve a second chance after how selfish I have been, but if I put all my effort into being healthy for myself and others, I can get better.

We just need to see all the positive things around us that we have to live for. Think about your family, friends, and what you want for yourself in the future. Just think of all the things you can do rather than binge and purge. Read, watch a movie, make something creative, write a poem, spend time with family or friends, start a new hobby, draw, sculpt, dance, clean, travel out of state or out of the country! Anything! I you are at the level of bulimia that you need professional help, get it!! I know it’s difficult and when you’re in the bulimia rut it seems impossible to get out. But you can. I’m not much of a religious person but I’m going to pray that every one of you has the strength to beat bulimia. That you can get through a day eating normally without guilt or hesitation. That you can move on and enjoy every minute of life. Please try because you are all worth it.

Just because I’m leaving live journal doesn’t mean I’m not going to be online. If any of you want to talk to me for some reason my AIM is marydancer99. Feel free to talk to me about anything if you’re feeling down and need someone to talk to. Goodbye lovelies.

New

2008-07-11T19:40:35Z

Hey guys I'm new. Not new to the ED world though.
I'm 19, college student, working at Starbucks, binge eating for 10 years, bulimia for 3. Periods of starvation and compulsive exercise which I guess makes me ED-NOS.
Other "behaviors" I have: self injury (self piercing so its less noticeably "weird" I guess), heavy smoker, recreational drug use.
I've been to therapy... didn't work. Been to OA... support groups.. I don't think this is going away. I've been b/ping like mad the last few weeks but I need to get back to restricting so I can lose some of this disgusting fat.
I'm house sitting this weekends which means binge freedom. I made peanut butter milkshakes with vanilla ice cream, peanut butter, and granola bars. it was delicious. but then I'm supposed to hate this disease, right? Of course -_-
You seem like a cool bunch, glad I could join. Maybe I'll post pictures later. I have some entertaining ones from last night because my friend took pictures of me being very stoned....

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T18:24:00

2008-07-09T22:26:46Z

I am procrastinating here because I have work to do...also, I'm supposed to meet up with a guy friend to "talk." I already know I'm going to chicken out...

Oh, joining the kitten wagon...under the cut is the pic of a kitten at 8 weeks with a pink collar!!! :) After seeing all the pics, I had to post...

Be jealous!

purgatorium @ 2008-07-10T05:15:00

2008-07-09T09:16:36Z

about to leeeeeaveeeee

ahh

i might not be able to come back here after when im better though. i dont know. i dont think so.

here i go!

purgatorium @ 2008-10-09T21:04:00

2008-07-09T09:08:39Z

I got a kitten a few weeks ago and she is very cutie wootie but at least three times in the past week she has thrown up her biscuits. It is either her or the old fat cat is hating on the new arrival and framing her. I told my psychologist today that I thought my kitten was bulimic and explained my rationale behind this. For some reason, she wasn't as amused as I was. My flatmates and myself thought it was quite funny, clearly my psychologist doesn't share my sense of humour. Pointless post yes? Bored yes. So pointless post it is. You can always skip right past it.

This is Cleo...She is squinting because I woke her up from her nunise to take the pics the poor wee child.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-10T02:44:00

2008-07-09T06:44:43Z

Hey guys.
I'm leaving for treatment in a little less than three hours. It's currently 2:39 am. Think I'll get any sleep tonight? Doubt it.
Incredibly scared, but also determined. If anyone saw/remembers my freaking out post in regards to what another girl said about treatment, I need to be stronger than that. She can be wrong. She will be. This won't just be a start. I know it's not a magic fix but it CAN'T just be a start. I have to change myself, not just make a little difference. That's just how it has to be.

Anyone want to write to me ? Lol. Well I don't think sooo ... but I'll be lonely for some contact.
Nine Hope Avenue, Suite 500
Waltham, Massachusetts 02453
That's the address to reach me .. there's another one that was posted in a comment for residential. But I don't think I'm doing residential anymore I think I'm going to inpatient. But I'm sure they'd give me the letters anyways.

Anyway ... wish me luck! I'm going to need it. I'm trying to change around how my entire life has been. No, not trying. I am going to do it, because I need to. If you need something that badly in order to keep living you have to be able to do it, just because you have to.

PS, off topic, anyone here a fan of the band Mae? If so I have a totally awesome story for you. Lol

EDIT: Hoping there are no stalkers out there, my name is Alexa Wall, for addressing letters. Haha. Though it'd amuse me to find one addressed to painthinbeauty.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T01:41:00

2008-07-09T06:42:12Z

*knock knock*

anybody home?

Who's up? I have class at noon tomorrow, my best friend and boyfriend just took off and I'm about to binge.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T00:32:00

2008-07-09T05:45:01Z

Sometimes I feel like my bulimia wouldn't exist if I wasn't depressed. As though the bulimia is just a side effect of "Major Depressive Disorder." When I feel the light-headedness, or the pain, or I fall down out of weakness, I am pleased to have participated in something (the purging) that will cause me to die faster. Watching the numbers on the scale go down cause that same euphoria. It is a method of self-harm that is not quite so visible, like cutting of some sort; it is a slower effect than I'd get with pills (at least the ones I have.) I know many people loathe the symptoms and effects of this disease, so I'm wondering if this sort of feeling is shared? Perhaps even by people who have not been diagnosed with depression, or do not consider themselves depressed..

In other news, my mother has noticed some of my physical symptoms and shipped me off to the doctor for a round of tests, which showed my body in relatively good health, other than my BMI. However she also told me not to get too happy about it, "as we often don't see results on these unless it's too late." She also switched my antidepressants to something stronger but I've stopped taking them out of apathy. It's hard enough forcing myself to swallow my birth control but the fear of the inevitable bleeding is more powerful.

Sometimes I worry that I will eventually become one of those catatonic depressives. I feel so disconnected from everything around me, and every little movement seems to take so much energy. I keep getting screamed at for "not talking" because it takes so long to get a fucking word out. But at the same time, "oh well."

purgatorium @ 2008-07-08T23:50:00

2008-07-09T05:00:20Z

What i've had to eat today??
3 pieces Dominos pizza with ranch.
kept it down.
Plus a sugar-free redbull and some diet coke.

I thought I had my appetite back after going on vacation cause I pigged out..but now that i'm home again I just have no desire for food at all....though that pizza was A-FUCKING-MAZING after I started eating it!!! I feel so empty and this feeling is soooo good, Mabye thats what keeps killing my appetite? I'm really livin up to the aAnaZ quote "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". But i'm really not doing anything out of my way..i'm not trying to, ya know??
Or it could be that i'm in luvvvvvv<3
Got naughty with E again last night...he's so ammazing. too bad he'd probably never actually date me (the big age difference & shit)). *siiiigh*. But i'm alright with just being fuck buddies or FW/B's for now I guesss....
I don't know how well i'd do in a relationship anyway..i'm so insecure and I don't know how to open up. I hope things get easier cause he probably secretly thinks i'm a shy-ass weirdo...I just need to get over it. Any advice??
I'm so bad at just keeping a conversation going...

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T00:34:00

2008-07-09T04:55:04Z

Two things...

1) Be honest....confession time!! When you purge in public bathrooms, how well do you clean up? Do you clean it thoroughly or do you clean minimally? For instance, fi there is back splash, and it gets all over the walls and floors, do you carefully clean up everything until it's sparkling clean? I admit that I don't always do that. When I'm purging at someone's house or my own, I clean up very well so that there is no evidence. When I'm out, I do clean up after myself, but sometimes I know that it could be cleaner:/. It's just hard because there's time constraints as well as a lack of proper cleaning supplies. Or if the toilet clogs, and starts to overflow with water and puke, I walk away (shame on me, I know!).

2) I am considering talking to a friend about this. Considering. He is a really, really, great guy friend. Sometimes it just gets really hard carrying this secret. I just need someone in real life to talk to. He came by today, and gave me a jar of this omega-3 enhanced peanut butter (we're both health nuts). I was mid binge, and had to shove my food in one of my drawers before opening the door. By the way,

In order:

--Oatmeal square cereal bar
--Bag of chips
--Granola bar
--3 doughnuts
--6 oreos
--Another bag of chips
--6 cups of rice cooked with 3 cups of soy crumbles, drizzled with spaghetti sauce and then v8 when I ran out
--1 cup veggies
--a couple spoons of peanut butter
--2 filets of fish
--A handful of cheese nips
--bowl of cereal
--diet coke throughout the process of course

I had ordered Chinese take-out to finish my binge...(large order of fried rice and chicken with vegetables and two egg rolls) but it was raining and I couldn't pick it up (I don't have a car so my only choice was walking)! I feel kinda bad, because they had it all prepared, but I didn't pick it up:/. But I guess that's better for my stomach.

Anyway, today, I said "I was just thinking about you. I was wondering if I could come talk to you tomorrow." A few minutes later, he talked about how he isn't judgemental. He said that once he had a friend "who was suicidal...she had an eating disorder, and I helped her through it." I'm not sure if that should make me feel better or worse. I don't want to put him through it...and how lame that I'm kind of like his other friend. I feel like some sort of copycat or something. But he is such a good friend...I don't know.

For those of you who told someone, how did you do it? I'm thinking of starting out talking about working out. I'm pretty near tears that this girl is working out the same amount as me. She was only working out on weekends before until she said she wanted to work out with me. So today I went this morning (1.5 hours), and then again this afternoon (1.5 hours) with her. I feel a little better, but now she is starting to work out more (she stayed after I left because I had a dinner meeting)!! I feel the urge to work out for 4 hours now because I have the need to "beat" her workout routine by leaps and bounds. I'm getting teary just thinking about this, LAME. So maybe I will start with that...but feelings of guilt are pretty strong right now. I don't want to be a burden. I also don't want to seem disgusting, weak, etc. I'm 23...I should be over this by now, right?

Love to you all!!

--Me

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T00:37:00

2008-07-09T04:51:53Z

Things keep going wrong for me. It sucks. I came home from my therapy appointment yesterday, and my laptop died. It no longer works and its making INSANE. I have to use my shitty PC which means I cant roam around my house or lay in bed. Then I went to put on my sons favorite DVD (God Made Me..LOL) and it wouldn't work, it is so scratched. It is the only thing that keeps him occupied for a few minutes so I can get things done. My meds are all screwed up, I havent slept in forever, and im taking 2 mgs of ativan a day along with 20 mgs of lexapro. The lexapro just got increased from 10 to 20mgs and I think thats whats been fucking me up. But I feel manic-ish, and my therapist is on vacation until the end of July. Yesterday she told me if I'm not able to sleep within the next couple of nights to just cut back to the 10 mgs. The only thing that sucks about the 10 was that I was getting more and more depressed (like really bad)and with the 20 that got much better, but I just literally do not sleep now.
But yeah, enough about that. Purging has been not so good. I feel like my therapist is mad at me for not using my DBT stuff, but I really do tryyyy, its just hard. Luckily my ED therapist gets it though. I see her in 2 weeks which is good.
anyways, I hope everyone is doing okay.
<3

wow.

2008-07-09T04:04:57Z

ok i feel guilty for doing this,
but i was looking through my sisters wardrobe for clothes, and found handbags in the back of her cupboard amongst some clothes...

in them i found wrappers and wrappers of chips and chocolates, and about 5 nutella jars....
oh. my. god.

why is she doing this ;(
shes slightly overweight, but lately shes lost so much
and once i suspected she was purging

she always eats in her room ...

im afraid she has a binge eating disorder

ah gosh why did i have to open those bags, now im worried and theres nothing i can do, i cant say anything to her, cause shes probly done the same thing to me and found like bags of vomit and binge food wrappers, or food that ive hidden that i didnt eat...

mum goes on and on and on to me about MY eating habits, she doesnt even consider my sisters because shes not 'getting to thin' like me.
mum has no idea about her. thinks she just doesnt care about her weight, eats normally..... hmm what shed say if she found this out...

sooo now its mum, my sister and me with an ed. great.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T23:52:00

2008-07-09T04:01:37Z

i have someone to bring me to the bus stop like i said before
but then now my friends dad is offering to drive me the whole way all the way to walden because he is proud of me and thinks someone should be there to support me. and i appreciate that so much.
and i said yes. but now .. i dont know if i regret it.like if i'll just have him drive me to the bus stop and go from there. its not like i want to always be alone but i feel like ive always relied on other people and never been able to do things myself. and though itd probably be a lot more fun going up with my friend and his dad and another one of his friends i feel like its something i have to do myself, like be independent and go through with it on my own.
but what if im wrong and thats just my control issues talking? argh.
i need to know im strong and independent and able to do this for myself and rely on myself and be strong. but i also want support. i dont know what to do.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-08T23:48:00

2008-07-09T03:54:14Z

heyy all, just got back from the yankee game (we won 5-0 woohooo) it was a lot of fun, i had a great time with my dad.

anyways, thanks for all the butt comments. really raised my self-ASSteem. haha i am such a dork.

but yea i was on the boardwalk all day...riding my bike around, journaling, walking on the beach for a little...and

yyyea...old navy flip flops...

note the random red splotches and entire hand print in the middle of my back. this pic makes me look particularly bony for some reason, i dont think i look like that in person (i hope not! haha)

purgatorium @ 2008-07-09T02:49:00

2008-07-09T02:51:22Z

I just wanna die I don't wanna be here anymore I just wanna get reall sick and d i e

Still Alive. . .If you remember me, you might care

2008-07-09T02:27:22Z

Yeah. Like I've said, I disappear when things go down the shithole. Last week was my first week back from spending a week with my family. My family is quite possibly the most triggering thing for me in the world. Needless to say, I came back to my apartment after that horrible week at home, and proceeded to b/p everything edible even if disgusting. I mean, I was going through trash cans, running out to the store ten minutes before it closes to buy more stuff to b/p that tastes like shit, but is cheap.

I've gained weight. Those horrible words that all of us dread saying when it's true.

Since last Thursday, however, there was no purging. Just shitloads of binging. SHITLOADS. I was probably downing 1000 cal of liquor alone each day until Monday. This was because my boyfriend came up for 4th of July weekend, and we spent the whole time boozing and eating and going out.

I don't know why alcohol calories feel SAFE to me. And then after alcohol binges, I justify eating so I don't get sick. I'm STUPID. I hate that I'm so fucking irrational. Note to self: alcohol has calories and makes you gain weight.

I broke down yesterday. Just got out of the shower after purging for the first time since Wednesday (because liquor/food binge began). I just sat down on the sofa and started sobbing.

You know that kind of sobbing? Where you are really most upset about weight/food/ED, and then all of a sudden NOTHING in your life seems okay and you feel like an all around failure and sob even louder and longer? Yeah. That was me yesterday. Boyfriend was sitting next to me. Poor guy started panicking like all guys do when girls cry. I don't know what came over me because the last thing I want is to go inpatient again. But I kept saying (amidst the "I'm a failure, I can't do anything on time, I can't accomplish anything, I'm FAT") . . ."I need HELP".

I don't know what kind of help I need. Therapy, meds, inpatient. None has worked. I just know that I want to stop binging and chewspitting, because it leads to purging and then I get bigger and bigger. And I'm weird in that when I gain weight, I become incapable of doing anything. Laundry, cleaning, showering, let alone errands and applications or work or anything. I just become some kind of zombie-hermit.

Dear Bulimia,
I want OUT.

The end.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-08T22:15:00

2008-07-09T02:18:10Z

I am jealous of people who have their own bathrooms.

I live in a family of 5 people and we have 1 bathroom in our house. No, we do not even have a half bathroom with just a toilet or anything. We simply have 1 single bathroom.

Said bathroom is only about 4ft by 5 ft. There is a sink, a toilet, and a tub in it. Therefore the actually space for walking is about 1ft by 2ft. If you are fat, you cannot fit into my bathroom. Please go pee outside.

Since it is the only bathroom, if you take a shower, you are not allowed to close the door. People walk in and out to use the sink and toilet while you shower. You cant take long because someone might need to take a dump.

It is not an environment conducive to bulimia.

purgatorium @ 2008-07-08T22:16:00

2008-07-09T02:17:51Z

Has anyone ever tried Hoodia? It supposedly curbs appetite. That would be awesome if it actually does what it says it does.

advice needed - I clogged the shower :(

2008-07-09T02:01:27Z

Hey girls,

I was purging in the shower just now. After I got almost everything up I decided to wash my hair and just finish off in the toilet in a few minutes. Then I noticed that I was standing in a puddle of vomit and the water just kept rising... so yeah. It is clogged and I'm not sure what to do about it. I really don't want anyone else finding out... thankfully, it is in my bathroom, but I am REALLY desperate.

Part of me wants to binge again, but logically I know that won't solve the problem.

Is there a possibility that this will effect the other washrooms in the house? Geez, I hope not.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist Maria. She gave me homework to do and of course being the great procrastinator that I am, I haven't started yet. :)

EDIT: Thank you all so much! I finally managed to fix the drain with all your help. :)

so i think i may have a problem...

2008-07-09T02:00:25Z

Alright so, I usually purge in my toilet and flush in between so it doesn't overflow, but my bathroom sink has been clogging, and this could be for a number of reasons, that my hair is getting stuck in it, my brother shaves in there, and whatever else is in that bathroom, anyways we have a plumber coming tomorrow, but is there anyway my puke is clogging it?

ever since that has started happening i am trying to purge into bags and such whenever possible.

periods and teeth whitening

2008-07-09T01:38:30Z

These two topics are not related, but I was just wondering...
To girls that have had their period stop before...
I haven't got mine since march 4 (over 4 months now) and before this i have NEVER EVER missed a period, and only been late a few times.
Once it stopped, did it ever come back on it's own or did you have to start eating again?

Also, I whiten my teeth with those crest white strips..does anyone know if those will hurt my teeth even more?
I have broken spots on my tooth and i'm worried the whitening stuff will just chip them away more, but of course, i continue to use them anyway....

purgatorium @ 2008-07-08T21:37:00

2008-07-09T01:37:45Z

Kids,
I love pot. =) I just don't like the way I eat on pot. I like the way I feel though. I have an addictive personality; I've realised this. I do things just because I'm bored. "Hm.. Nothing else to do.. -looks around- ... -packs a bowl- ..."

So, tomorrow I'm getting my shit together. 2468 diet attempt, but I'm going to start backwards. 8642. Thanks, binging! =D I'm afraid to weigh myself. I'm thinking 146? I'm always thinking 146. I would like to be 140 A.S.A.P., kplzthnx.