Today, this day of chocolate and family gatherings, I wish you all a Happy Easter. But I also warn you, do not forgot about the important things about Easter. 2000 something years ago, a man died to save us scum from our sins so we could be free. This freedom would grant us access into heaven and a free hot plate upon entry. My meaning is, Easter isn't just about chocolate, getting drunk and having a good time. It is about rememberance. This man who died, I'm thinking his name is Jesus or Judas, possibly Jack, it started with a J for sure, he came back to life after being dead. Easter is about black magic and witchcraft, the same kind of witchcraft that brought Jesus back to life. So every Easter we must eat an egg made by Cadbury, or should I say the Devil's Candy, so that witches such as this Jesus character cannot come back and wreak havoc on this sinful world. If we were to all refuse eating chocolate eggs, zombies would surely rise up from the ground with Jesus leading them. But they zombies would crave something more than chocolate, they would eat our souls. To get to our souls they have to eat our brains. Our brains are needed for thinking people!!! Why without brains, Tom would never have conjured up Myspace (Tom you diablogical genius). And without Myspace, where would we be? Why we would probably be out playing some kind of sport, spending more time with friends, family and loved ones or even possibly getting a decent education. But we all know this requires effort, effort which our brains can't afford to waste on ourselves. This is why we need people like Tom, Billy Corgan and Gary Larson to act as the cream in our oreo and keep us together, because if we're just 2-pieces of a biscuit without any cream, we might as well stop eating chocolate now and let Jesus and his army of super zombies devour us all right now. Brains are important, just because Kurt Cobain used his to paint the wall doesn't mean we have to put ours to waste!
Free Tibet!
-Alex
Here is a nice gem from last year when I ripped into Kinder Surprises.
And what's the deal with Kinder Surprises? The last two I got have been shit, it's just been some puzzle about some dogs and the other was of a mole in a beach chair. Who the hell wants to play with a mole in a beach chair? What am I going to do with a mole in a beach chair? Watch him sun bathe? I'd have more fun playing with a brick. And there's no challenge in Kinder Surprises any more. The puzzle was done in like 30-seconds, and the stupid mole was practically in his stupid beach chair as soon as I pulled it out of that egg thing it comes in.
Here are the results of a quiz I took in December of last year and pasted into a blog. They are very uplifting, and I still feel that they probably haven't changed much.
Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer
It's almost as accurate as my horoscopes...
Here is my take on society after driving to town early one Saturday morning when I noticed the streets were filled with drunks all desperate for a ride home. One woman even tried to get in my car and bum a lift off me.
I had two thoughts on how this could be fixed. The Government imposes a law where if you're hit by a car whilst standing on the road, then the driver be forgiven of all wrongs, and even given a complimentary bucket hat. That way, if I wanted to drive through town on a Saturday night I wouldn't have to slow down for "pedestrians."
My second idea is a little more far fetched, I could see some people have trouble with it. We leave a car in the middle of town. And I mean a really good car with all the works. The doors to this car get unlocked at one in the morning and the keys left in the ignition. Anyone who wants to get out of town who are also having trouble finding a taxi, is free to get the car. However, there are hundreds of people in town wanting to get out. I figure that people will kill each other in the process of trying to get to this one car. There's your problem fixed. No more drunks standing in the middle of the road.
Yeah, I amaze even myself with my genius sometimes.
My opinion on why Earth sucks, as written from back in February...
What makes this such a dump planet isn't our failing ozone layer, our constant attempts to destroy the atmosphere with pollution or just our underdeveloped civilisation that's constantly at war with itself. No, our real problem is LACK OF RINGS. If we had rings, we'd be the bees knees. Aliens from as far as Alpha Centauri would be piloting their intergalactic spaceships to Earth to get a piece of the action. And with them they'd bring their super technology, the meaning of life, universal peace and unity as well as a delicious treat called Steakmellows (Steak tasting marshmellows covered with Bosco.)
My finest hour was when I won my first Bloggie, as awarded by Tim.
It is a true honour to be complimented on my writing by Billy Crystal and Charlie Smith. I believe I won these awards for my work uncovering the sasquatch.
Me blogging about my terrible experience as a trolley collector.
On top of working an almost 13-hour day, I am still unaware of how much I make per hour, I have idiots asking me about every detail of the shopping centre as if I was the architect that designed it and I got blisters on my feet. It literally hurts to even stand up. And, such a fitting way to end a horrible night of work, I get pulled over by a cop, who seemed to be a bit of a jerk. He wanted to give me a breathalizer but when he realised I was a P plater that neglected to put his P plates on, he slapped me with a fine, which of course is about the equivalent of all the money I made that particular day. So yesterday was a pointlessly horrible day, also, AAMI stadium is right across the road from the carpark I was working in and Port happened to be playing last night. So I had about 20, 000+ Port fans wandering around being tools.
Here's my two-cents on wrapping paper.
You know what else really grinds my gears? The people who give you a present, then put several layers of wrapping paper over it. You get through one layer then, oh, wait, haha oh more wrapping paper, oh how hilarious, isn't my face red, I have to unwrap some more. Oh what's this? Another layer? Pass the parcel sure is fun with one person. I hate people so freaking much.
Back about three months ago, I had a winning job at IGA. By winning job I mean trapped in a never-ending nightmare. I mentioned it in a blog. :D
Now, I'm working at IGA. So far they've had me work four-days of unpaid training (which is illegal and they can and should be reported), they've got me on a poor wage and poor hours, have yet to pay me, have me doing every little shitty job that they don't want to touch with a ten-foot-pole and they barely speak any English. It's horrible.
They have me working on a chicken roticery. This involves me grabbing cold, dead, skinned chickens and shoving them onto spits. I should go vegan then claim to have moral issues with this so I don't have to do it. I'm sure they'd make me do it anyway. Then I get to clean the chicken cooker thing, it has like 5 litres of chicken fat in it all the time which I have to get rid of.
Here is my comparisons of a good musician and a bad one.
Is alive. Is dead.
Has written nearly Was a one-trick pony.
every style of music
imaginable.
Is recognized as being Was shithouse
one of the best guitarists at guitar.
in rock.
Talented song-writer. Mediocre song-writer.
Had sex with Courtney Knocked up Courtney
Love first. and shot himself.
Here is probably my one true victory in life. It was really more of a draw actually as it cost a lot of money and I still didn't get my full license back.
So today was the day that I got to finally find out about my license. I walked into that courtroom, reached across the bench and grabbed the magistrate by his big fat head and said, "Listen man! I'm not going to jail for you or anyone!" Then I smacked him upside the head with his gavel and drove home. I crashed into the magistrate's car on the way out of the car park.
I've also made many a hilarious picture as well. By that I mean I've wasted a lot of hours of my life in front of Paint.
This entire blog is a signal that my imagination is officially dead. However, this has not hurt my ego in the slightest. Only someone as self-absorbed as mua would put together a "Best of Alex Taylor" blog.
I've got nothing decent to write about any more... Although I'm sure I'll still probably bitch about things on here. Because that's the kind of guy I am, I don't tackle things head on, I come home and write blogs about them 
Next blog I might write about a crazy wedding, or Marge becoming a robot. <<< Simpsons reference lol
/sigh... I'm going to bed. I'll probably end up watching another season of Peep Show first though. That's a great show.
happy
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