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I See You Shiver
Title: I See You Shiver With Antici.....PATION!
Author: Reed
Pairing: Gus/Juliet, Shawn/Lassiter
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own, supervise, or have any input on the show Psych, its characters, or its writers. Too bad for you. Also, Anita Spencer belongs to ilsaluvsrick.
Warnings: mild crack!Fic, but only in the best way.
Summary: The gang from Psych finds its way to a live showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Insanity ensues.
Notes: The show they go see is a live one, and I know that you aren't supposed to bring props to live performances, but I didn't think Shawn would care about such silly rules. Also, there is an Eddie Izzard reference in there. Bonus points to whoever can point it out to the rest of the class. First Psych fic (or any fic) ever! Don't be nice. I need criticism. Thanks ever so much to my wonderful betas, funsize_z0rz and eric_idle_rules. You guys rock so hard.


"Would you stop worrying, Gus? This is gonna be fun!"

Gus disagreed. He wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten roped into this particular scheme of Shawn's, but there he was, dressed like some escaped mental patient in a robe and Superman boxer shorts. It wouldn't have been so bad had he not been in public. Not just public, mind you. Downtown public. The part of town where everyone has a couple hundred dollars in their wallet and the unfortunate tendency to throw Blackberries at their assistants. Gus sighed. A very proper looking old couple had just walked out of some restaurant too good to advertise its name and had given Gus a look of such profound disgust that he considered apologizing for everything from his outfit to the time in third grade when he snapped Audrey Adam's favorite My Little Pony pencil and blamed it on Heisenburg's Chaos Theory of Unpredictability. Gus squirmed. He hadn't felt this exposed since the Couple's Massage incident last month, and, once again, it was all Shawn's fault.

It all started when Juliet commented on Shawn's pronunciation. Gus had been standing supportively by in the precinct while his best friend tried to convince Jules that he had once been apprenticed to the Great Baldini, some magician on the east coast who pedaled an act with a dying horse (really a donkey) and a licorice whip (which, 9 times out of 10, the donkey ate before the big reveal). It was all bad. Anyway, when Jules had asked if Shawn had ever been cut in half, he had replied with that bizarre version of the word 'no' that he used whenever he was trying to be cute. It rarely worked. The blonde had then interrupted Shawn's ramblings.

"Shawn, what's up when you do that? That's, like, the millionth time I've heard you say no like that this week. What gives?" Shawn grinned, and Gus knew immediately that Juliet had signed herself up for an hour's commentary on the inter-workings of Shawn's mind. Gus started looking around for a coffee maker and a chair.

"Well, my fair Juliet, I happen to be practicing for the Annual Rocky Horror Cult-Fest at SBU this weekend. Gus and I are going in character, and I want to be true to the source." Shawn struck a pose and Gus's head snapped up from Lassiter's copy of 'Gun & Ammo'.

"What! I'm not going with you, Shawn. Last time, I wound up on stage without my pants, singing 'Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me' with Columbia and Magenta knock-offs. And my boss's kid was in the audience! Do you realize what could have happened if he'd recognized me!? I said no." Gus then tried to remain firm as Shawn fed him the tragic-pouty-face-of-almost-certain-doom, but his friend's pout had been legendary when they were kids and had lost none of its potency in (semi)adult-hood. Juliet just looked confused.

"Umm... what's Rocky Horror?"

*****

And that was how Gus found himself in the middle of some posh string of restaurants down the street from SBU's community theater dressed as Brad Majors. (asshole!) His desperate attempts to convince Shawn that a black Brad was a massive deviation from the original movie fell on deaf ears. Shawn had only confiscated Gus's favorite pair of Gucci boxers and handed him an old pair of Superman shorts. They were hideous. Awful blue pinstripes and the Superman logo placed suggestively over the crotch. Only Shawn's repeated assurances that Juliet would like them kept Gus from ripping them from his body in a huff. He had paired the evil boxers with Henry's stolen bathrobe and spent the entire ride to Jules' place complaining that his underwear chafed. His words had died in his throat when they pulled up to Juliet's apartment and out had walked the most gorgeous Columbia Gus had ever seen. Juliet wore the striped hot-pants like she was born to them, and her gold top barely managed to cover her breasts. A sequined gold top hat and jacket completed the ensemble and Gus didn't stop staring until a rude elbow pegged him in the side.

"Dude, a little discretion here. She's not an object." Shawn's eyes had twinkled with mirth, and Gus sent him a glare that would have been much more effective had his eyes not been covered in eyeliner. They parked the car at the nearest paid lot and started walking. They made a handsome trio, and they walked along the busy streets with the confidence of knowing that everyone in a two block radius wants your body. Well, at least Juliet and Shawn did. Gus was still pulling ineffectively at his bathrobe, trying to cover his newly-shaved legs. (Dude, Brad didn't have hairy man-legs. He was smooth, like a girl.) They arrived, to Gus's relief, at the theater and were soon enveloped by an adoring public. Most people attended these thing in costume, but their group had taken it to a whole other level. Juliet's costume was precise to the last stripe on her shorts, the color of her socks, and even her make-up was identical to the original. Gus, though he bore no resemblance to Barry Bostwick whatsoever, filled out his boxers quite well, gathering quite a little flock of admirers for himself. It was Shawn, typically, who drew the most attention though.

Shawn Spencer was dressed as Dr. Frankenfurter. He hadn't been kidding when he said he wanted to remain true to the source. Shawn wore an exact replica of Frank's outfit from his first scene in the movie. Tall, black stiletto heels (something Shawn managed to be disturbingly comfortable in), long, black thigh-high tights with matching garters (the reason Shawn's legs were currently just as hairless as Gus's), tiny, barely-there black panties, elbow-length black sequined gloves, and the piece-de-resistance: a tight black sequined corset that showed obscene amounts of chest and flashed the copy of Frankenfurter's BOSS tattoo on Shawn's arm. He'd even dyed his Roland Orzabal wig black to match Frank's original fro. He looked amazing. His short frame was not exactly suited for Frank's getup, but his charming smile and imitation of Frank's voice more than made up for it. He walked in the heels like a professional, and his rendition of 'Sweet Transvestite' was flawless. Everyone was completely into it and having a great time before the show started. Juliet flirted with the many men (and women) who picked at her costume and tried to look down her top. She giggled the whole time and shot Gus surprised-but-delighted looks over her shoulder. Gus blushed and casually pulled the lapels of his robe apart, showing off his chest. He caught himself having fun, and smiled.

"Brad, buddy. I told you this would be awesome! You need to have some faith in your old pal Shawnie." The fake Frank batted his eyelashes at Gus, causing a snort to erupt from the man.

"Shawn, the only reason I'm here is to make sure you don't get into trouble. I don't want to have to come rushing to Arizona with a razor and two boxes of hefty bags like last time. I told you it was a bad idea to go home with that guy! He was dressed up as Eddie, for crying out loud!! How obvious was that!?!" Gus realized he was shouting and lowered his voice. "Just try not to get us arrested, or enlisted, or signed on as vaudeville revivalists, okay?"

"It's not going to be exactly like last time. And stop worrying! You're giving Brad frown lines, and the real Brad never had frown lines!" Shawn clapped excitedly and flounced across the lobby to chatter with another version of Frank, one very ill-suited to the revealing boustier.

"Of course Brad had frown lines," Gus muttered, "He had to deal with Dr. Frankenfurter's insane crap the whole night. What's more realistic than frown lines?"

"I completely agree," came a voice from behind him. Gus turned around to see Juliet.

"Oh, hi. Agree about what?" Gus asked.

"The frown lines. I think Brad was very troubled and would have had some serious forehead creases." At the mention of forehead creases, Gus made a Herculean effort to smooth out his face. Juliet giggled. She looked joyful in the half-light of the theater lobby, the sequins on her jacket and hat glittering madly. Gus was enchanted by the bizarrely beautiful picture in front of him. Who would have thought Lassiter's bubbly, rookie partner would have taken so well to the insanity that was Rocky Horror? After the discussion in the police station, Shawn and Gus had taken immediate responsibility of Jules's education on all things Rocky. They forced her to watch the movie four times, quizzed her on key lines in the script, taught her all the phrases the audience was supposed to shout during the performance, and had equipped her with Anita Spencer's very own Columbia costume. Shawn had, at first, been reluctant to part with his mother's clothes, but after seeing just how good Jules looked in those hot-pants, he caved pretty quickly. She was a new initiate to the cult, but she took to it like a duck to water. Gus was in love.

The black Brad was jolted out of his reverie when he heard Shawn shriek from across the lobby. Fearing the worst (Eddie had come back for revenge. Waking up with a shaved head and no pants or underwear in the house had probably been a shock, but certainly that was no reason to murder anyone.), Gus sprinted toward the still wailing voice, only to come to a screeching halt when faced with the most mind-boggling sight ever conceived by man or god. Lassiter. In a gold speedo. And nothing else. He was Rocky himself.

Gus snapped out of his temporary catatonia and took in Lassy's form. His rock hard policeman's body (always hidden deceptively under a K-Mart suit and tie) was long and lean, accented perfectly by the small, gold, not-substantial-enough-to-be-called-underwear underwear and gold, calf-high boots. He had foregone the usual hair gel, instead letting his jet-black hair fall becomingly around his eyes- wait. Gus stopped himself. Becomingly? What the hell? It occurred to him that if even he was reacting to Lassiter's near nudity in such an inappropriate way, Shawn must be losing his shit right now. Gus was not wrong.

Shawn gaped openly at Lassiter, staring obviously at his crotch, chest, abs, legs, anything he could lay his eyes on, actually. His tiny black panties were not entirely up to the task of hiding his growing erection, and Gus winced at the obvious sign of arousal. How was his slightly crazy friend going to get out of this one? A petite but calloused hand fell roughly on his arm. Gus looked down to see Jules ogling her partner's half (mostly) naked body. When she leaned over to take a peek at Lassiter's ass, Gus decided it was time to take action. He marched forward, robe billowing behind him, to assist in the situation. He only faltered for a moment when a voice from the crowd called out, "Da-da-DA!" in some weird facsimile of Superman's theme music. The laughter reminded him of his super-crotch and he tied what was quickly becoming his Battle Robe tightly around his waist.

"Lassiter! Hey, man! Fancy meeting you here." Gus strolled as casually as he could up to his still-not-breathing best friend. Returning the elbow from earlier in the evening, he got Shawn to close his mouth. "Didn't know you were a Rocky Horror fan. Um," here, Gus paused, "that outfit looks very... authentic."

Lassiter, who had been, until that moment, standing still as a rock by the candy counter holding an open package of Sour Patch Kids (what do you know? Shawn had been right.) tightly in his hand, cocked an eyebrow.

"I could say the same for you, Guster. Those boxers don't suit you at all." Not sure if that was a compliment (Gus clearly belonged in more sophisticated clothing) an insult (a grave insult, mind you, to his super crime fighting abilities), or just a comment on his Brad costume in general (which Gus had to agree was not nearly as realistic as say... Lassiter's), Gus simply 'hmmm'ed in his throat and adjusted his stance to show off more of his body to Juliet, who was still on the sidelines of this little drama, holding her hand to her glittery breast in shock. Lassiter gave a little half-smile at this show of testosterone, simultaneously snapping Shawn out of his pseudo-coma.

"Lassy! You look awesome! Like, the original kind of awesome, not -you know- hot dog awesome!" The psychic raked his eyes up and down over the head detective's delectable body and licked his lips. He even started to hum that damn 'I Will Make You a Man' song under his breath. Gus was horrified at his friend's obvious (and vaguely sickening) attraction to their kind-of boss. Sensing that the situation was getting rapidly out of hand, Gus began praying for the show to start. He'd rather be on stage doing the time warp in his underwear than here in the lobby trying to distract Lassiter from Shawn's inappropriate drooling, Juliet from Lassiter's inappropriately good-looking self, and Shawn from Lassiter's (so inappropriate) growing interest in Shawn's persistent erection.

"Spencer, I can't even begin to imagine what you mean. Perhaps your corset is too tight," said Lassiter with a leer.

"Well, Lassy-face, I could use some help loosening it up. Maybe after the show you can relieve some of my... tension," Shawn returned. Gus gagged a little and looked to Juliet. She was watching the exchange with all the intensity she did when grilling a witness.

"I'm sure something can be arranged, psychic. Guess what I'm thinking," Lassiter walked toward Shawn with a disquieting sashay that belonged nowhere near the stoic detective. Gus stepped back quickly to avoid contact with Lassiter's skin.

"Oh, I don't need to guess, Carlton. It's right there on your face. You want me to make you a man." Gus rolled his eyes. This was getting sick.

"I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, Spencer. Trust me."

"Then why did you come dressed as Rocky?" Shawn asked curiously. Lassiter smiled that eerie half-smile that Shawn had been so excited about at that weatherman trial thing.

"He doesn't talk," Lassiter answered, deadpan. This actually made more sense than most anything that night. Just as Gus was about to comment, the lights in the lobby flickered their 5 minute warning. Shawn smiled as charmingly as he could at Lassiter.

"So, my darling Rocky. Would you like to come sit with me tonight? I promise I'll only try to cuddle a little." Shawn traced a lazy finger down Lassiter's abs.

"Cuddling aside, Dr. Frank," Lass replied with a maniac grin, removing Shawn's hand, "I'm afraid I can't. I have other plans." Shawn looked crestfallen, and as he opened his mouth to say something else, Gus grabbed his arm and ushered him into the theater.

"Just let it go, man. I don't know what twilight zone I've stepped into, but come Monday, you're going to regret this whole thing." Gus tried to talk some sense into his friend. He turned to Juliet, who had followed them to their seats. "Back me up, Jules. This whole thing is weird, right?" He gestured frantically for the girl to say something.

"Actually, Gus, I think Shawn and Carlton would be totally cute together. And hey, they dressed up in coordinating costumes! It has to be fate!" Juliet sighed at the romance of it all, leaving Gus to question his feelings for the woman. Shawn looked heartbroken, sitting dejectedly in his seat, plucking at his garters. Gus tried to think of something both sensible and supportive, but luckily the house lights went down and the show began.

*****
During the performance, Shawn had come out of his funk just a little. He had gotten up and sang during the 'Time Warp', shouted obscenities to the real Brad Majors, and had thrown rice at the wedding party with gusto. It wasn't until the revelation of Dr. Frankenfurter's creation that things started to unravel.

As the moment when Rocky comes on stage came closer, Shawn grew more petulant. He leaned over to Gus many times to ask if his mascara had been running, if his stocking seams had been straight, if his wig had been on right, and if that wasn't the problem, why hadn't Lassy succumbed to his considerable charms and sat with him. Gus could provide no answer, so instead, he tried nonchalantly to hold hands with Juliet. Unfortunately, she kept snapping her fingers along with the songs, leaving Gus little opportunity to make his move. Gus was close to tears, about to tell Shawn to stop bothering him with his pathetic crush on Lassiter-as-Rocky, when he heard an amazed gasp from the seat next to him. Shawn's eyes were wide, and even in the dark Gus could see that his pupils were dilated with lust. Now, it was typical for Shawn to pant after whoever was playing Rocky's part during these shows. Shawn had an unholy attraction to anyone in a gold speedo, and had done since the seventh grade when Johnny DeMarchio, the school's swim team captain, came up to them in his gold swim trunks at the community pool and slapped Shawn on the ass. Rocky was the epitome of the gold speedo. Still, his reaction was a little extreme, and it peaked Gus's interest. He turned away from his task of capturing Juliet's hand and looked toward the stage. His eyes popped out of his head. Seriously, right into the isle.

Lassiter was on stage. Playing Rocky. Gus was never going to get Shawn out of this theater alive. The poor man was going to die right there in his seat.

For the rest of the show, Lassiter performed Rocky's part with exuberance and accuracy. He caught Frank eagerly during the lab scene, he danced with grace during the floor show, and he carried Frank's body easily at the end, despite the 4-inch heels. He was, without a doubt, one of the greatest Rockys Shawn and Gus had seen in the many years they had been attending this show. Juliet was speechless, staring sightlessly at her partner, silently praying for his panties to slip downwards. Gus was trying to decide whether he had a better chance of rescuing Shawn from humiliation and possibly death, or scoring with Columbia/Juliet. Shawn, poor poor Shawn, was trying to breathe consistently.

Mercifully, the performance eventually ended. Shawn cheered the loudest and whistled lustily when Lassiter took his bow. He rushed out of the isle, tripping only once on Juliet's protruding tap shoe, trying to get backstage before the isles filled up with people leaving. He was successful, disappearing backstage using only a grin as authorization. Gus lost sight of him after that. He turned resolutely to his remaining companion.

"Hey, Jules. I know we were all going to go out to eat to discuss the show, but I guess Shawn's a little busy (trying to nail your partner, he thought to himself). Would you like to come with me anyway? I know a great place just around the block." Gus tried to smile charmingly like Shawn did, but Juliet only smirked and nodded.

"Sure, I'd love to. If, of course, you don't mind being seen in just your bathrobe." Juliet laughed gaily. Gus smirked back and leaned in close to her.

"Well, it's my apartment. I'm sure I'm allowed to be unashamed in my bathrobe at home, don't you think?" Juliet blushed at the implication and nodded again. Gus finally reached over and grasped her hand. "It's not too far away, and I know how to make a great red onion chutney." They smiled at one another, both covered in glitter and eyeliner. The newness of the relationship was exciting, and Gus had confidence in himself and Jules. If she could hang in there throughout all the insanity the evening had provided, they would make a great team. They walked hand in hand out of the theater and onto the sidewalk, turning the corner toward Gus's apartment, Juliet's shoes clicking on the concrete. They only looked away from each other's eyes long enough to see Shawn and Lassiter dive into a taxi and tear off down the street in the direction of Lassiter's new house. Juliet burst into delighted laughter, doubling over when she caught sight of Gus's mildly disgusted face. He shot her one of his famous looks, and they walked on.

*****

Monday morning rolled around bright and cheerful. Two couples awoke reluctantly to the shrieks of their alarm clocks. They smiled earnestly at their bed partners, leaning in for a kiss despite their morning breath. Both couples rolled out of bed and went to make breakfast. Both couples radiated with happiness and silly excitement. The only difference was that Shawn and Lassiter were still smeared with eye make-up and glitter, while Gus and Juliet had found time that weekend to shower.


THE END!!

A/N: So, yeah. As you can tell, Rocky Horror is kind of my thing. I love that crazy-ass movie. If you haven't seen it, do so now. *looks around* RIGHT NOW!! *cough* Anyway, that bit where the guy calls out to Gus, "Da-da-DA!" actually happened. I went to see the live performance of Rocky at my local performing arts center, and Brad had on this Superman bathrobe over his tightie-whities. There was a silent moment where Brad had been crossing the stage, and some guy goes, 'da-da-DA!' kind of under his breath. Everyone heard though, and Brad started laughing. Then the audience broke down. It took a few minutes to get back on track. I just decided to add that little anecdote to my first real-life finished fanfic. Very appropriate, I think.

I know that Shawn/Lassiter is (mostly) everyone's favorite pairing in this fandom (mine too!), but for some reason as I started writing, it became Gus's perspective. I didn't intend it that way, but because of it, the Gus/Juliet is played up more than Shassi. So, sorry about that to anyone who expected more man love. Hell, even I expected more man love than I wrote. Still, Gus/Juliet is, in my humble opinion, so totally cute that I couldn't resist. And I could just see Jules getting all excited about Rocky Horror.

Hope you enjoyed!!