Fandom: Lost
Title: Anticipation of Loss
Characters: Sun, Sun/Jin
Rating: PG
Prompt: #8: Phobia
Word Count: 716
Spoilers: Yes, for The Whole Truth
Disclaimer: I do not I own Lost. At all.
A/N: I went with the idea that "phobia" means fear. I used it as more of an abstract idea of fear, then a concrete fear of anything specific.
It had been two hours and she was still pacing the same four feet of land, over and over. The sun was beginning to set and she was sure that if she wasn’t back soon, Jin would come looking for her.
Her hands feel down to her stomach, as they had done many times over the past few hours. She pushed out a long breath in an attempt to calm her nerves. It didn’t work.
She looked around at her garden, the place that gave her purpose and made her feel at peace. Or…it had. She had felt safe here, which had been a mistake. This place, this island, was not safe, nor was anyone on it. Once, she had thought she would never return. It had been a knee-jerk reaction made out of fear. But the more she sat on the beach, day in and day out, doing very little, she felt herself begin to grow restless.
Fear, she realized, could only control a person if they allowed it to. In her garden, she felt connected to the earth. She felt vital, she felt needed. On the beach, sitting in her tent, she felt powerless, useless. The more the feeling grew, the less she feared the jungle, until she no longer feared it at all.
Once, this place her been her escape and her safe-haven. She had come her to escape the world. And now the world had followed her here.
This baby, a baby she was still not sure she really wanted, was going to change everything. And not for the better, as Jin had always believed.
It wasn’t them, she told herself. At their best, there was always tension between them. At their worst there was violence. But underneath it all, there was love. They needed each other in a way that transcended anything else. Their time apart on the island had taught them that no matter what happened to them, they would eventually find their way back to each other.
No, they could be parents. They could love their child as they loved each other. It wasn’t them that worried her, it wasn’t the ups and downs of their relationship that gave her pause. It was this place.
So many were lost. Boone and Shannon would never return. Who was to know where Michael and Walt were…The island continued to claim life after life, without pause. She could not bear to think who it would take next. Nothing was safe anymore; It wasn’t safe for her, or her child, or anyone.
When she no longer cared to stand in the middle of the jungle, alone, thinking about all that she had lost and what was still to come, she made her way back through the trees. She watched the sun fall, peaking up over the tide, turning the sky bright and beautiful shades of pink and orange and purple. She found herself amazed that the sudden juxtaposition, that there could still be beauty in a place like this.
She sighed as she saw that she was about to reach the encampment. She wondered if she was ready for this. She wondered if Jin was ready for this. She supposed that they would have to be.
Upon reaching the beach, she found herself met with all manner of congratulations. She supposed that somewhere along the line, the information of her pregnancy had reached Hurley (who was less then skilled at keeping information to himself). She thanked them all awkwardly, touched by their concern and their attention. It gave her hope.
When she arrived at her tent, she found Jin seated inside, smiling, waiting patiently for her. She sat with him, leaning her head on his shoulder. She felt his hand slip into hers as they watched the sun disappear underneath the ocean.
Sun didn’t think she would ever trust the island again -- that she was foolish enough to do so in the first place. And after all it had taken and all that it had done to the people that she cared about, she couldn’t help but be afraid of it. But when things got bad, as they usually did, she felt safe in the knowledge that she could at least trust the people around her to be there and to help.
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isis2015) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
psych_30,
accomplished
