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You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
28th April 2009
 kathryns_catch @ 4:00pm: One from Tony for once! [oh and Timmeh and Leon]
Discussing CD cover design with a student behind me I managed to catch this little amusing gem. Tony: So, if it's a comedy album then you might want something stupid on the cover, something you wouldn't usually see. A singing dildo for instance!Then a conversation with Tim proves to be amusing. I've been calling this guy 'Timmeh' for months and he's literally just noticed. Tim: Only my mother really calls me Timothy. You're all going to start calling me that now aren't you? 'I know lets call him Timothy! But only on the days that end in Y...
Me: I don't call you Tim, I've always called you Timmeh.
Tim: Oh god yeah you have!
Me: And you only just noticed?!
Tim: It just clicked then!
Me: Fucking hell Timmeh I've been calling you that since I started! I've never called you Tim!
Tim: I know!!!Leon was talking about the school he used to go to with one student cause the guy went to the same school and had some of the same tutors... [cut short a little cause I can't remember the woman's name.] Leon: I can't believe she's still there!
D: I know!
Leon: My god! I remember when I was in school, she was a Miss at first. She was one of those women back then, I mean she was beautiful. You know the teacher everyone has a crush on? Well that was her. We all used to stare at her. Then one day she came in and wrote her married name on the whiteboard we were all like, huh? And she goes 'This is my new married name, I got married at the weekend.' Honestly everyone's faces were just like *opens mouth wide eyed disappointment gawping*. We all went quiet after that, no-one knew what to say, I think we were all quite upset by it. But then I went there the other week to check it out for my daughter and I saw her picture, I just stood there gawping and my wife was like 'What's wrong?!' and there's me going 'Oh, er, nothing!' ... But then I had to fess up that she used to teach me and I was in love with her when I was about 12.Aw poor Leon....
Current Mood:  amused
Current Music: Alicia Jane Turner - London Ghost
22nd April 2009
 hungryjoe101 @ 9:43am: Two Short Quotes and a Dialogue
In a neuropsychology lecture about stress hormones this morning: Dr. P: I like drugs. Dr. P (leaning very close to the microphone while talking about different forms of depression): I AM NOT DEPRESSED! I think my Dutch teacher hates me and was trying to embarrass me last week, but I didn't let him get me down (rough translation)... Dutch teacher: Can anyone finish that sentence? Me: When I was a child, I always had a stuffed animal with me. DT: Very good. (pause) And what kind of stuffed animal did you have? Me: Actually, I had two. I had a tiger and a bear. DT: What were their names? Me: The bear was named Buddy, and the tiger was named Tigger, which I know isn't very creative. DT: No, that's not very creative. Do you still have them? Me: Yes. DT: And do you still sleep with them in your bed? Me: Yes. DT: Do you have a boyfriend? Me: Yes, and we sleep with his stuffed animal in bed, too. DT: So you sleep with five of you in bed? Me: We have a stuffed monkey, too, so actually, there are six of us. That's why we needed a 1.80m wide bed. We needed the space. (pause) DT: Who did the homework?
14th April 2009
 lil_powerhouse @ 3:37pm:
This actually a student quote, but I found it amusing and thought I should share. I was teaching 5th grade Social Studies, looking at how World War I began. I wrote the different counties and allies on the board and drew connections between which countries were "friends" and which one declared war, etc. They were confused as to why Germany was declaring war on everyone when they weren't directly involved with start of it (the assasination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand). So I was trying to explain that because they were allies, they felt the need to stick up for Austra-Hungary, and then they declared war on all the allies of Serbia and Russia. Me: "Basically it's like if someone picks on your friend, you go after them and their friends and soon everyone is fighting even though they weren't involved with the beginning." Student: "So it's kind of a giant bar-fight then, huh?"
9th April 2009
 rubric_kolinahr @ 2:58pm: Amused
Dr. Ruane: Look, I know you all hate quizzes and technically you all can revolt. But just remember this fact: there may be more of you than there are of me but there's more of ME than any one of YOU. Someone is going down. Note: he is 6'0-300lbs. And he was right. Dr. Perdigao: I want a monkey! Just not the poo-throwing kind. I'm sure those exists. Mr. Sawyer: I've been at this university longer than all of you have been alive. Some ask me why I stay. I say, "It's because I enjoy causing pain to myself and this is cheaper than a hooker". Or I love teaching. Either way... Dr. Taylor: You missed class because of gangrene? ::I show him the wound on my leg:: Dr. Taylor: You have some how, managed to show me something I have not seen since Vietnam. I almost want to give you an A just for that.
 tubaboy81 @ 2:32pm: Psych professor in a memory class
Just found my notebook from a memory class I took, and all that's in it are quotes from students and the professor. Dr. G, to non-majors complaining about medical jargon: Yes, there will be big words. This is college. J: You thought I was the class idiot. Dr. G: I never said that out loud. B: What should I do if I'm riding my bike and a pack of dogs chase me? Dr. G: Pray. Dr. G: Are you going to bring us back on topic? (Several tangents later) Dr. G: Is someone going to bring us back on topic?
 melsmarsh @ 1:18pm: And they say accounting people don't have a sense of humour...
I finally have one for everyone. I already have my BS and MS degrees but I am taking courses at our local community college to boost my applications for PhD programs and to take courses that I wasn't able to take during undergrad. This one is from my Managerial Accounting professor regarding her email availability this weekend. It was sent via email to the class...
"My availability will be limited this weekend. We will be celebrating Easter at the lake house. Before you get the wrong impression that I have money, the lake house is a double-wide and we will be pouring more concrete for the driveway. Internet connection is obtained by motoring the pontoon boat around until I can pick up a Wi-Fi signal from another resident. LOL"
Being in class with this woman sometimes has its moments. :-) Ok, it's not as good as my masters thesis advisor who sounded like Chekov from Star Trek and would always talk about "blood wessels" and then wonder why we fell out of our chair laughing, but its still pretty good. :)
 jai_dono @ 12:50am: Japanese
I've had two different Japanese classes, and three different teachers, and they all say some pretty silly things. So here's some of the better things said by sensei(and students). (Most of it, of course, are sentences we translated and used in class.) Etsuko-sensei- "You have to laugh. Life is not that serious." (a correction on a test)"Study at the library, or study the library." [Location] has [descriptive word][place/thing]. (an example used in class) "Chicken wa neko o tabemasu." [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<chicken [...] cat.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] I've had two different Japanese classes, and three different teachers, and they all say some pretty silly things. So here's some of the better things said by sensei(and students). (Most of it, of course, are sentences we translated and used in class.)
Etsuko-sensei-
"You have to laugh. Life is not that serious."
(a correction on a test)"Study at the library, or study the library."
[Location] has [descriptive word][place/thing].
(an example used in class) "Chicken wa neko o tabemasu." <chicken eats="eats" cat.="cat.">
Hiroko-sensei-
(On the conversation/tutor assignment)
"Basically, anyone who can read this[the kanji above the signature] can sign it."
(on the syllabus)
"No cell phones are permitted to ring, have a loud vibration mode, or be used in class."
Sensei: Kami is paper.
Student: Or hair. Of god.
Furuhata-sensei-
Student: Akachan o tabemasu. <i eat="eat" babies.="babies.">
Sensei: That has a sexual connotation, too.
Students-
When we were learning grades in school, Etsuko-sensei told us that someone in 9th or 12th grade would be considered a "third year". So would 3rd grade. So my friend Janae asked Sensei how to say "I am the king of third grade!" And she actually told us. (Osama no sannensei desu yo!)
(when learning verbs)
Kei-san: How do you say "baby?"
Hiroko-sensei: Akachan.
Kei-san: Akachan o tabemasu. <i eat="eat" babies.="babies.">
Student: Tokidoki wa dokidoki. <sometimes, my="my" heart="heart" beats.="beats.">
Other Student: So does that mean you're dead?
Heart-san: Zimmerman-san was at Reed-san's house last night.
Reed-san: So you're stalking Zimmerman-san?
Student: How else would he know that Zimmerman-san was at your house?
Hiroko-sensei: Eigo.
Zimmerman-san: I'm guessing that's Americanese.
Hiroko-sensei: What is your name?
Reed-san: Hell Penguin.
Reed-san: I drank my dinner.
Zimmerman-san: I always sleep in class. Not this class, but my other class.
Zimmerman-san: What if you don't have it[direct object marker]?
Reed-san: It means the TV watches you.
(when asked "what will you do today?")
Relleve-san: Tonight, I'm throwing eggs at my ex-boyfriend's house.
"Allison usually drinks blood, because she's a vampire."
Reed-san: Zimmerman-san is a puppy-kicker.
(when told about varying degrees of politeness)
Zimmerman-san: What if you don't want to be polite.
Reed-san: "Nice to meet you, jerk-face."
"How do you say "My dog ate my homework?"
"You are a regrettable thing."
Zimmerman-san: He looks like a glazed donut.
Student: That's the best description of Edward Cullen I've heard in a long time.
"I'm sorry, but you're too short."
8th April 2009
 devimelete @ 1:18pm: More of a situation than a qoute, but it still counts, right?
It happened in my Intro to Computing Art class, while we were presenting our sketches to a critique. A cell phone rings and we all looked at our teacher Mr. C. He said, "That's not mine." The phone ringed again. One student said, "That ringtone is kinda old." Mr. C sighed, and turned off his phone in his pocket.
 nightlifecity @ 9:20am:
I had long forgotten about this, but I found it written in the back of my old notebook yesterday so I figured I'd share. It's from my grade 10 biology class. Mr.S: Carson, do you drink from water bottles on a regular basis? Carson: I guess, yeah. Mr.S: Then you're a girl! Water bottle plastic contains estrogen! You're going to have a thousand grandchildren. Remember this, guys. It's on the test. On our next test the first question was "How many babies is Carson going to have thanks to his womanly hips?" I miss this class.
7th April 2009
 melnay13 @ 11:36am: Classroom Management
Dr. R: Toby is a kid who misbehaves for no other reason than he breathes. There was no malice with Toby. Dr. R: (trips) Student: Are you okay? Dr. R: I'm swift-footed for an old man! Dr. R: You can put a 4 or 5 year old in a paper box. They are rubbery and you can fold them up.
1st April 2009
 not_rly @ 8:28pm: Teacher quotes
French teacher:
"Read French with an American accent so we can understand it!" (to a French boy)
"When the French go to a 'seance', it mean they're going to be watching a movie, NOT levitating dead people!"
In a lesson about passive voice: "...now suppose your mother says, 'Oh yeah, leave the door open--our house will be burglarized!'"
" Say 'I am scared of spiders'... 'I hate spiders'... 'I found a mutant spider under my bed and now we are best friends'..."
History class:
Teacher: so if our paper money is not based on gold, then what is it based on?
Student: Milk?
Student 1: if FDR was in a wheelchair, then how could he have an affair?
Teacher: okay, just his LEGS weren't working...
Student 2: his third leg worked fine.
And finally, a priceless quote from Psych class:
Teacher: I wonder what they put in Mountain Dew to make it that color...
Student 1: Yellow #6! It lowers your sperm count!
Teacher: Hmmm, maybe you don't even need to use a condom--just drink Mountain Dew!
Student 2: That's what I do. Works every time.
Teacher: Only in psychology class can you mention "condom" and "Mountain Dew" in the same sentence.
27th March 2009
melnay13 @ 9:50pm: Classroom Management
Dr. R: In personal relationships, use an "I" message. "Is something wrong?" ..... (affects a girly voice) "Well, you should know!" Ladies, guys don't get it! Dr. R: That rate my professor? Anything not signed, you're a coward. Dr. R: You aren't going to wear goggles in English. You can throw words around pretty hard, but they're not going to blind you. Dr. R: You didn't know you went to college for four years to move cones, did you? Dr.R: Gymnastics with spastic children--don't! There are spastic children. They're called adolescents.
28th March 2009
 jossversejunky @ 1:42am: Individual Differences
Perhaps the greatest quote out of the somewhat demur Professor S. She blushed at the mention of sex in her own lecture. It was cute. "Men are better at spacial reason. This has been proven to be linked to testosterone, so ladies if you ever want to do well with spacial reasoning snort some testosterone!"
Current Mood:  tired
24th March 2009
 prlsb4swiine @ 3:30pm: Who's wife?
Prof: Do you know what that greek letter is? Student: Yeah... it's gamma Prof: Otherwise known as gampa's wife... X_x so lame, but we still laughed.
 thisdarkthing @ 2:16pm: For once...
My physiological psychology teacher made a funny (I didn't think it was possible). Prof. K: (talking about sensory abilities of skin) ... and this is the hairless skin on your body. You know, like your finger tips, the bottom of your feet, your ass. Well for some of us, our ass. It depends."
Current Mood: lol
19th March 2009
kathryns_catch @ 3:54pm: Eee the fun never stops with that lot!
T: Tim where's Ian gone?
Timmeh: He's in his office masturbating. He's creaming over After Effects.
Ian: See Adam you don't know when I come in because you're still asleep. If you bothered to roll over and look to your left on a morning you'd realize I wasn't there anymore.Oh dear god they're all PERVERTS!!!
Current Mood:  annoyed
Current Music: Lady Gaga - Starstruck
13th March 2009
 charizard2000 @ 1:25pm:
Hello!I've been lurking for a while and enjoying everyone's quotes, but thought it was about time I joined and made my own contributions. I'm afraid I don't remember exactly what was said (or the particular context in some cases) but it's been well over a year for some of these. (Several years for a few) They're still funny, none-the-less, though! Happiness and the Meaning of Life (A Philosophy class): Prof: "Habitually stabbing yourself in the arm with a fork is not beneficial to your health." Latin American Short Stories: I don't remember most of what was said for this one (been a while) but I recall the gist of it. My professor would often talk about how women were blamed for the troubles in these stories via subtext and such, and she then went on, without thinking, to compare men to pigs. When she realized she'd just insinuated that all men were pigs (to the shock/amusement of the class) she tried to smooth things over: Prof: "But, pigs are cute, in an ugly sort of way!" *facepalms upon realizing what she just said* Open mouth, insert foot. Myth & Culture: This was probably one of the most amusing classes I've had. This first one was when we were discussing various creation myths: "And he... let's see... how to put this maturely.... He wanked the universe into existence." Just before beginning the segment on myths and cannibalism: "There you'll sample Mrs. Lovett's meat pies. Savory and sweet pies, as you'll see. You who eat pies Mrs. Lovett's meat pies conjure up the treat pies used to be!" Ironically enough, I had just watched Sweeny Todd that previous weekend. Keep in mine, that the classroom for this course was on the ground floor. It was one of the first really nice spring days, so the windows in the classroom were open. *Prof talking about the next myth we'll be studying* *Prof is suddenly completely drowned out by a guy on a riding lawnmower, mowing the grass outside the window* *Prof glares out the window as he passes, then continues discussing the myth* *Guy on lawnmower drives right past the window again, drowning out the prof in mid-sentence a second time* *Prof shoots an even angrier glare out the window, then continues after he passes* *Prof gets to the part in discussing the myth involving one person murdering another just as the lawnmower guy rides past the window again* "... and he KILLS THE GUY ON THE LAWNMOWER!" More later. =)
 flibbles1989 @ 10:48am:
A few random quotes, mainly Environmental chemistry, that I had lying around. They amused me, so I hope they'll amuse you ( cut for length and an overload of science )
12th March 2009
 lasanguijuela @ 3:37pm: Gender/Sexuality in Literature and... Math for Liberal Arts.
on domestic abuse in literature: (professor rambles about her experience in a courthouse where she saw all these victims of spousal abuse....this is particularly amusing because she has this delicate, calming Bulgarian accent in which all her words flow together beautifully... oddly, being beaten up sounds lovely coming from her) student: "...so... what were you doing in court?" prof: *looks taken aback* "...WELL! This 40-something year old man was upset about where I had parked, he called me a bitch, keyed my car... called me FRENCH.... so I had him arrested and his MOMMY had to appear in court with him!!" class: ".........." prof: "FRENCH!! This was when you were all going on about your 'Freedom Fries' and such! French, really...." also... on volume in math class: (this professor was an absolute stoic the first two weeks of class, then he just exploded with random hilarity) "Base times height... the polygonal base, not to be confused with a polygamous base... those are in Texas. UM, disregard that..."
kathryns_catch @ 6:12pm: Visual arts phallics and Media Production Cheese Abuse....
Kev in visual arts yesterday. We're making sound sculptures with oasis and one particular design by a student looked more like something you'd see in a biology class than an art class. Kev: *holding up the sculpture* Is it just me or does anyone else think this looks like a cock and balls?And when some idiot 2nd years locked themselves in the closet. Hold on, I'm just going to get something to help. Here grab the end of this wire for me. *posts wire through keyhole.* Ok, thanks..... *leaves them there for about 10 minutes*And evil but lovely Ian in Media never fails to amuse. Although I do wish I could remember what Tim said about something in the computer coming out of the closet... Damn. But yeah, we were all picking on Tony cause he hates cheese. Not cause he's intolerant or anything he just doesn't like it. I'm sat quietly minding my own business when the other media tutor guy Ian just charges up to me: Ian: *Screams in my face* IT'S CHEESE YOU KNOW! CHEESE! A CHEESE RESTAURANT WE ONLY SELL CHEESE HERE!!!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!
Ian: Respect the cheese..... Ian: *pointing at me* And yooou! She's a right trouble maker her Tim watch out for her lip!
Me: Screw you hippy!
Ian: SEE?!!!! LIP LADY!!!! We'll have less!
Me: Fuck off man.
Ian: Fine! I know when I'm not wanted!
Tim: Ian what's going on here [meaning the computer programme]
Ian: Nyah I am wanted somewhere... *nose in air turns round to chat to Tim.Then Ian left. Me: Ian's fucking mental he scared the shit out of me.
Tim: I know that was a bit weird that wasn't it?!
Me: It's Ian...
Tim: Good point.....Seriously though, he actually put his face within licking distance of mine and just screamed cheese at me with his finger in my face. Scared the crap outta me!!!!! Damn...
Current Mood:  bouncy
Current Music: Dream Theater - Endless Sacrifice
 dr4gon_grrl @ 5:36pm: IPT and volleyball...
IPT: a very small class with a mix of yr12s [about six of us, of which I am the only female] and seven yr11s [of which there are two females, neither of which are anyway decent at IPT]. We're doing databases at the moment in addition to an SSE [written assignment] on Smart Cards. Our teacher is from South Africa, and hence uses a few terms we don't understand. Teacher: So for this PRESCHOOL database system, there's also the entity of Lift Clubs... yr11 [who's very dense, and slacks off a great deal of the time]: Lift clubs? Like, a weightlifting club? Teacher: Yes, of course I mean a weightlifting club. These preschoolers aren't gonna be taking any crap from anyone. Class: LOL It turned out she meant carpools... apparently 'Lift Clubs' were fairly big in South Africa... And then when she caught one of the yr11 asian students [who also slacks off, nothing against asians] browsing a website that was in Kanji/Hanzi/Korean/etc: Teacher: What have I told you about visiting websites that I can't read?? I don't care if you're browsing one that's in English, coz I can read it over your shoulder, but I can't read those - those - thingymadjiggy squigglies! Then at volleyball training today, our coach [a teacher who's known for slacking off] was eating noodles while getting us to practice overhand serves. Unfortunately for him, there's only two of us [me and another girl] who can actually get overhand serves over the net with any real aim behind them. So he's getting us to do the training. While he eats. Bear in mind, I hadn't eaten yet. Me: Do you think I can hit him from here? [he was over the other side of the net on the sidelines] Assistant coach: No idea, but it's a chocolate bar if you do. So I served anyway, despite not really aiming, and managed to hit the noodle cup square on - leaving yellow stains all over his shirt. After his return from cleaning up, he glared at me. Coach: I owe you one, dr4gon_grrl. I'll get you when you're sleeping. Me: o_O All for now... best of days, xx
Current Mood: amused
5th March 2009
 747_ego @ 9:49pm: Things said to me during our unit on Laconian Psychoanalysis*
1. Comp instructor: *laughs nervously* You've just looked so miserable through this entire unit. I feel bad. 2. Comp instructor: Now you look kind of amused, but in a really scary, semi-psychotic way. * It's an introduction to literary theory, and we've been provided with no background information on this MADNESS. I'm pretty sure Lacan, Derrida, etc. all just drank huge amounts of absinthe and then decided that writing would be a great idea, even though it was definitely, definitely not.
 femme_slash_fan @ 11:12pm: Kay this is recent, from me visiting my college
Rodney (Overall boss of department): "HEY, IT'S THE WICKEDEST WIYATCH IN THE WEST... OF THE COLLEGE." Me: O.O "Sorry?" Rodney: "Nah, at least they'll listen now..." (We always got slackers in our class too and I used to scare the crap outta them... I dunno) Lisa R (Student support): *to a kid she was teaching* Excuse me while I go see my homie.. Me: "Uh... you feeling okay?"
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