So um... my mom just asked me if Canada was part of America.

Then she asked me where Russia was.

Then she asked me if you could actually see Russia from Alaska.

Then she asked me why they would say Sarah Palin could see Russia from Alaska if she really couldn't.

Then I said "you didn't get the joke, did you?" and she said "What joke?"

Holy Jesus. This is why I have my bff also take the role of being my Momma because I just can't handle this one mother alone. I need another one who can actually help me with my homework and recommend books to me who doesn't ask me IF CANADA IS PART OF AMERICA.


Also:



I fucking LOVE. IT.

I

AM

FUCKING

DYING

I can't take this! I need 30 Rock. I like NEED it ASAP.

brb making icons

Hahaha what is going ON here.

Is it so stupid of me that I'm like "Oh my GOD that floor is so dirty and she's wearing a black skirt! Ughghgughgugh. Goddamnit Megan."



She's so gross.

Ugh.

Why do I like her.

omg just kidding ilh

WARNING

( TMI TMI TMI TMI )

FUCK YEAH.

I JUST SAW A PROMO FOR 30 ROCK WITH MEG MEG.

/end caps.

Sorry. I was bouncing up and down as I typed that.

I'm going to go back to watching SNL now.

Omg wait, I still have a bit of a bounce in me.

Haha, ok so I was talking to someone in this ONTD post and she was talking about Jack/Liz fanfic and I was like "Lol I don't do that." but w/e, I went to the 30 Rock comm and was like "lol um.....let me just read one." and like the fucking FIRST ONE I look at is some fucking Jack/Liz smut. I was like "OH. NO. WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO THIS. NO." I do NOT need to read about ANYTHING being inside Tina Fey EVER.

Oh my wow. Awkward.

Btw -- Kath and Kim was actually lot funnier than I expected. I watched it just because I'm compelled to support Molly Shannon and watch like anything she's in.... but it was actually pretty good.

Ok w/e, I'm gonna watch the SNL Thursday thing.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/28638830.html?thread=3674786414#t3674786414

http://hildeaux.livejournal.com/940203.html?nc=12

I'm actually kind of embarrassed that it's been making its rounds.

And I feel bad that I never credited Nat for the original gif because in ontd_g, everyone knows she makes the gifs but.... these people are a long ways away from ontd_g

so here is official credit to mujerdefuego!


P.S. I got my costume. It's a red skirt suit. :3 $11!!!

Did some defriendings today, mainly those that hadn't added me back. I've decided to just track their fic posts (stalker-y i know) because that's the main reason I friended. Yeah I liked them, but never got friended back so ehh. Feels freeing :) (I shouldn't have defriended anyone that I'm mutual friends with, but if I did, let me know!!!)

SPN tonight!

Yes you don't care about this post, but I do haha

PS Who wants to write/rec me jealousy!fic Possessiveness, biting, hickeys, all of it? because YUMMY! While you're at it, how about tattoo!fic? *begs prettily*

( deluded poetic ramblings beneath... )

So I was with Dylan and Meggie and we were talking about Halloween and we decided to make a whole Political theme since I'm going to be Palin and Dylan does a killer McCain impression.

So then we decided Meggie would be Bristol and we'll just shove a pillow up her shirt. But we had soooooooo many awesome lines. Dylan and I were going back and forth like we really were McCain and Palin. Like he'd say "I don't believe in Gay marriage." and I said "I just plain don't believe in any gays."

Or my favorite line was when I said "Like the great Ronald Regan said.... Four Score and seven years ago, I had a dream!"

And we went to make a video of us having a GOP Halloween party. We decided Palin was a total booty-dancing fuh-REAK. And McCain would try to do the robot but he can only lift his arms up so far so it's a T-Rex robot.

Oh! And then Meggie had the idea that since it's a GOP Halloween party, that we need to be dressed up like that SNL skit of the Clinton's Halloween party. And AFTER I drove away I got the LIGHTBULB idea that everyone else is dressed up and then I just show up looking like Palin and they're like "Uh, Sarah, where's your costume?" and I'm like "Uh. I'm wearin' it, John." and they don't get it and I'm like "I'm Tina Fey!. Look at me! I successfully balance a career and a family! Bristol, get over here so I can show everyone how much I love you............... Hug me....." and Meggie's like "But.... you never hu--" "It's all part of the costume, honey. Now take your little brother-son and get back over here!"

Omg haha. I'm having too much fun with this. Alec circa 1990 is on my TV and I'm sitting here writing pretend skits about a Republican Halloween party.

Omg lmao Dylan had this hilarious line where he was like "There are RepubliCANS and RepubliCAN'TS..... Obama is a RepubliCANT....... Wait."

Omg haha and I was like "John McCain is such a Maverick. He survived being a POW back in that Godawful Desert Storm...." and like we were like "Oh! Ask me about foreign policies! I actually have one now! I have traveled far in my capaign and have familiarized myself with many foreign countries, like Florida.... Hawaii.... Canada...."


So we're gonna go thrift shopping sometime tomorrow to build our costume.

I haven't checked my flist in a while (yesterday afternoon, but barely commented and saved things to read/comment on...) so if this is spammy, oh well :D haha
Somehow, I doubt you'll mind ;)

From TV Guide (thanks ze_pink_lady!)





One more test. UGH

 So.  Yeah.  Moving downtown!  I'm excited, but I hate the actual moving part of moving day.  Then again, who does?  In just a few minutes, I'll be gathering up all the stuff that'll fit into my car and driving to my new place.  Then.  Tomorrow, I'll be driving with the stuff that will fit in the truck.  The only thing I have is a bed, dresser, TV (but no TV stand) and a shitload of movies and books.  Wait!  I have dishes and knives!  But no spoons or forks.  So we'll be living caveman style for at least a week until I get paid again.  
I haven't lived on my own in 2 years (well, I'll still have a roomie, but I'm still pretty much on my own).  I'm a little nervous about money and how I can afford it, but I've done my budget and I should trust myself.  I should just think positive and trust that things will go well.  I think the waiting thing is what's killing me.  I have no patience and with this kind of thing, I can't fake it well.

So!  Wish me well!  And BTW.  I won't have access to the internet for at least a week.  But I'll be visiting my mom a couple times and borrow hers!

Ugh fuck I'm so sleepy.

Lol @ the song on my iPod. Used in every chick flick in the early 2000s. ~cuz iiiiii wanted to fly so you gave your wings can you set me freeee~

Ok ill just put it on Waterfalls.

I got to school early again. Idk why I can never find a happy medium. I get here too early or not at all. But that's ok cuz after my public speaking class, I have a 5 day weekend :3

This weekend, I plan on going out and making money the best way I know how

Another body laying cold in the gutter

/end TLC lyrics

Omg I had a dream that I was in a Final Destination-type movie but with helicopters. I knew it was bad when the pilots were mildly retarded and then they didn't know where their parachutes were. Oh. So the helicopters obvs crashed and everyone who didn't die in the crash were killed by rogue propellers. Idk either.

And then my dream transformed into being BFF with the cast of Ferris Bueller. We were drinking blue Icees talking about it being ~our turn~ because you can't outsmart death. And then I guess this must've been the really uncreative Final Destination because it resorted to death just literally chasing us around with a knife saying DIE DIE DIE

I blame that part of the dream on the conversation I had with Shmeggie.

This is why I don't like sleeping, Goddamnit!

PICTURES!

Let's Get Drunk!
Let's Get Drunk Part 2!
Christine is back!
Breathalizer 2000!
Stressed out and ready to go!
Stressed out and ready to go...2!
Last Day of Summer Celebration!


Friends only posts coming up...despite the massive photos of drunkenness, my life has kind of sucked lately.

You can all thank Bella for my latest obsession...she's got me hooked on Twilight! (LOL! I just realized the slight irony there!) By Bella, of course, I mean my mate slythrnsheiress , not the Bella from the book...or myself even (My family has always called me Bella, btw). And I've finished the book a day or two ago...after probably a day of reading!! And, as usual with my addictions, I had an...odd dream about Twilight stuff, odd being the only word I could come up with at the moment!

( Right, you've read my journal, you should know that Insanity is coming! )
Right, like I said, it was odd. And as a special note to slythrnsheiress : I am NOT in love with Edward! He is fictional and I don't fall in love with fictional characters!!! *stubbornlystickstongueout*

Anywho, until next time,
~C.B.~

excerpts from a conversation between dementria and I.

We get bored.

jennomac (11:33:52 PM): I was never married to Mr. Offerman!
dementria (11:33:59 PM): Uh-huh
dementria (11:34:04 PM): I has the pictures.
jennomac (11:34:07 PM): We had a brief courtship but unfortunately our relationship did not pan out.
jennomac (11:34:13 PM): He was seeing someone else.
dementria (11:34:35 PM): Man-whore
jennomac (11:34:55 PM): I know. I was devastated and I'd rather not discuss it further as it brings up many bad memories.

___________________________________________

jennomac (11:50:18 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td_gZxasl4w
jennomac (11:50:25 PM): its the feel good movie of the year!
dementria (11:51:39 PM): OMG
dementria (11:52:16 PM): CANOE PLANKING YES.
jennomac (11:52:34 PM): CANOE PLANKING IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF PLANKING
jennomac (11:52:40 PM): Followed closely by Plankton
dementria (11:52:49 PM): LOL
dementria (11:52:52 PM): Spongebob
jennomac (11:52:59 PM): Dude I swear to God I'm gonna sit through all 9:55 mins of this
jennomac (11:53:29 PM): I have NO fucking clue what is coming out of his mouth but i am going to SIT through it.
dementria (11:53:35 PM): Mmmmm basswood
jennomac (11:53:40 PM): My favorite kind of wood.
dementria (11:53:53 PM): Every kind of wood is your favorite kind of wood.
jennomac (11:54:07 PM): Especially paper!
jennomac (11:54:21 PM): Mmmm he's talking about putting water on wood to make it look nice.

_______________________________________________

jennomac (11:55:16 PM): Oh look its his wedding ring.
jennomac (11:55:20 PM): Wonder who he's married to.
dementria (11:55:45 PM): Sean Hayes.
jennomac (11:55:52 PM): Omg. He's a homogay?
dementria (11:55:57 PM): Uh, YEAH.
dementria (11:56:06 PM): He's wearing a fleece polo. That says homogay all over it.
jennomac (11:56:17 PM): Omg you're right.
dementria (11:56:22 PM): I am always right.
jennomac (11:56:38 PM): And that would explain why he's always with Megan Mullally. She IS his husband's best friend!
dementria (11:57:01 PM): And a fag hag.
dementria (11:57:07 PM): First and foremost.
jennomac (11:57:10 PM): Total fag hag with emphasis on the hag.

_______________________________________________

jennomac (11:57:28 PM): I just wanna BANG him.
jennomac (11:57:39 PM): Oops. That was supposed to be in my head.
dementria (11:58:00 PM): Bang him right on top of that partically built canoe plank
jennomac (11:58:08 PM): No. Splinters.
dementria (11:58:27 PM): ....... NICK IS AN ELITE CANOE BUILDER THERE ARE NO SPLINTERS. OMG RUDE.

_____________________________________________


AND THE GRAND FINALE!
DRUMROLL PLEASE!

jennomac (12:01:11 AM): I wish I was there in person to fuck with his shit. As he's carefully applying glue RRRRRAAAAAAA BITCHHH and then the glue would get all over and I'd laugh and laugh and laugh.
jennomac (12:01:15 AM): And then he'd punch me in the face.
jennomac (12:01:22 AM): But I'd use Megan Mullally to break my fall.
dementria (12:01:41 AM): LOL Omg that would be fucking awesome.
dementria (12:02:28 AM): "Sorry, was that canoe important? I kind of took this chainsaw and just shredded right through it because... chainsaws are fun."
jennomac (12:02:47 AM): Then he'd take a chainsaw to my face because MURDER IS FUN.
dementria (12:02:53 AM): LOL
jennomac (12:03:00 AM): He looks like he'd like that.
dementria (12:03:32 AM): That calming whooooooosh breathing turns into murderous cries.
jennomac (12:03:39 AM): Hahahaha
jennomac (12:03:48 AM): WooooooosssshhheeeeeeeeRAAAAAAAAA FUCK YOU DEAD BITCH.
jennomac (12:04:13 AM): Omg hahaha. I've turned poor Nick Offerman into Patrick Bateman. ~Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?~
dementria (12:05:14 AM): Blood splatters all over the canoe and he just goes back into that calm mode and is like, "You may not know this, but fresh blood can really help keep the canoe planking in nice shape. It also adds a nice... mahogany color to it that I quite enjoy."
jennomac (12:06:12 AM): Megan Mullally is in a corner crying softly and he turns to her ever so gently "Honey, would you mind getting rid of the dead body? It's getting in the way of my work................... Now."
jennomac (12:06:24 AM): Oh my fuck what is wrong with our minds.
dementria (12:06:40 AM): Idk, it's your death! LOL!

to




Fuckin' NICE. ^__________________^

I used up a buttfuck load of my ink but idgaf. :3

For some reason it looks so much smaller on camera =/ I guess cuz it doesn't have ~focus cues~ or w/e that was I learned in Psych.



Jack and Karen found a new bed. Spoiled bitches. >:/ No one is allowed to sit on those couches!

Bored so I stole this.

Bold the true statements.

Appearance:

I am 5' 4" or shorter.
I think I'm ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair were a different colour.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have (had) braces.
I wear glasses.
I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free and didn't leave scars.
A complete stranger has told me I'm attractive.
I've have (had) more than two piercings.
I have piercings in places besides me ears.
I have freckles.

Family/Home Life:

I've sworn at my parents.
I've been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.</b>
I have a sibling who is less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I've lost a child.

Embarrassment:

I've slipped out a "LOL" in spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I've snorted while laughing.
I've laughed so hard that I've cried. (I do this one a lot.)
I've glued my hand to something.
I've laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I've had my pants rip in public.

Health:

I was born with a disease/impairment. (Does Asthma count? haha)
I've had stitches.
I've broken a bone.
I've had my tonsils removed.
I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
I've had serious surgery.
I've had chicken pox.

Travelling:

I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
I've been on a plane.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to Niagara Falls.
I've been to Japan.
I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I've been to Europe.
I've been to Africa.
I've been to France.

Experiences:

I've been lost in my city.
I've seen a shooting star.
I've wished on a shooting star.
I've seen a meteor shower.
I've gone out in public in my pyjamas. (I go to school in my PJs all the time.)
I've pushed all the buttons in an elevator. (I'M SO SCARED OF ELEVATORS.)
I've been to a casino.
I've been skydiving.
I've gone skinny-dipping.
I've played spin-the-bottle.
I've crashed a car.
I've been skiing.
I've been in a play.
I've met someone in person from the internet.
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I've seen the Northern Lights.
I've played chicken.
I've sat on a rooftop at night.
I've played a prank on someone.
I've ridden in a taxi.
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've eaten sushi.
I've been snowboarding.

Relationships:

I'm single.
I'm in a relationship.
I'm available.
I'm engaged.
I'm married.
I've gone on a blind date.
I've been dumped more than I have dumped.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I've been divorced.
I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality:

I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
I've kissed a member of the same sex.
I've had sex with someone of the opposite sex. (Lol um...w/e.)
I've had sex with someone of the same sex.
I've had sex with more than one person at the same time.
I am a cuddler.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've had sex outdoors.
I've hugged a stranger.
I've kissed a stranger.
I've had sex with a stranger.

Honesty/Crime:

I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I've cheated whilst playing a game.
I've cheated on a test.
I've run a red light.
I've been suspended from school.
I've witnessed a crime.
I've been in a fist fight.
I've been arrested.
I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol:

I've consumed alcohol.
I smoke cigarettes.
I smoke pot.
I drink regularly.
I've taken painkiller when I didn't really need them.
I've done hard drugs.
I've been addicted to an illegal substance.
I take cough meds when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about five pills at a time, no problem.

Death:

I'm afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I have seen someone dying.
I have attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.

Random:

I can sing well.
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others too easily.
I watch the news.
I don't kill bugs.
I hate songs that sacrifice meaning for rhyme scheme.
I fucking curse regularly, goddamn.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my ringtone.
I'm a grammar snob.
I am sports fanatic.
I play with my hair.
I have (had) X's in my screen name.
I love being neat.
I love Spam.
I've copied more than thirty CD's in one day.
I bake well.
My favourite colour is white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
I don't know how to shoot a gun.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of typing LiKe ThIs.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I believe in ghosts.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I'm good at remembering faces.
I'm good at remembering names.
I'm good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
My answers are totally honest.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/weekinreview/05schwartz.html?no_interstitial