FIREFLY99 ([info]firefly99) wrote in [info]pornandkittens,
@ 2008-11-09 01:26:00
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Aeris/Tifa - a true fan's opinion
Why? Why would anyone want to ship Aeris/Tifa!

Here is a list of reasons you shouldn't ship Aeris/Tifa -

1) They're both girls! They don't fit! If you can ship pairings where they're both girls your parents never let you play with Lego as a kid. Get two blocks and shove the flat ends together. Do they stick? No. That's why you can't ship Aeris/Tifa. (If you push the two prongy ends together they stick a bit more but eventually fall apart and that's why you can't ship Cloud/Barret either, but that's a rant for another day.)

2) Aeris has to be absolutely sweet and innocent, because she's an angel, and she's never actually had any canon past relationships with characters that matter. And Tifa has to be a huge slut because of her huge breasts. So they don't go together, ever.

3) They're both in love with Cloud! Cloud is manly and full of facial hair so it totally voids their ability to be interested in women if they're interested in a manly, male, never-wore-a-dress man like Cloud.

4) They don't ever talk.

5) I secretly hate all female characters because I hate that I was born a woman.


If anyone writes porn of these two - AAAAAUGH. They're not hot! Not even a little! The ass of the Aeris action figure is only bigger and shapelier than the ass of my Solid Snake (who is in my icon, but he's not a real man like Cloud so you're gay if you fancy him) action figure because of a modelling mistake, and I know because I'm best friends with the managing director of Squaresoft in a dream I had and he told me that. AERIS IN NO WAY WEARS RED LACY UNDERWEAR. SHE'S A SPARKLING TENSHI (which means angel in Japan) and WOULD NEVER WEAR SEXY UNDERWEAR.

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[info]veniyah
2008-11-09 01:57 am UTC (link)
"Red lace?" Tifa asked, quirking an eyebrow. Aeris laughed softly.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, it's just--I was a little surprised, that's all," she murmured, hooking her thumbs around the fancy fringes of Aeris' underwear while the flower girl's fingertips combed lazily through her friend's brunette hair.

"Do you like it?"

Tifa just smiled as she dragged the underwear slowly down Aeris' legs. "It's sexy," she said, reaching up to steal a kiss as her free hand found its way down to toy with Aeris' clit, smirking when the flower girl's breath hitched. "I love it."

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!
[info]firefly99
2008-11-09 10:40 am UTC (link)
EW

EW EW EW WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING

GIRLS AREN'T SEXY BECAUSE I DON'T FANCY THEM

Also Aeris would never ever like this!! Aaaaaugh! My eyes! I was pregnant and I was going to bring my baby up to worship Cloud as a god but now I'm sad and am going to cut myself and it's all because of you!!!!

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[info]itcomesinphases
2008-11-09 02:54 am UTC (link)
DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST USE A LGO BLOCKS ANALOGY?

THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT

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[info]firefly99
2008-11-09 10:41 am UTC (link)
Yeah! Because I hear that men have stickles and women have holes, and so if you ship Aeris/Tifa you can't build walls.

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[info]itcomesinphases
2008-11-09 11:20 am UTC (link)

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HAHA, TAKE THAT.
[info]askerian
2008-11-09 03:34 am UTC (link)
"Biker shorts? Oh, Tifa." Aeris' laughter rang light and high like a church bell. Tifa would have sworn it was the pure, innocent laugh of a child at play, were it not for the fact that the girl at play in question was currently sprawled face down between Tifa's splayed thighs, both hands sneaking their way under her skirt to tease at the edge of her short shorts.

On second though, a lot of children did have this light of unholy delight in their eyes as they played, too, so maybe the comparison was apt, and if there was a time Tifa shouldn't have been thinking about children, it was probably now. She groaned, cheeks burning, and threw an arm across her eyes.

"... Aeris..."

"Yes?" Aeris answered. Her smile gave her dimples. Tifa groaned again, except it was more like a whimper.

"You know... they'll find it at some point. The tunnel, I mean."

Aeris' face was very close to Tifa's bare thigh, so when she gave a little "Hm?" of acknowledgement, her warm breath ghosted across Tifa's soft inner thigh. Tifa wanted to squeeze her knees together, but there was the matter of the body in between them.

"...They'll dig us out. Soon."

Aeris blinked big luminous green eyes at her. "Oh, I wasn't scared. Were you?"

"well, no, not really," Tifa acknowledged. "I was just trying to say... Eek!"

Aeris laughed, soft and tender, and kissed the junction of Tifa's thigh and pelvis through the stretchy material of her shorts once again. "You wanted to say eek?"

"No, I wanted -- wanted..."

There were lips on her, teasing through the cloth, lithe hands pushing up the skirt; Tifa couldn't keep her back from arching, her hips from lifting off the ground. There was a tug, and then her shorts were around her knees, and down to her ankles, Aeris's soft hands following them with teasing caresses to the curve of Tifa's calves and the back of her knees. "Why those ugly boy shorts anyway?" she asked casually, as she crawled back up Tifa's body. "A body like yours deserves better."

She was smiling like she knew hundreds and thousands of things Tifa didn't when she stopped moving, poised over her exposed groin. She looked up to meet Tifa's eyes, and it was hard to breathe.

"Aeris..."

"Yes, Tifa?"

There was only one thing to say, so she said it. "Please."

Lips on her, soft -- she could feel a smile against her belly, and then teasing little nibbles, and -- oh. She couldn't reach Aeris like that, the tunnel too small to even sit up straight; so she bit into her hand and petted Aeris's hair with a hand that trembled as the girl lapped at her with delicate catlike flicks of the tongue.

Her first cry of pleasure was answered by a worried call, at the other end of the crumbled tunnel. Her eyes shot open, her belly tightening with fear. Cloud!

"Aeris," she panted. "Aeris, they're cleaning out the rubble!"

"Oh, great!" Aeris said, and licked Tifa's inner lips.

Tifa listened to the excavation progress with her eyes wide open, a hand over her mouth to keep herself silent, and a hand over Aeris's head to tangle in her hair as Aeris buried her face between her legs. She came with a strangled little gasp to the echo of Barrett's voice yelling "All clear!"

A second later, she'd pulled her skirt down as far as it could go, and she was waving back at her friends with fake casualness. Yes, of course, everything was okay.

She crawled out of the tunnel fully aware that Aeris was crawling behind her, and that she hadn't given the biker shorts back, and there was nothing under her short, short skirt but air and the cooling dampness of Aeris's saliva.

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AND THAT.
[info]askerian
2008-11-09 03:35 am UTC (link)
Later, when they were out of the tunnel, dusted off, and walking at the back of the group, Aeris stepped up to her side and tilted her head curiously.

"You never did tell me. Why the ugly boy shorts? They don't look right on your hips at all."

Tifa could feel her bare thighs rubbing against each other just a few inches away from the caress of the evening wind; with Aeris so close, it was like a caress. "It's -- it's just so I don't -- you know how I fight, too many high kicks..." She glanced at the men's backs, and leaned toward Aeris to whisper hurriedly. "So if you could give them back, before another monster jumps at us?"

Aeris smiled, with dimples, charming and friendly and totally, devilishly innocent. "Sorry, I'm keeping them as a memento." Her hand ghosted against Tifa's rear, dipped briefly under the skirt to tease bare buttocks, and she danced ahead toward the main group, light on her feet. Tifa watched her with consternation and an unexpected stab of arousal.

"Aeris--"

She turned on her heel then, walking backwards, so that Tifa could see her on a backdrop of unaware men walking ahead. And she unbuttoned the bottom of her demure little pink dress, and pulled the edges open.

Her panties were red, shockingly so on her creamy white skin, more lace than whole cloth, and damp all the way through.

"I'm open for a trade," she said, and laughed that sparkling laugh again, and dropped the skirt just as Cloud turned around to ask them what was taking so long.

Tifa dreamed of taking them off all the way up to the inn.

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Re: AND THAT.
[info]maureenlycaon
2008-11-09 03:11 pm UTC (link)
OMG. Just omg. That was so fantastically well-done and sexydisgusting that even I got wetwanted to barf while reading it! How could you defile the holy Aeris with icky girl-on-girl sex?

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Re: AND THAT.
[info]askerian
2008-11-10 05:15 pm UTC (link)
thank you~ U HOMOPHONE. PHOBE. ... MEAN PERSON.

Aeris is SUCH a slut. I mean liek TWO BOYFRIENDS plus Red XIII. Slut. Not that there's anything wrong with that. u.u-b

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Re: AND THAT.
[info]firefly99
2008-11-11 11:30 am UTC (link)
I hate you! I hate you forever! You don't understand how hard it is for me to be a white middle-class Englishwoman! And now you're making it even weirder by making me all hot for things like Aeristhu-techi and Tifa!! I don't know what to do!

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:333
[info]askerian
2008-11-11 09:29 pm UTC (link)
Aw, I'm sorry, darling-poo. You should imagine them with Cloud, of course.

He can be in his pretty pretty dress and they can be wearing strap-ons. >D

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Re: :333
[info]firefly99
2008-11-11 09:46 pm UTC (link)
Hi, this isn't Fly, this is Fly's twin sister, Flonk. Fly has committed suicide because you were mean to her and made fun of her on the internet and I hope you're happy.

♥ Flonk

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[info]woodburner
2008-11-09 05:28 am UTC (link)
"5) I secretly hate all female characters because I hate that I was born a woman."

I let out a great big horse lawl on that. XD

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[info]1st_eggokage
2008-11-09 07:50 am UTC (link)
pffffffffffffft AHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry now I have mental images of Cloud in a sneaking suit and Snake with the buster sword wtffff.

...er. I mean. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. AND THEY SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE SHIPPED WITH YUFFIE EITHER, AS SHE IS UNDERAGE AND NO ONE HERE WANTS TO GET BANHAMMERED. BESIDES, SHE LIKES PENIS. THE LITTLE SQUEENIX FAIRIES TOLD ME SO.

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[info]firefly99
2008-11-09 10:51 am UTC (link)
Snake says he's not a fan of blades which is another reason Snake is gay and Cloud is awesome. And let's not even start on Snake's father. Ugh.

Yeah, Yuffie's only sixteen! That's illegal all over the world including Britain, where I live, so she's probably all undeveloped and childy and pedotastical. Uck. She's got a cage in her house because she's a ninja, not for horrid pervy reasons like that.

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(Anonymous)
2008-11-11 12:38 am UTC (link)
Hi! sorry to intrude and all but I'm just de-lurking here to ask if you know where I can find a larger version of Man-Cloud - the one in your icon - because my ribs are now cracked from laughing too much. and if ever there was a way to go it would be staring at that picture in full screen.

thanks!!!

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[info]firefly99
2008-11-11 11:23 am UTC (link)

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[info]musedmoose
2008-11-11 01:19 am UTC (link)
I love this thread and everyone in it. Much like Aeris and Tifa love each other:


They love each other in this one too, but it's less than worksafe. :P

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[info]firefly99
2008-11-11 11:26 am UTC (link)
That's glorious and gorgeous. I love you too.




Huh? Why did I just type that? I've already left the internet to attempt suicide because of all of you. Weird.

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[info]kaiyabeck
2008-11-15 12:31 am UTC (link)
HA! HA, I SAY!

I'd make a more substantial post than that, but I'm not good at yuri ;^;

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[info]thesteiner
2008-11-20 12:51 am UTC (link)
All praise goes to the respective artists:

Healthy-Looking, indeed
Monsters
Serving drinks in a bar is demanding work

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