| Congratulations, "Dr. Horrible" Fandom! You're still free of Dr. Horrible / Captain Hammer slash after only 48 hours despite how quickly porn is spawned on the internet. I applaud you. I hope you stay free full of awful 'horribly' fun smut. Resist the ridiculously cute pairing of characters played by Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion! You only have until the 20th, at which time all three acts will be taken down from the site. Hold out until then, and most of the hype will die down. Then it will be safe... YOU will be safe... we will ALL be safe from smut of this disgusting by which I mean "horribly" entertaining variety. | yummy: 4 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | Why, Deadwood fandom? Why? | | Time: | 01:01 pm |
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| It's just disgusting how much smut there is about Calamity Jane and Joanie Stubbs. Really, you just can't turn around on the internet without tripping over more fics about them having the hot icky lesbian sex. There's scarcely any at all. (T_T) I just don't see the appeal of this pairing. It's not like they have any chemistry at all, or would be great together, or have any subtext, or actually kiss on screen! They're pretty much a canon pairing!. Really, there's no reason for all these crazy people to keep writing them together. And kittens are just as much a plague upon the interwebz, to be eradicated without mercy. | yummy: 4 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Tags: | het | | Current Music: | Shalott-- Emilie Autumn | | Subject: | Hear now, Devil May Cry fans! | | Time: | 01:39 pm | | Current Mood: | relieved |
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| Dante is obviously gay... he's too pretty not to be! I'm so glad everyone only writes Dante slash... to think of him with a girl is just unimaginable. It's not like he's got tons of fangirls, anyways.
I'm especially glad they pair Dante with guys because that eliminates any chance of people pairing him and Trish together. Because that would be GROSS. She looks just like his mom! Ewwwwww.
I just hope people don't troll this thread like they did my last one... | yummy: Write porn  |
| | Current Music: | The Smashing Pumpkins - Porcelina of the Vast Oceans | | Time: | 12:50 pm | | Current Mood: | contemplative |
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| Dear Loveless fandom,
Why, why, WHY would Soubi hook up with Nisei? Especially after Seimei pretty much left him for Nisei. It makes no sense. The Soubi/Nisei prawnz makes even less sense. Stop it. You make my fangirl va-jay-jay sad.
- Bunny | yummy: Write porn  |
| Dear fellow Warcraft addicts,
I may be new around here but how dare you sully World of Warcraft with your smut! Especially some of the pairings! Don't you know that Illidan and Kael'thas obviously were simply master and apprentice in the Black Temple if even that. What's with all of this nonsense about them being a couple? Can't too obviously completely 100% heterosexual men lol Kinsey scale run off to Outlands together without any misinterpreitation to be corrupted by the fel arts??
And what is with this idea of Maiev Shadowsong being interested in Illidan in anything more than a strictly professional sense?? Her obsession is HEALTHY, I tell you! There is absolutely nothing more to it! She is merely wanting him brought to justice and never mind the fuzzy handcuffs !! It is not her fault if she is overly fond of leather and punishment! How dare you think that she become dominatrix-like!
And FINALLY! What is with this ABSURD idea that an orc such as Thrall could fall in love with a human like Jania?! They're enemies! Total enemies! And it's rediculous that a human and an orc could fall in love anyway, ever! Madness I say!! Bonus points if he yells out "Taretha!" during sex
P.S. The idea of cat macros, especially Warcraft-themed ones, is completely absurd and immature. | yummy: 3 kittens or Write porn  |
| Hey Phoenix Wright fandom,
I wish you guys would recognize that Phoenix is Edgeworth's One True Love <3 <3 <3 and that before they met after all those years, none of Edgeworth's previous sexual experiences could possibly compare. Especially nothing that ever might have happened with Chief Gant. I'm always seeing smut of the two of them that doesn't leave Edgeworth traumatized in one way or another, when I know that he'd just submit and take it and wait until it was over. He'd certainly never enjoy it. Gant is a big scary man who's dangerous for my dear delicate Miles. I don't know where you are getting the idea that Edgeworth would try to start it. It's not as if he orders around any of the other detectives in the series, why would he dare tell Gant what he wanted? Gant wouldn't play along or find it funny or anything, no matter what you guys think. I don't think he'd even bother to smack him around a little to try and put the mouthy little bastard in his place, and even if he did, Edgeworth wouldn't get off on it. He's had enough suffering in his life to not want to mix pain and pleasure, much less demand more out of him when Gant's so rough with him and makes it hurt.
And they would surely never get into an argument that leads to Edgeworth's pretty perfect nails scratching up Gant's neck while he's being nailed to the wall like a picture frame. He's too polite for that.
Also, his mouth is way too pretty to use for anything but shouting OBJECTION! . Especially not on creepy old men. I don't know who thought that up, but it needs to stop, OK? I'm sick of you guys abusing him.
- Hilda
P.S. I'm allergic to cat macros so please don't pollute this post with them. | yummy: 5 kittens or Write porn  |
| You know what burns me? These people that think you can have a satisfying sexual encounter without penetration! What the hell is wrong with them? Are they scared of cock or something? I mean, he's got to put it in for it to be sex! Oral sex is totally not sex either! And what's this bullshit about only one person getting off and the other one being perfectly happy with it!? That just doesn't happen in real life! Why the hell does it happen in shitty fanfic? Sex is about getting in and getting off! It has absolutely nothing to do with affection or trust or bonding or any other fluffy nansy-pansy crap. Especially not when it's two buff, manly men!
Fandoms that are particularly guilty of this include (but are by no means limited to): Cowboy Bebop Saiyuki Samurai Champloo The Last Samurai
Please, let all like minded people join me in petitioning against the corruption of pure sex.
Kittens will find new homes in the Chinese Buffet kitchen. | yummy: 3 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | Hellsing is so not sexual! grrh. | | Time: | 02:51 am |
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| Why does everyone want to ruin Hellsing with their pr0n???? Hellsing is SO not a sexual show at ALL (especially not the anime) and Alucard has been dead for what? A kajillion years? ewwwww, I don't want to think of Alucard of all people banging someone! Especially not Rip Van Winkle, and NO, I do not think impaling her with the musket was symbolic of ANYTHING. Really. But Rip is in no way my favorite character, and I definitely did not name my wheelchair after her or design a cosplay as her because her death was so awesomely symbolic. And come on, Alucard is far too lawful good and gentle-natured to summon her back and have wild, BDSM-wrought relations with her out of spite/boredom/whatever.
And him and Seras is just ewewew!!! She's like his protege and he's 500+ years older than her, therefore the idea is beyond repulsive. Even if they did do something scandalous Seras would obviously be the top. And no way would Integra do anything with Alucard.... wtf, people!
But really the thought of any of the characters doing something so unspeakable as having sex (especially this bondagey, kinky het crap I keep running into!) is reviling. Pip Bernadette is so not a pervert, Walter is so not awesome, and I soooooo hate to read het pairings in Hellsing!
And I freaking hate kitties, please don't force me to look at them. | yummy: 3 kittens or Write porn  |
| You have no idea how I relieved I am that Genshiken doesn't have a fandom. Because if it did, people would write disgusting, filthy porn about it.
I mean, it's not like one of the characters already writes yaoi porn about two of the other characters. And it's not like Tanaka and Ohno are so cute Madarame's crush on Kasukabe is also so cute Sasahara and Ogiue's relationship is the most interesting one I've read in a long while Kasukabe and Kousaka are really hot any of the canon couples have any redeeming qualities.
Please continue to not exist, Genshiken fandom.
Also, Fate/hollow ataraxia fans? You should all immediately stop writing Lancer/Bazette, because it would never happen. I've found not nearly enough fic of them, and I want more rather than less. | yummy: 5 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Current Music: | Portishead - Machine Gun | | Subject: | Gah >.< SSB Fans???? Can we have a moment??? | | Time: | 01:20 am | | Current Mood: | disappointed |
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| So, Super Smash Bros Brawl came out, everyone is happy, fanfics popped up everywhere...
But where's Snake/Falcon slash????But you have to be just SICK to go and pair Snake with Falcon! Sick I say!
You have no idea how completely crushed and depressed I felt when I went to FF.net and I didn't find ANY fic about this a truckload of fics revolving around this. I mean, c'mon people where's your creativity and twisted sense of things what have you been smoking??? Damn >.<
I seriously need a fic ._." to stop going to FF.net. People there are sick but not sick enough, unfortunately.
That's all I wanted to say. Thank you very much. | yummy: 2 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | For Lovers of the Truth | | Time: | 12:07 am |
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| Sacharissa would never ever have hot vampire lovin with Otto. Ever. She and her heaving bosom do not belong in the world of vampires and blood sucking is not hot. So stop being so hard to find!! existing. Bad. | yummy: 3 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | Hi! | | Time: | 02:00 pm | | Current Mood: | Seething! |
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| Dear Pratchett fans:
Hello. Isn't it a lovely day? Well, it's a pity to sully it with the topics on which I shall speak, but it can not be helped. On my e-ramblings, I was amazed by your capacity for writing almost as well as Terry himself. But I then sadly did not see saw a horrifying sight: VIMES/GOOSBERRY PORN. This is much worse than kittens, which are rather annoying wonderful creatures. It is an atrocity. No-one could possibly be turned on by Vimes, say, finally reading the manual, then re-reading a sentence, blushing shockedly, then thinking and taking out the little green imp... It's terrible. And so is Sam/Young Sam! I mean, gay incest is always never hot anyway, and so is Vimes, so that's a double negative! Which, as everyone knows, equals a negative! So, in conclusion: I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE write DO NOT WRITE EITHER OF THESE PAIRINGS.
Please, guys. I can't be the only person to have noticed these. Also, first post! Please do not tear apart?
PS: I really don't like cats. Sorry, guys. | yummy: 5 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | Eternal Sonata = Eternally Smut Free | | Time: | 03:05 pm |
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| Eternal Sonata is beautiful game and thank God nobody has sullied it with disgusting SMUT! If there were any sex involved with the characters it would be only sweet, tender sex a.k.a. "making love." There is no potential for an OT3 between Jazz, Falsetto, and Claves or Jazz, Falsetto, and Viola. Heaven forbid someone take it upon themselves to make an OT4 with the people mentioned above. There's no way Jazz could equally divide his attention between the three women. He loves Claves and that's it. No way would Viola and Falsetto ever seek to ambush and have their way with him. They respect him way too much for that. Also the pairings are all heterosexual; no way would two strong warrior women be turned on by one another; that means there is no way Falsetto and Viola would ever get it on. Thank you so very much. Oh and cats are stupid, ugly, and evil. I hate them.
Could someone please take this up! This fandom is dying for some smut, especially a threesome between Jazz, Falsetto, and Viola. And I love kitties with every fiber of my being. Much love and gratitude would be yours along with eternal fangirl worship. | yummy: 5 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Current Music: | He's a Pirate, PotC Soundtrack | | Subject: | Keep up the good work, Bleach fandom. | | Time: | 11:29 am |
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| I must say, I am quite pleased greatly saddened by the almost total lack of smut for Ganju/Hanatarou. I mean really, they obviously like each other a lot. They may even be in love. They have so much really blatant subtext, they're practically a canon couple. But they'd never have sex! Never ever! Hana's so sweet and innocent, he probably has no clue what sex is. He's a damn medic, for crying out loud! surely he knows the facts of life by now, at least from a medical viewpoint. Even if they did have sex, Hana would never initiate it, he's far too shy and quiet. That's true, actually. But his shyness may be exceeded by Ganju's awkwardness. And it would only ever be soft, sweet, gentle, blushing virgin sex. Because they would never, ever go at it enough to actually get used to touching each other. Ew! That would be sick and wrong and hot!
So yeah, I'm disappointed glad that the fandom has doomed them to eternal virginity and awkward hugs preserved their chastity and innocence. | yummy: 3 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Current Location: | Riven | | Subject: | Dear Myst fandom | | Time: | 12:35 am |
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| Dear Myst fandom;
I'm so glad that our fandom is so very small and conservative. That means that we never get disgusting smut of any sort, ever. None. Indeed, when Sci-Fi channel suggested that Atrus and Catherine have sex, they shut down the miniseries this WAS actually a Good Thing, as monkies and a beach were involved. I wish I was kidding.
Very especially I am glad that Aitrus (with an i, as in the gentleman from the novel Myst: the Book of Ti'ana) and Veovis slash does not exist. Slash has no place in the Myst fandom, and it should remain so. They were friends, there was never any jealousy and the reason Veovis got so bent out of shape over Aitrus' marrying Ti'ana was not becuase he was jealous of her. And god forbid that anyone write a threesome between Veovis, Aitrus, and Ti'ana.
Furthermore there is no *shudder* incest. Good lord imagine if those fangirls got their hands on this fandom and started writing Sirrus x Achenar, or Sirrus x Yeesha. Eeugh. or threesomes.
And finally, perish the thought of any lulzy porn about the poor Stranger. Becuase there's no way the Stranger would ever have just sat there masturbating. After all there were all those wonderful puzzles to occupy him/her for hours on end! Which would never ever get boring. Also, the Stranger does not have a puzzle fetish and is not turned on by gears.
In conclusion: Myst porn does not exist. This is a good thing.
And I hate kittens. Hate them. | yummy: 4 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Subject: | Disgaea | | Time: | 04:36 pm |
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| | God, I am SO glad that Disgaea: Hour of Darkness is a relatively obscure fandom...That way I don't have to deal with any of the sickening things that people do to my beloved characters. I don't want to see Disgaea pr0n of ANY kind! Especially not Vyers smut, as he is NOT sexy in the least bit! All you smut writers can GTFO, and take your cat macros with you! >:O | yummy: Write porn  |
| | Tags: | yuri | | Current Music: | Wicked-For Good | | Subject: | Fellow Wicked Fans | | Time: | 06:39 pm |
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| Oh gee, I sure hope that I never see Fic of Glinda and Elphie getting it on Because that's just icky and wrong. | yummy: Write porn  |
| | Tags: | het, yaoi, yuri | | Current Music: | Rammstein - Du Hast | | Subject: | On Age and School Girl Outfits | | Time: | 02:20 pm |
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| WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??11!
Two girls making out and have sex in their school uniforms with lots of spanking ;) is so wrong! It's gross! I hope that I never see fics with the girls from Hello!Project, Tokyo Mew Mew, or Sailor Moon doing something like this. Especially not Reina/Sayumi, Zakuro/Lettuce, or Hotaru/Chibi-usa. Eww.
Also, what the hell is wrong with you Naruto fandom??! Pairing Iruka with Naruto and Kakashi with Sakura is just so hot disgusting! Those are their teachers you sickos. Plus Iruka and kakashi are way too old for Naruto and Sakura. | yummy: 2 kittens or Write porn  |
| DEAR EVERYONE:
THANK YOU FOR NOT EVER WRITING PORN OF CRIPPLED PEOPLE! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT PEOPLE WHO USE WHEELCHAIRS CANNOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, HAVE SAIX! EVAR!!!!!11!!!!1 LEGS NO WORKING = NOTHING BELOW WAIST WORKING = NO SEX! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I EVAR, EVAR (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) SEE ANY NAUGHTY STORIES INVOLVING ANYBODY IN A WHEELCHAIR HAVING SEX, I'LL PUNCH! hug WHOEVER WROTE THAT CRAP piece of amazingness! ESPECIALLY IF IT'S A DUDE THAT'S CRIPPLED! SERIOUSLY! HIS PEN15 WOULD NOT FUNCTION! AND EVEN IF IT DID, THERE WOULD BE NO WAY HE COULD TOP! because that would just be too hot for words AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT POSTING ANY HORRIBLE, EVIL, NASTY incredibly cute, fluffy, adorable CAT MACROS! EVIL!!!!!!! EVIL!!
KTHNXBAI,
HORITSU_KAMI, PRESIDENT OF THE "CRIPPLED PEOPLE CANNOT/SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX EVAR!" CLUB, AND VICE PRESIDENT OF THE "DOWN WITH CAT MACROS!" CLUB! | yummy: 27 kittens or Write porn  |
| | Current Music: | Another Day, Dragonette | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE | | Time: | 04:08 pm |
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| Look.
NOBODY wants to read about fat people having sex. Especially with skinny people. Slash, het, whatever--it's gross.
Just don't write about fatties, ESPECIALLY when you're writing porn! | yummy: 14 kittens or Write porn  |
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