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That's keepin' it short and sweet for you.

Current Mood:	blah
Jigglypuff's singing::	Never There - Cake

Thanks in advance for any help you can give me! In return, have One Good Spliff*

*By Ziggy Marley

Current Mood:	excited
Jigglypuff's singing::	One Good Spliff - Ziggy Marley

Sure, they'll never betray you. But they're too cold. And they can't do much in terms of healing, even if they specialize in white magic. Their personalities are static. Calling someone my waifu doesn't make me feel any less ronery.

And they do abandon you. Most of them. They just finish and disappear and you have to use fanfics and fanart as CPR but even that declines as the years go by. And her only betrayal was an abandonment, anyway.

Statements like "you need to let go/move on" are mere platitudes. I'm living my life trying to do nothing else and failing miserably - emphasis on "miserably", as I've spent six months in misery.

The only thing which prevents me from sending some desperate and sad message to her (something like "It's been six months, and I'm still broken. I can't go on like this. Help me.") is my absolute certainty that it will fail to help in any way, and even then it's an urge I fight back. After all, she wouldn't do even the bare minimum needed to save me back when she claimed to care whether I lived or died - or maybe that's "couldn't." So even if she responded with sympathy, it really wouldn't help. (If she responded with a flame, of course, I'll feel even worse, as though that's possible.)

Apart from this one thing, I have every reason for happiness. It's never going to get any better than this. I have engaging classes, a solid anime club, and plenty to do in my free time. Life in the "real world" is inferior to life as a college student in virtually every way - but even as a student, sometimes I'm hiding my sadness during lectures, trying to avoid breaking down because the teacher's droning and my mind's wandering back to it's desperately sad home. And I didn't find anyone the entire convention season who could heal me - maybe it's a matter of hiding my despair and gaining EXP at this stuff and a bit of luck, but although I'm going to have to go to a con with catboy ears and a "what is it like to hold a girl in your arms" sign one day, I still won't find lasting happiness there.

I'm on medication. I'm taking pills to sleep at night. I still wish I could just disappear. Maybe if I'm a ronery wreck long enough, I can alienate everyone and die without hurting them... or something.

For someone like me, heartbreak is a perfectly good reason to die. And if I had never met her, I know I wouldn't be in this despair.

We were supposed to be together offline by now, seeing each other regularly... These were going to be among the happiest days of my life, yet I'm still crying myself to sleep...

This isn't a suicide note. But if I ever get myself some courage, be okay. Because I can't go on when I'm so often like this, and I'm only delaying the inevitable.

So so so yesterrrrdaaaay we finally finally had the long-awaited months late wrap party for GS51euuughhhjklhajgakl and it was FUN, fools. We started off with just chillin'-- oh oh, Brina brought the brainstorming thing for Sensual Turtle and omglmao that stuff... that stuff-- we must film it, we must. Way totally, sunshinaroonies. And I have her in chem and gym hurraaaaaahs!

When everyone had l'arrived, we watched the 43-min DVD and... hooo boy that was fun, too. I'm proud of it, yo. It was, like, highlights of the second year of 3rdaspect and that's just fuckin' BALLAAAH AHAHAHA

After that we started talking about ghosts 'n' shit and went to my room for computerizzlin' up stuff... old pictures new pictures orb pictures even ones with chicken pox and like, google mapping haunted places and lol "connections" and etc etc. I love love love my room, have I said that? Love~

After THAT, it was ROCKBAAAYAND and like... like yeah lol. Amanda's pretty good at it, for the two (?) weeks she got to play regularly lol. Angel totally hams it up on the mic, props to that, haha. It was funnnnn! Amanda wanted to do guitar on Green Grass and High Tides so I drummed it up and and... and I'm out of shape lololol I was tired at the end xD

It got dark around eight, eight-thirty/nine whatever, so we put in SILENT HILL 2 FSAKFJSAFKAJSFAS that was soooo fun, omfg. First time I've ever actually played, me myself, and I don't know if it was the hype or that I'm the one controlling Jimmy-boy but I jumped, man. Lmao. Especially when the monsters start crawling and that for some reason makes them FLASH FAST WTFFFFF and man man MAN it was fun! I was so glad; the only other person I met who was into SH was Alex, who loaned me the games, but I don't think he was into them as I was into them-- you know, for mind-numbingly deep content that might not have been all the deep to begin with but totally, totally turns into a quagmire if you just start thinkin' about it.

BUT YEAH I WAS REALLY, REALLY HAPPY LOL. Because Amanda, Angel, and Brina seemed into it and were, like, co-op gameplay and stuff and they asked questions about it and yay~ n___n

That was the highlight of the night for meeee. I hope we get to do it again soon, lololooooool

speaky_bean

( You asked for it. Prepare to lose consciousness, Kyo. )

premade_ljs

dn_contest

namely reka, who has my log-in information

In other, way more important news, we just found out that my mother does not in fact have fibromyalgia. She doesn't have multiple sclerosis, either, which was the thing we were fearing the most. What she does have is spinal osteoarthritis. This is what's been causing her so much horrible nerve pain. This is good because it means that there's a solution--surgery. It's bad because said surgery is extremely risky and could possibly leave her paralyzed or dead. Neither of which are particularly good options, if you ask me. She isn't sure yet if she's going to get the surgery, because of the risk. Which makes sense, it's good to think about these things and do the research. Personally, I think it's better that she do something about it--she can hardly take the pain she's in now, and it's only going to get worse if she doesn't take action. Still, the risks aren't pretty, so maybe I don't actually know. Anyway, at least we (presumably) know what we're dealing with now.

In other, way less important news, I found an interesting thing at a nearby shop. There's a store nearby that sells various Mexican products, and I've bought quite a bit of cinnamon-flavored hot chocolate from there. A few days ago I found a rice pudding flavored ice cream bar. It had raisins in it, and basically tasted just like frozen rice pudding. It was delicious, and I need more of them. I also need to buy shampoo and other necessities for school, but that seems less important at the moment than satisfying my stupid cravings.

Oh, and for the first time in ages, here's a musical gift!
Pickin' It Up - Hot Hot Heat

Current Mood:	nauseated
Jigglypuff's singing::	Pickin' It Up - Hot Hot Heat

serria

The guy I spoke to doesn't seem to think that the computer is at fault. I don't think he said this out of bias, either, because at one point he actually recommended taking it back to the shop if this couldn't be figured out. He thinks that the folks at Best Buy screwed something up--it had some antivirus software on it when we bought it, and apparently they fiddled around with other things. So I reformatted the computer. The task manager problem is now gone--it works just fine, if a little slowly. The transfer problem is still, well, a problem, but that is apparently a conflict between the computer and my external hard drive. My computer uses 64-bit Vista, and it's apparently not compatible with older Iomega products. My external hard drive being one of those. Since I'm no longer having problems with anything but transferring, and it's a great computer otherwise, the next step is to get a new hard drive, transfer my files via someone else's computer, and then use that. This should not be too difficult--I can pick up a new hard drive on Saturday, and school starts soon and I'm hoping that Erik will let me abscond with his computer for this purpose. (Please? I'll reward you...somehow...)

If that doesn't work, I'll have to replace it. But I don't see any reason why it should fail, as long as I buy a compatible hard drive.

Current Mood:	optimistic
Jigglypuff's singing::	Schfiftyfive - Group X

Moths and maggots, fuck 'em both. Seriously. Butterflies, too. eeeeuuughhh

I was finishing up Kuya Jon's present for the dinner tonight but it FUUUUCKED UUUUUP ROYALLY so I made a card instead and like le dolla dolla bill y'all and then he and Jennifurnace picked us up and high-ho-to-polo-we-gooo. We meet up with Edgalee and Tina and Adam at the food court and chill for a bit, then go to Moxie's where they set us up the bomb and we must wait for it to vibrate so we know we have our... partial kiddie table ready. It takes a while. A hwile. SOOO tl;dr Ate and I check out Earl's and BAM table fo' nine, mo'fuckaaaahhh~

So we, like... Jenny is a girl is a boy is a girl is a boy, Tina looks old (like, almost done highschool old... whoamglol) and forgot what a glass was lololol, Jonalee SO DOESN'T TALK TO ME PSSHHHHYA, I hit Edgar between the eyes with a piece of fry LOLFLUKE, Adam calls Jonalee fat and the waitress is AGHAST and lmao Jonalee you have le will power to not throw something at him xD, we talk and chill and eat and stuff. Edgar thanked Adam for ice cream, and Adam was like... RRRRRRRR and LOLWTF HAHAHA

At the end, we retire to the enclosure of cement in which cars may be placed until further notice and LO AND BEHOLD John's locked his keys in the car. In the ignition. The windows are cracked, so it becomes a nine-person effort to break in without breaking anything yaaay~! Except Edgar and Adam's lanyards broke, and during the extensive struggle, many people leaving the restaurant seemed conflicted at how to address the group of young people huddling around and trying to get into a car LOLOL. These two guys (I think) were very chill, like, 'oh if you were trying to steal it there'd probably be six of you' or something but loool this province.

After all of it, Kuya Jon slid his arm in the window and opened the door. WAY TO BE, HOLMES!

It was a good day, really. Really, really. The summer's last hurrah, as far as I'm concerned... because I'm going to school tomorrow to change my timetable WAY TO SULLY IT ALL, SCHOOL. But I feel so chique right now, I wanna show up in sunglasses and flats and shit. HAHA JENNY LOOKED LIKE A NAAANAY because she was babysitting and brought Faith to school loooool. I MISS HALLEY D:

Nnh, fun! Memorable, yeah? Also, RAY AND YOUR SWEATER HAVING NO HOOD LOLWTF

1. Your favorite.
2. Your least favorite.
3. One that makes you automatically think of me.
4. One that you think I should TOTALLY use more often.
5. One that you don't get/needs more explanation/you have no idea why the hell I have it.

Current Mood:	annoyed
Jigglypuff's singing::	Make Them Hear You - Three Mo' Tenor

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

So far, I've had this never-ending stream of problems with it. It's a bran new computer, HP d9700. I was seriously thinking about getting a Mac, and now I wish I had, but this is the best computer I could find for the money, and my grandma wasn't really into paying more money--she said if it got too expensive I'd have to pay for it on my own. Not that it wound up making a tremendous amount of difference, pricewise, with all the add-ons that PCs seem to require. I don't know if it works the same way with Macs in that respect. This is the first time I've actually had any say in what computer I got, and I must say, I fucked it up royally. This new one is worse than any hand-me-down I've ever received.

The problems are as follows. I can't transfer my files--even one mp3 being transferred in Safe Mode, when nothing else is running, causes the computer to crash sometimes. As a result, it's taking hours upon hours upon hours to get my files, and really, it shouldn't be taking so long. It's a brand new fucking computer. It shouldn't be crashing every ten seconds because I asked it to perform an extremely basic task. Also, I don't know if this is a flaw inherent to Vista or not, but I can't seem to use the task manager. When I try to close one program, it closes everything, including the desktop icons and task bar. XP never did that, and I have no idea if Vista is supposed to. I mean it's pretty damn nonfunctional, so I don't know why it would be supposed to, but still. Also, it takes forever to shut down normally. I haven't yet had a situation where that was an option--it froze during the process once--so I don't even know if it can.

I'm not sure what to do. People are telling me that I should return it and get a new laptop, but that's easier said than done. I don't know if I can explain to my grandmother, who paid for this, what the problem is. My mom doesn't seem to get it, she just thinks I'm being impatient. I really shouldn't have to be this patient with a brand new computer. I need to have a computer by next week, too, since I start school soon. I don't know. I'm going to call my grandmother and see what she thinks. I wish I knew if this was normal behavior, I don't really know anyone who has Vista. But yeah. More than a little infuriated right now. I seriously want to either punch something or cry.

Current Mood:	enraged
Jigglypuff's singing::	Stomp Box - They Might Be Giants

Okay, I have to admit, this entry's mostly just here since I've never had the chance to use onomatopoeia before.

Expect my first entry ever about bubble tea with a picture and a fanfic soon, though!

Current Mood:	blank
Jigglypuff's singing::	Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins