Pokémon Liberation Front

Posted in the Kanto Tribune on Thursday, May 25th:

KNOT ISLAND -- At a press conference on Wednesday, May 24th, the Knot Island Police Department released information pertaining to the brutal beating of resident Celio, the so-called "Tech-Guru" of Knot "One" Island.

Both hands, wrists, and all ten fingers were hopelessly shattered, KIPD Officer Jenny told reporters during the press conference. According to a statement taken from the victim, four stylishly-dressed assailants attacked him late Tuesday night just after exiting the PokéCenter. Police believe Celio was targeted because of his influential role in digital Pokémon storage.

Celio was working on the final touches to a revolutionary machine networking the various continents, ingeniously entitled the "Network Machine," designed to allow intercontinental digital Pokémon storage access.

Friend and rumored lover of Celio's, Bill, who himself is an avid Pokémaniac and the inventor of the digital Pokémon storage system itself, had this to say to reporters: "This is simply terrible, what they did to sweet Celio. He was so skilled with his hands!"

Police, although unwilling to officially announce a suspect, hinted at the possibility of the assailants being a group hired by a rival inventor, or even belonging to the tragically inept Team Rocket or the nefarious yet recently inactive Pokémon Liberation Front.

According to police, Celio's hands are beyond repair, and stated that he is looking into transplants from a Mr. Mime, due to the fact that they are otherwise useless. Until a suitable hand-donor is found, work will cease on the Network Machine due to the apparent inability of Celio to tell people what needs to be done.


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As always, viva la revolución!

LAVENDER TOWN -- The Pokémon Liberation Front, a terrorist organization dedicated to ending the honored tradition and national pastime of pokémon fighting, reemerged from the hazy mists of obscurity yesterday morning when a firebomb was detonated on the second story of the Lavender Town's own Pokémon Tower, causing the building to be momentarily shut down for repairs.

LTPD officials believe the group was involved, due primarily to the fact that it fits their modus operandi. Officer Jenny, apparently the small town's only police officer, had this to say: "[I will] tell you what, those [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] love them [expletive deleted] firebombs and [expletive deleted]. I [have not] seen anything [that the group has] done that [has not used] those [expletive deleted] [firebombs in the past]."

LTPD official(s) believe that the group attempted to destroy the Pokémon Tower because of its link to pokémon ownership, and additionally, was primarily a burial ground pokémon who had died in battle. As is with the vast majority of such attacks, police have no suspects and have little hope in finding any.

Sharon Reich, organizer of the Lavender Town chapter of Mothers Against Pokémon Proponents (MAPP), has voiced her concerns for the safety of her three children, as well as pertaining to the supposed incompetency of the various police departments across the continent.

MAPP has grown quite popular in the past two months, giving voice to many mothers who find the risk of pokémon battles overtly dangerous and inappropriate for children. Many mothers belonging to MAPP are also demanding more police per city in order to protect against criminals and extremists, such as the violent PLF, the dangerous yet poorly thought out Team Magma and Team Aqua, and nefarious and inept Team Rocket.

On the other side of things, pokémon 'battlers,' as they've come to be known, are in outrage, unable to visit the graves of their departed pokémon. Unfortunately, their cries have fallen upon deaf ears, the owners of said ears in outrage over what has been deemed more important issues, such as the stopping of terrorist organizations.

I have put my PLF related artwork up in a convenient gallery. You can find them here at http://pics.livejournal.com/amoebamatic/gallery/00003g4r . Most you have seen in the form of icons on this journal. The last one, of our poster, I can give anyone in a larger size if they, say, wanna put a huge PLF banner on their roof? It's up to you!

CELADON CITY -- The Celadon Department Store, the largest Pokémart in the region of Kanto, was engulfed in flame at approximately 3:25 early yesterday morning. Police believe that those responsible were none other than the Pokémon Liberation Front, which is commonly abbreviated to the PLF. The PLF, an extremist group crusading for the freedom of Pokémon everywhere, has lain dormant since the attack of route 23 on August 18th.

Officer Jenny of the Celadon City Police Department told reporters this at the scene of the arson: "We have theorized that this group's recent inactivity, which lasted for just under a month, was in order to lure the region into a false sense of security. Apparently it worked."

Police suspect that, like many of the PLF's previous arson-related activities, homemade firebombs, and possibly gasoline, were used to get the job done. The PLF's method of bringing in the explosives has been theorized to be in crates belonging to a recent delivery of pokéballs.

The fire has been estimated to have cost the owners of the Celadon Department Store well over 5 million dollars. Luckily, the store's owners are independently wealthy, all employees have been accounted for and no injuries have been reported. The store's owners and all employees have declined to comment. Police are unwilling to divulge more information on the attack due to the investigation being in progress.


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VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN!!!