| Caught |
[08 Mar 2006|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
Okay, so, waking up in the morning after a weekend of sex with a vampire? Yeah, even my Slayer-strength wasn't enough to make me not wince a little as I got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
Looking into the mirror, I smiled, then sighed. Mom would be back later on today, and I had to figure out how to get Angel out of here. Y'know, without getting burned up by the sun. He, for some reason, was asleep. I was still trying to figure out vamp sleep patterns while the enormity of what had happened hit me.
I'd said I loved him. And I'd meant it. And looking at the bite mark on my arm I sorta smiled. He'd put it in a spot where no one would be able to see it if I was fully dressed. The, uh, other bite mark? The totally accidental one? Um. Yeah. I'd have to wear turtlenecks in the middle of summer for awhile.
Stretching, I pulled on a baggy t-shirt and skipped -- okay, walked slowly but with the intention of skipping -- downstairs for a quick breakfast when the lock started to turn. I was frozen for a few seconds before realizing it was Mom. Early. Home. Early.
Crap!
I ran upstairs before she got inside and shook the vamp in my bed. "Wake up. Wake up!!!" I yelled as quietly as possible. "My mom's here. She's here! She can't find you, you're all naked and..."
Was that a bite mark from me on him?
"... and you have to get out of here. Now!" I heard her steps getting closer and I panicked. It was daylight. There really wasn't anywhere he could go right now. Tears of frustration welled up. "What are we going to do?"
Like he really cared or wanted to help me anyways.
((Open to Angelus))
|
3 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Weekend Warriors |
[20 Jul 2005|05:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
Two days. Two solid days (and nights) of nothing but yours truly, a girl attacking her first weekend sex-a-thon with all the excitement of a seventeen year-old girl and the stamina of a Slayer, and a bed. Well, okay, after the first few times I got Buffy to realize that there were other possibilities than the bed. I doubted that she'd ever look at that shower and think of it the same way again; same thing for the kitchen counter and the dining table.
And even for a vampire, I was feeling pretty damned tuckered out. But somehow, every time I saw that look sparkling green in Buffy's eyes, I found the strength to step back up to the plate. Of course, I was getting a hell of a lot of happy out of the equation, and by all signs, so was Buffy.
As I lay in Buffy's bed with my hands laced behind my head, I thought about Buffy and what had happened between us. Months ago, if you'd have told me that by the middle of summer I'd know what it was like to have Buffy bent over her weapons chest and almost begging me to take her, I'd have thought you were insane. But that had been a few hours ago.
She loved me. It was what I wanted, and yet my mind still couldn't completely wrap around the concept. Buffy loved me, and not Angel, and was spending this weekend proving it to me with every moment I spent inside her, or even just with her holding on to me.
Maybe that was the thing bugging me, constantly at the back of my mind. I was getting soft, I could feel it-- not literally. But I knew that Buffy was getting to me as badly as I'd gotten to her.
With Darla, the love had been a kind of adoration. She was my sire, the one who'd made me into something a hundred-- no, a thousand times greater than what I was or ever could have hoped to be. She woke me up, gave birth to me, whatever tired cliché that you want to apply to the situation. And she was such a perfect match to the darkness in my heart. It was if I had been made to match her in every way.
Drusilla hadn't been love. More like fascination. I held Dru in my unbeating heart the way Da Vinci must have the Mona Lisa.
Buffy was something new and different in every way. We were equals and opposites. We complemented each other instead of being the same. Like I'd told her, we balanced one another so perfectly that the only thing left to do was to be together in every way.
Which led me to right now. I really wasn't sure what was going to happen next, considering that she was still the Slayer and I was still an evil, soulless vampire. But god, I knew things were always going to be interesting.
Interesting like right at that moment, for instance.
"Okay, now be careful of your teeth. It's okay if I can feel 'em, but don't drag them hard. And do not try to take too much too soon, you hear me?"
It had been Buffy's idea. Truthfully, a lot of what we'd done was Buffy's idea, or at least had started with the words "show me..." Buffy, her hand wrapped now around the root of me, her head slowly bobbing up and down, and her eyes constantly looking to mine for reassurance.
"That's good," I murmurred. "That's goooooooood..."
I was pretty sure that Buffy was starting to catch on how much I liked it when she asked for it. Darla had been the same way, commanding everywhere else, but begging and wanton in the bedroom. I hadn't pushed Buffy there yet, but I knew I would eventually.
Reaching down, I ran a hand through Buffy's hair, stroking her head.
"Goooooooooooooood..." I groaned.
((Open to Buffy))
|
10 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| A Test |
[07 Jun 2005|01:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
I couldn't sleep for quite a few nights. I kept my window locked, put up garlic everywhere, had my cross by my bed and a stake under the pillows... just in case. His words sorta seemed to stay stuck in my head, and no matter how many showers I took, how many vamps I dusted, it wouldn't go away.
"I think it's time for you to think hard about what you think love is. Come find me when you're ready to learn. Because you know you'll be back."
Finally one night, I couldn't take it anymore and my room was back to normal. I went to the mansion during the day when I knew he'd be sleeping, and left a note for him that I'd written with shaky hands. I came home, talked to Mom who was going out of town, called Will to see how she was doing, did my patrol for the night, and crawled under my covers.
The window was unlocked and open in my bedroom.
The note, which had taken everything I'd had left in me, read:
Angel,
You keep saying that you love me. That I should trust you even though this might be a different sort of trust than I'd had with you before when you were...
I'm trusting you now. You have one night of it. I'm not - repeat, NOT - coming back to you.
But you can come to me.
I'll be waiting at home - no one's here but me - and if you don't show up, then I guess I have my answer.
- Buffy
I held my breath as I clutched my pillow tighter, trying desperately to stay in control of this entirely too bizarre situation, and waited. For what, exactly, I really wasn't sure of.
((Open to Angelus))
|
13 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Hunting and Stalking |
[17 Apr 2005|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hungry |
] |
They were maybe five or ten years past their deaths-- kittens, really, when you came to it. Mewling and preening, and every one of them thinking that they were already one of the big cats. That's what kittens do when they bite and claw and attack things like strings or stuffed mice. They're trying to prove that they're not kittens. Oh, but the second they're in the presence of a real big cat... well, if they aren't smart enough to turn tail and run, then the results are never pretty.
I'd been following this little gang for about a mile and a half of downtown Sunnydale, and I'd known two blocks into the hunt that they were kittens. From the way they walked and talked, and the way three of them deferred to the fourth, it was obviously one of the more pathetic kinds of vampire 'covens'-- some kid gets vamped, their sire doesn't stick around, and 'cause they want to feel like they've got some juice, they vamp up a couple of their old friends to hang with for eternity.
They last, oh, fifteen or twenty years at the outside. Usually, one of their 'kids' ends up figuring out that it's really survival of the fittest among us, and does 'em in. Or they get sloppy and piss of the wrong big cat. Can't tell you how many pathetic little wannabes that I watched The Master torture to death just for fun when they crossed him.
So here I was, hunting them. And no, bad ol' Angelus hasn't gone and swung a 180 and switched teams just because he was getting a regular dose of Buffy's good stuff-- although it was pretty damn good, gotta tell you. No, I still wasn't back at a hundred percent, and I needed to get creative with my feeding.
The little gang of kittens had cornered themselves a pretty little UC Sunnydale coed in one of this lovely town's many dark, deserted alleyways. There was a quick push-fight among the four math geniuses that one girl divided into four vampires wasn't going to equal much nourishment. Leader-boy and his best bud got to stick around, while their little buddies skipped off. I stayed where I was, watching from the fire escape.
Finally, I dropped down to the ground, my black leather coat billowing in that way that really, really makes me miss cloaks. I had the effect I'd wanted, and though both little vamps were pissed as hell, they knew who I was. Still, they charged at me, and even with my strength not so great, my speed was enough to send both jackasses right into the stake I'd 'borrowed' from Buffy the night before.
I turned to the girl, a pretty, but slightly crunchy-granola-Birkenstocks type that wasn't usually my gig. But then, a man had to eat, right?
Greenpeace Girl threw herself at me, hugging me like I'd just saved her life-- which, okay, I kinda did, but didn't keep it up. I was just about to let the demon slip out, let my face slide into the demon's visage when I heard the scrape of boots on the pavement. Without turning away from the girl, I smiled.
"Buffy. There you are."
((Open to Buffy))
|
6 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Making a choice |
[15 Apr 2005|09:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
I came home late almost everynight from what Mom thought was "patrolling", but what else could I do? There was something about Angel that just drew me to him and I couldn't stop myself. Not even when I'd tried, and... God, I'd tried.
Hadn't I?
Slipping under my covers for about the umpteenth time, I was wide awake. Thinking which... ok, not so much with the good considering what I was thinking about. Him. Me. Us. That whole speech he'd given to me about love or whatever he thought he was feeling toward me.
I knew better, I did.
So why did I keep going back to him?
I turned on my CD player by my bed and listened to whatever song was playing to hopefully help me get some much needed rest - school tomorrow after all - and to get me to stop thinking.
No such luck. I should've just held Mr. Gordo and fallen asleep, but the song sorta wouldn't let me.
( When I look at you... )
I wiped away my tears and gave a quick thought to my future as I shut off my CD player, snuggling under my covers again with the pillow tight against my cheek. Talking with Giles let me know pretty sure that Slayers die young. Ok, fine, I get it. Wasn't like I hadn't already died anyway.
But I was seventeen... so... so maybe all these high school dreams and fantasies had just been that. Something not real, that I'd never be able to cling to, hold onto, at least not forever. Not the forever sorta way that I wanted.
Maybe... maybe I just had to deal with what life had given me. Accept it, move on, and stop fooling myself that it would get better. Better to have loved and lost and all that, right? After all... I still had Angel who said he really did love me. Sighing, I whispered aloud, "I miss you Angel... but I can't live like this and I don't think you want me to, either. I'll always love you. I'll always miss you, but..."
I slipped his ring off my finger and placed it in the drawer next to my bed, not able to even finish my own thoughts as sleep kinda overtook me finally. Had I just made a decision?
I guess so.
|
Give in to it...
|
| Understanding |
[17 Mar 2005|10:20am] |
|
I couldn't sleep that night. His words just kept running through my head like they were on permanent repeat.
"But... I did say that I love you, and I meant it."
I sat up in bed, hugging Mr. Gordo close as I tried to figure that one out. I mean, he had said it... but what did that mean exactly? He didn't love me the way Angel did, that was for sure. Did he love me in that evil, weird, possessive way?
Or was it all just another trick? Probably all of the above.
I got out of bed, not bothering with the pig's blood this time or anything else besides me and a stake, and snuck out of my bedroom window to walk over to the mansion. Something about all of this was wigging me out majorly and I had to figure it out - now - before I got myself in too deep.
I walked up to him and he was reading a book by the fireplace and I froze.
He looked so much like Angel right there... his expression, with the flames lighting his face like that? I took a big breath and actually sat down next to him before even speaking.
"I don't really know why I'm here," I said, refusing to look at him. "But I can't sleep. And I've been thinking about what you said... back there."
Someone save me from what I was about to say...
"I need you to explain to me exactly what you meant when you said that you loved me."
((Open to Angelus))
|
9 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Balance |
[07 Mar 2005|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 devious |
] |
And so a week, maybe two, passed pretty much the same way. Buffy would visit just about every day. She'd bring the blood, let me drink it, wash it down... then we'd yank each other's clothes off and throw down on the bed and go at it. Not much in the way of foreplay, and so far, not a lot of variation, either.
But Buffy always started looking at me with hate, then like she couldn't live without me, and then right back to hating me while she was putting her panties back on.
And as great as it was to be bedding a Slayer, one that pretty much despised me, to boot, it still wasn't enough. Buffy still looked at me as 'second-best', just a poor reflection of the man she loved.
I hate being second-best. Because I wasn't.
That was what I needed to teach Buffy. A Slayer didn't belong with some weepy, pansy-assed do-gooder who was content to be her lapdog, and sniff at her heels for the rest of his immortal life. That's not the way nature worked.
The utlimate pairing for a Slayer, especially for as exceptional a Slayer as Buffy Summers wasn't a comrade-- it was an adversary. She deserved to be with her opposite, with the one magnificent bastard who could match her, complement her in every way.
That would be me, of course.
So, I figured it was time to turn the heat up a little and see just how far Buffy was willing to go. Over the last few days, I'd been feeling a lot closer to my old self. I could walk around the mansion just fine, and was a lot less hungry between Buffy's feedings. Well, less hungry for blood, anyway.
The time had passed when Buffy would have come, so I knew she must be out on patrol. I found a few of my clothes still in decent condition. Slipping on the leather jeans and boots, the blood-colored shirt and long leather coat, it was like putting me back on. I wasn't spry and quick, but I was moving, and I found myself at the cemetary soon enough.
Now, all I had to do was wait.
((Open to Buffy))
|
10 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Drawn Closer... |
[25 Feb 2005|09:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
guilty |
] |
I didn't go back for two nights after that. I even threw up garlic all around my bedroom, which wa way stupid since he couldn't have come in... could he? He was still weak, or something. Well, except for the whole seemingly-fine way he'd acted with me when it came to... well, us. And the nakedness and stuff.
I hated how sad he'd looked that night, the way he'd said my name softly that only made me want to stay and hold him. Why couldn't I just hate him? Or stake him and be done with it all? Why couldn't I just accept the fact that Angel was dead, and let it go?
He'd killed Ms. Calendar. He'd tried to kill me, my friends...
What was it Willow and I had agreed on? "Love makes you do the wacky?"
But I didn't love him. I'd loved Angel and he was gone and... I didn't know what to do or why I'd let him so close to me. In me... umm, and not just in me, but controlling me somehow. Like, with my own feelings. My own body.
Then guilt sorta hit me and I went back, not with anything to help his wounds, but with some blood cuz I figured he'd be hungry by now.
I stepped carefully inside, holding my breath, and then stormed up to Angel.
"Here," I said, handing him the blood, and then walking over to the fireplace so I wouldn't have to watch him.
((Open to Angelus))
|
8 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Baby Steps |
[10 Feb 2005|12:09am] |
The next few visits from Buffy hadn't gotten quite as, well, friendly as the one. She barely got close enough to me to clean and change my bandages, and I noticed that she'd dragged that old silver cross out of whatever drawer she'd been keeping it in. That was okay.
I could see her eyes. Every time she came to me, I wore her down just a little more just by being here.
And after she'd leave, I'd stand up and see just how fast I really was healing. The damn sword, whatever it had done, had put me down and almost reduced me to healing like a mortal. Almost.
Of course, every time Buffy saw me, I was as weak and helpless as a kitten.
I had almost had her. All I had to do was wait.
After a few days, she was late. I didn't like that at all. Buffy for once had been clockwork. Feeling a little stronger than I probably was, I pushed myself back up out of bed. Shambling like a goddamn old man, I made it all of three or four steps before I crumpled.
Of course, I was struggling so much to take just those few steps that I hadn't heard the door open.
((Open to Buffy.))
|
16 were tempted | Give in to it...
|
| Lies |
[27 Jan 2005|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
I'd told Mom I was going out to patrol, which was something she was still getting used to hearing from me. Cuz, after all, how often does your daughter say 'Hey Mom, I slay vamps!' before barging out of the house. I hadn't planned on coming back, either, not after the way she'd acted to me, but... where could I go?
Besides, there was the small matter of Angel.
I wiped my eyes dry as I walked through the cemetaries, not looking for anyone to dust since, well, total lie and all. I'd just needed an excuse to go to the mansion where Angel... no. Where he was at.
I'd stopped the end of the world - again - wahoo. All it had taken was Angel's blood to be spilled, since... I dunno. Blood seemed to be a part of all these dark ceremonies or whatever. Acathla's big, ugly mouth closed shut and BOOM. Just a statue again.
Angel, though, he'd fallen to the floor after the sword Kendra had given me went into his side. Turned out that since it was a spiffy one and all, it had some weird magics in it that helped cause the blood to spill just right and also, well... didn't kill him.
Normal vamp-healing should've kicked in by now, too, but nope. Nada.
So, when I went into the mansion where I'd hidden him from everyone else during Summer Break, I paused a bit to watch him sleep. Or rest. Or whatever it was that vamps did, cuz of the whole non-breathing thing.
He was still gorgeous. He was still the man I had given myself to.
He just... wasn't Angel.
((Open for Angelus))
|
13 were tempted | Give in to it...
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