| Idiot crushes. |
[21 Aug 2008|07:28pm] |
Andy has told me it's completely uncool to have a crush on grown-up Short Round.
I have had to move on to David Mitchell, who I've had a long standing crush on since like, forever ago. Right now I'm watching a huge Mitchell & Webb marathon while simultaneously writing more Bollywood script and drinking red wine, because I'm so freaking decadent.
I want to go clubbing this weekend. Are there clubs on?
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| Life with suckage? |
[21 Aug 2008|12:17pm] |
The best journalist in the world who happens to be a CPFM is looking for people to share their stories about living through total shitfests. Anyone here know anyone (or are someone) who's able to help out with being an interviewee? Anyone from someone at the Cronulla riots or refugees who have fled unstable countries.
From her 'mail-out:
The interviews will of course be treated with the utmost sensitivity and respect.
Potential interviewees need to be:
- 18-35 years old
- willing to tell their story, most likely over the phone (I can possibly do it in person if they're in Melbourne)
- willing to be photographed
- available over the next 3 or 4 weeks
- in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth, Wellington or Auckland (i.e. not currently OS - they need to be accessible for the mag's photographers)
PLEASE TO HELP FOR SRSLY
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| My RPS OTP |
[20 Aug 2008|05:06pm] |
Ainsley Harriot/Gordon Ramsay.
Jus' saying.
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| Procrastinating. Can you tell? |
[20 Aug 2008|02:51pm] |
I'm sick of reading shit YA and children's fiction. These past few years I've been picking it up, and you know what? It's shit. I just got the Alchmyst and that's such a buttload of cockfuckery I can't take it. Those vampire books have also not been great. (heh.) So, I have decided to make a list of the top 5 YA/childrens books that you SHOULD read.
1. PAGAN'S CRUSADE - Catherine Jinks.
Do you like sexy vaguely Arabic boys who are the servants of sexy and stoic virginal Paladin-types who Don't Know How To Show Their Feelings??? Did Assassin's Creed and its prettily rendered Jerusalem turn you the fuck on? Do you want to seriously MAKE OUT with 12th century Arabs and think Saladin was the total BOMB BIGGITY??? Do you like HILARIOUS FUNNINESS AND ONE LINERS? Do you like historical fiction with BUM JOKES IN IT?!?!?! Even if you don't, you need to read this book. Just a word of warning - all the sequels are absolute BALLS. So are the rest of her books, actually. Give them a miss.
2. BILGEWATER - Jane Graham.
It's funny, I never liked this one until I was 17, and I suddenly realised that a story about a nerdy girl with awful hair growing up in a boarding school full of tormented and beautiful young boys who all wanted to be with her was in fact the most AWESOME THING ON THE PLANET. It's beautifully written, it makes you feel smart for getting all the references (Guh, at the English literature snerk-fullness), and... oh my goodness, Terrapin, the lovely blond tormented boy who teases her unmercilessly and then... guhhhh. GUH!!! It's beautiful and tragic and worth your fucking while.
3. WHICH WITCH - Eva Ibbotson.
Yes, it's a Harry Potter rip-off, or it would have been if it hadn't been written like a billion years before Rowlings picked up a pen. It has a character who's, um, just like Harry Potter and it's about a wizard trying to find a wife. I don't just love this book because the wizard's name is Arriman, but because it's freaking hilarious and wonderful and it is Harry Potter if Harry Potter was written by someone FREAKING AWESOMER THAN ANYONE ELSE. Really, you cannot go wrong with this book. It's wonderful. You need to buy it and read it now.
4. REDWALL - Brian Jacques.
I've a special soft spot for Redwall. It's one of the few books my dad suggested I read, and I hated it the first time and loved it the second time and it's so much bloody fun, isn't it? Of course the characters aren't perfect and sometimes you want to punch Matthias in his stupid mouse head, but a story about an evil rat trying to take over an abbey is just class. I have a special love for Cluny, who was freaking awesome.
5. FLOUR BABIES - Anne Fine.
Still the only book that's ever made me really cry. A class of thickos are made to do a flour baby experiment - you know, that one where you pretend a sack of flour is a baby and have to look after it. And Simon Martin, the biggest kid in school, becomes very attached to his and dreams of his missing father. I can't really do this book justice in a description. But it's wonderful, brain bogglingly wonderful.
Other things:![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) neko_seraph posted about the abortion debate in Victoria and the three models proposed (and I quote here):
Model A would effectively maintain the status quo - the actual status, not the 'legal' one. Women can obtain an abortion with the consent of a medical practitioner. The doctor has the final say as to whether the abortion will go ahead.
Model B would allow women the choice whether to have an abortion up to 24 weeks (6 months, if my mental arithmetic serves me right). Any abortion after that time would have to be authorised by a medical practitioner under strict circumstances, where the life of the mother was in jeopardy.
Model C would allow women unrestricted choice at any stage of the pregnancy whether to terminate.
I like the idea of a mix between Model C and B - I figure that any woman should be able to terminate whenever the piss they want, but it miiiight be advisable to check with a GP first to see if it wouldn't be easier (and cheaper) to induce or carry to term, because there's risks at later stage pregnancies. Of course, I have no idea how far medicine has advanced on the aborty-fronts and whether it's safer now. Thoughts?
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| Before I write this... |
[17 Aug 2008|08:37pm] |
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Is there a short fiction story about a time traveller who discovers time travel, and then goes back in time amazingly and then discovers that EVERYONE has gone back in time and that he's not the only one because people in the future have gone back in time etc etc etc?
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| So HAI |
[17 Aug 2008|11:08am] |
Yesterday we went out and made with funning around the city. I got my bloody mary (huzzar) and it was great.
I am up to book 6 of Y the last man. I don't usually read comics because most of them suck, but I like Y the last man, because it's about the last man on earth 'cos all the men died and the world is full of women and all of them are a) crazy b) hardcore c) trying to have sex with him d) having it off with each other. I would recommend this series, which is amazing because it makes you think well, if that is the last man on earth, why the fuck do we need them.
The line-editor has passed on my fuming paragraph crazy to my reg'lar editor, and we'll see where we go from here! I wrote her a SORRY I'M INSANE letter as she is really nice, and I like her, but paragraphs do not do that!!!!!
We went to the art gallery but my favourite painting is not on display. I have cries!
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| Finished the edit. |
[15 Aug 2008|11:18pm] |
Ack, so many things to fix that I didn't do!!! (And a few I missed. Oops.) Methinks that the actually release date will have to be pushed way the fuck back because I'm SO going to have to fix all those paragraphs. XD I'm also now regretting the decision to let some cuts happen to the story - it reads pretty bad without them. Eh well.
I'm so impressed with my current writing skillz though, after reading through the novel. Fuck, I rock now comparatively! My prose was so fucking purple it hurt!!! (Srsly. I'm like one of the people I laugh at hysterically these days.) It's like somewhere between 2003 and 2008 I magically learnt how to write purty. I.e., without pumping everything full of adverbs. OYYYYYYYY.
I wonder if I'll be saying this in 5 years again, when I'm reading over my Zeemverse shit?
Here is some of my Fat Man anthology contribution. Just the opening. A longer excerpt is on zeemverse
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| Reading over... |
[15 Aug 2008|07:51pm] |
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I notice that I've included way too much Gig/Lucas chanslash hintage. Seriously. That's entirely your fault, maelwaedd.
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| Talking about the book and Pissing about Generally. |
[15 Aug 2008|04:23pm] |
After doing the uh book talk chat thing tomorrow morning, I plan to take my puppy to the city. I'd like to see what the city looks like in focus. (GLASSES DAY!)
Anyone else going to be wandering about the city on Saturday? Eh? I would like to go to Joe's Garage and drink bloody marys, so if you're in the neighbourhood, lemme know!
Annoying thing about the glasses - they make me feel like vomiting. Bleh! It's mainly because they're for long range vision - I can see short-range, but I can feel some hardcore focussing issues when I try and it's blurrier than when I have my glasses off. (My vision is perfect for 1.5 metres or so, and then clear if somewhat blurry for a million miles after that). I am really only meant to wear them for driving but I like wearing them at other times because of my creepy SWF love for Tina Fey and the idea that somehow by wearing glasses like her I might slip inside her skin and get my own hilarious tv show about how awesome it is to be me.
On that note, I have to say that I hate comedies that don't get women. I mean, I really do. There are only a handful of comedies that do women characters well and funny. Andy points out that the rule of thumb for writing a female character would have to be - Can this character also be a man? If so, are they still funny? If you can't switch their gender and still have them be appealing, then you have FAILED. The best female character comedies in my book have to be the Vicar of Dibley and Ab Fab - (by the way, how the SHIT does Dawn French look like still she's bloody thirty????) - but My Name is Earl has awesome female characters, as does 30 Rock. Can anyone recommend me a comedy show with funny women in it? Please?! I don't want to have to go and buy the 30 Rock DVD out of sheer ARGH.
I have now been procrastinating over working for about 6 hours. Maybe I'm *not* cut out to work from home, eh.
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| Well YES you idiots. |
[15 Aug 2008|01:05pm] |
I've always felt that guinea pigs are the easy, really FUCKING easy solution to the global food shortage. There's a guy out there in India right now saying the same thing about rats, so I figure I may actually be onto something here.
The thing is that guinea pigs breed motherfucking fast, need fuck all room (in the Andes and places where they do live off them, they usually just build a little square run area in the living room for them) and don't require the vast amounts of food traditional livestock animals do. In situations like in Ethiopia right now, where they're having a green famine - that is, shit GREW but the crops didn't happen - they could easily breed guinea pigs with lame-ass non-growing crops. They are being introduced to West Africa in a small way, but really, it would make so much more sense to dump a pile of guinea pigs instead of grain (or at least, 50% guinea pigs, 50% grain) on affected countries. Grain runs out and guinea pigs, we'd hope, wouldn't.
Guinea pigs have VERY little impact on global issues. If everyone ate the little buggers, we would be able to cut down emissions by what, roughly 1/3rd. Worldwide.
The problem is that people in Western countries think eating guinea pigs (or rats, in MOST countries) is awful and evil. I still don't understand that. Here are little food sources running around! They're quick and easy! Yum!
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| Life OH LIFE |
[13 Aug 2008|11:13am] |
I haven't done anything on the script! First reading is on the weekend. AH! SUCK!
Must finish my fat guy story today. I has plot now.
Andy may need more head-surgery because now bits inside his surgery-hole are rotting and falling apart! I would have more sympathy for him but now I have to wear glasses, so I have a problem too. Andy finds this comparison uncool.
My glasses make me look kind of clever and old and wise and shit. Pretty awesome no shit. Also, I have discovered the world is a lot brighter and sharper than I assumed. The glasses are not super strong or anything, there's just one eye that's a bit off - Andy put them on and he didn't notice any problem looking through them and his eyes are perfect. Still WTF, world. Unfortunately since my eyesight is perfect for a particular length, yeah, I can only really wear them when I'm looking at FAR SHIT. My glasses are v. Tina Fey. I like that. We like Tina Fey. Everyone likes Tina Fey.
I'm so in love with Sean Lennon. XD
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| Fuck you, fat people. |
[12 Aug 2008|12:42pm] |
You know, there's a point you reach when you are just sick of fucking fat people trashing. I mean, seriously.
Last night we watched a show on Channel 31 (we watch a lot of community television) and they're discussing reader mail. One woman writes in because her fat son is going nuts on account of the fact the school is considering dragging him OUT OF CLASSES for an hour and a half each day to do some crazy-ass exercise program while the rest of the kids learn like, you know, KIDS ARE SUPPOSED TO AT SCHOOL. The son is happy, he's healthy, he's got piles of self confidence, and it seems like he doesn't mind doing PE with the rest of the class, huzzar huzzar. The family are considering home schooling because the kid is really, seriously, upset.
Every person on the panel is like YOUR KID IS FAT, THEY SHOULD DO THIS, GEEZ, SHUT UP FAT PEOPLE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET SOME EXERCISE TOO. Even the fat woman on the panel is exactly the same. I wonder what the fuck would happen if her boss said to her, you're too fat, so we're going to single you out, make you stop working every day and do some retardo exercise program. HA HA HA.
Why do people not realise this is the most FUCKED THING on the planet? Seriously?
In other news, a reposting of an old story of fat positive fiction, because I am still kerANNOYED.
<b>Unrelated edit</b> Want to chat online? I'm working on my bloody submission for TFMATEOTW (aka that fat anth) and need writing company and plottery fun. I'm on as DigitalZwuh or Softcorecannibal. :D
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| Pimping for someone else! Blog Tourism. |
[12 Aug 2008|12:25pm] |
Lora Deeprose has a book, uh, coming-out called The Still Life of Hannah Morgan. It's a romance and I haven't read it, but her answers to the questions are *adorable* and make me want to. :) Will read when it comes out and give a review, f'serious, but for now there's just blog-tourness.
 "The longer you choose to play it safe, the more miserable your life will become. The universe rewards risk my dear; you know what you need to do."
Hannah Morgan’s life is at a standstill. Her dreams of becoming an artist vanished with the sudden death of her grandmother and mentor. To appease her distant and disapproving mother, Hannah gets a respectable job at a high-end day spa. Instead of painting masterpieces, Hannah spends her days painting nails and giving facials to wealthy women. Her dreams for the future have become a hideous nightmare. And it just keeps getting worse. She catches her boyfriend cheating, loses her job, and has to watch from the sidelines as her best friend, Jasmine Blue, goes after her own dreams of owning her own salon.
Then she meets Aaron, a working artist, and finds in him a kindred spirit. And, to her surprise, she finds the courage to follow her dreams. When circumstances beyond her control threaten to destroy both her relationship with Aaron and her dreams of a bright future, Hannah fears her mother was right—that some dreams aren’t meant to come true.
( All about Lora )
( Watch the movie! )
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| Fat stories |
[11 Aug 2008|08:38pm] |
Anyone working on a fat guy story? :D :D :D :D
Look at my pretty smiley faces filled with plead!
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| ARGH |
[11 Aug 2008|04:45pm] |
My tax return is going to be SHITHOUSE.
ARGH ARGH ARGH and VOMIT.
:/
I am displeased.
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| ...what, Bernie? |
[10 Aug 2008|09:33am] |
Bernie Mac died. What?! WHAT?! I may have hated his comedy but he seemed like a great guy. And he was clearly having a lot of fun in his life, loving family, etc. :(
The script writing session went well, people liked the story, but apparently you can't have women copiously vomit in Bollywood. But why not? WHY, I SAY, WHY NOT? We're going to do some advertising for Indian or Indian-looking people for the movie, as well as at least a few white people, and camera-folk, directors, floor managers, etc. (There's one main role for a white woman, 20-30.) Once the script's in place. I guess if you're interested in acting, let me know ahead of time! You uh may have to be flown overseas to do some scenes, mind. It's also going to be mainly in English, so yeah, you don't have to speak Hindi.
My cousin Mz Nathalie in her first dramatic role.
As I discovered from facebook, the whole chasing was the result of the two gratuitously making out all over Pere Lachaise cemetery. YA RLY.
In other news for Gary Dourdan fans, I think having come to bed eyes in your mugshot is a testament to this man's insane sexiness. Those haunting blue eyes curdle my soul. Wail.
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| YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE BLIND |
[09 Aug 2008|12:27pm] |
Evolution survey! http://www.evolutionsurvey.com/
I'm amazed that so many of you on my flist are actually seriously blind. And you don't have a problem with it. And it's like, normal. I am failing to understand. If I could only see shapes and blurs when I opened my eyes I'd FREAK OUT.
PETA has fail for using a dead guy as a campaign to promote their cause. Puke.
Script writing meeting again tonight, so I can find out how comfortable people are with my script.
Going out today. Whee.
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| Uh, blog tour. Books. And shit. |
[08 Aug 2008|04:44pm] |
This is a uh, self pimping post. Basically the publisher is doing a blog tour, and the tour is ending up here. Madness, eh. This means a post about me, including all the things I've already posted here. The stuff that I've already posted is behind cut text shit so you don't have to read again....
( People in the book. )
( Shit about me. )
7. What other projects are you currently working on?
I've been working on a series of short stories about a Persian fairy who lives in West London and works in Tescoes. A couple are out in magazines at the moment - I'm trying to write enough to make an anthology. I'm also writing a Young Adult novel about pirates who fly about in airships.
8. Are there any other stories out there of yours that readers might be interested in? Where can they find them?
Abyss and Apex has a novella-length sequel to Harmonica + Gig available on their website. It's called The Ghosts of Los Hellas. Yes, it contains some spoilers. I've got the full list of my recent publications (science fiction, fantasy and erotica only) on my plebe radio.
( Cover you've seen. )
( Blurb and video. )
Talk to RJ Astruc! RJ Astruc will be chatting LIKE HERE on August 15th at 9pm EST!
Tomorrow's Blog Tour Stop: Words and Worlds Prompts
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| Myopia |
[08 Aug 2008|02:17pm] |
So reading up on this HORRIBLE AFFLICTION...
MY EYES MIGHT GET WORSE!!!
ARGH!!!
NOOOOOOOOOO.
I thought my eyes were great!!!
Does anyone else here have myopia? How awful is it?
EDIT: WTF How can you all be like, OKAY with your eyes DYING HORRIBLY?!?!!? This is horrible!!!! Fuck Andy's deaf ear!!!!! This is fucking a million times more horrible.
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| International Blog Against Racism Week |
[08 Aug 2008|12:36pm] |
Things I think are shamelessly racist, and promote the continuance of racism in the future:
- The phrase people-of-colour. What the shit.
- Words like African-American and Asian-American. If white-Americans don't have to be called white-Americans, and if you snicker if white Africans who are now in America get called African-Americans, then I'm pretty sure the term is filled with UNBEARABLE STUPID. I can't think of any other country that likes to segregate its community linguistically with hyphens. Maybe I'm wrong?
- The entirely of black history being condensed to 'slavery', 'apartheid', and 'civil rights movement'. You know what, if that's all I was taught, I'd not want to be fucking black either.
- People who think Africa is ONE FUCKING COUNTRY. No, The Age, you cannot say that the greatest number of migrants who came to Australia recently were from England, China, India, and FUCKING AFRICA.
I follow the Morgan Freeman school of thought on racist issues generally.
Also: FUCK THIS I HAVE TO GET GLASSES.
Oh my gosh.
I have to get GLASSES. ARGH.
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