How hard is is to keep GIBBS in character?!
Jack and Jill by !!!Fop Hunter!!! reviews
CHAPTER 3 UP!Jack runs into an old childhood friend, who happens to be a girl. She remembers him but he's having trouble figuring out where he's seen her face. Will they fall in love? R&R! First P.O.C fic.

Promising, no? Look up at the underlined and, well, what I pointed out. Yessss. Phanwankers who have come here for more wanky fun should be up in arms by now. Check out 'er profile. I wonder if anyone else has wanked her on Phanwank? Hm. Speaking of which, I need to go affiliate with Phanwank. *writes on to-do list* Now to the wanking.

Captain Jack Sparrow

"Gibbs! Have we any prey?" Tell me, whenever would Jack say something like that? I shout to my firstmate.

"There, Captain! A small boat off the starboard bow!" he returns.

"Very good. Prepare to board, men!" I order as we near the tiny vessel.

They all wait on the starboard side of the Black Pearl eagerly waiting to pillage the boat we approach.

"Hold up you, dogs!" I command seeing no one about to try and stop us.

"What be the problem, Captain?" asks Gibbs.

"There should be people on deck prepared to fend us off," Jack! Why aren't you using your lovely speech with lazy big words? I say searching the deck.

"So. Perhaps they saw us coming and fled."

"I find that very unlikely." I continue searching for any remnent of the crew and occupants of the ship as I walk to the side as well. "All hands back to the Pearl!"

When I turn to walk back to my position, I find myself staring down the barrel of a loaded pistol. "Hands in the air where I can see them," they order.

I raise my hands and try to catch a glance of this mysterious person who is covering their face with a cloak.

"The meaning of that intrusion, sir?" they ask.

"What intrusion? The only intrusion I've noticed is you boarding my ship!" Ohh, Jack. Your speech. You haven't even swaggered or sashayed!

"I would not have come aboard if you had not come aboard my ship first. Now, I demand an answer for such!" they say aiming the pistol at my heart now.

"Our intentions were to rob you blind and then leave," I answer with a smug grin, my hands still in the air.

"Robbing other pirates. What a shame," Pirate, love. the person pulls back the hood of the cloak to reveal a lovely woman with sapphire eyes and long, wavey, brown hair with an oddly familiar face. MARY! SUE! MARY! SUE!

"A woman?" I gasp. o rly?

"A woman! That's frightfully bad luck, Captain!" Gibbs immediately speaks up. Gibbs, at least, is in character. ♥ for Gibbs.

"Hold your tongue, mate."

"Jack Sparrow? Is it not?" she asks.

"Actually, it's Captain Jack Sparrow," I correct her. No gesticulations? T_T This HAS to be sober!Jack.

"Oh! Captain Jack Sparrow, then! I demand you return all that your crew has taken; down to every last coin. If I find so much as one sliver of gold missing, you and your crew will all taste the powder of my pistol! Do I make myself clear, Captain Sparrow?" she points the pistol in my face again. --; *slapping rule applies!* Multiple-shot guns were not invented back then. By the time you were reloading, they'd have gutted you.

"Chrystal," What's that again? I answer. "What's your name?"

She pulls her pistol away and stares me in the eye, "Captain Jill Patterson. Now, get a move on returning I and my crew's spoils." She walks away leaving me baffled. NEVER! turn your back on your opponent.

"Bloody hell!" I let it slip when I glance at Jill's hindquarters. Well. That's a little more in-character.

She stops dead and turns around with flaming eyes. "You low down, filthy dog. I heard that and I don't appreciate you staring at me as I walk away. I don't care if you are a pirate and that's our ways *eyeroll* Honey, with a Mary Sue, this is a very COMMON occurance. but an outburst like that could have you shot, Captain Sparrow!" she marches back up to me.

"Sorry, love?" I laugh. "Can I help it that I'm attracted to all women?" *points to user info* Jack/everyone, see?!

She smiles and then without warning, kicks my manhood into my throat. "Oh, I'm sorry! Can I help it that my reflexes react like so to such remarks?" she walks away again with a satisfied smile and leaves me holding my jewels while lying on my side.

The entire crew is laughing their hides off. Some crew. Though, which one? Hers or yours?

"All of you scavalous dogs return to the Black Widow! Oh. My. Gods. It's the patron ship of goths. (*hypocrite, seeing as she's labeled that* Bah.) I guess it could be worse. "Return to the Bleeding Heart!" Teehee." she orders her crew through her laughs.

The ship sails away as I try to gather what I have left of my pride. I pull myself from the deck, gripping the railing of my ship.

"My, my, Captain! In all my days, I've never seen a look on your face like that," chuckles Gibbs. Oh. Your crew. Gibbs, I take back that ♥ 'cause you're outta character again.

"Oh shut up! She caught me off guard!"

"Whatever you say, Captain." He returns to his position.

Captain Jill Patterson

My first mate appears from below.

"Everything accounted for, Mr. Wilkes?" I ask. I used to be damned good friends with a boy with that last name. We were nigh-inseperable during our day off. (Ever hear of a micro-society school? Yeeeah. We went to one. Had the same off day. Much fun.) Of course, we got in trouble for harassing the lunch ladies out back, but they were really mean. =/

"Everything, Captain." He starts to walk away but stops. "How do you know that there, Captain Sparrow?" he turns and asks. And now comes moe info that he really asked for. I can see it coming. No. I really can. *points down*

"From my childhood. He was a right strange fellow, Jack. Always interrested in stealing from the people on the streets. In fact, we made a game of it. I would pick out someone randomly from the street and time Jack on how long it took him to steal something from the selected target. Of course, then, I wasn't one for stealing but once I got older...I became quite fond of it. The entire reason for becoming a pirate;I love the challenge," I reply to his previous question. ...AKA! Blah, blah, yadda, etc, blah.

"He didn't seem to remember you, Captain." Your powers of observation continue to serve you well.

"No I wouldn't expect him to. We were only eight when our paths parted and took us in seperate directions.That's enough, you scalliwag, back to your post!" I order.

"Yes, Captain," he leaves me to steering the Black Widow. One of the fastest ships in the Caribbean, she is often mistaken for her sister, the Black Pearl. *slap* See, now, that was just stupid. It was SMALLER THAN! the Black Pearl. I think Jack would have recognized that it looked similar, even if smaller, no?

In my quarters, I think about my meeting with Jack. My actions were hardly suitable for a reunion. I did not intend on it being a reunion and that, along with the sick remark, is why I treated him in such a way. It was payback as well. When he and I were children, he pushed me into the mud once because he said I was counting too fast while timing him. Awww. Sob sob, tear tear. Go cry me a river. He also pushed me off the dock once where there were many sharks combing the water. I was lucky to have escaped with no injury.

Jack Sparrow, don't think you are out of the way of my wrath yet. I've still many things to repay you for. Then why didn't you just shoot 'im?

Captain Jack

"Where have I seen that face before?" I ask myself aloud.

"Seen what face before, Cap'n?" Gibbs intrudes into my quarters. YOUR MAMA'S OHBURN.

"Haven't you heard of knocking, mate?" I ask standing up from my chair.

"Pardon me, Cap'n but me and the rest of the crew was just wondering..."

"Wondering what, Gibbs? Out with it, man!"

"Has your manhood descended from your throat yet?" he starts laughing histerically along with the rest of the crew, who are just outside the door. Ohhh, the badfic.

"If you pigs don't return to your posts I'll feed you to the sharks!" I shout throwing a knife at them. I miss and hit the door frame.

Still laughing, the fools do as commanded.

"Where have I seen her bloody face!" I pound the table with my fist. Um. Right when she took off her cloak hood? :D "Jill Patterson. Jill Patterson. That name is ringing some bells but I can't point out straight away where I've heard it from."

I slump in my chair. "A wanted sign? No, no, no! A bar? No, no, that's not right either! Where have I seen her before?" By now I'm very frustrated and kick my table over; my chair follows after I stand.

I walk to the window. "Patterson! I'm going to figure out where I've heard that name from, if it be te last thing that I do! I will know!" *sob* Jack! Why are you always OoC?! Oh, wait, that's why I'm wanking this so bad in the first place.

Captain Jill Patterson

"Hard to port! I need to make a stop at Port Royal!" I order.

The town is in sight now and I order my ship to a halt. "Anchor!" I shout. "I can take a row boat from here."

My men drop the anchor bringing the Widow to a stop as I lower a row boat and start rowing towards the port. Luckily for me, no one is at the docks, for one reason or another. Suethor and her non-logic are to blame. I pull my boat to shore and snatching a bag I have brought with me, run ashore.

In a nearby grove of trees and bushes, I quickly change into the dress in my bag. Someone would most definetly suspect me to be a pirate if they were to see me, a woman, in what I call my normal clothing. Why can't you just do what Liz did and bloody go around crossdressing. Worked for her, ne?

Finished changing, I hurry into the streets but not before removing all of my pirate memorabilia. The law here is if anyone is caught in the act of piracy or who sail under a pirate flag or wears a pirate brand will be hanged. I have no brands, I despise tatoos, and I'm not wearing any of my pirate medalions. *eyeroll* *slap* You're probably still wearing a gaudy amount of rings, maybe several ear piercings, perhaps a necklace.

I take a deep breath of the air and sigh, "Port Royal. How I've missed you." NO. NOOOO. She doesn't know Liz. She can't. Please don't tell me she's about to do what I think she is. ;~;

"Good morning, miss," a gentleman tips his hat to me as he walks by.

"Good morning, sir," I curtsy.

Another man passes and tips his hat. I take advantage of his prescence and ask, "Sir, can you tell me, is Mr. Swann still govenor?" OF COURSE SHE IS.

"Why of course, miss. Whatever would make you think otherwise?" he appears quite stunned.

"Oh! I've just returned to Port Royal. I've not been home in years. He and his daughter are still in the mansion on the hilll?" *facepalm*

"Yes, ma'am but why would you ask that?" he inquires.

"Miss Swann is a very good friend of mine. Thank you for the assistance, sir. I will be on my way." I curtsy and walk up the streets towards the govenor's mansion. You lack tact. Along with manners. Hope you get served.

I knock on the door and wait patiently for someone to open it.

When someone appears they seem quite suffisticated. *squee* That made my day. "Can I help you?" he asks in an odd voice.

"Yes. I'm here to see Miss Swann," I answer.

"Is she aware that you're coming to visit?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"Then I'm afraid that you may not enter," he says closing the door in my face. Hehe. Pwned.

I stand dumbfounded on the front step before walking away.

"Ramsey, who was that?" the govenor's voice asks. Ramsey? Why is it that I abhor that name so much...?

"Some girl here to see Miss Swann," replies Ramsey.

"Did you ask a name?"

"No, sir. I did not think it neccessary."

"Then how do you know that it wasn't one of Elizabeth's friends?" "Because, sir, she has not the pale skin of nobility, her face chapped and weathered from a life at sea, and you should only SEE her hands!" his voice thunders as he flings the door open. "Miss!"

I turn around in the cobblestone road and ask, "Yes?"

He seems shocked when he sees my face. "Miss Patterson? Little Jillian Patterson? Is that you?"

"Yes, sir." I smile and curtsy.

He holds his hand out to me, gesturing for me to come inside. "Come inside."

I take his hand and he leads me into the mansion.

"My God! It's been years since I've seen you. You look very lovely, especially in that rumpled and quite plain dress which looks as if you simply pulled it out of a bag on the way here! Hm, how odd," he kisses my hand.

"Thank you, Govenor." I can only laugh at his gestures and stunned face. "Is Elizabeth here?" I ask.

"Yes. You remeber where her room is, do you not?"

"Yes, sir." Again I curtsy and walk up the marble stairs.

I stand outside of my friend's door and take a deep breath before knocking.

"Who is it?" Elizabeth's voice asks.

"It's a surprise, Liz. May I come in?" I question.

She opens the door and upon seeing my face, her eyes widen. "Jill? Is that really you?"

I smile proudly. "Who else would call you 'Liz' other than me?" *pets in-character Jack*

She hugs me and says, "I can't believe it! It's been years! How are you?" She leads me into her room.

"Wonderful and I've no reason for asking how you are. You appear quite well and," I notice the ring on her finger, "engaged." *sad sigh, as her 'ship has vanished in this fic*

She glances at the ring. "Oh! Yes."

"Congratulations. To whom?" I question.

"His name is Willian Turner but I call him Will," she replies.

"Will Turner? The blacksmith slash pirate. Well done, my friend." *smack* So even she knows and he's not in the gallows?

"Jill, why are you wearing that necklace?" she inquires suddenly.

I look down and see that I am still wearing my pirate necklace of a black widow spider. I stare at her. NYAHAHAHA. Knew it.

"You're a pirate? Jill!" she exclaims.

I cover her mouth. "Not so loud, Liz." I lower my voice to a whisper, "Yes, I am a pirate and I assure you if you make another outburst like that, you will lose your best friend to the gallos." I'm not quite sure if she knows what the gallows are. Perhaps she really IS talking about something called "gallos" but as to what, I am not sure.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I nod. "Now, let's..."

"Elizabeth!" he father interrupts. "William is here!" Her father should be attending to, you know, governer business. They have a butler who is quite soffisticated who is paid for these kinds of things!

"Will is here. O rly? Would you like to meet him?" asks Liz.

"Would I? The son of one of the greatest piartes. Bootstrap Bill? Greatest pirates? Okay, sure, why not? It would be an honor!" I whisper.

"Well, come on." She pulls me to my feet and leads me downstairs.

"Will!" she squeals rushing up and embracing her fiancee.

"Good day, Elizabeth," he says kissing her. *slap* 16th century, dammit. They aren't freshman kids of today in a mall. Ugh. Freshman...*reminded of freshman year starting next week* Stupid, STUPID, state...

"Will, I would like you to meet my best friend. Jillian Patterson," she holds gestures towards me.

I approach and curtsy. "I don't particularly like Jillian. Me neither. Please, call me Jill."

"And how come I've never met you before?" questions Will after bowing.

"I've been away for many years and have just returned for a visit," I reply.

"Well, it is a pleasure. How long will you be staying in Port Royal?"

"I'm leaving shortly."

"What? But you must stay foratleast a couple of days. We need to catch up. If you haven't anywhere to stay, you may stay here. We have many guests room," protests Liz.

"No, no! It sin't that. I...well...Liz you know why."

"Yes. Are you leaving now?" she inquires.

"I'm afraind so." I curtsy and walk out the door. That's kinda rude. Almost hokey-pokey-like. "You jump in Liz's house! You jump back out! Get back on your ship and shake it all about while being perfectly gorgeous and kicking Jack in the balls when he responds to that as such!"

"What is it about that necklace she's wearing? It resembles a pirate medallion," I hear Will say as I walk down the steps. What is it with you all and pirate medallions? No such thing! Ugh. They didn't own coining presses, you know.

I expect Liz to inform him so I think nothing more of it and return to my row boat.

I do not change; I climb in the boat and begin rowing back to my ship.

"Welcome back, Cap'n," I am greeted by my crew.

"Good to be back gents."

"Did you not feel up to changing, ma'am?" asks Wilkes.

"I was in a hurry and I'm going to change right now." I walk into my quarters and change back into my normal attire before returning to the deck.

"And what was your business in Port Royal, Cap'n?"

"Visit an old friend and nothing more! Back to your posts you mangey dog!" I command in a harsh tone. This Jill chick...I seriously doubt she can do anything in a "harsh tone". Sorry, female captains back in the mid-1700s? I'm a chick and I realize that's ridiculous in this time frame.

"Yes, ma'am," he leaves me.

What did everybody think of chappy two? You like it? Yes? Hells no. Awwww! I have awesome reviewers.

In-character Jack! Pleeease, come back to us!