Oki, so here is my very first attack on a super bad fanfic! I don't really think its that great, but in any case, I hope everyone enjoys it. Doubtful, seeing as the fanfic is dreadful in itself. x.x


http://shinketsukarasu.livejournal.com/1439.html

Hey guys! I just wanted to drop by and say hi, and that I'm new to this community. Anyone can post wanks on here, right? Not just mods or people like that? I mean, sheesh, there are too many wanktastic fics to post here, but I think I'm going to give this a try. Wish me luck! Hopefully I'll be posting something within the next week or so.

Umm... this communtiy is still active, right? O.o

I have been meaning to do this forever. I am sorry that real life got in the way. longlostblue was nice enough to let me adopt this wank. I am a virgin wanker and always thought that my first would be a phanwank, but this one is too good to pass up. And it seems that things have been a bit slow around here. I hope you all enjoy.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3150592/1/
There Is No Such Thing As Forgiveness
Chapter 2: The Maiden and the Raven:

How come nobody posts here? I mean, there's a slew of wanky fics at FFN. Anyway, here's the first non-fic-wanking post. You all know the short speech Davy Jones makes before he unleashes the Kraken...?

Davy Jones: Let no joyful voice be heard! Let no man look up to the sky with hope! And let this day be cursed by we who ready to raise... the Kraken!

Job 3:8: Lo, let the night be solitary, let no joyful cry be heard in it. Let them curse it who curse the day who are ready to awake the Leviathan.

Strange attraction

Author's summary: Evangeline Swann, 19 year old sister lives with her brother in law Will and her sister Elizabeth. Jack Sparrow comes to vistit and evangeline is offered to live her life as a mermaid, will she accept? Romance later in the story Even the summary makes my head hurt.

( Read more... )

And there's even more besides these two chapters! Anyone else want to take over the wank?

Happy International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, maties! ;3 Glad to see ol' Li'journal is keeping the Pirattitude alive! All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Aarrr!

Of Beckett and Bashings
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3102592/1/

Author's summary: Various Beckett bashing goodness. Huzzah!
Wanky summary: A fic so crappy and non-funny, it doesn't even need comments. I also happen to ♥ Beckett, by the way.

( Read more... )

For more lulz, check out the girl's profile. It's ridiculous.

*Waves* Hello! haven't  posted over here yet but I would just like to post this sentence of wank.(for now..)

Jack could already see the redness and perkiness of her nipples, and that only caused the abdomen in his groin to grow.

Me thinks Jack is oddly formed....

What does one do when one has (rather foolishly, I admit) agreed to beta something which then turns out to be only fit for posting here? For a start, I don't even want my name associated with is as a beta reader! Help! ;-)

Egad. My first pirate wank. So work with me. I'm a Phantom nerd.

William Turner's Fairytale
By Atlantean Pirate

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3149297/1/

SUMMARY: A dog who is really a princess, a woman who is really a half wolf, a world that should exist only in fairytales and an evil Queen hell bent on taking over the Nine Kingdoms. Will Turner was not ready for this.

There Is No Such Thing as Forgiveness
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3150592/1/

Author's summary: Captain Victoria Raven, of the Neptune's Maiden, tracks down Jack Sparrow. After tricking him offers a partnership to retreve the Mourner's Treasure. But things slowly begin to reveal themselves. Victoria is not what she seems, or even who.

Wanky summary: Half of the first chapter is simply describing the Mary Sue's beauty and skillz, and the author isn't even subtle about it. Also CHOCK FULL of slashy subtext.

( Read more... )

Jack and Jill by !!!Fop Hunter!!! reviews
CHAPTER 3 UP!Jack runs into an old childhood friend, who happens to be a girl. She remembers him but he's having trouble figuring out where he's seen her face. Will they fall in love? R&R! First P.O.C fic.

Promising, no? Look up at the underlined and, well, what I pointed out. Yessss. Phanwankers who have come here for more wanky fun should be up in arms by now. Check out 'er profile. I wonder if anyone else has wanked her on Phanwank? Hm. Speaking of which, I need to go affiliate with Phanwank. *writes on to-do list* Now to the wanking.

( Jack and Jill? Srsly. Creativity is love. kthnxbai. )

( Jack, go have some rum. Here. I'll even give you some of mine. Just PLEASE get back in character. )

In-character Jack! Pleeease, come back to us!

*almost complete and masterful wank disappears completely at one keystroke*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*dies*

*breaks a bottle of champagne rum on community*

At least we're not burning it this time...?