Laugh at Stupidity

phanwank @ 2008-07-17T20:35:00

2008-07-18T00:53:32Z

Angel of Music Movie

Is The Phantom of the Opera more than just a story?
Eric Nelson is a successful writer for a historic newspaper. He has won numerous accolades for his work, due mostly to his keen psychological insight into others. After picking up Gaston Leroux’s classic novel, he becomes intrigued by the author’s assertion that the story was true. As Eric delves deeper into Leroux’s world, a shadowy organization moves to stop him. With his marriage crumbling before him, he knows if he can only prove the story is true, Kristen will return to him. The question is, will he be able to finish it in time? What secret could be so great that it’s worth dying over?

I... uh... don't know what to say.

They have embedding disabled, but here's the links to the three trailers.

Angel of Music 1

Angel of Music 2

Angel of Music 3

*rubs her temples*

phanwank @ 2008-07-17T15:49:00

2008-07-17T21:59:15Z

So I finally saw POTO (literally hours before hearing about the sequel and losing the respect I'd regained for ALW) and I reviewed it here. But the best part was the man sitting behind me explaining the plot to his little girls.

HIM: And the Phantom wants her-
SEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL: So he's selfish?
HIM: No- well, maybe a little.

There may be hope for the future.

Thoughts on domain names (plus new bit of P:OUAT info)

2008-07-17T16:36:19Z

I was wondering earlier (after reading that new article about Po-- I mean, P:OUAT) about when the new show's official website would show up. That got me thinking about the original PotO show site, and how ALW had to call it 'thephantomoftheopera.com', because PotO.com's owner had already taken 'phantomoftheopera.com'. Of course, then I had to search for every possible domain name I could think of that the sequel might be registered under. There wasn't anything at 'pouat.com', 'phantom2.com' is a software sales site, 'pom.com' sells parking meters, and 'onceuponanothertime.com' is empty, but registered to someone in New Jersey. However, 'poto2.com' says you have to log-in to view the site, which means something is under construction... Does it mean anything? Probably not (especially as it's registered to some company in Korea).

Then, after I'd finished typing the above paragraph, I was going to make a joke about how ALW's going to be scraping the bottom of the barrel for website names. In search of a punchline, I typed in 'phantomofconeyisland.com', knowing it would be unregistered...
...

IT'S BEEN REGISTERED BY THE REALLY USEFUL GROUP!

Watch this space: http://phantomofconeyisland.com

(Or maybe not... it's bound to be dreadful)

Phantom sequel Act I plot unveiled at last! (like we weren't able to guess or anything)

2008-07-16T18:29:54Z

Hi everyone, I know it's been a while, but I couldn't resist posting this when I saw it on Broadway World. I think you'll enjoy (or rather cry at) how much it sounds like a bad fanfic. If this has been posted before, I'm guessing that the mods simply just won't approve it. If that's the case, sorry, mods!

"As for "Phantom . . . Once Upon Another Time": It's set in 1906 in Coney Island. The Phantom, having fled Paris, is running a freak show. At night, he crawls into his lair and makes love to an automaton that looks like Christine.

Christine, meanwhile, has become a famous opera singer. But she's fallen on hard times because her husband, Raoul, has squandered their fortune. So she's accepted a high-paying gig from a mysterious impresario to open a new amusement park. On her first night in New York, she draws back the curtain in her hotel suite and comes face to face with her new employer - flash of lightning, crash of chords - the Phantom!

Christine has a child, Gustave, but is his father Raoul or the Phantom? I can't tell you because no one's seen the second act yet."

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07162008/entertainment/theater/a_really_wine_time_120096.htm?page=1

Source

Like I said in the thread, I bet Raoul squandered away their fortune on clothes because he's SUCH A FOP. Or ALCOHOL because we all know that he gets drunk and abuses Christine!

Edit: OMG guys I called it! From the article: "But I can tell you that Raoul, who was so handsome in "The Phantom," is now a drunken wreck. "

Good fic? In my Pit of Voles? It's more likely than you think.

2008-07-15T22:29:09Z

Just in time to restore your faith in humanity, it's L'epoux Cadavre, a very well-written and surprisingly deep Phantom fic inspired by elements of Corpse Bride, but by no means clinging exactly to that movie's plot. It includes a likeable Raoul and a properly hideous Erik, not to mention an in-character Persian. Seriously, the only major weak point I can think of is the inclusion of the song "The Remains of the Day". Other than that, it represents a well-thought-out alternate take on Phantom (sort of Phantom without the Opera) that piles on even more Gothic horror than the original and brings the old Persephone myth to mind.

Cleaning out my computer brings back the wank...

2008-07-15T22:28:15Z

So looking through old files of miscellania on my computer (for Christmas music, of all things, in July!) I stumbled across a copy of an old wank (all tediously coded by hand from back in the day when I had trouble with LJs buttons and stuff,) and spent a good little while giggling to myself over the badfic. Siiiigh. Good times.
I want to get back into wank, but I have no idea where to start or what's already been done in my absence...

Help. Suggestions.

phanwank @ 2008-07-14T01:38:00

2008-07-14T06:45:05Z

Right, so I decided to wank this just because the title made me sporfle, and I just watched nearly straight through three seasons of Babylon 5 and that show is eating my SOUL and I really should stop for a moment.

"Bowling To My Heart" (I kid you not)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4360216/1/Bowling_To_My_Heart

Christine Daae sat in the front row of Mr. Leventhal’s class-Music Appreciation, mind in a state of reverie. First sentence and already it doesn't make much sense! She thoroughly enjoyed music in its entirety, but she felt like she had to be somewhere else at that moment. She got up and left the class, driving to the airport and boarding a plane to Iceland. There, that was better.

“Ms. Daae?” Mr. Leventhal asked Christine who was staring at the whiteboard, tapping her Pilot pen on her binder.

Twitched back into reality, say what? Christine looked at her college professor and offered a blank expression for an answer. She's in college? Could have fooled me.

“I asked, Ms. Daae,” Mr. Leventhal started impatiently, “What was the style that Chopin used to play his music?”

“Sir, he used Clementi's piano method with his own students,” Christine started, reciting what she knew by heart. Way to not answer the question, Christine.

“But he was also influenced by Hummel's development of virtuoso, yet Mozartian, piano technique.” Way to name drop Chopin, author. He does not appreciate it much.

Mr. Leventhal gave a curt nod to acknowledge her answer.

“That’s what I wanted to hear, Ms. Daae.” Christine waited to be praised further, sitting up a bit.

“I don’t assume you are deaf, as you are a Music Major in capital letters, which makes it twice as important so I expect you to answer my questions the first time you hear them. Lest your course be but a mere pun to your disability.” With that, he turned to the other side of the room to address a student who asked a question. And I bet this author thinks being a music major is all puppies and cookies, right?

People around Christine sniggered and she felt her cheeks burn. Meg, her best friend, nudged her with an elbow on Christine’s arm and she smiled in reassurance.

Meg was older than Christine by months, who miraculously was at the top of her class but always sat in trance during her classes. The teachers never believed Meg was having psychic experiences, but then one day she saved the teacher a moment before a shelf fell on him, saving his life. She was soon discovered to be the first person with the real ability to tell the future and ended up becoming a superhero and saving the world.

At least the only subjects that were important in Christine’s program at University Caro were Music Appreciation and General Logic and Philosophies. She doesn't have to take music theory? Or music history? These were subjects she effortlessly excelled in. If she's only taking two classes, she's not a music major.

After Mr. Leventhal gave out assignments, the class dispersed and Christine and Meg lazily flopped out of the classroom like Magikarp, waiting for the day they would evolve.

“Christine, I’ve got loads of homework!” Meg grunted. “I think I have to space on our weekly malling escapades,” they walked down the stairs leading to the main hall of the music building. Then they're definitely not music majors if they have time to go to the mall every week.

“it’s fine, Meg. I have to finish my five thousand-word essay for English,” Christine groaned back.

“‘Summarize the epic Beowulf and present a factual literary essay supported by noted research and references to the epic.’” Christine said, copying the way her old English professor spoke so slowly.

Meg held her stomach and burst into laughter. Christine didn’t know what was so funny about it but she laughed along anyway. Meg’s laughter was always contagious. roflcopter!

They laughed all the way to the parking lot where Meg’s silver Vios was waiting for them.

“Oh my baby! Did you miss me?” Meg exaggerated. Her parents bought her the car for her 19th birthday.
"I did!" the car replied. "We have a message from headquarters, Meg. There's rumors of a new supervillain two towns over and they need us to investigate."
"Right on it!" Meg answered.

Christine smiled at Meg’s funny personality. She was an eccentric person but had a deep heart. what?

They strapped themselves into the car, and Christine was so thrilled she was finally coming on a mission with Meg, and Meg twisted her body so that she can see behind the car. They eased out of the parking slot.

Christine leaned comfortably against the passenger seat and closed her eyes…it had been an exhausting day for her…she tried to relax her body before an unexpected jolt from behind the car made it skid forward.

"We've been hit by an energy beam!" the car exclaimed. "Meg, get Christine out of here! It'll take all our strength to handle this new villain!"

Their bodies jerked forward and instinctively Christine held her chest, making sure her boobs were still there. She had a rare condition where her heart would palpitate and her heart beat would slow down at many times. Medical knowledge, what's that? It wasn’t concluded yet whether the condition was fatal or curable. You'd think if she had a heart condition they'd be doing research on it.

“Shit! Dammit, who the hell was that?!” Meg cursed, unbuckling her seat belt, and facing Christine, worry drawn on her face. "It really is a new villain...and so soon after I defeated the Monkey King!"

Christine waited for her heartbeat to return to its normal pacing which wasn’t really constant but allowed her to live, at least but no one ever knows since the period that was supposed to be at the end of that sentence took the first train to California and was never seen again.

“I-I’m fine, Meg,” Christine breathed. “Let’s go see who that idiot was,”

Meg wasn’t contented with her answer but decided to just leave it for now. Her next concerns were her poor car, and the driver who bumped it. If there was one thing she could not abide, it was supervillains who couldn't drive.

She got out of the car and started her rant.

“You idiot! Don’t you look both ways before driving out in the parking lot?! Didn’t you see a bright and shiny silver car right behind your SUV?!” she spit out the last words, as the driver got out of his car and walked towards the two ladies and only one maaaaan.

The driver was a man, as old as Meg, possibly older. His short, spiked blond hair with post it notes on each spike complimenting his face structure. He had a pointed nose and deep set eyes of blue. He was much taller than the girls and a strong torso and toned arms supported his height since he walked on his hands all the time.

“I’m sorry,” he said, holding up his big hands in a gesture that could be interpreted into ‘please-don’t-kill-me-I-didn’t-mean-it’.

“I’ll be happy to pay for the damages to your car. I was on the phone you see, I was checking in on my niece who is in the hospital right now.”

Meg was still sporting an outraged look but it seemed to fade into an expression of understanding and sympathy for this handsome man. Yes, his looks didn’t swing by Meg too easily ever since she put the Monkey King in prison.

“I’m sorry,” the guy added, oblivious to the fact that he was already forgiven for his looks and concern alone.

Christine was leaning against the car, just watching the sparks flying between the two people ignite into a blaze that made both cars blow up and everything segue into an action movie.

She eyed the huge dent of Meg’s car and winced at the ugly sight.

“It’s okay. Just make sure that this trunk does get fixed or my parents are gonna kill me!” Meg said, the guy confused about her sudden change of feeling. "Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be a superhero these days?"

“Oh of course! If you’d like I’ll have it towed right now. I can give you guys a lift to your destination, too.” He said, his nervousness diffusing into sweat beading on his forehead.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellular bananular phone. He dialed a number and spoke.

“Hi, this is Raoul Chanery, I’m requesting for a tow truck to come here at my university…” he continued to give details while Meg looked at Christine and gave her a silent ‘wow’. Christine giggled. Uh, why is that funny?

“…I’m sorry, can I have your name, miss?” he covered the receiver with this hand and leaned towards Meg.

“Marguerite Giry, and my superhero name is Tomorrow Vision” she replied, “But you can call me Meg,” she added, blushing slightly.

Raoul smiled and moved his attention to the man he was speaking with.

It was some time before he hung up and turned to the girls.

“Oh hi, I didn’t get your name,” he was referring to Christine who was the farthest from them both. Unlike most supervillains, he was interested in regular people too.

“Christine, Christine Daae,” she replied, conscious of the awkward silence that enveloped the company after that statement. She couldn't pull it off quite as well as James Bond could.

“Well, maybe we should hop into my car, it’s pretty hot out here and I can turn my AC on.” Raoul motioned the girls to his car who looked at each other in question. They wondered if it was REALLY a car.

“Oh! No, don’t worry, I’m not gonna rape you guys or something. God no!” he said, realizing why the girls were hesitant. "I just want to get to know superheroes before we face off each other as hero and villain, you know? I'll buy you a drink, too, and tomorrow I'll start terrorizing the town."

It seemed to be enough to convince Meg and Christine and they climbed into the car. Raoul turned the AC on and moved the vents so that it was pointed to the girls.

“So what are you guys majoring in?” Raoul beamed, encouraging conversation.

“I’m a music major, specializing in Philosophies of Music, and Meg here is enrolled in the fine arts,” Christine said, speaking for them both. Meg seemed at a loss for words. ...philosophies of music? does that even exist?

“And yourself?” Christine added as a follow-up question. You're about to be hit by a mango cart!

“Oh, me?” He didn’t seem to be aware that he would be asked in return.

“I’m a business major. I’m studying to take over my family’s business in the future. Stocks, are what it is, baby!” he replied with enthusiasm. "I'm, specializing in, commas!"

They talked more about their courses until a tow truck came around the curb and stopped in front of the Vios.

He hitched up Meg’s car and told them that the car would be ready in a couple weeks. They watched the driver take the car with him, and Meg’s expression saddened. She'd have to get a new mission car, and they could never be as good as her current one.

They got back into Raoul’s car and told him that their condo was a couple blocks off campus. They get a CONDO? Me and my roommate live in a dorm that's meant for one person, but because we have too many students they shove two people in tiny rooms like that...

They rode in silence save for the whirring and revving of the engine. His car endured minor scratches and dents on its backside but it wasn’t obvious because of the dark red of the paint.

They got to the condo and they exchanged goodbyes. Raoul told them that he’d better get going because his niece would be looking for him.

Meg and Christine walked up to their condo and shut the door behind them.

“Ahhh! He is so cute!” Meg giggled, almost forgetting the damage that had been done to her car. She realized then that she never learned what Raoul's supervillain power was! Little did she know that his charisma was all part of mind control, and she would soon be engaged in a battle with the most powerful supervillain she ever faced!

Christine removed her shoulder bag and flopped onto the couch, exhausted because of the long day.

“Yeah sure,” she said dreamily.

“Did you take your pills, C?” Meg asked while moving into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Christine sat up and dug into her shoulder bag for a small bottle with tiny pills inside. She got one pill and tossed it into her mouth shuddering at what awful taste such a little pill could have. You'd be surprised.

Forgetting about dinner and anything else, Christine drifted off to sleep on the couch. The last thing she heard Meg say was that she had a doctor’s appointment the next day.

So what will tomorrow hold in store for our characters? Will Meg realize Raoul's power before it's too late? Will Christine become entangled in this battle between superheroes and villains? And when Erik shows up, whose side is he really on? And what the heek happened to Garibaldi when he was yoinked by a Shadow ship at the end of season 3? Stay tuned!

An amusing note from a phic writer

2008-07-08T17:26:31Z

So I'm still wanking "Wishes" that God-awful phic about two teenage girls going back in time to meet and move in with Erik. But, as a side note about this fic, I just realized she has added one of my earlier works to her favorites on fanfiction.net and is modeling this abomination after it! She sent me a PM and said, and I quote:

"OMG! You are such an insperation (sic) I'm riting (sic) a fic abotu (sic) the phantom and am like using your story temps en temp (she even got the title wrong) as litke (sic) a model for mine. So um if you ever wnana (sic) read it you might idk recongize (sic) a lot of stuff from yours like um and stuff. But I didnt (sic) steal it just used it as an example!!!!!!!!!11! so um liek (sic) Hadley and Jane they're modeled after your chatacter who's (sic) name I forget (God, I know my story is wankable, despite it's good reviews, but um, I didn't think Becky and Mac were Mary Sues. Oh, and also, my original name for Becky, before I rewrote and reposted the story was Jane) And liek (sic) there (sic) fight and junk I used from you! K? Hope you don't mind becauz (sic) its (sic) a realllllllllyyyyyyyy (sic) good story! k! Byezzzz! (sic)"

I don't think I've ever been so frightened/nauseated in my entire life! Had to share! I will wank more later! =)

phanwank @ 2008-07-02T18:51:00

2008-07-03T01:52:14Z

I promised I'd wank another chapter and here it is...prepare yourselves for more oocness and plain bad writing! Don't say I didn't warn you!

The next day Erik awoke to the sound of arguing.Erik: What the fuck? Bobo: You must be hung over, let me bring you up to speed okay? You were doing your Morphine and composing. Then you went completely ooc and invited two freakin' horny teenage girls to live with us. Erik: Did I really? Bobo: Yes. And I suggest your rectify this situation immediately. Without another word, Bobo handed Erik his punjab lasso Bobo: You know what to do. Slowly he stood up and put on his mask and wig and took his punjab lasso from Bobo and killed the obnoxious teenage girls, thus ending this ridiculous run-on sentence.walked out of his room. What he saw, however, caught him off guard. He couldn't believe his own stupidity at allowing those two cretins into his lair! The eldest of the two girls was standing behind the other while the younger was complaining about how the older had no idea how to tie a corset.Grammar: Why must they keep on killing me?

“My god Hadley, are you trying to crush my lungs? You’re tying it way too tight!” Jane complained as she took in a breath with some difficulty. Bobo: Tie it tighter! Tie it tighter!

“Well, I’ve never tied one of these before, give me a break!” Hadley said as she started to undo the string again. Erik stood there in a dazed state while he watched the girls. He started to feel uncomfortable in his nether regions and looked down when he felt his pants tightening. Damnit all! he thought angrily. My organ wants to be played! ~~There was nothing different about them; Jane still had the short dirty blond hair and brown eyes just as Hadley still had the long blond hair and blue eyes.~~ Pointless description of the characters. Generic Mary Sues. What made him act the way he was acting was the fact that they were anything but decent. Grammar: Just say they were naked and spare me from your butchery! Jane sighed in relief as the corset on her undergarments was loosened.Bobo: They haven't even been here for a night and they're already getting naked, trying to seduce Erik. It'll take all my cunning to stop this.

“Well hurry up and get this thing tied correctly or else I might have to wake up Erik and get him to do it.” Bobo: over my dead body. I will not have another teenager trying to make Erik. I just won't allow it! Jane turned back to looking at the stairs when her eyes locked on the overcome Phantom. Jane smiled and waved at him. while gyrating her hips in a suggestive fashion

“Good morning Erik, do you know how to tie a corset?” Erik blinked a few time before rubbing his eyes and staring at Jane confused.

“What?”

“I said Good morning Erik, do you know-” She started but she was cut off.by Erik's punjab lasso tightening around her neck.

“I know what you said!” Erik snapped and he walked down the stairs and over to the girls. “Why do you ask if I know how to tie a corset?” Bobo: It's not like he's had a lot of experience with women or anything. Oh wait, he's had tons in badfic! *rolls eyes*

“Well, sleeping in a tied corset isn’t like sleeping in a king-sized feathered bed,” Jane said matter-of-factly, “and the moron behind me can’t tie it if her life depended on it.” I really hate when badfic writers try to be witty because they usually fail miserably.

“Hey, I resent that.”

“So you want me to do it?” Erik asked, rather shocked. And a bit uncomfortable. He really needed to put on bigger pants or at least dive into the cold lake.This was, after all, the late 1800’s, and two teenaged girls asking a significantly older and single man to help dress them was not something that was considered proper. Um, unless I'm mistaken, it's not proper now either

“Yeah, sure, why not?”

“I could give you many reasons why not,” he said. “First, no. Second, it’s just a little disturbing. Third, supposing someone came walking down and saw it, how would I explain? Fourth, no.” Bobo: Erik, what happened to your 19th century proper usage of the Queen's English? Erik: Sorry, it, along with brain cells, dramatically reduces whenever I am thrown into these badfic situations. However, my libido seems to increase. Bobo looked down at the Phantom's trousers. Bobo: I can tell.

“Okay then, if you want us walking around in our panties, then don’t help!”

“In all honesty,” Jane admitted, “I have no qualms about walking around in nothing but my underpants.It'll make it easier for Erik to undress me in the sex scene which will follow.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Bobo: for once, I'm in agreement with one of these characters

“So,” Hadley asked, “what’s it going to be boy, yes or no?” Erik: Let me sleep on it, baby baby let me sleep on it. Let me sleep on it and I'll give you an answer in the morning. Bobo: At least he's singing something besides Andrew Lloyd Webber tunes.

Erik weighed the risks of his assisting the girls against his desire to not have them walking around in their undergarments all day, which would be much harder to explain then his helping them get dressed. Bobo (to audience) Okay, we're just going to try and understand something here. Last time I checked, Erik lived in his lake side underground lair five stories beneath the Palais Garnier, undetected for several years. I am his only companion and, since I only exist in his mind, I really don't count as another person. Therefore, what the hell is he worried about? It's not like anyone is going to bust into the place and see him tying a freakin' corset! Hell, even if someone wanted to, he'd die before he even reached the second cellar with all Erik's traps. (to Erik) Just say you'll help her, okay? I'm getting a little sick and uncomfortable seeing this pre-teen strutting around in her Limited Too underwear.

“Alright, fine, I’ll help,” he said with a resolute sigh. “But you better not make a habit of this.”

Once the girls were dressed, the current residents of the lair went about their respective business because they're now one big happy family; the girls sat on the stairs and talked, while Erik went to his organ and "composed" Bobo (to audience): we need euphemisms here otherwise this fic wouldn't be allowed to be posted on fanfiction.net.

“So what are we going to do?” Hadley asked. “I mean, this has been nice and all, but we can’t stay here forever.” Bobo: This Hadley character seems to have a modicum of common sense. It's quite refreshing compared to that other idiot.

“I have no idea,” Jane said.

“Well you’re the one who got us into this mess. Therefore, it becomes your responsibility to get us out.” Grammar: Stop trying to be profound!!!! Most people would say "so you have to get us out of this mess. Or something like that.

“But I don’t want to go!”

“Well, tough bananas!”

Erik shook his head, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. as was typical of him after he finished "playing his organ". These girls were proving to be rather entertaining because our Erik would certainly feel that way. When they weren’t walking around in their underpants, at least.

“I have an idea,” Jane suddenly exclaimed. “It might not be able to get us home, but it will buy us some time until I can figure out a way.”

“What?”

“We get jobs in the theater,” Jane began.Oh no! Why are badfic writers always trying to put their characters in the theatre? You can't just get a random theatre job! I'm a major, just ask me how hard it is to find work! “That way, Erik can plot all he wants Bobo: about the many painful ways he can torture and then murder you, and we’ll stay out of his way! Not to mention, we’ll have some money just in case we can’t get back.”

“Works for me,” Hadley said as she stood up. Wait, wasn't Hadley just bitching because they couldn't get home? “Now all we have to do is get some jobs here and we’re set, but it might prove difficult to do so. Grammar: please, just stop trying to speak properly. It's really not working for you. K? thanks! People don’t just go around hiring random strangers off the street.”

Jane stood in thought stood in thought? How the hell do you do that? Is it like standing in a pool of quicksand? and started to pace to the beat of Erik’s playing of the organ. Damn, that thing is gonna get raw if he keeps playing with!

“Besides,” Hadley pointed out, “what sort of jobs would we have?”

“Something in the opera house,like prima donnas or prima ballerinas. Whatever the usual Mary Sues do” Jane said, “so we can stay here and have threesomes each evening.”

“Who said you were staying here?” Erik said. Unknown to the girls, he had been listening to the entire conversation while playing his organ. The man was certainly talented. In more ways then one apparently. That organ just won't stop

“Well where else are we supposed to stay?”

“Does it look like I care?

“Didn’t we already have this whole ‘police’ conversation yesterday?”

“We also had the ‘do anything annoying and I’ll kill you’ conversation.”

Jane stopped pacing and pouted at Erik.

“Is it really that bad to have other people near you?” she asked.

“If it’s anyone but you two, not really,” Erik said.

“What makes us so bad?” Hadley snapped. It's obnoxious bantering. Trust me, you don't want to read it

“You’re loud, obnoxious, unorthodox, strange beyond all reasonable comprehension, and generally headache-inducing,” he said. Bobo: Yes, my Erik is coming back!

Behind him he heard a strange sound, one he hadn’t heard since he was a child.

Crying.

Erik quickly turned around with a surprised look on his face. He didn’t know he had hurt them that bad. Jane stood there staring at him with tears streaming down her face, cheeks flushed red with anger. She clenched her hands together and bit her thumbs, choking back what was probably a stream of curses and insults. Oh geeze, now widdle Erik hurt her feelings boo-hoo.

Hadley could sense that something bad was going to happen if Jane wasn’t calmed down soon. She hurried to her friend’s side and stood in front of her, blocking her view of Erik.

“Jane,” she said calmly, “it’s okay. It’s no big deal. Just breathe with me.” Yay, Jane's giving birth!

Jane and Hadley began to take large, slow breaths, their eyes closed. Erik had no idea what this was supposed to do, Bobo: Erik why the hell didn't you tell me you knocked her up? We could have done something to fix it! but after a few rounds of it Jane’s hands unclenched and the crying stopped.

“Feel better?” Hadley asked.

“Yes.”

Erik gave a sigh of relief under his breath, certain that he had been spared from what was probably a wrath equal to the intensity of the sun. Really bad simile! He was only half right. Hadley, who was fiercely loyal to her friends and would do multiple unpleasant things to anyone who hurt them, now rounded on him with fire in her eyes.What the hell?

“You,” she said in a low and evil voice. Erik took a step backwards.

“You, sir, are the most despicable excuse for a human being I have ever had the displeasure of being acquainted with! You have no concept of compassion at all! So what if your life sucks? You’re not the only person on the planet with issues! Get over yourself! If you do one cruel, heartless, asshole-ish thing, I will castrate you!” Bobo: *falls over with laughter* What the hell? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That has to be the strangest thing I've ever read!

Erik wasn’t sure what “castrate” meant, Actually, I'm sure he knew since the word has been around since 1670. (Yeah, I know, I'm a geek, but I can't help it!) but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to find out. Hadley stood before him taking large breaths, trying to calm herself. Because she has so much to get excited about

“We are staying here whether you like it or not,” she said. “So if you have a problem with that, you can just get over it!” Erik pulled out his punjab lasso and killed them both. He looked at Bobo and smiled. "I think I just got over it." Bobo nodded in agreement. "Good to have you back.

With that, Hadley and Jane stalked past Erik to the staircase, where the sat down and began to talk with their heads close together. Two heads are better then one they say. I don't know if that applies to stupidity or not. Erik got the unpleasant feeling that they were plotting against him, which was only increased by the times that they threw loathing glances in his direction. What exactly did Erik do to piss these two Mary Sues off? Oh wait, he was HONEST with them. God forbid! Erik, not knowing what else to do, stepped over to the girls and cleared his throat to get their attention, which was probably a bad idea considering they were still rather mad at him.Bobo: Oh no, here comes a real ooc moment.

“Erm, hi,” he said. “I…uh…just wanted to say that…erm…I’m…uh…sorry?” Bobo: I have the strongest urge to punjab him and put him out of his misery.

“You’re not very experienced in the whole apology thing, are you?” Jane asked.

“Well, no,” he admitted. Erik sat down between the two girls, which was just a little awkward.

“Look, I know what I said was wrong and probably extremely rude, but we all know fighting isn’t going to help anyone in this situation. Now, you two are getting jobs upstairs, right?” Bobo: Is he serious?

“Right,” Jane said.

“Well, I can’t always keep an eye out on what I’m trying to get.” What the hell? I don't think I want to know.

“You mean Christine?”

“How’d you know-I mean, who?”

“Don’t insult our intelligence,” Hadley said with one of her evil glares of doom Are you kidding me?. The Phantom scooted towards Jane in fear of the other girl’s fiery looks, which made Jane very happy. Bobo: (to audience) Just to clarify, Erik was an assassin in Persia, creating torture chambers for the Shah. He has no problem killing people however, he does shrink from the glance of a pre-teen. *eyeroll*

“Okay, so, I can’t always be keeping an eye out for Christine. So that’s where you two come in.”

“So you want us to be her personal stalkers?” Jane asked.

“‘Stalker’ is such a vulgar word,” Erik said. “I just need you to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get hurt or anything.”

“Or date anyone.”

“Exactly,” Erik said. “So what do you think?”

Jane sat and pouted while Hadley put serious thought into the decision. Summary: Erik has them stalk Christine for him and they live in the lair with him and Bobo.

“So we stay here and baby sit your eye-candy, and you let us live down here with you?” Riiiiiight. I'm sure this is an agreement that Erik couldn't wait to make! *eyeroll*

“What’s eye-candy?”

“Never mind,” Hadley said. “Is this pretty much what you want?”

“I guess,” Erik shrugged. “Do we have an agreement?”

Hadley nodded her head and looked at Jane, who was still pouting angrily. Jane turned her head away from the other two, who were by now staring at her and wondering what on Earth could be the matter.

“A hug,” Jane said.

“What?”

“You heard me. I refuse to do anything in that agreement until Mr. Moody over here gives me an apology hug.”

Erik looked imploringly at Hadley.

“Do I really have to?” he begged.

“You heard her,” Hadley answered, rather amused.

Erik sighed and hesitantly put one arm around Jane’s shoulders. Jane still pouted and cleared her throat. Erik groaned and wrapped his other arm around her Okay, forgive me will ya? I'm going to go vomit. This is just too ooc for me! Erik is now giving hugs? WTF?!?!??! Bobo: I'm going to get a stiff drink. He got himself in this, let him rot!. Jane then proceeded to drape her arms around him, once again shoving a very flustered Erik’s face into her neck. Hadley sat by trying not to laugh, though of course the humor left her face when she noticed Erik smelling Jane’s neck. More Erik sniffing! She wrenched the two apart and gave Erik a warning glare as if to say, “Don’t get any ideas that I might have to kill you for.” Bobo: Erik will or should be killing her. Exit Bobo

Erik quickly stood up when he figured out what Hadley wanted to hurt him for.

“So we have a deal?”

“Deal,” Jane and Hadley said in an unplanned unison that slightly scared Erik. Life with these two around was definitely going to be interesting. Erik has decided that Erik likes having them around. I will wank more later. This is waaaay too hard to take all at once.

phanwank @ 2008-07-01T23:37:00

2008-07-02T05:05:51Z

Hey guys! I know I haven't been around lately but I found a real winner on our favorite website fanfiction.net and had to share it with you. It's a lovely attempt at a humor fic! ugh! Here it is: "Wishes" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4093281/1/Wishes

It was a quite day in Paris. Summer had fallen over the beautiful city crushing all buildings and killing everyone who resides there, making it sparkle Summer now contains glitter everyone!!!!with an almost hypnotizing light.Disembodied voice: Follow the light!" Everyone was in a wonderful mood, I've yet to see one city where everyone is wonderful. There are probably a few bitchy people out there somewhere from the teenagers walking the streets shopping Or ya know robbing stores or something. Ugh why are teens always shopping? to the tourists exploring the city, but there was no one in that city that could ever be as happy as two certain girls. Grammar: How many times must I be killed in badfic?

“Oh My God, Hadley, look! We’re finally here!” Squealed the ever-pleasant ~~Jane~~ Mary-Sue as she skipped like the five year old she was up the steps to the Opera Garnier.Okay, so she at least got the architect right.

“Not so fast Jane, you need the ticket to get in!” It's not "a" ticket. It's the must be the golden ticket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or something. Maybe an oompa loompa will greet them at the door her partner in crime what's wrong with the word friend any more? Unless they are real criminals there is no need for this hackneyed phrase Hadley said as she ran to catch up with her friend who was still skipping mindlessly only this time she was accompanied by singing oopma loompas. The girls, if you’re wondering,trust me, I wasn't had been lucky enough to win an all-expenses paid trip to France Convenient plot device number six million? for winning first place in the ‘Young Writers of America’ contest.Hmmm, idk about you, but last time I won first place in a writing contest I got my work published in a magazine. I didn't get any trips to France. Someone want to tell me what rich publisher sponsors this particular contest? Their story Yay, it's a joint writing venture had taken the judges by surprise with its ~~randomness and all-around good humor~~ Really bad syntax, overall stupidity, terrible plot and two dimensional characters. Of course their parents made them wait to take the trip till summer for educational reasons, education obviously was not helping their writing but the two were happy that their parents were nice enough (or dumb enough)I'd say the second one is a better choice to let them go alone. Oh yes because these kids are like what, thirteen? I know my parents would let me wander around Paris all by my lonesome The evil duoagain the term friend or friends must be too cliche for such a gifted writer made it to the large doors of the Opera House in record time they're now in the Guinness Book of World Records for fastest two kids to ever run of stairs , meeting up with the other people taking the tour. All I can say is those poor people Though the girls had everything paid for, from meals to attractions, they didn’t get the VIP treatment they had hoped for. What bitches! They're getting everything paid for and they still want to be treated like princesses? I'd freakin' kill for an opportunity (even though it is non-existent) like that...oh wait they must want a free strip show from the sexy GErik! Nonetheless, the girl they've suddenly morphed into one brainless entity instead of two were thrilled to hear that they would get to see the Opera Garnier were the Phantom had wreaked havoc. Whoo-hoo!The tour guide showed up six hours later after a major sexathon with said Phantom ~~a moment later~~ to take them all inside.

“Before we start I’ll need to see everyone’s ticket before we go in so have them out and I’ll check as you go in the door.” I guess she must be so jacked up from all the sexing that she can actually speak that quickly and that incoherently. Jane instantly shot her Magnum .350 and killed everyone including herself the end to the front of the line with Hadley close behind. The girls entered the door showing the tour guide their tickets. A bit repetitive, don't you think? They stared in awe at the beautiful 19th century design that the entrance hall had Grammar: I've just died again and no one cares!, Hadley clicking away with her camera and Jane dancing around like the a giddy moron she was. As soon as everyone had their tickets checked the tour began. You think? I thought the tour started like ten hours after the tickets were collected. First a long and anything but interesting monolog of the Opera Houses history actually the history is what makes a tour interesting was told leaving many, including the two spastic I prefer moronic teenagers, in a coma-like state. because apparently they're too stupid to truly appreciate the actual tour However, much to their luck the boring lecture was ended and they were led into the main theater where they were allowed to take pictures and look around. *headdesk* Apparently this tour is a free for all! Hadley and Jane made a mad dash to the stage before anyone else could; It is STILL a working theatre! I doubt anyone would be allowed to jump on the stage!!!!!! where they proceeded to take millions of pictures and use up all the space on their memory sticks and act like complete retards because that's how you always conduct yourself when on a tour (we apologize to Jane’s father for the politically incorrect statement.) *eyeroll* There are OTHER words ya know?

“Now if everyone would follow me we’ll head to the dressing rooms.” again, I've never been to the Palais Garnier but I would suspect since it is still a working theatre, (I had to check that out for a French project), I would think any tour would be hesitant to take people into dressing rooms. The tour group slowly started to leave the theater okay...so the tour just ends?, leaving Jane and Hadley to continue to frolic in their own little world. because a tour guide wouldn't notice that two obnoxious kids were missing Jane eventually calmed down and took in the wondrous beauty that was the stage and theater.Grammar: I'm sick of being butchered because people want to sound profound.

“Hadley,” Jane spoke as opposed to screamed like I'm doing while reading this “do you think that if we wished hard enough we could go back in time and meet the Phantom?” Of course! Because this is bad fic and time travel is TOTALLY possible Hadley stopped taking pictures for a moment geeze, how many memory sticks did these two go through? and thought.Which, considering this fic, is a VERY RARE occurrence

“No not really, I mean we have to be realistic at least some of the time Jane.” Woah, there's a ray of logic in this? *faints*

“Could we at least try?” Jane begged as she pouted and let loose the puppy dog eyes of doom. *eyeroll* Hadley sighed and put her camera away and walked over to Jane.Hadley: Woah, I did a lot in that sentence!

“Fine but don’t go emo on me when it doesn’t work.” Yay for throwing all teens into stereotypes Jane giggled happily I've never heard of anyone giggle while they are depressed, have you?and grabbed Hadley’s hand and they both closed their eyesand prayed to the gods of badfic to make this fic very wankable!

“I wish I could go back in time and meet Erik,hey, at least she got the name right The Phantom of the Opera.” A moment of silence came over the two and after awhile Hadley opened her eyes.

“Jane,” Hadley piped up. Up periscope!

“Yes?”

“We’re still in the theater.”

“Oh, well darn.” Jane let go of Hadley’s hand. “Damn you reality and your ways of making me angry!” Actually, these characters are living in the ALTERNATE reality of badfic because in actual realty, this fic would never see the light of day. Hadley sighed and started to pull Jane along.

“Come on, we should catch up with the group.” But the group already left, didn't they? Jane nodded her head instead of nodding her elbow and started to follow when a strange and alluring sound drifted to her ears on the beautiful and charming waves of wankability.

“Hadley, do you hear that?” Hadley stopped and started to listen as well.

“Yeah, I do. It sounds like…an organ?” *headdesk* I'll pretend I didn't see this one coming. The music started to become louder and louder and more dramatic with each note until it made the very air in the room vibrate.Grammar *dies*. I think the word she is looking for is crescendo. However, it would be beyond the intelligence of badfic authors to know anything about music. Suddenly a strange feeling came over them, just as if the very music in the air hand grabbed their hearts and was controlling the beats. WTF?!?!?!?! Grammar just rolled over in his grave. Seriously, I can't even try to make sense out of that sentence. Their bodies stiffened from rigor mortis and their sight became blurry, leaving them confused and slightly disoriented. I would think so if they were just asphyxiated because a random hand of doom had just grabbed their hearts Jane tried to call out for help but was shocked to find her voice was gone and made a mad attempt to get close to Hadley, who was in no better a condition than her. Grammar: if I keep this rate up, you'll have to throw tons of dirt on my grave Suddenly a gust of wind stared to pull them into the air, giving them the felling new word...it must be a combination of feeling and falling of levitation being lifted into the air is levitating. Bright light flashed, making it even harder for the girls to see, leaving them in even more of a daze than they originally were. Streams of colorful light spun around them changing their appearance ever so slowly, changing their jeans and t-shirts into semi-casual dresses that had an elegant appeal to them. Then out of nowhere everything just stopped and the girls started to fall… Random and endless description of the girls going back in time...just read any number of badfic on www.fanfiction.net and you'll know just what you're missing.

In to the Lake…

87138912547523-72588054268-54-685268-48668986569-1567-9136-a bunch of telephone numbers? the amount of brain cells I've lost while reading this?

Earlier in the Phantoms Labyrinth…

Erik had been playing with his organ and composing more music for his operas because poor Erik doesn't do anything else during the day. when a strange wind-like sound came to his ears. Turning around to see what had interrupted his work he came face to face with an extremely bright light. Erik was shocked when he saw the ghost of Gaston Leroux standing in front of him. "Give me your hand," Leroux said, extending one glowing appendage towards the stymied phantom, "and I will rescue you from the clutches of this abomination of our story." As soon as the light disappeared there was a very loud splash inside?. Quickly, he made his way over to the lake apparently, Erik doesn't go through doors but can float through walls where two figures slowly floated to the surface. They drowned? This fic is over? The first one to arrive to the top floating to the top isn't an option...you have to arrive to the surface as though you were arriving to a dinner party took in a long and shaky breath before looking around as if trying to find something.

“Jane, where are you?” The first figure franticly swam over to where the other must have fallen and swam under the water. After a few minutes the figure, which he had determined was a woman, came back up with another by her side. Oh geeze The other took in a deep breath and started on her way over to the bottom of the stairs where they met the water. woah, since when does Erik's lake have stairs? Does it have a diving-board too? It's not a lake...it's a pool!!!!! Erik slowly descended the stairs towards the two creatures even though he had just determined that they were women that suddenly appeared in his home out of thin air. The first figure pulled herself out of the water, as did the other one. Both were soaked to the bone and shivering horribly. I would think so...since ya know they were just in the water Erik dared to get closer but Bobo, his imaginary friend, placed a restraining hand on his bicep."No Erik, just leave them to drown. You really don't want to be mixed up in another badfic with two horny teenage characters." But, feeling rather suicidal, Erik decided to ignore his friend's advice and ~~to the two and kneeled~~ knelt down in front of one of them. Of corse, this didn’t go unnoticed by the young woman in front of him and she looked up at him. ZOMG!!!!!! They made eye contact!!!!! Bobo shook his head and frowned. He had seen this all before and wanted nothing more then to have a very stiff drink. Her eyes widened and it looked as if she stopped breathing. Bobo: I wouldn't be so lucky and neither would Erik. The girl’s mouth hung open as she tried to form coherent words.

“H-H-H-H-Had-Hadley, look!” The other girl not to far over looked up and a similar look of shock came upon her face as she muttered to herself. Bobo: damnit they can speak!

“It worked, I can’t believe it. It actually worked.” Erik had decided that now would be a good time to ask if they were ok. Out of Character alert! Bobo had the strongest desire to slap Erik and bring him back to reality, but his faithful friend was already in it too deep. Oh, how wrong he was.

“Are you ok?” he spoke in his deep baritone voice, causing the girl he was kneeling in front of to shiver. Oh God, they're horny already. Whether it was from how cold she was or the effect his voice had on her he would never know. The girl smiled wildly as she launched herself at him knocking him onto his butt. Erik then pulled out his punjab lasso and killed them both. The End!

“Oh thank you reality for making an exception! Thank you!” The girl crowed to nothing as she hugged him tightly, forcing his face into her neck. While the girl holding him continued to rant to thin air about her gratitude he couldn’t help but notice the strange and interesting smell of her neck. Phantom sniffing? Is this like a new fetish?

“Smells like chocolate and butter.” He thought as the aroma filled his nose, but eventually logical thought set in and he realized what he was doing. Quickly he pulled away and stood up, an extremely light blush on his cheeks.Erik's into sniffing as well...

“What in Heaven’s name do you think you’re doing!?” The girl that was hugging him was pouting unhappily while the other one stood there snickering to herself. Erik sniffing...everybody does it. You should too.

“Sorry about that, it’s a long story.” The young girl spoke. “She really can’t help herself.” Erik looked over at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh really? Well, is the story so long that I can’t even know who fell from the sky and into my lake?” The girls just stood there looking at each other.Like the idiots they are

“Well, erm, to be perfectly honest Mr. Phantom,” the older of the two girls said, “we’re not entirely sure ourselves.” Mr. Phantom? Bobo: *gags* They are starting to come up with stranger and stranger things each fic.

“Yeah,” piped up the hug-happy girl. “We just sort of wished that we could be here and then all of a sudden things started spinning and…”

The two girls stopped and looked at each other. Some form of revelation as to their sudden appearance began to dawn on their faces. Erik, on the other hand, was just plain confused.like the rest of us reading this fic

“Aw crap,” the younger one said. “Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.”

“Crap what?” Erik asked. “What the hell happened?” Because Erik is overly familiar with this lingo

“Well we’re not sure of the logistics of the whole thing, but we think that we made a wish to be back here in this time, and then it just happened.”

There was a slightly awkward moment of silence.

“You just wished for it and it happened?” Erik asked.Bobo: Much like all the other characters in badfic Erik. They just want to sex you up.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Well, that’s a little…um…okay I’m sorry but that just goes against all laws of logic and reality.” I love how modern Erik's speech is.

“Excuse me,” the hugging girl said, “but did you not hear my whole bit about reality and its occasional exception-making?” Ugh, please spare us from repeating it!

“No,” Erik said, “I was too busy being attacked and having my lungs crushed.” ‘And smelling your neck,’ he thought to himself, but decided it was best to leave that bit out of the conversation.Oh God, Erik's now having thoughts about sexing these two.

“So now that we’re here,” the older girl said, “can we stay with you?”

“Of course,” Erik said amiably. Bobo: No, bad Erik! Don't think about your organ! Think with your bigger head!

“Really?”

“No.” Bobo: Good boy! Here, have a cookie!

“But why not?” the girls asked. “We won’t be any trouble!”

“Your being here is trouble enough,” he snapped. “I am in the middle of something very important, so if you don’t mind I’d appreciate it if you’d just fly on back to where ever it is you came from.” Bobo: You have a punjab for a reason. Use it!

Erik turned and walked back to his organ. The younger girl spoke up.

“Well then I guess we’ll just have to go find the police,” she said. “After all, I’m sure that they’d be more than happy to help us after we tell them where to find the Phantom of the Opera.” Bobo (to audience): So if this was true fan fiction and not crappy badfic, Erik would be killing these two for threatening him. But, since it is badfic, Erik will turn all wimpy and

Erik stopped mid-stride and turned around to face the girls with fire in his eyes. Bobo: Get out the pig! We're having a hula!

“Is that a threat?” he asked menacingly.

“Well it’s not a singing telegram,” the older girl said.

“Okay, who are you anyway?” Erik asked. He was just the slightest bit curious.

“I’m Jane,” the younger of the two girls said, “and this is Hadley.”

Erik stared at Jane and Hadley. They were soaking wet and dressed in elegant apparel. The youngest (Jane, he reminded himself) because he would know or care wore a blue dress with a squared collar which elongated her neck almost gracefully. The sleeves of the dress were cut off at the elbow and were lined with black lace, as was the front and back. The skirt flowed down to just around her ankles, showing off a pair of simple black boots. The eldest, Hadley, wore a dark emerald green dress with long sleeves and a curved neckline. It was also decorated in black lace, but the torso was covered in a darker green vest. The dress, like the one worn by Jane, went down to the ankles and was just short enough to show another pair of black lady’s boots. Pointless description of their apparel. All in all, they didn’t look too bad, minus the wetness, of course. But then again, our Phantom likes them wet

Erik sighed. He was caught.Not really, Bobo wanted to remind him, but he knew his friend would refuse to listen If he turned them out then they would go to the police. But if he kept them, he was positive he would loose his sanity before the week was out. Bobo: You could just kill them!Then again, everyone thought he was insane anyway, so perhaps it wouldn’t be that much of a difference. Just a little more killing.

“Alright,” he said with a resolute sigh.

“You mean we can stay?” Jane asked, looking thoroughly pleased.

“Yes, you can stay,” he answered. “But only until you have found a way to get back to where you came from. And if you do anything that even remotely bothers me, I will murder you in your sleep.” Bobo: Oh real masculine Erik! Suck it up and get back to yourself!

“Sounds fair to me,” Hadley said. Jane nodded in agreement. Erik turned away and headed up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Jane asked as she took a few steps to follow him.

“To bed,” he answered. Bobo knew, in his heart of hearts, that these badfic characters would end up in bed with him before the fic was finished “Just don’t touch anything and you won’t wake up to death.”wake up to death? That's a new one! Jane stopped following him up the stairs and he disappeared into his room. His house is now a huge mansion! With several floors The two confused girl because they once again merged into one do to their joint stupidity looked around and decided that maybe they should go to bed to but with Mr. Phantom, that way they could confirm if this was a dream or not.

I'll wank another chapter later. This is too mind numbing to do in one sitting

A series of unfortunate events...

2008-07-01T13:46:01Z

I saw A Series of Unfortunate Events a few years ago when it first came out and liked it very much. Recently, I checked it out from the library to watch it with my sisters. This time, I picked up on something that I missed the first time around, seeing as I wasn't a Phantom fan back then.

I turned to my sister and we both broke out laughing. It's actually applicable, since in the movie, Count Olaf is an actor who puts on various guises to become different characters.

"The Phantom Went Down to Vienna"

2008-06-28T05:33:08Z

De-lurking to share this gem from fanfiction.net, a rewrite of the Southern rock classic, "Devil Went Down to Georgia":

"Wolfy, rosin up your bow

And play the violin hard

‘Cuz hell’s broke loose in Vienna

And the Phantom deals the cards"

Bonus: No "Raoul Is Stupid" Montage!

2008-06-26T02:56:25Z

Oh, YouTube, how I love thee.

I was following some stuff from the awesome "Phantom of What Opera?" below, and I came across this:

Okay, guys, 'fess up. Which one of you did it? 'Cause, seriously, that's awesome. XD

phanwank @ 2008-06-24T00:47:00

2008-06-26T02:56:19Z

I have to say, some of the reviews that the 2004 movie got were priceless. Out of 160 different professional reviews, it managed to get 34% of it's reviews to be positive. 54 positive, 106 negative.

Click me!!

"Without a proper Phantom, the entire enterprise sags monumentally, and, unfortunately, Butler is a disaster here."

"Most fans are bound to be disappointed to some degree, and non-aficionados of musical theater will find it tedious and silly. Do yourself a favor and see this on stage."

"If you can get on its dank and heavy wavelength, the whole project is so aesthetically rich that it manages to transcend that it’s, at heart, a lot of dressed-up goofiness." - This is from a POSITIVE review. They couldn't even say anything actually positive!

I love pulling this up to show people who INSIST the movie "wasn't that bad."

Erique has found his calling

2008-06-26T02:53:19Z

Okay, so I saw this thing on another community and I immediately thought of this place. Erik needs to upgrade to this mask, and after a few months, all his problems will be over. I bring you....

The Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask!

15 minutes 3-4 times a week? Why, that's so easy! Wear it when you're at the organ composing! The handy portable console allows for mobility, so you can go about your daily extortions and abudctions while still toning and refreshing your face. Oh, Rejuvenique, where would we be without you?

You've all probably seen this, but...

2008-06-22T23:49:11Z

"Phantom of What Opera?", from Rod Serling's Night Gallery.

Delurking for a Request

2008-06-21T01:15:55Z

All right. Soo many of my friends refuse to read the book (too much French-style for their taste in literature, I'm afraid) that they have commissioned me to summarize it for them. I've decided to write a short fanfiction--well, not quite. It's more like a retelling of the story (Leroux, not musical, etc), in a vocabulary and style they are more familiar with (mine).

To get this done more quickly, I'm going to enlist you for some help.

I need a timeline of all the events in Leroux's book--including all flashbacks, etc. I don't need exact dates, exactly.... more of simply a sequence. I figure someone out there must be more of an expert than my cursory readings! So, please, anything would be a great help.

New (Good!) Phantom Anthology Available!!!

2008-06-18T20:48:44Z

Hey all!

Just wanted to let you all know that an anthology of original, well-written, Leroux-based fanfic is available!!

It's called Phantom Variations: Tales from the World of the Opera Ghost, and you can buy it in hardcover or softcover. Part proceeds benefit The Phorphyria Foundation. We even gots merchandise.

Heh. You know it's good; I've got two stories in it myself (a longer dramatic piece, and a short, light look at the unmasking scene. Horror, horror, horror! And oh noes!! LOL)

Check it out! :-)

Oh wow.

2008-06-18T02:10:02Z

Clicky.

Just... don't know what to say.

Yet more PoM mockery.

2008-06-14T08:21:57Z

Hey, everyone! I've been commenting-slash-lurking around here for a while but haven't had anything to share with you guys until now. My friend was just recently introduced to the beauty that is Photoshop and has been fiddling with graphics. Since I gave her a quick run-through on cutting images out of backgrounds she's been having a field day making icons and banners and... prodding fun at the sequel.

When I asked about sharing them here she also said, "You'd better tell them they were done by an old woman so they understand the crudity of the artwork!!!" XD

deviantart stamp

2008-06-14T06:23:29Z

Long time lurker, first time poster. :)

For those of you with a Deviantart, I've made and anti-Once Upon Another Time stamp.

Enjoy!

Michael Crawford as a singing badger

2008-06-13T23:00:06Z

I know there's more than one Michael Crawford fan in this comm, so I thought you guys would like to see this clip from the 90's animated film 'Once Upon a Forest', featuring a musical number by MC where he voices a character called Cornelius, a badger, singing to his dying grand-daughter, who has been poisoned by a gas leak.

The song is called 'Please Wake Up', and is incredibly beautiful and sad.

-Typhie

Another Phantom Rant Video

2008-06-13T22:59:45Z

Since all the cool kids are doing it, I thought I'd contribute as well. I was wasting time again tonight when I came across this little gem. How I've managed to miss it all this time I'll never know, but it appears that I'm not the only one.

I fuckin' LOVE this. I think it's terribly clever. Where all I could do in my Deep Thoughts video was just throw the DVD on the floor, this one flies off the handle. It makes me giggle.

Call for Phantom Fandom Secrets!

2008-06-13T00:28:14Z

Do you hate trolling through endless fandomsecrets posts for the juicy Phantom ones? Now you can concentrate your hatred in one place: My Phantom of the Opera Fandom Secrets Post!

Read the rules, submit your anon (or not) secrets, and have fun! Tell your friends!

[x-posted around]

Il Muto: The Rock Opera

2008-06-13T00:28:04Z

I'm officially terrified by this. It's from the Phantom Easter Show in 1995 in Australia, but WOW.