phallicpregunta: Sorry if this post isn't completely rele

Bec (

preciouslilme) wrote in

phallicpregunta,
@ 2007-12-17 18:14:00

Sorry if this post isn't completely relevant here but I wanted to post it somewhere to get different men's opinions.

What I am curious about is if you think that watching porn effects the way you view sex. In any regard, but also specifically whether it changes the way you view your partner (especially during sex).

Thanks :)

x-posted to sextips

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view of partner after reading porn

waltermalan1
2007-12-17 08:36 am UTC (link)

hi dude, have stacks to say on subject.
Pornography shapes attitudes and influences behavior. Its messages are enticing primarily because they are fantasy and thus presented as more exciting than the real thing.Individuals using pornography set themselves up for unrealistic expectations leading to damaged relationships,Pornography can destroy trust and openness, essential qualities in a relationship."you lookin'to develop premature ejaculation? keep staring at porn !!
The insistence on selfish gratification at all costs is inherent in pornography use.Your woman will eventually become and seem to herself like a piece of meat.So we're old enough to have sex (exciting isn't it?) but really mate, do yourself a favour and let your moral and emotional side have some sort of a chance in life, unless you intend sneeking around and looking at yourself and having others view you as some sort of well.. you know the looks...there's a whole world living without it. Porn gets heavier and heavier. you really don't need it.
thanks for takin the time to read this.
P.S. I really love sex even if it sounds not.

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	Re: view of partner after reading porn foureyedgirl 2008-01-26 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	Are you a man? You are totally right..why can't my boyfriend see this? You rock. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: view of partner after reading porn

waltermalan1
2008-01-27 03:43 am UTC (link)

hi foureyedgirl thanks for reading what i said, and thanks for the positive reply. . Modern attitudes toward pornography are reflected by the ‘prostitute-chic’ fashions many celebrities sport, the music videos that flaunt sexual imagery, and the advertising media’s adoption of a “porno aesthetic.” Society is accepting what is being spoon-fed to it. . . . That’s helping create the idea that all of this is good. As a result, people don’t seem to care.Don't be to hard on your man. He needs some real logic to feed on, not the crap society has fed us for so long. Many people want to romanticize greed with words like "enhance our love life..etc." but! there really is a difference between love and lust. Enhance has a smooth sound don't you think?
Really it's like enjoying a delightful meal, or chewing it to death while licking the plate all the way to the sink. if you get my drift.
So keep positive little mate. Nothing much changes overnite. Don't swallow all the smooth romantic talk without first analyzing what you're being fed.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

foureyedgirl
2008-01-27 04:21 pm UTC (link)

You're completely right..I know..it's everywhere. No one really thinks with their brains anymore..just spoon-fed like you said.
I try not to be hard on him, but it's quite hard when it hurts so much because he watches it morning, noon and night. I feel like nothing and not good enough to compare to what he sees so much. Sometimes I can't even please him because he watches it so much. Oh well, I guess there is not much advice to be given. I just really wanted to talk to someone and not treated as if I am crazy for thinking this way. Thanks for reading. You're nice.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

waltermalan1
2008-01-29 11:56 am UTC (link)

hey foureyedgirl you still reading, that's a compliment in itself. Yes partners in porn unfortunately don't realize the damage they're doing to someone else's self esteem.
you're quite wrong to think that there's no advice to be given, there's plenty if you're fair dinkum as we say here down under.
I don't at all think you're crazy I really feel your hopelessness, and frustration, Oh by the way yes I'm a guy if I didn't tell you before.
know this. I will listen to you and talk to you any time and about any subject you like. If you want to rave o.k. if I have some understanding to give, or if you just need to get it off your chest, do it girl.! mail me. I believe i see a lot of things clearly, and I shoot pretty much straight as i see it. I think contentment is a good goal to reach for. and knowing that there is someone here to share with might help. I'm very new to blogging and emailing and computers in general. My computer guru tells me that we can take our chats private if you wish. I don't know how and if you're as busy in your life as me then we may get a little time warped now and again. But again if you wanna drop me a line anytime, any subject or just continue the same subject to better understand o.k. love to here from you again soon
regards

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	Re: view of partner after reading porn krisssa 2008-03-26 11:47 pm UTC (link)
	hi, just wanted to say I agree with your POV about these things. My husband is thankfully one of the few men I know who also agree with you. :) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: view of partner after reading porn

waltermalan1
2008-03-27 06:59 am UTC (link)

Krisssa,
Hey sweetie, thanks for the positive remarks. After waking up one morning and foolishly checking my emails(normaly check in the nite, should have stuck to the routine, that's what I get...)and finding a nasty little after taste left to me from her-belovedbeauty.What the...??anyway I find out that, for all her blah blah blah sex is great sex is the best!I love all sex!etc.etc.etc.make us all sick with it, guess what ? The little runts still at school!!! that's right folks a little schoolgirl not even old enough to vote let alone have sex. And such a cheap nasty piece of work... She even announced herself as the Motherf.....!
So I decide rather than give her any firewood to keep her hateful attitude going. I'd just stop
writing.
And hereit is, I just get home from work and find your email Thanks again.Please excuse spelling and grammar and what ya call it when theres not commas and stuff. I'm just tired from a very long day.( shouldn't have let it out on the schoolgirl
Iknow not nice so I's human...whattya gunna do..?)
I quickly checked out your journal and gotta say you's a fortunate girl having a guy like that and congrates on the marriageI hopeyou have a million sweet little kids.
I know pedophiles reek, but I figure my time is best spent encouraging what's good and pureand wholesome. they're like cockroaches. crush one and another will take his place so quickly. I really feel no matter what solution, it's a bandaidnot a cure.
because the problem and not just that problem, but the world in general( one could join in cause after causee.g.save the whales, save the planet save the africans,try this government try that one... yeah like yeah,millions have wasted time energy and money)
You're a beautiful intelligent young woman. Use what you have to help those that WANT help. Let your inner beauty shine for the little ones ( and I don't just mean children) that surround you. You sound like you havea mature moral adult inside.People need to know the whysand hows. Many haven't grown up morally, Keep setting the good example that you already set and add to itby helping those that want and need it. don't waste your vital resourcesand energy on what's blatantly beloved of this world.Sorry I sound like i'm on a podium. anyway.Thanks heaps for the positiveness.
warm love and all the best.
waltermALAN.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

herloved_beauty
2008-02-06 12:59 am UTC (link)

I disagree completely. My boyfriend and I watch pornography together on a regular basis, and there is nothing wrong with it. I use the word wrong because it seems to me that is what you were implying. I understand they are enticing because they are fantasy, but the whole porn thing seems "forbidden" and it's almost like a kink.

I really wish women wouldn't degrade themselves down to a piece of meat, simply because their boyfriend watches pornography. I don't mind it in the least, simply because I know that my partner loves me for me anyways, and what should I care what he watches? When we're together, his whole focus is on me, eyes open, the whole time.

Personally, I think if someone's self-esteem is being hurt, they should speak up about it.

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	Re: view of partner after reading porn preciouslilme 2008-02-06 01:27 am UTC (link)
	Women don't degrade themselves down, their boyfriends do that for them when they watch porn. You can not watch porn and then go on to view your girlfriend in both a respectable and sexual way. They can look at you all you want but in the end you may as well be a blow up doll because you're just there to help them get off. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: view of partner after reading porn

herloved_beauty
2008-02-06 01:34 am UTC (link)

Or you aren't quite so thick and realize that there is such a thing as true love. What you're implying is that because I watch porn, not only do I not view my boyfriend (or girlfriend!) in a respectful/sexual way, i also only want him/her there to assist me in getting off. That is extremely untrue, yet the response expected from the narrow and closed-minded. You are also implying the same for my boyfriend and the thousands of marriages that have been SAVED thanks to sexual advances brought on by the viewing of pornography.

I think that women degrade THEMSELVES, specifically the ones who don't even bother to check out what porn is all about, but would rather force accusations upon their boy/girlfriends. If they feel that the porn-viewing is getting in the way of any form of romantic relationship, then dump them! It is extremely easy to do, especially if you aren't feeling any form of satisfaction from the relationship, which is awful for anyone to go through. However, it can be avoided through SIMPLE COMMUNICATION.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

preciouslilme
2008-02-06 01:44 am UTC (link)

Sexual advances? Abuse, kidnap and pedophila are sexual advances are they? Í assume by saved you mean the woman in the relationship has suddenly come to accept her partner's porn. That isn't being saved, it's being trained to believe that somehow you're different from the women on the screen, that it's okay for them to be physically and emotionally hurt because it's not you. But guess what? It is. The effects of porn always come out. Eventually the porn watching partner will show exactly how aggressive the porn has made them in regards to sex. There are a number of acts that come out during sex without being asked for and are just accepted by women who also watch porn when in fact it's just a sign of degradation when they don't even ask.

You're fighting the wrong person if you think I don't know what I'm talking about. I've watched porn. I've researched porn and the effects it has. It does make men more aggressive. It increases the liklihood of rape and of other less violent but still hurtful behaviour.

Porn seperates all love/caring/respect from sex. Sure a porn watching partner is capable of love but they are not capable of combining love with sex. Actions outside of the bedroom don't count when it comes to defending porn because I have no doubt that many men who watch porn are perfectly caring people outside of sex. But when it comes down to it even the most caring/sensitive of guys show aggressive behaviour in the bedroom and half the time don't even realise they're doing it. If their partner watches porn it's highly likely the male partner will never know what they're doing because the female porn-watching partner will just sit there and accept it as what men do.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

herloved_beauty
2008-02-06 02:10 am UTC (link)

I, in no way, indicated abuse, kidnap, and paedophilia as sexual advances, and you are merely taking everything out of context. There are plenty of ways viewing pornography can save the sexual aspect of a marriage, I'm sorry I did not make that clear before. And by saved, I mean more or less, experiments with different kinks and whatnot that enhance sex for the man and woman in question. Never in my post did I disreguard anyone for being physically or emotionally hurt (which is why I suggested the DUMPING or COMMUNICATION ideas? possibly?) The thing is, as humans, we are always under the influence of SOMETHING, regardless of whether or not we're children, virgins, or any other form of "innocent". If viewing pornography turns into an ADDICTION, then the things mentioned above become more enhanced or pronounced. As a matter of my own curiousity, I'd like to know what acts come out during sex without being asked for?

I'm not fighting, because there isn't a way to fight someone. You can try to persuade them to take your view of an opinion, but you cannot readily change their mind. As far as increasing the liklihood of violent behaviours, pornography is not the only thing that influences these violent behaviours. Violent television shows, video games, and movies also influence aggressive violent behaviours. But there is a certain manner of self-control that can be "placed" (for lack of a better word) over these feelings of aggression to either make them less evident or not apparent at all.

Let us think of it in this perspective: I have just viewed the movie "Gone in 60 Seconds". Stealing a car suddenly seems to become a good idea. However, because I possess self-control, I know that stealing a car would be wrong and punishable by law, therefore I do not steal said car. The same can be psychologically said for any form of media or entertainment that widely influences a group of people.

I think a porn-watching partner is more than capable of combining love with sex. But it's not like I'm defending PORN, I'm defending the idea that a person who watches porn is capable of seperating the fantasies and ethics of pornography with the realities of life and real sexual experiences. Even the most caring and sensitive guy shows aggression in the bedroom, I agree to that point. But not all of it is influenced by pornography. Some of it is problems with power in their lives, and in my own experiences, the shyest of guys end up being the most dominating, considering their lack of power outside of the bedroom.

I'm not trying to persuade you or change your mind or anything, I just want you to realize that there are people who watch porn that are capable of long loving relationships where they can distinguish the difference between simple sex and making love.

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Re: view of partner after reading porn

preciouslilme
2008-02-06 02:21 am UTC (link)

Abuse, kidnap and pedophilia are all present in mainstream porn. By supporting porn you are also supporting the fact that you have probably also viewed one of these three things at some time, even if you did not realise it.

When I speak of aggression I am speaking of sexual aggression which is learnt through porn, not through other violent mediums. personally I don't think control is enough. I want to be with someone who doesn't want to treat me badly, not just who controls his urges to treat me badly.

It is not possible to accept the ethics of porn partially. By supporting porn a person accepts the ethics of porn without exception, unless they believe the Madonna/whore archtypes (as in the woman on the screen is a slut so she deserves to be gang banged but my partner is pure and so does not). Neither is particularly desirable because one means the person is okay with treating you like meat and the other means they ignore big parts of your sexuality.

When I refer to aggression in guys who are otherwise nice I don't mean that they are dominant overall. Those who I have told about their behaviour have been absolutely disgusted with themselves for not even realising what they were doing.

I don't doubt people are in loving relationships watch porn i just think it has more of an effect on their views of each other and on their sex life than they realise. It only becomes clear though when it is one porn watching partner with a non-porn watching partner because only then is the behaviour that is learnt from it clear.

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	Re: view of partner after reading porn my_neighborhood 2008-03-29 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	You seem to have a very negative view of men and low opinion of their intelligence and capability to have emotion. How do you feel about women who watch porn? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: view of partner after reading porn

preciouslilme
2008-03-30 03:43 am UTC (link)

I'm not dentying they have intelliengece or emotion but porn sticks a barrier between their emotion and and anything sexual (a point that's been proben in the latest three year study about porn published in 'The Porn Report'). The fact that theat report also proved was that while it doesn't effect how men view women outside of the bedroom is does effect how they view their partners inside it (making degrading sex become 'normal'). I agree with Ariel levy who worte female Chauvinist Pigs about women who buy into that kind of culture: they do it so it doesn't effect them as badly (eg. degrade women themselves in the hope that they will not be degraded by others). Women who watch porn are just training themselves to think that degradation is not only normal but sexy. It's disgusting.

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alexxxis
2007-12-20 05:58 am UTC (link)

I have to disagree...You can always use porn with your partner to enhance your sex life. If you don't currently have a partner, you just have to keep in mind that it is fake, and that the people in the porn probably have hardly anything to do with each other prior to or after filming...they don't have a real relationship. Keep in mind your affections for your partner and what he or she means to you, keep in mind his or her specific needs and desires - basically keep open the lines of communication between you and your partner and you should be fine...

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azn_blackmarket
2008-03-10 08:17 pm UTC (link)

In my opinion yes porn does affect the way you view sex either negatively or positively. I think what kind of porn you watch will affect how you view sex. For example, I like to watch amateur porn because they are made by people like you and me (well to an extent heh). I also try to stay away from watching professional porn because i understand that it is fake and if no one is "making love" then it turns me off.

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my_neighborhood
2008-03-29 05:55 pm UTC (link)

If you are not a completely weak minded person who is capable of making your own thoughts and opinions, then yes you can let porn not affect your sex life. It's not difficult.

You make an awful lot of sweeping generalizations that I really do not appreciate. Apparently both my boyfriend AND myself view eachother as sex objects and are unable to show any kind of respect! And here I thought we had a devoted loving relationship...

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	preciouslilme 2008-03-30 03:50 am UTC (link)
	It's not sweeping genrealisations, it's proven fact. I mentioned my references in the other comment. One could easily claim that if you are both watching porn then you wouldn't know whether or not you viewed the other as a sex object because you do it to each other. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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