phallicpregunta: Premature ejaculation and being understanding.

aesoploveee (

aesoploveee) wrote in

phallicpregunta,
@ 2007-10-31 21:17:00

Current mood:

calm

Premature ejaculation and being understanding.

So, my boyfriend and I just recently gave our virginities to each other. It was wonderful and I care about him very much. The thing is my boy has a problem, premature ejaculation. Actually, I really don't think of it as a problem but he gets really bummed out about it. I think it's just something that he has and it's honestly not an issue for me. I love him for who he is and I love being with him, sexually or non. I've been reading up on premature ejaculation to better understand what it is, what causes it, etc, etc, so that I can be as understanding and well-informed as possible. I don't really know anyone who has it, or has admitted to having it, so I can't really get any information from a friend or anything.

He wanted to see a urologist, just to know about his sex organs and be able to talk about premature ejaculation with a professional. The problem is he's living with his parents, who he can't be open about his sex life with, so he'll need to schedule one himself. He is eighteen, so it's not a problem to schedule, but money is. He makes barely above minimum wage so he doesn't have much of it, haha. Are there any places that you know of that have urologists or urologist-type examinations that are easier on the wallet? Any places that are free? And I'd like it to be a reliable place please, no sense in going somewhere that'll be no help at all.

Another thing is, fellows and ladies, how can I be a more understanding girlfriend? As I said, I really don't mind his premature ejculation and it doesn't hold back the relationship as far as I'm concerned. But he says it embarasses him and he feels badly about it, which I can sympathize with because so much pressure is put on men to be purely sexual beings but obviously cannot empathize with since I'm a woman and the exact opposite is my expectation in society, haha. We've talked about it and I tell him how I feel, I show him that I love him regardless, but is there anything extra that I can do to make him feel like he's no less of a man to me and it in no way changes my feelings for him?

Thanks so much in advance, any advice or comments are appreciated! :)

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__recidivist
2007-11-01 02:03 am UTC (link)

A few things:

How many times has he ejaculated prematurely/how often does it happen? About how long can he go/how much stimulation can he receive before ejaculating? I know that you said the he was a virgin before you, but had he had any sexual activity before you? How long has this been occurring? If he ejaculates once, is he able to get an errection again? Does he ejaculate in a similar amount of time with the second errection?

It's possible that it's annoying but not actually a problem. Depending on your answers to these questions, he might not need to see a doctor. All the same, you should edit your post to include his insurance provider (if he has insurance) and where he lives/would like to see a doctor.

If he's okay with masturbating, here's something for him to try: he should masturbate until he feels himself getting close, then stop and cool down for a bit. Then he should start masturbating again, and stop when he gets close. Cool down. Third time he can let himself go. The idea is for him to learn to recognise the signals he body gives before he actually ejaculates and, hopefully, be able to override ejaculation. (Masturbating, rather than having you stimulate him lets him concentrate and stop right when he decides he needs to.)

I think that one way to show that you're supportive is to make sure that him ejaculating doesn't end your make-out session/sex. Get a tissue in there and keep going.

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cingulus
2007-11-01 02:42 am UTC (link)

There's nothing wrong with his penis. It's in his head. There are lots of reasons a man may ejaculate "prematurely," and there's also a problem with definitions at the outset.

I think you're taking the right approach by being patient and setting no expectations. He needs to come to terms with his sexuality and relationship with you, and mature.

I'm going to take a wild guess that he's learned about sex through porn and masturbated with porn as an influence. Masturbation is frowned upon, so he's trained himself to ejaculate quickly so as to minimize the chances of getting caught.

He's just going to have to grow out of that. It will take time. Good thing he has you!

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sinkopayshun
2007-11-01 02:48 am UTC (link)

I don't know if he really needs to see a urologist. That'll cost him boatloads. A couple things he can try:

If you use condoms, try the ones with the numbing agent. They might actually have too much of an effect, which will make him go limp, but they might be worth a shot (no pun intended).

Deep breathing can do the trick, too. If he takes deep, measured breaths while you're having sex, it can really do wonders for control.

Finally, better endurance comes with experience. Premature ejaculation can be an effect of performance anxiety. As you start having more sex, he'll adjust and be able to last longer.

Good luck.

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scopo
2007-11-01 03:44 am UTC (link)

I'll second a number of the other commenters and say that it's very unlikely at this stage that he has a 'problem' that requires professional attention.

a) practice makes perfect! If you're both new to sex, it does take some practice to learn the best ways to do things
b) 'sex' isn't only penetration. Does he cum quickly when he masturbates alone, or when you do things other than penetrative sex?
c) slow it down; stop and start. Look up some of the 'stop and start' and 'squeeze' methods and practice them. Not only should they help, it can be fun! Slow down, take your time, learn about each other's bodies and their responses ... and HAVE FUN

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mmaestro
2007-11-01 07:39 am UTC (link)

I find myself wondering whether he's just assuming he's not lasting long enough. Many of us start out with an artificial idea of how long we'll last after penetration. The norm is, IIRC, somewhere in the region of 2-4 minutes. And he's young - most of us for our first few times don't last all that long. He may be assuming he should be able to go for 10, 20 minutes. While some people can do that, most can't without taking regular slowdowns, breaks, etc.

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aesoploveee
2007-11-03 12:04 am UTC (link)

I wanted to thank everyone so much for all the comments and advice! It's really been a help just knowing a few tricks to help him last longer, feel more comfortable, etc.

We've decided not to see a urologist because his insurance covers so little in that area. Just going to keep trying with the suggestions and learn others over time.

And thanks on telling me what I can do to show him that I don't mind. He told me how much it means to him and I really felt glad that I'm getting through to him. :)

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