avelleenders11 ([info]avelleenders11) wrote in [info]phallicpregunta,
@ 2007-04-18 15:40:00
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How can I get him to want sex more?
So when my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time we had a bit of a pregnancy scare. Due to my age, luckily I wasnt. He was a virgin when we first had sex. Well ever since then he doesnt like to have sex. Like Ill tempt him and everything and he just wont want to do it. He will use every excuse in the book to not have sex. Its not that i dont turn him on, because everytime we are together he is always hard.

I asked him today and he said well I guess sex just doesnt appeal to me. He does want to do anal though. He also always wants head. Why is he so against having sex? Is it that hes scared? The few times we did do it, we had to use sooo many precautions. For example we used a  condom (thats a given), had to make sure I wasnt ovulating, and he had to pull out before he came even though he had a condom on. How can I get him to want sex more? Also he never really does anything to me, hes kinda selfish in that area.. what should i do?


Thanks for any advice . 



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[info]somethingirl
2007-04-18 11:45 pm UTC (link)
Tell him this instead of strangers.

Communication is more important than anything, and I don't know how many times I've said this in this and other communities, but if he doesn't deserve to hear what you wrote directly from your lips, then the relationship is already half dead anyways.

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[info]we_happy_few
2007-04-19 02:03 am UTC (link)
It sound like PIV (penis in vagina) sex is a bit of an issue for him, he's probably scared (can't blame him). It's not necessarily bad to worry about pregnancy that much when you're young. My advice is to give him time to relax into the idea, especially since he was a virgin, he's will getting used to the idea.

In the meantime there is a lot you guys can do that isn't "sex" by your definition, but is crap loads of fun. Anal is an option, if you feel into it. Lots of oral sex on both sides, mutual masturbation. Get a dildo and have him fuck you with it, or watch you do yourself.

These are all things you can do which will get you both off, and will also make you both better lovers, so that when you do have PIV sex, it will be better. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want, but accept it if he's not into it.

A precautionary note: don't use two condoms at once, it makes them both break more easily.

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[info]last_plane_out
2007-04-19 02:48 am UTC (link)
You really CAN'T say anything to make him want it more. He's got his mind in an odd place. I'm guessing he's very young and probably even more immature than his age. Young, immature guys are headstrong beyond comprehension. They will harm themselves rather than break their own ideals.

Firstly, you should communicate that since you are in a relationship that his needs and wishes are not superior to your own. Once this is established (and he'll only be half listening at this point I will wager) you should tell him what you've said here.

Once you have made a clear, uncluttered and rational statement of your (completely reasonable) displeasure, the ball is in his court. If he is unable to or chooses not to respond then you are wasting your time and worse, coddling a child who will only take your gifts and give nothing in return. Do not enable his immaturity. (And incidentally. If I read this wrong and he's not in his early 20's or younger... don't wait until tomorrow ... get out now.)

It is not insignificant to note that you're a three input girl. Find a man who loves your primary slot as much as the other two and he'll appreciate you (and you him) all the more.

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According to this he's...
[info]wildnsquirrelly
2007-04-19 06:26 am UTC (link)
1)Selfish
2)Afraid of PIV sex (or at least its consequences)
3)and dishonest with you and himself

By that third point I simply mean that he'd rather drop a line of B.S. than discuss what's really bothering him.

All that considered luv, I'd probably move on. There's plenty of other fish in the sea.

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[info]secretlondon
2007-04-19 09:27 am UTC (link)
The few times we did do it, we had to use sooo many precautions. For example we used a condom (thats a given), had to make sure I wasnt ovulating, and he had to pull out before he came even though he had a condom on.

That's total overkill and sounds like a fear of pregnancy.

Also he never really does anything to me, hes kinda selfish in that area..

That's a male default, alas. You need to explain that they won't get any if they don't - that there's more to making a woman come than penis-in-vagina sex.

He does want to do anal though
He could be gay..

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[info]bondage_pixie
2007-04-19 05:21 pm UTC (link)
He does want to do anal though
He could be gay..

Um, not nesicarily. My husband is very straight and he likes anal sex. There are plenty of straight guys AND girls who like anal sex. It's fun. And it's a different feeling so it lends itself to *varity*. I hate when people are ignorant and think that just because someone is interested in anal sex that means they might be gay.

OP: This sounds more like a fear of pregnancy. Maybe you getting on some type of birth control and him using a condom (the double protection there) would lessen his fear. I've known seveal guys who were straight and were afraid to have vaginal sex JUST because they were afraid of the girl getting pregnant. It's a scary thing, especially when you are young (pregnancy, not sex).

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PS
[info]bondage_pixie
2007-04-19 05:26 pm UTC (link)
With the whole him not doing a lot to you/for you sexually...A lot of guys are like that. Not all. I've had my share of very generous lovers (and married one!) but sadly, a lot of guys (and I've had MANY male friends admit this) don't care about whether or not the girl gets off as long as he gets off. A lot of them are just all about their thrills. And it sounds like your guy is one of those. This, ofcourse could just be because he's not very experienced and hasn't gotten past the "wow!" of how it feels for him yet. But maybe you'll have to train him by not giving him much unless he's willing to give you something back. ;)

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[info]thaumata
2007-06-11 04:06 am UTC (link)
Agreed!

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[info]cain_iii
2007-04-19 03:35 pm UTC (link)
I believe that the most telling thing here is the line about him being kinda selfish as far as doing anything to you. I assume you mean oral sex, but if you mean something even more broad, then you two need to have a long sit-chat.

Vaginal intercourse is really only one way to get off, but if it is a big deal for you then I think the above suggestion about a dildo/vibrator that he can penetrate you with is a good suggestion. But, overall, you two need to communicate freely and openly about your desires and your needs. If you cannot do that, then you really are just wasting your time.

I think communication is the best avenue. He really shouldn't have a lot of excuses. Just open his mouth and tell you what he feels.

I can understand the pregnancy fear, I used to be that way. It will pass, as he becomes more comfortable.

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[info]azn_blackmarket
2007-04-24 08:59 am UTC (link)
Either Dump him...

Or show him how sex could be "fun and safe" with graphs and charts.

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[info]jenninhtown
2008-01-24 09:53 pm UTC (link)
He sounds very selfish and you really shouldn't put up with it. You say that "Also he never really does anything to me" I'm assuming you mean that he doesn't perform oral sex. It doesn't sound like he cares about your needs at all, in which case you shouldn't be having sex with him. Talk to him, educate him about sex, and tell him what you want (don't back down). Let him know that you are not going to pleasure him sexually if he refuses to return the favor. Give him a chance to change, but if he's not receptive, dump him. You need to be true to yourself!!

Also, don't let him pressure you into anal sex. Some women like it, but a lot do not. It's something that should be YOUR idea, not his. If you like anal stimulation via fingers, then you may want to consider it, but its not something you should jump into without exploring first. A good man will help you explore that without pressure and will be just fine with you saying anal play is not for you.

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