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[Saturday
December 5th, 2009
12:36pm] |
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Hope all of you are having a wonderful weekend so far!!
So i haven't posted in a couple days.
It's been so effing cold out the past couple days, only suppose to be in the mid 30s today and in the low 20s at night! Fuckin ay!
I decorated my apartment last night with some Christmas decorations, even though i still can't believe it's almost Christmas already! But i love decorating so it was fun, plus anything to distract me from doing homework. lol
Thankfully i only got 2 weeks left & finals next week, which i am kinda nervous about. I really dislike taking tests.
Last Wednesday i had my 1st Councling appoinment. I think it went okay. My counslor was really nice & already wants to set me up with a Doctor to get treatment. Not sure how i feel about that. I mean a part of me wants to get help & the other doesn't. But we will see how things go, my next apointment is Wednesday. I am mainly going to talk to somebody about the things that i have gone through in my life & my depression.
As far as my ED..
Well the past few days were going great. Seemed like i was on a steady roll to break my "plateau" of not losing weight. But yesterday, i felt so bloated & like i had litterally put on pounds overnight. It's so frustrating sometimes & a serious fucking downer. I am thinking of doing a "fast." Which i don't really ever do, but i am getting sick of eating lately. It's just making me sick to my stomach & i hate the depressed guilty feeling afterwards. I have stayed each day under my 400 limit, so i have done good, but i want to lose more weight. So i am just now debating what kind of fast i should do. I really just wish a lot of times that i would not have an ED. That i would be able to look in the mirror and be happy, not depressed. I wish i could see how everyone says i look. I wish i didn't have to fear food & gaining weight. I wish i wouldn't be so depressed, that i feel like doing nothing, but crying. I am not really sure how to escape this or if i will ever be healed. I have been struggling with my "looks & weight" since i was a little girl. It only progressed & got worse through the years. I wish that i wouldn't have hit puberty at the age of 4! that i wouldn't have been taller then everyone else my age, wouldn't be the first one with boobs. I wish that i could have hit puberty along with everyone else. Now i am just stuck in this vicious mental cycle, wanting to fight my way out, but also wanting to stay on this ride. I know i need help, but on the other hand, i see nothing wrong with me.
bottom line, i just want to be happy.
I have noticed that lately i find a hard time feeling like anything.
That i should be thankful, that i survived a serious Domestic Violence relationship.
That i should be thankful i am a live.
That i survived being raped.
That i was able to go to college graduate & Be in the Honors Society.
But, i am having a hard time realizing all that, because all i can focus on, is my failure, that i am still not thin.
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[Sunday
November 22nd, 2009
3:30pm] |
Name: Christina
Age 15
ED Type/History-
anorexia. ive had it since the 5th grade. long story, i may share laterr
Height 5'8
Current Weight- 117
Current BMI (If you don't know this, Google it)
Highest Weight- around 128
Lowest Weight-111
Goal Weight(s)
#1- 115
#2-110
#2-108
Tell us a little bit about yourself... interests, hobbies, whatev.
I love Lost, John Mayer, the Twilight saga, Greys Anatomy, House, Reading, Writing
Favorite Thinspiration
Emma Watson, Katie Holmes, Rachel McAdams
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| :D |
[Wednesday
November 11th, 2009
8:43pm] |
Hi everyone-
just added the group. wanted to let everyone know i'm very excited and love ready you're stories.
ttyl
GIB
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| Hello(: |
[Thursday
November 5th, 2009
12:08pm] |
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So, today is definetly a good day! i got on the scale just a few minutes ago and i've lost 2 pounds! ha, that is definetly motivation to stay on this diet!
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| Hello(: |
[Thursday
November 5th, 2009
6:44am] |
So this is my first official day of my "diet" so i need all the support and thinspiration i can get! haaha. (;
Name: Sierra
Height: 5'7
Current Weight: 132
Highest Weight: 134
Lowest Weight: 105
Goal Weight(s): 105
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| GONNA LOSE WEIGHT!WOOOOOOOOOOO! |
[Tuesday
November 3rd, 2009
8:03pm] |
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Hey=) I'm searching for a buddy.. im seriously wanting to lose weight, im starting a strict diet tomorrow, so if you want you can be my buddy :D we can do this together! wed motivate eachother :) but i gotta say that im not wanting to do it the healthy "long term" way. im gonna starve myself. I will be posting in my journal on how im doin, so if your interested you can read it! :)
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| fastingg |
[Friday
October 30th, 2009
12:16pm] |
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when yall fast do yall only have water?? or do yall allow like diet coke? jw what you girls do!
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| introduction post =] |
[Wednesday
October 7th, 2009
4:25pm] |
Name: Alyson
Age: 19
ED Type/History: recovered and lapsed anorexic [diagnosed] with bulimic tendencies
Height: 5'8ish
Current Weight: 190 [yes, i know, it's horrible and I'm trying to fix it and lose weight in as healthy of a way as possible. I hope this doesn't bother anyone, i know the rules say don't come if you are losing weight. I'm just looking to comment on people and have people comment with me. Someone to talk to.]
Current BMI (If you don't know this, Google it): 28.9 [that's really sickening]
Highest Weight: 190
Lowest Weight: 98
Goal Weight(s): lowest 100, highest 115
Tell us a little bit about yourself... interests, hobbies, whatev.: I've had disordered eating since I was about 15, I fully blame Xanga's ~proana~ movement, diagnosed at 16.5 or something like that. Recovered, obviously and lapsed. I know my entry makes me seem all sad and depressed, but I'm generally a very happy person. I love to laugh! I am currently at Columbia University doing Gen Ed. I have no idea what I want to be. I've narrowed it down though: marine biologist, professor at a college, owner of a fashion magazine. I love to go to the movies, it makes me so happy and I like to eat out, which is obviously not amazing. I'm always open to new friends, I love commenting people. So yeah. Oh, and my favorite tv show is Supernatural.
Favorite Thinspiration: real girls really that's all. but my ultimate thinspiration is girls who are comfortable in their own skin. even bigger girls, just to see girls who are happy with themselves motivates me even more.
feel free to add me or send me your direction, i'd love to chat!
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[Wednesday
October 7th, 2009
4:59pm] |
Hey everybody
I just got back to school and I am planning on fasting starting tomorrow. I plan on doing a 72 hour fast. I want to lose at least 18 pounds in seven weeks so atleast 9 pounds this month. I'm trying to keep this from my bf seeing as how he gets really worried when all this goes on. Luckily he is still in Florida and I am here in Chicago. Looking for an ana buddy in Chicago over the age of eighteen, if you are interested message me!
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| MOD |
[Sunday
September 20th, 2009
8:29pm] |
To new members:
We mainly Friends-Lock our entries in here now.
Just wanted to explain to non-members why it could seem like we haven't posted in ages or don't post frequently - it's mostly showing up that way because we've locked our posts.
We ED girls usually like our privacy.
♥ FEEL FREE TO REQUEST TO JOIN ON OUR INFO PAGE!
♥ ~ LL
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[Monday
August 10th, 2009
10:23pm] |
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I've lost 4 pounds... yay for me! Hmmmm, this place is slower then most. It sucks because everyone here, from what I haveread ( not a creeper) seems really nice.
hope all is well with everyone else?
xx jenny
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| newby. |
[Thursday
August 6th, 2009
12:42pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Back to the start- Lily Allen |
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Name: Jenny
Age:20
ED Type/History - EDnos, bulimia with Anorexia Tendencies
Height: 5'8
Current Weight: 158
Current BMI (If you don't know this, Google it) : 23.7
Highest Weight: 180
Lowest Weight: :121
Goal Weight(s): 150/146/ 139
Tell us a little bit about yourself... interests, hobbies, whatev. I have had more then one eating disorder since the age of 15. It started out by a strict diet and 5 years later here I am. my life is considered a ball of diet pills, fitness magazines, excersize machines coffee and aspartame. I am a yo-yo when it comes to my weight as you can see from above. The past 2 out of the 5 years I have been up and down between 150 and 130... I had two journals previous to this but they were deleted when a few people I knew found it. its a great why to start fresh in my life anyways. Well, enough about me.. thanks for letting me join.
Favorite Thinspiration: My favorite thinspo is always girls that make me sickly jelous when I see them. meagan fox, although not considered under the healthy BMI weight is still beautiful and i am completely envious of her. Then there is Gema Ward Liv Tyler.
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[Tuesday
August 4th, 2009
12:39am] |
does anyone know an appetite suppressant that actally works?? or does anyone have experience with diet pills??!
xoxo
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| Old member.. new post in over 2 years |
[Thursday
July 2nd, 2009
3:58pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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Hello everyone,
It's been a long time since I've posted in a community, as well as in my own journal. I posted for the first time in over two years to my journal last night. I have completely lost control of myself since my last post 2 years ago (and even back then I wasn't doing so well) and am at the highest weight I've been at in over 4. I am 5'4'', and had gotten down to 101 lbs at my lowest (which was in 2005). I am now around the 123 mark and look hideous... I, of course, still thought I looked fat at 101.. and now can't even imagine how good it would feet to be back there again.
I have been through some stomach issues over the last couple months, which I described in a nutshell in my own journal last night. You can take a look if you feel inclined to do so. I have also undergone a change in jobs, and think I'm going to be much happier with this change. (I am a Physician's Assistant, and just changed from Cardiology to Orthopedic Surgery).
Anyways, I just wanted to say "hi" and make myself known, since I'm hoping to post more regularly and get myself back on track. Any comments, questions, support, etc would be greatly appreciated :]
I"m going to go write some more in my own journal, so as not to make this entry painfully long.
On a side note, just posting yesterday has already helped me to stay on track so far today. Since 7:30 AM I have had two small bananas and one non-fat yogurt... 2 diet pills, calcium supplement, 32 ounces of water (I really need to work on drinking more water throughout the day). I'll hopefully be able to be good tonight as well. Dinner with my fiance is always going to be the hardest part.
Sorry, this ended up being longer than I had initially intended. I give kudos to any of you who read this to the end!
~Ashlee
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| lost 3 lbs!! |
[Sunday
May 24th, 2009
8:00pm] |
i've lost 3 lbs this week. i'm kind of relieved because it's the first sign of progress i've seen since is stared the abc diet.
my next goal is to lose 5 lbs in the next week and half. i will remain on the abc as i try to do so.
please visit my pro ed site: beautifully-broken-xo.co.nr/
xo Rizzy
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| "an imperfect body is an imperfect soul" |
[Wednesday
May 20th, 2009
6:39pm] |
hey there. im new to this community. i have been anorexic for almost 2 yrs now. lately i have been losing control. i have been trying as best i can to avoid purging. but now im to the point if i dont i will jump off a building! i cant live looking like this. so i just needed some advice. like how long do i wait between like binging and purging?? i know lots of water helps. any other tips or advice would help so much. and if your just gonna tell me not to get into purging. dont even comment. im gonna do it anyway. so if you wanna help just tell me the safest way possible:) thanks so much! hopefully i can get my life back on track. if anyone wants to talk you can email me muahhhh110@aol.com or message me here:) i wish yall all the luck! be strong, think thin!
xoxoxo
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| why are you so... |
[Tuesday
May 12th, 2009
7:29pm] |
...selfish rizzy?
don't you care about your family?
don't you know what this is doing to us?
look at your little sister - she worships the ground you walk on.
how does she feel when you won't let her hug you because she would feel your bones?
look at your mother, who is worried sick about you. who has sacrificed so much for you.
look at your father, who feels totally hopeless. he has lost his first born. the jewel of his world.
and look at me.
look at what you are doing to me.
you are destroying me day by day. killing me softly.
i don't recognize myself anymore because of you.
you have totally messed me up - made me strive to be something i cannot be.
you have made me hate myself. you've hurt me.
murderer.
_________________________
idk i guess it's just one of those days when i hate myself and this ED and i just want to disappear.
xo rizzy
currently listening to: 6 months by hey monday
currently reading: girls in pants by ann brashares
current mood: exhausted
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[Sunday
April 26th, 2009
7:50pm] |
How's everyone doing? :-)
I had about 300 calories today. Not the best, but definately not terrible.
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[Friday
April 17th, 2009
12:45pm] |
Food: none
Exercise: 30 minutes a day (not much, but I'm fasting and just started working out again after not doing so while I was in school, so yeah)
Duration: 5 days, longer depending on how I feel.
Other: taking Leptopril and Hydroxycut.
Also, has anyone else taken Leptopril? The first time I took it I took two pills, the recommended dose, and got overdose symptoms like I did when I overdosed on Hydroxycut (which has happened a couple times, but I took like 6). I haven't had that happen again since. You'd think I'd stop taking it, but I'm an idiot like that.
Also also, I've been gone a while, so I'll reintroduce myself.
( boring stuff under the cut )
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| Im new! |
[Saturday
April 11th, 2009
1:32am] |
Hi , ive just joined this community and im hoping a lot of you guys can help me and keep me motivated. I need to lose like 3 stone by July and i cant motivate myself enough to do it. I mean i did the fast thing once for 2 weeks and i found it dead easy now its like a dissapointment. I really need any tips or even a msn partner/ phone (texting) partner to help me stay motivated . I live in the UK as well , thanks guys x
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