Passion Perfect

location: home

mood: weird

music: Ace scratching his ear

Title: ‘Til the End of Life Itself
Fandom: Women's Murder Club
Pairing: Guess Who
Rating: NC-17
Word Length: 2189
Spoilers/Warnings: Character Death, Angst, Dark Themes.
Disclaimer: Of course it doesn't belong to me otherwise we would still be watching it on TV.
A/N: This is un-betaed as I wrote this for Angelfire, even if it is hazardous to my health. This is thanks for all of the encouragement and Beta’ing that you do. Now if only I can get you to write yours faster.

A/N1: This is my first time writing smut, so if it sucks tell me and I will never write it again.

A/N 2: This is a one-shot; there will be no sequels at all. Ever.

I’m walking up the steps of our home. Past the freshly cut lawn and garden beds that were cared for, despite both of our hectic jobs.

I stop at the door.  I’m too afraid to go any further. For fear of being swallowed up by the memories of us.

This is our home. The home we shared together.

Pulling the key from my pocket, my hand starts trembling as I bring it closer to the lock.

Do I really want to open this door? There are so many good memories in there. Shouldn’t I leave them undisturbed?

~~~

“Hello? Are you home?”

The door snicked shut quietly, followed by the sound of a jacket being thrown over the back of the lounge chair.

 “Close your eyes! Quick!”

Arms slowly wrapped around a slender waist.

“But why?”

~~~

Forcing the memory from my mind I push the key into the lock and open the door. Hearing the familiar sounds doesn’t ease any of my thoughts but only makes them more haunting.

Shrugging out of my coat, I let it fall to the floor as I walk to the kitchen, instead of hanging it up. Opening the fridge door I see nothing that even interests me for dinner.

She cooked last night.

Usually it was whoever was home first, but she said she had a surprise for me.

God it was worth it.

Just seeing her triumphant smile as she set the plate down in front of me was definitely worth it.

~~~

“Close your eyes. And no peeking.”

I feel your hands on my shoulders pushing me past the kitchen. Taking a deep breath I stop, turning to face her while keeping my eyes closed.

“Mmmm…That smells delectable.”

“You are not allowed any yet.”

“But why can’t you join me in the shower?”

That earned me an unsurprising swat to the shoulder and an undignified shriek of laughter.

“You were talking about me?”

“Of course I was. You are my one and only”

Quickly turning away I find my way down the hall to the bathroom. Not peeking once.

~~~

Closing the fridge door with a heartfelt sigh, I become conscious of the bottle of water I unwittingly grabbed. Cracking the lid open, my feet lead me to our bedroom against my will. Looking in past the half closed door, I can see the bed unmade; we were in too much of a rush to get to work after staying in past the alarm.

Clothing litters the floor from the night before, both of us eager to celebrate her promotion. Slowly I feel my gaze rest on her shirt which is closest to the door.

I can’t go in there. Not yet. Not so soon.

But I need her shirt.

I need to be close to her.

Gingerly, I step into the room, careful not to disturb anything. Reaching down, I feel the cotton around my fingertips. I don’t even realise I’m crying until teardrops slide off my face and onto the cotton. My vision blurs but I know they were being soaked up by your shirt.

~~~

“You know dinner was fantastic. And I’m so excited about your promotion, ‘cause really, you shouldn’t have been passed over last time.”

“But that…”

I silence you with a finger to your lips, whilst sneaking my other hand under the bottom of your white button-up.

“Hang on let me finish.”

You open your mouth and disbelievingly, I watch your lips wrap around my fingertip and I couldn’t help but moan. But when your tongue darts around it fleetingly, my eyes roll heavenward.

Now that my brain is swamped with a lust-crazed fog, my hands are desperately fumbling to find some skin. You grab them, holding them still. With a smirk on your face you lean in and whisper into my ear.

“Let me help you with that.”

As you step away, I watch as your hand leaves mine to run over the buttons of your shirt, teasing it open slowly.

“God you’re sexy.”

~~~

Absently I wipe the tears away and back out of our bedroom. I can’t bring myself to shut the door, to shut out the memories of us.

Gathering my courage, I walk further down the hall, pausing at the next door.

This room we immediately converted into a study, it was quickly filled with crime scene files and half written articles. A bar fridge stood in one corner along with two comfy sofas for our ‘club’ meetings.

I don’t want to be in that room either but there is no way I can go back to our room.

How can man be so unforgiving and careless, taking away someone so cherished, with one simple action destroy hope, love and life.

I’m hesitating; I really don’t have anywhere else I can go though. Bringing your shirt up to my face I inhale the smell of you, it’s so intoxicating and it calms my jangled nerves a little.

I move into the room reluctantly and sit on the edge of the couch. Kicking off my shoes I shuffle back, pulling my knees up my chest and hugging your shirt closer to myself, I allow the memories of the previous night to wash over me.

~~~

Reaching up, my hands gently push the shirt off your delicate shoulders allowing it to fall to the floor. I’m grinning madly when I see you aren’t wearing a bra.

As my lips brush against your collarbone, I feel your hand tuck my hair back behind my ear. I can feel your warm breath ghost along my neck, causing goose bumps to materialize.

Your hands graze mischievously down my arms and across my stomach coming to rest at the top of my jeans. Somehow you had manoeuvred me back against the bed. I find myself pushed back onto my elbows with you straddling me; if I wasn’t aroused before, you just spiked it through the roof.

“Are you just going to tease me to death tonight or are you…”

The rest of my question was swallowed up by the overpowering, passionate kiss you lay on me. One or both of us moaned when your hand slipped under my bra and palmed my breast.

I not sure who broke from the kiss first, but I’m pretty damn sure my brain short circuited when you nipped my pulse point.

~~~

Lifting my head up from your shirt I look around the room, searching for something I know is around.

It’s there, on the coffee table, right in front of me. Moving the random newspapers and files that half bury it, I read the slip of paper.

Don’t forget to buy Claire’s birthday present. I love you.

Every letter was exactly as I remember, written with the same attention that you had shown me the night before.

~~~

I am still half sitting when you lift my shirt over my head, reaching behind me to flick the catch on my bra you immediately start kissing and sucking a nipple into your warm mouth.

Falling back onto the mattress I move my hands from your hips, to your stomach. Scratching lightly causing you to shiver and hold onto me tighter.

You raise an eyebrow at me in a challenge, when I cup you through your jeans and make you buck fiercely into my hand, causing my laughter to bounce of the walls. I love watching you try to control yourself, almost as much as I love watching you come undone

~~~

Upset and frustrated beyond belief, I stand up and start pacing the room.

This room is too small. I need to get out. Away from the memories that are crowding me.

In a frenzied state, I rush from the study to the bathroom to change into the sweats I leave there. I’m moving so quickly, so desperately that I’m unaware that I have even left the house until the front door slams shut behind me.

~~~

You quickly climb off my hips and hastily shuck your jeans and panties, surprising me when you pull off my jeans just as aggressively leaving me only in my panties.

Before you can tease me any further, I sit up and pull you forwards, running my hand up the inside of your thigh stopping just short of your damp curls
.

Distracting me with a sweet kiss you move my hand up, running my fingers against your slit. I can’t believe how wet you are. Parting your lips, I ease first one finger, then a second into you.

You break the kiss to breath and I end up nipping lightly against your ribs. As my thumb brushes over your clit, jerking you hard enough for us both to fall against the bed.

The sounds you are making are turning me on and you still haven’t touched me yet. Your hips are moving franticly, you’re so close now that I’m pulling you down for a kiss. You break away again, as my thumb rubs against your clit a final time.

I love watching you come. Your brown eyes roll into the back of your head as you cry out my name breathlessly. I love the feel of your nails scratching across my skin, marking me as yours.

“I love you.”

~~~

Stopping in a small park overlooking the city, I find myself shaking and just about sick from running for so long.

The memories won’t shake loose. They are so clear and bright they are painful. They remind me of everything I had gained, only to lose.

Nothing looks familiar; I have no idea where I am.

But I will always remember.

So I just keep running.

~~~

I hadn’t even gotten to work before Claire called. I’ve never heard her so upset before, so I turned my car around and headed to the address she supplied me.

When I arrived, Jill and Claire were waiting for me on the civilian side of the crime scene tape. Both of them were crying openly, tears streaking down their faces.

I didn’t even ask. I knew it was you. The look in their eyes told me as much. I tried to avoid them, get under the tape to you. But they grabbed a hold of me, helping me stand, because I was falling down, stumbling in an effort to reach you.

As the stretcher passed under the tape, I tried so hard to not imagine you inside that body bag. But I knew the risks you took, for years I have tried to stop you. You would laugh and brush it off as a job requirement.

I thought one day it would kill you.

I never thought you would die in a hit and run.

I didn’t feel like I was in my own body when I saw Tom watching you being loaded into the Coroner’s van.

And I certainly didn’t feel like I was in my own body when he raised his eyes to mine and gave me a small nod.

That small acknowledgement was the most excruciating thing I had ever witnessed.

It was like falling back down to earth, so hard and so fast that I screamed.

I screamed and cried and fought against my friends, I fought so hard that when I finally did give in, and collapse to the ground, they were probably going to hurt for a week.

I didn’t care though. I was going to hurt for the rest of my life.

~~~

Claire said she would do your autopsy.

Jill and I tried to talk her out of it, to stop her, but she refused. She kept saying that if it had been one of us, you would be out there, trying to find our killer.

Jill and I couldn’t come up with an argument against that.

~~~

I collapse to my knees near a park bench, wiping the tears away resignedly.

Pulling out my service pistol from the holster in the small of my back, I place it on the grass in front of me. My right hand finds my phone in my pocket and I pull it out, resting it on the ground next to my weapon.

I stare down at both of them, wanting the choice to be made for me.

What I’m going to do without you Cindy? I’m such a mess right now.

Numbly, I pick up the phone and dial.

“Bernhardt.”

I can’t speak; the words won’t come out of my mouth, so I just cry silently into the phone.

“Lindsay? …Is that you?”

I nod, only to realise that Jill can’t see me. She must have looked at the caller ID because she keeps talking to me.

“Lindsay, are you alright? …Where are you?”

I know I’m sobbing when I answer but I can’t help it.

“I don’t know… Please help me?”

“Lindsay? You need to tell me where you are right now!”

I wipe the tears away and look for a street sign.

“I’m… I’m at…20^th and Church… at the park.”

“Ok, you stay there, and I’m gonna call Claire, Ok? She’s closer; I’ll only be a few minutes behind her. Promise me you will stay there Lindsay.”

“I…I promise.”

“Ok. See you soon.”