Partners of Transgender People

Please note that if you wish to contact me, use the email in my user info or the email posted in the community's user info.  Please DO NOT send me a message through LJ. I have had several people contact me, and when I try to respond, they do not receive LJ messages and they do not have a personal email address listed in their info.

If you have contacted me through LJ's messaging and have not received a response (i.e., denied membership, etc.) it is because I was not able to reply to you via LJ and you did not have an email address on your user info.

Thanks.

Hello everyone,

A couple of weeks ago, I made a post concerning some of the privacy issues that many moderators of various trans-related communities have been dealing with, and while I don't think it's my job to "babysit" journals, I do think it's part of my job to make sure the community is aware of what is going on.  Until recently, this community has not had the same concerns as some of the other communities.  However, that has changed.  As such, the following are reminders, and effective immediately, have made two new rules:

RULE 1:  Anyone who is found to have posted a locked, friends-only entry or the comments associated with said entry on any site within or outside of LiveJournal without the permission of the individual who originally wrote it will be banned immediately and reported to transmods as someone who behaving this way. 

RULE 2:  The new default post setting for this community is "friends only".  This means that if you wish to make any entries in this community "public", you must manually do so. You do this by editing your post once it has been made, and switching it to "public".


Here are the reminders:

Just because someone is a member of this community, does not mean they are an ally or a friend.  While we do our best and have not had many incidents, please keep in mind that if you are in any way worried about privacy, you should not post with an identifiable user name or photo.  I am more than happy to grant membership to people who create a new LJ, as long as they follow the community rules and email me ahead of time, with both their old and new LJ information.  You don't have to go into details about why you are here, but I do need to see that you are not a troll or using anything for malicious purposes.  Bear with me in that I am only one person moderating a space of over 1000 people, so if it takes me 24 hours, I am sorry. I usually get it done within a day.

If you comment on an entry that is "public", your comment and the link to your LJ is also public.  Again, if you are concerned about privacy, I encourage you to start a different journal for those purposes.


I hope everyone understands why these steps were necessary.  If you have any concerns, please contact me directly. My email is in the community user info.

Thanks,
Annalise

Hi everyone,

This is slightly OT, but I don't know where else to go. Me and my boyfriend (FtM) recently moved to a new area (St. Louis, MO) and are having a problem finding trans-friendly doctors. He would like to get back on T, but we have run into a wall. Would anyone know of anyone in the area or another community I could ask?

Any help would be appreciated! Thanks :)

Hey everyone. I've been watching this group for a while now, and I really appreciate the advice and support people offer here.

And now time to offer up my own situation.

My partner and I have been together for over two years now, and it's the best relationship I've had. We work really well together. My partner (ftm) is just beginning to get his feet wet in terms of transitioning. He had his first appointment with a therapist and is looking into starting hormones in the near future. He's been pretty genderqueer for the majority of our relationship, and so when he expressed that he's feeling like transitioning might be in his future, I was not at all surprised or bothered.

Personally, I ID as a cisgendered woman, and I've considered my sexual orientation to be Queer. Just general old queer, because while I feel queer, I don't like the categories of lesbian or bi or anything. Gender doesn't make a difference to me, and there are a lot of people who fall between male and female for me to think that labeling myself as bi would really work. Anyway.

The situation is that the other day my partner expressed a concern to me about his transitioning. He said he's woried that when he starts hormones his sexual orientation might change. I haven't read much about that and was wondering if any of you had experience with it. We're very committed to each other, and I'm committed to being with him through his transition and regardless of what gender he IDs as, but now he has me worried that I might lose him because of this. I mean, if the hormones change his orientation, there's not really anything we could do about it, but honestly it scares me a little.

Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 I came across a community transpartners while doing a search for some information and people there directed me here so I hope I am in the right place finally.

I've had this friend for many years now who likes to cross dress, he has been doing it since he was a teen and not many people know about it. We have been friends for ages and he told me about his crossdressing right off the bat so it's never been a problem for me to deal with, it's his life, his choice and I have supported him over the years even when his partners at the time didn't. 

Of late our relationship has developed and we have started seeing each other in a more intimate way and here inlies my problem, I have spoken so much about his crossdressing to him and I have never been phased by it and I have even seen photographs of him before but now that our relationship has developed and he has asked me to see him in person dressed I am a little concerned.

I falling in love with this guy and I am scared I am going to react in a bad way to his dressing, even though I have been so accepting of it before hand. He is a great guy with awesome sense of humour and I love our friendship/relationship. I know he must trust the hell out of me cause no-one else has ever seen him cross dress and only a 3 people beside me know about this, 1 being his ex who dumped him for doing it.

When he showed me the photographs I was kind of nervous and a little bit hhhmmm but then thought well he is still the same person under the clothes so whats the big deal, but I am just scared Im not going to be as good in person.

He wants me to see him this way and I want to see him too so I can register how or if it is going to affect us. He has suggested that he (in his words) transform infront of me rather than just dissappear into a room a guy and then come out a chick but I am not sure if this is the best way. He also suggested I help him transform, Is this a good thing?

I have always been a firm believer of people should do what feels right for them and not suit their lives to everyone else's standards and this is probably why I have accepted his crossdressing, even encouraged it but I feel a tad weird now and I dont know why.

I dont want to limit him as to when or how often he should dress and I dont want him to stop cause I see it as it being a part of who he is, like another part of who he is, is a motorbike rider. I see it as a small part of what makes him him and now I think there is something wrong with me for being so accepting before but now nervous about it now. I am hoping its just cause our relationship is changing so my perception of things is adapting and I am having to look at it in a new light.

I am just so confused as to how to go about talking to him about this, I dont know how I am going to go when I do see him and I dont want him to think I cant handle this until I know for sure I can or can not.

Is there anyone out there in this community who can give me what their experiences where like and what they felt and did the first time they saw their partners cross dress or anyone here who can calm my nerves and give me some advice on how to deal with a first time seeing their partners dress.

hello,

I posted this in two of the communities I belong to and both of them said I would probably get better answers from this community. Hopefully that works out for me. I am also hoping I don't offend with my post.

I have a friend who is a pre-op m-t-f. She's wonderful and amazing, and I find her attractive in an indescribable way.  She's not a pretty girl, and honestly there are times when I think she looks like a man more than anything, but she has an amazing alure. 
The more time I spend around her the stronger my feelings for her have become, and I am to a point where I would be interested or at least curious about exploring those feelings, but I have my personal reservations and fears. The one I'm concerned about is that she still has the body of a man and I don't believe I could ever have sex or play with a man's body. 
What I initially asked was if this is something I should let her know about and work out with her, or is it something that would hurt her and I should keep to myself and not pursue anything further than friendship? though I feel that a conversation between us is probably best for our friendship and our relationship as a whole, which makes thhe other question more important I suppose. 

The other question is, how would I/you/someone go about having a conversation like this? I know my friend is very open-minded and realistic when it comes to who she is and where she is in her transition right now, but I still feel that this is a subject that could do her damage, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in an unpleasant way.

what I've garnered from the other posts is that it could be a sensitive topic and to choose my phrasing so as not to offend her or make her feel degraded. I also wonder now if my reservations mean I'm not a good person for her to date, though I don't think I should try to make that judgement call for her. 

The other thing that needs to be said is that she identifies as a lesbian and has expressed an interest in dating me and wants to know why I won't date her. she is also planning on the surgery, but has a lot to get together before she can do it.

if there is other information that would be useful I will do my best to provide it as questions progress.

thanks for your time.

Just a reminder to any Vancouver-area folks that our support group meets this Thursday, 7 - 9 PM at 610-1033 Davie Street (buzz 610 to enter). I've also created a facebook group for anyone who wants to stay in the loop, originally named Vancouver Trans Partner/Friends/Family support group.

And I'm curious - does anyone else in this group attend similiar local-to-them support groups? Do you find them useful? I'd welcome feedback, suggestions, etc on them. Our group is relatively new and still quite small, and I'm interested to see how it may grow and what people may want from it.

Thanks!

 

Hello, I am Sara and I am a 23 year old female.  I identify as mostly straight.  I recently started dating a guy and we fell for each other very quickly.  We haven't known each other, but feel incredibly connected.  Recently he told me that part of the reason his last relationship didn't work was because he was starting to realize that he couldn't marry the girl and have children with her as he was, that he was going to need to transition to being at least a partial girl.  He didn't tell her until after they had broken up.  I find myself angry at him for waiting to tell me, for not telling me when we started dating, for not telling me before i fell in love with him.   

 

Hey everyone... 

Sorry that its ridiculously long.. its a journal of sorts that pertains information i couldnt easily put on my myspace blog.. but at least here anonymity and understanding are a fairly common ideal. if you read it you rock.. if you dont i totally understand :-)
have a great day everyone!

Hi  all, I decided to come out of the wood work and actually post something for once. I have been following this community for a while now.  I am currently madly in love with an FTM that I have been with for seven years prior to him coming out to me. At first I mourned the loss of the girl he was, but now I celebrate the man he is.   When I first met my partner I had my inclings, but I kept them to myself. I was afraid of loving as much as I do. He is going to be starting T in about 2-3 weeks time once the docs get the blood work done next week (hopefully). I welcome the changes and hope that it will make his life alot easier. Ok, I am probably rambling, that and I am sick, so my brain is fried.. so more later.

quick question: does anyone know of any other online communities/forums or other types of online resources for partners of transgender people, especially ones that are moderately active and that aren't specifically regional?
thanks!

so here the current issue. so i'm having trouble adjusting to my partners FTM transition, today the physical issues. so he's got this mustache and i dont like kissing him with it. i'm sorry. so i'm always making comments about it and want him to shave it. so the other night i actually came out with it seriously and said i dont like your mustache will you shave it. so he pouts and shaves it. then being all passive aggressive he keeps complaining about how his upper lip feels and i'm all like, then why did you shave it. grrrr. very frustrating, why did he shave it and why is he acting this way????

Ok, so I know people have posted similar questions regarding advice on binding, but I have a very specific question.  My partner has a binder from undergear (very common binder) but he is very large chested, and has a very broad shoulders.  The binder is not giving the results desired, which is unfortuneate because it was purchased due to the raving about it that my friend had. My friend has had nothing but success with this binder, but he is large chested and very small framed, and the binder creates more of a wall, and works better for him.  My partner is having ok results, but not the results we were looking for.

Does anyone know of a binder that works well for those who are large chested and very broad shoulder?

Thanks!

(cross-posted in partners of ftm)

Hi All,

I wanted to briefly introduce myself. My name is Adelisse, I'm from Florida, through currently living in Red Sox country, and I've been with my partner for 3 years. I mostly like to peruse, so I think that's what I'll be sticking to for now.

~ Adelisse

 My partner is 42 and I was just wondering...Wouldn't a hysterectomy and a lower dose of testosterone be safer than taking  a higher dose of T?  Then you wouldn't have so many conflicting hormones to deal with, is my thought.  What's yours?

x-posted to partners_of_ftm

I was wondering if anyone else had a situation similiar or at least can give me advice. Right about now I would even take a 'everything will turn out alright' reply *sigh*

My partner is FTM and he just had his surgery last Thursday, a week from today. This is his third month on T. Anyways, what I am trying to get at is my partner is my best friend of 18yrs. We met when we were 12y/o. It wasn't until October of 2006 did she(she was out as lesbian and even I didn't know that she had thought about being trans before) confess that she had feelings for me. I of course had never thought that I would have a chance with her before because when she told me that she was lesbian, which I didn't realize that I was truly one until her and I started dating, she had already started dating someone and moved them in shortly after that. Well we started dating and it was intense and we ended up breaking up February of 2007 due to her running away from me. I had always made her be able to be herself. About a month later she came out to me about being trans. Well due to something tramatic that happened to her son in August, that brought us back together. Well during the summer she had gotten close to start to transition then freaked and tried to convince everyone, including herself that she really wasn't trans. Well as you can imagine, we got back together and it was intense again, but we did it right this time, took our time, and by October she broke down and told me that she was honestly, truly transgendered.

Well I love him very much and I am not turned off by him becoming male, physically, but as you all know, a relationship with a man is a lot different then a relationship with a woman. Now, not only am I having to adjust to the male personality, my best friend of 18yrs has changed drastically. Do any of you have a really close friend and/or partner of many years suddenly expressed that they are transgendered. How are you coping with the change? I am excited for my partner, I truly believe that he is my soulmate, but I won't lie and say that I don't miss my best friend of so many years, even though there was a great sadness to her, there were other wonderful things too that aren't there or changed now.

thanks everyone for listening,

Jana

hello friends, i am honored to be accepted into this TG partners LJ page. let me tell you all about why i had a sudden interest in this LJ community. i am engaged to a FTM for almost 2 1/2 years now, we live together in portland, maine. i myself am a lesbian and alsonurse at maine medical center here in portland. my partner began to take T in june of 2007 and has also had a hysterectomy. recently i finally talked to my partner that i have been having a difficult time with his transition since he started taking T. since i'm a nurse i give him his shots. him and i are so very compatible and very deeply in love. i am just having such a difficult time still feeling and wanting to be a lesbian and being with a FTM transguy. does anyone out there understand what i'm going through? your thoughts are welcome. thanks, christina

I'm a fairly open person.  I am not good at lying, at all.  We moved to WI from Brooklyn about a year ago.  In Brooklyn, everyone knew J was FtM.  He transitioned while we were there.  Now, we are stealth at our jobs.  Its usually not that big a deal.  But, I talk about things and just make them not trans related.

Why are we getting married in vegas? we want J's dad to officiate.
real answer:  J's birth certificate says female and we can't change it.  In WI, you HAVE to produce a birth certificate.

Today we were chatting about Valentine's Day.  I said we don't really celebrate it.  I said he did give me the necklace I was wearing last year for Valentine's Day, but that was a special case.  They asked what the special case was.  I said I was taking care of him after a surgery (it was top surgery).  They asked what kind of surgery.  Plastic.  What kind of plastic surgery.  He got his man boobs removed. 

I can't lie, and I try to skim in with as little info as possible.  At some point, the guy I was talking to may know b/c we are becoming good friends.   And, it just sounds weird b/c Jesse is not a large guy at all.

Luckily, they know me well enough to think it was something I made him fix before I agreed to marry him

If you are stealth, how do you handle delicate situations like this?  Do you just not talk?  I tried to let things slide, but questions were asked.

EDIT to clarify relationship:
We work in a small office who are really close to each other.  We work in a high-stress environment and have to rely on each other a lot to help out.  The person I was talking to is a co-worker but branching out to being a friend.  He wasn't being nosy, just generally interested.  There will probably be some time soon where we hang out.  We do hang out after work.  If it was"just a co-worker" I wouldn't be having these dilemas, but I also consider him a friend.

If you live in NYC and don't already know this, there is a partners group every other Wed (we're meeting this Wed.) at the Center at 7:30 pm. It's a really good group!

Hi, hope it's okay to post local events here - this is a fabulously good documentary movie for partners of transfolk, so I wanted to share. Made by a transgender filmmaker, it explores her transition through the eyes of her partner, family and friends.  I saw it for the first time at the Vancouver Film Festival and was absolutely blown away by it, it's the first film I've ever seen that not only has an honest portrayal of a transperson, but also acknowledges the reality and complexities that we partners face.

For non-Vancouverites, you might want to keep an eye out for screenings in your area - it's making the rounds at a lot of film festivals internationally and winning some awards at it goes.

Film Screening: She’s a Boy I Knew, and Q&A Discussion with Director Gwen Haworth

Part of UBC’s Outweek 2008 offering. For more info, click here.
Wednesday February 13th 2008
Time: 6pm (Reception) 7pm (Film Screening)
Location: TBA
Cost: Admission by donation
Outweek is pleased to present Gwen Haworth’s award winning documentary She’s a Boy I Knew. There will be a reception before the screening and refreshments will be served. Director Gwen Haworth will be attending the screening and hosting a Q&A discussion after!
Co-sponsored by the UBC Equity Office, Positive Space Campaign and UBC Department of Theatre and Film.

FYI I'm not affiliated with UBC or the filmmaker, but just loved the film and hope more people can see it.