Zartan ([info]zartan) wrote in [info]pacific_novelty,
@ 2008-04-27 16:03:00
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27 April 2008 : Audience Participation
What is the world coming to, he asked. How does something like this happen, he asked.

Through no fault of our own, we found ourselves in possession of a free copy of Bill "-6%!" O'Reilly's indefensible 2001 hardback, The No Spin Zone. Central Texas resident and Epinions.com user "grandgram" has described her own autographed copy as having only one drawback: "[n]ot long enough".

It's been sitting on the counter for a week, now, and frankly, I'm sick of looking at his face. We put the question to you, then: whatever shall we do with it?

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[info]potlan
2008-04-27 09:29 pm UTC (link)
It needs to be that book on the shelf that you pull to make the wall turn around and reveal the secret passage.

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[info]bridgeportcat
2008-04-27 11:30 pm UTC (link)
I think this is the best suggestion so far

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[info]potlan
2008-04-28 02:39 am UTC (link)
Alternatively you could take the dust jacket of this book and put it over the book you're reading on the bus. That way, nobody will ever feel the need to talk to you.

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[info]solidbox
2008-04-27 09:30 pm UTC (link)
If you lived in another part of the country, this might be an "A Present For You! :)" item to leave on somebody's car hood with a note. But down in the heart of TEXAS somebody might actually like that, which defeats the whole purpose.

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[info]bitterwinters
2008-04-27 09:34 pm UTC (link)
1) Buy a similarly-sized copy of Chicken Soup For the Girl's Soul.

2) Cut the pages out of the bindings of each book with an x-acto knife.

3) Swap the book covers and glue the pages back in.

4) Donate the books to 2 different libraries.

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[info]drakee
2008-04-27 10:40 pm UTC (link)
*SMHID*, UGTBK!

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[info]machinegunheart
2008-04-27 10:42 pm UTC (link)
Let is copulate with the copy my brother left here.

Also you doing okay, haven't seen you in a bit?

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[info]astolpho
2008-04-28 12:30 am UTC (link)
you know those greeting cards that play music when you open them? Cut out a hollow in the book and use the space to install an electronic device that emits a shrill, ear-shattering shriek when the book is opened.

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[info]syntheticjesso
2008-04-28 02:37 am UTC (link)
This.

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[info]agoutirex
2008-04-28 12:36 am UTC (link)
Send it to me.

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[info]bridgeportcat
2008-04-28 02:54 am UTC (link)
yeah but you are my FRIEND and I LIKE you

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[info]agoutirex
2008-04-28 05:11 am UTC (link)
I read Bill's children's book

http://thenewmeat.livejournal.com/35206.html#cutid1

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[info]zoom_gas
2008-04-28 05:29 am UTC (link)
so did i
haha

:T

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[info]sonderjen
2008-04-28 01:06 am UTC (link)
Make a tutorial on instructables with the book narrating how to make falafels.

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T
[info]miraclejackson
2008-04-28 01:54 am UTC (link)
shit on its chest and run a way lol a friend of mine did this its too funny

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Re: T
[info]emmaone
2008-04-28 03:22 am UTC (link)
... you stole my answer

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[info]emmaone
2008-04-28 03:25 am UTC (link)
1) i doubt it's on sufficiently thin paper for joint rolling, but if it is...
2) recycle the paper and make cards for like, i don't know, needy children or something

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[info]ahamster
2008-04-28 06:41 am UTC (link)
Cut out the eyes from the dust jacket, and make a slit in the side of the dust jacket. Tape the eyes on a strip of paper, and slide it into the opening on the side of the dust jacket. Go on the bus, pretend like you're reading the book, and move the strip with your thumb so it looks like the eyes on Bill-O are following people.

As an added bonus, make extra sets of eyes (googly eyes, glowing red eyes, skulls and crossbones) that are also on the strip, so you can have a variety!

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[info]ahamster
2008-04-29 01:43 am UTC (link)
OR: Cut out the eyes as before, then cut a hole in the book and cover and stick two laser keychains through.

OR OR: Put a vaguely Bible-ish book cover on it, and choose a random neighborhood. Go around Witnessing (reading the more preachy passages from it to people) until you find someone who will accept it as a gift "for their soul."

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[info]stolisomancer
2008-04-28 08:41 am UTC (link)
Cut a rectangular hole in most of the pages and use it as a secret place to keep illicit items.

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[info]sossajes
2008-04-28 02:29 pm UTC (link)
Installation art! Take pictures of shemale (or gay, whatever you think Bill would find most erotic/offensive) porngraphy, cut out the mouth, eyes and genitalia and overlay those images onto text of O'Reilly's book. The resulting visible text will reveal mysteries and wonder.

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[info]mia_d
2008-05-02 03:25 pm UTC (link)
It would be like the Bible Code!

Except better!

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[info]metostopholes
2008-04-30 02:39 am UTC (link)
Something involving repulsor rays.

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