Belgrave to Flinder's train.
Richmond station 6:40pm.
Two guys heading into town for a gig [probably Soilwork], talking about metal and drinking goon out of water bottles.

Guy 1: "Man, it's Richmond! Let's get off, I gotta piss!!"
Guy 2: "We've got one more stop..."
Guy 1: "I've gotta piss so bad, I'm about to piss outta my mouth!"

Between two friends of mine

Guy 1: Ever thought about how many kids you want?
Guy 2: How many can the average woman pump out? I want lots of Father's Day presents!

Overheard from a very bored co-worker when someone suggested he read one of the womens magazines.

"yeah, I think I'll read the melways instead. Then at least that way I'll know what's going on. People will say 'Hey! What's going on around Melbourne?' and I'll say 'Bourke Rd'"

On a plane on the way to Melb from Queensland..husband and wife were talking about various diseases etc..

Husband: what is that sickness when you can't have lemon or citrus?
Wife: Melanoma?
Husband: yea that, [continues conversation]

i missed the end because i was laughing so hard.

walking past a few guys sitting at a cafe
Guy: "Yeah, my dad has a really hairy chest"

it made me giggle :)

Frankston train mothers day evening. A little kid talking to parent's. Overheard in between songs on iPod:

"See mum? she's a lady cos shes wearing a hat like you too!"

How do I know it was about me? I felt him poke my neck at the you too bit! lol!

Overheard in a doctor's waiting room in Blackburn today:

Gloria Gaynor singing "I Will Survive" :)

In an email sent to a friend of mine

"Bliss is my business"

Not particularly funny, but it brought a smile to my face, so I thought I'd share anyways.

Belgrave-bound train, around 7:15pm Sunday.

Ticket inspectors walking around train, doing their thing.
Man sitting behind me with his ticket on the seat in front of him, reading MX.
Not word for word but as much as I can remember

- - -

Inspector: "Tickets Please!"
Man: "I'm not showing you my ticket, it's mine."
Inspector: "You must show me your ticket."
...
Man: "It's right there, OK!"
Inspector: "Give it to me."
Man: "Get it yourself, it's right there!"
Inspector: "No. You pass it to me now."
Man: "Listen mate, don't try and intimidate me. You're not even a real Cop. That's not even a real badge!"

some remarks later

Man: "Did you have to do a whole day-course to get that uniform?"

In the Crown Palladium toilets this evening.

Woman 1 - "It's tiny!"
Woman 2 - "That's because you have a huge vagina."

Hahahhaha

Overheard in Southland:

Whiny girl in cutesy, high-pitched voice carrying a million bags: "I'm not high maintenance!"
Clearly unimpressed boyfriend: "I didn't say you were high maintenance. I said you were too much maintenance."

Also overheard in Southland:

Girl 1 and 2, talking about how Girl 2 had been dumped.
Girl 1: You'll be fine, you totally don't need a boyfriend.
Girl 2: My liver needs me to have a boyfriend.

Overheard on a Frankston line train (I really wish I'd caught more of the conversation):

Serious schoolboy 1: Do you even know how to spell Hakuna Matata? It can be spelled in so many different ways.
SSB 2: I hate you and hope you die.

And my favourite two overheards of all time, which occured at 3am at the KFC on Bourke Street:

Drunk guy with 'Groomsman' sash to a group of girls in line: I look like Larry Edna, don't I? Don't you guys feel like you've met Larry Edna?

and

Drunk groom (to the tune of Batman): Nuna nuna nuna nuna BUCKS MAN! BUCKS MAN!

This was overheard several years ago, but this snippet has always left me wondering...


Man walking down Lygon Street:

"... so, apparently I'm a Tic Tac"

Workmate in next cubicle, on phone to someone (not a client I hope):

"how's your diahorreah?"

o_0

Two people walking into Richmond shopping centre carpark from the street.

Middle aged lady: I know this carpark!
Son: Nar, that was in Moorabbin!
Middle Aged Lady: and where are we?

Girl talking to two other girls: I was sitting on the toilet like, whoa the palm trees are coming out!

Maybe she was talking about palm trees blooming??

a couple from the last two weeks (separate conversations):

a late 20's female: "all i did was piss on a fucking pumpkins, and break a ping pong table!"

a mid 20's male: "i came back from the states with herpes, and a love of olives."

overseen in richmond

( this could be you )

2 friends are saying goodbye as one leaves the tram. I wasn't listening until I heard this:

Girl leaving tram: What bits?
Girl Staying on: String
GLT: What bits? pink bits?

She then giggles and gets off the tram leaving the other girl with a slightly bewildered look. :D

Sandringham Line, Gardenvale Station approx. 5:15pm

Private School Girl 1: Do you swear on your life?
Private School Girl 2: -boredly- yes, I swear on your life.