Life without Transition

slightlyfoxed @ 2:10pm: Me, I'm touchy.
BiCon approaches, so I thought I'd:

- post a reasonably recent picture of myself (see userpic) in case anyone wanted to put a name to a face. I'm tallish and thinnish. I have slightly blue hair at the moment, I doubt that will make me unique (one Brighton Pride on the beach, I approached a circle round a campfire to ask 'Have you seen a bloke with blue hair?' and got the response 'All too many, my dear...'). On Saturday night I'll be wearing a wig and a beard, so memorise that nose.

- post a request - can people have a think before they grab people? I like wearing tactile fabrics. I don't like being randomly stroked. It's not something that only happens at BiCon - at work, senior lecturers scoop me up with less notice than they would a cat.

Often, I've swaddled myself in nice gear to buck myself up, in the face of bad weather or physical twinges. So if I'm looking particularly like an interactive toddler texture-touch-rug, then that may well be the day I'm least receptive to being poked.

If you'd like a hug, then saying 'hug?' or waving your arms like a tentative penguin works well for me. If you're advancing and I'm retreating, stop advancing. If I'm up against a brick wall, have some tact. If you find you're already wrapped round me and I'm murmuring 'The specialist told me that Hansen's disease is actually quite difficult to pass on, but still...' then get off.

Many people reading this are very good huggers and I'm sure will be the small, huggly highspots of my weekend. I look forward to seeing you all more than the tone of this post suggests. Onward, to student accomodation and queer space!

kellidunham @ 8:42am: Phones and breakups
So my new phone was whatever they would give me for a free upgrade, so it has some random features that I wouldn't have picked. But one thing At & T now offers is something called "call protect" which is a service you subscribe to which keeps you from dialing a predetermined number.

I have had at least one break up where I could have saved myself some grief with that option! Brilliant!

didntgomyway @ 7:43am: People like you are the reason I cut myself
I should have told you that
But you wouldn't care anyways

fuck off you cunt

kellidunham @ 6:47am: Yes, you can...
order Almost Pretty online now. It's available through CDbaby.

I know the initial batch is almost sold out, so if you get the message that they are all out, try again in a few days because we just shipped them another box. But as of right this second, they have copies.

kellidunham @ 5:52am: I went to see Billie Jean King...

...read at the Columbus Circle (do we have to call it that? really?) Borders and she STARTED by talking about nutrisystems. Also, what had been advertised as a reading was a q and a, which meant the crowd that showed up (which was a drastically different than what I had anticipated) controlled the agenda.

I don't mind, really, going to a stinker of an event once in a while, because I feel like, law of averages-wise, if you don't occasionally go to a bad event, maybe you've been deciding against good ones too. But I am certainly grateful it was free and short!

I'm hesitant to trash talk an icon though...especially since I came of age in years directly following the passage of Title IX. I know playing sports in high school and college (did you all know I played volleyball for Mid America Bible College? It's true!) helped me stay confident in/with my body in all its myriad of sizes. But sheesh, why undo all that good work in your older years by touting nutrisystems? Ulgh. It's one thing to make a personal decision, it's another to publicly endorse, nay, push it.  And she definitely was. "I'm working with the nutrisystems, it's really great for me" was the answer to the first unrelated question!

Anyway, when I start using "nay" in a livejournal post it's a clear indication that it's time to end said LJ post. Leaving tomorrow for Madison Wisconsin, so if there's anyone on my friendslist in Wisconsin (is there? is there?) who wants to make a trip to Lacrosse Wisconsin, you can come see me at LACROSSE PRIDE.

I haven't been back to Wisconsin since I was 15. This ought to be interesting.

On the way out of the Borders, the sun was setting across the fountains...

eat_more_brains @ 3:48am: I want to move to ENGLAND.
Here's why.

kyooverse @ 12:26am: Twitterific Tweets

• 08:34 Met an older gay dude yesterday, throwback, into het men. For once, I was able to bite my lip, listen, and not pontificate. At least het men #
• 08:34 show up... #
• 09:53 Aquarians are not earning a favorable impression from me lately. Projection is a bit of it since Aquarius is my MC/Midheaven. Stiill... ugh! #
• 14:07 @FoxyTunesDJ: Erykah Badu - Didn't Cha Know tinyurl.com/55hpv3 #

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mitchellatticus @ 3:11am: Seriously, I mean it...
I AM GOING TO GET A TATTOO!!!

I am getting a word search on my left arm I came up with this idea in 2005. This is what I need from you, my dear friends:

I need words that you feel describe me and what i'm all about.

Here is what I have so far that has been suggested:


Daddy
Grrl
Marisa
Love
Babygrrl
Leather
Teacher
Drummer
Giver
Take
Sweet
Tough
Friend
Explorer
Searcher
Seeker
Witness

switchbitchboi @ 4:53pm: *smiling*
She looks in here
unlike many others
at all
anymore.

So i will write
right now
for her
and the song
she sings
to me.

I who is so karmically
like those before me
I who is so far removed from
those ahead of me.

She who is shy
(i do digress)
and meek
and mild
(no child)
more likely
a goddess
dressed down
in robes
instead of
crowns.

and in her paint
and yellow clipped
toolbox
i can see
a world
unhinged
singed
and slightly frayed
at its sides.

Ash woven
small masked disguise
she is open
enough
for now

eyes wide
smile pressed
against mine

Divine
under frigid moons
and angels wings
clipped blue
for you
free to fly right
out the window

and free of course
to fly right back in

curls of smoke
and laughter
no disaster,
only plastered walls
chipped cracked and flaked
bouncing
words and naked
pictures
spill
art
from our mouths.

not_in_denial @ 4:29pm: Gah, MONEY!
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

inagoddesseye @ 12:09am: Site stuff

ok, serious progress Has Been Made. Still lots more to go. But the advice friends gave me off LJ are disappeareded. Reprovide pleez?

eat_more_brains @ 11:53pm: Confirmation
My drawing professor is the most amazing thing, ever.

We ran into each other in the art office yesterday, while I was shuttling my GTA paperwork around to the sundry offices that wanted copies of it. Said hi, made small talk about the summer--the usual. When I made it back to the office with the stamped paperwork, he asked how my summer had gone.

I said fine.

He asked if I had done anything exciting.

I said that Riley and I had gone to San Francisco and gotten married.

And he was all happy and excited for us, and then he pointed at my collar and said, "Is that your wedding ring?"

And smirked while my face fluoresced red and I agreed that it was. And told me how much he liked it (no, not in a creepy way--just in a broadly grinning "I lived in SF, and I know what that means" way). And then we talked about San Francisco, and whether I wanted to move there (YES), and then I went back to the mundanities of cleaning out my office.

Oh, man. Every once in awhile, I think, "Maybe I should just leave the art program. It is full of suck. But I like my drawing prof. He's a fucking badass." And then he appears like magic in the art office, and confirms it.

(I kinda like the new prints prof, too. She wants to, like, teach us things. Foster community involvement. Prioritize graduate use of the studio equipment over anyone else's, including hers. Encourage us to make art, even if it interferes with our class schedule. Demo new media techniques. Meet with me to *discuss* the syllabus of the class I'm teaching--in advance of my teaching the class! She's not just handing it to me on the first day, and ordering me to make copies, and explain it to the class, without ever having seen it! Hooray! I'm excited about school starting, for a change.)

lonetread @ 10:40pm: Things I've Learned Today
1a. Long Ethernet cable >> short Ethernet cable.

1b. Wireless Internet works in the dorms now.

2a. Dean Stockwell (Al on QL) played the MC in one of my favorite episodes of Twilight Zone ever ("A Quality of Mercy").

2b. DS is older than dirt.

3. I'm still a hermit.

1_2_suckerpunch @ 10:33pm: oh my god
I WANT THIS. SOMEONE BUY IT FOR ME.

Please?

kengr @ 8:00pm: MS deal for students
http://www.microsoft.com/student/discounts/theultimatesteal-us/terms.aspx

makaze_ @ 6:36pm: Acupuncture
So I went and got poked with tiny little needles today. I have been really hopeful about the whole situation, even perhaps a little anxious and nervous. It's not like I've never been stuck with needles before in a myriad of different manners... but never for medicinal purposes.

It didn't really hurt. ( cut for length )

In the moment. I feel great!

sfgabe @ 7:03pm: Tweet

• 01:46 at ApartmentEleven (SAN FRANCISCO, United States) plazes.com/a/6354282 #
• 11:19 at Goodwill Industries Headquarters (SAN FRANCISCO, United States) plazes.com/a/6354854 #
• 13:57 @mcnitt - me too! exercised & lungs did not fill with water! Win / win! #
• 14:06 will see you all tonight at the BOC for birthday cupcakes! - www.myspace.com/bootycall_boc #

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silussa @ 9:56pm: ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

fabmadamj @ 6:49pm: Initiating Ephesians Sequence!
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

angiereedgarner @ 8:25pm: more progress-- "rough ride"

4x6'

1_2_suckerpunch @ 7:37pm: Yeah, you know who.
I wonder how she describes you to her friends. Not for comparisons' sake, I just wonder.

You wanna know what I said? Whenever someone asked who I was dating, I would say your name and then smile with the left side of my mouth and say "She's this adorable little soft butch lesbian. She, um, plays lacrosse and goes to UMD...but she's from Cloquet." And I'd laugh and kind of tilt my head to one side so that they couldn't see how massively I was grinning. If they really wanted to know, I'd say how we met and tell the funny story about the 4 (did it end up as 5?) cosmic connections.

But no one ever got told about how I loved to kiss your scars and how you hated your stretch marks and how you were the most beautiful girl I ever saw, especially when you tried to hide everything you were worried I'd dislike. Nobody ever got told that; I wanted to say, but I didn't think you'd like it if I told. I didn't think you'd like it if I said to someone: she is short and chubby and scarred and freckled and her hair curls in the rain, and she is so goddamn gorgeous. That part was for us.

sebastian_bound @ 6:55pm: My appointment on Tuesday went wonderfully. :-)

Despite all my fears, the counselor, a rather affable butch woman, put me at ease. She didn't ask invasive questions about my private parts or how do I know about my gender. There were other questions about my family and childhood that weren't so easy to answer, but, they were the same questions from a different intake I went through with a different clinic a couple of years ago. So, for my experience, standard.

She says that there is a gender group staring up in September. She didn't know a whole lot about it, but, that's okay.

Sweetie had asked previously wether or not I would want her there, but I said that it wouldn't be necessary. Wouldn't you know, but that morning when I woke up I was scared shitless and asked her to go with me. So, despite the fact that it was two hours before her normal wake up time, she came and held my hand. Not during the appointment, of course, but on the way there and after. It was good to have her support.

After, we were recklessly impulsive and went to a German restaurant in Columbus, OH. The food was excellent.

Today I went to my therapist, applied for a job on campus, but was otherwise lazy. Maybe I'll get it up enough to do some long needed laundry.

inagoddesseye @ 2:20pm: hey look, it;s my navel!
 *sigh* D and I were talking about stuff last night and he mentioned he'd like to move out of Mom and Dad's house. I... don't.

At first I thought it was because I am excited that I get to be in a nice house instead of a damnhelltinyapartment... but then I realised it's something more.

I love his parents and his parents love me. I feel *comfortable* around them, and around uncle B and aunt B. I've never had that before. I feel like I'm playing catchup on parts of life that people who grow up in loving families never questioned. I realised this last night and burst into tears and yelled "I don't wanna move out!" Apparently I'm like 12 or 13.  I'm serious. I feel like I'm going through puberty and have felt that way since before I went off Cymbalta... just moreso since i actually feel my emotions now.

"Ok, we won't", He said. ""Dang I need therapy,"  I said. Healer-me feels like this is the best therapy there could be. Damaged me is scared and certain this will be taken away from me and I'll never get out of My Orphanage.

 And despite the amount and quality of sleep I got, I'm crabby this morning. I blame the train of thought left over from last night. But not D. My damage, my problem. *sighs*

Can life just go away right now? 

I'm going to go make myself an extra-thick, extra-gooey pb&j now.

andy1999 @ 3:27pm: Friends Only.

syxstring @ 10:33am: Not Watching? Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles

Everything he is, everything he will be, depends on her.
( Not Watching: TSCC: About the Show )
( Not Watching: TSCC: The Cast & Characters )
Not Watching: TSCC: How to Catch up: Interested in watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles? It's easy enough to catch up before it's Season 2 premiere on September 8th. The first season only contained 9 episodes, which I am sure you could find on any torrent, are currently being shown on FOX network and Fox On Demand, or Season 1 of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles has been released on DVD, depending on which store it only ranges from about $18-$25.

This post will remain public, so feel free to spread the word about it so we can attempt to pull in some more viewers.