Janice Dickinson: “I’m a writer, what can I say?”

Janice Dickinson on many important topics.

Kevin & Brit: Kevin Priceline. What a fucking asshole. What a fucking using, pond-scum leech. He obviously bangs the living hell out of her. You know, what do they call sperm that hit? . . . What do they call sperm that hit? He’s loaded? What do they call it? I forgot. Sperm that hit. Kevin Priceline is probably packin’. His looks have faded as far as I’m concerned. He was never hot— I never found him hot at all. But she’s a hick anyway. She needs to get hot again. Stop clomping around in those Malibu flip-flops. She looks like shit. What’s her problem?

Kate Moss: Truly one of the most superior icons that ever walked . . . that ever lived . . . that ever figured up the supermodel scale. Just because she hit a speed bump and was seen with some unhealthy people doesn’t make her a bad person. Even if she was a hooker plying her trade in front of her daughter doesn’t connotate that she’s a bad mom. Kate has a problem like I do, with chemical dependency. She’s back in full-tilt boogie, and I applaud her for getting back on the horse and riding.

Paris: I love Paris. Paris is playing it according to Paris’s rules. And what’s wrong with that? She’s not doing anything to hurt anybody. She just likes to be photographed. She was never a supermodel. Paris turned herself into a . . . a Hilton. She was born a Hilton and made everyone know that she was the Paris of the Hiltons. Money, who cares. She dates rich Greek men. What’s wrong with that? And she’s smart enough to keep the jewelry.

Ellen: Ellen DeGeneres is hot. She is muy caliente. It doesn’t matter if she’s a guy or a girl. I don’t care.

Ryan Seacrest being gay: Probably. He can’t read on his feet, that’s for damn sure. He has to read the Teleprompter. I hope his Lasik slips. Well, I’m not outing him. I’ve never seen him with a woman. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy— I think he’s— —probably one of the most uninteresting men on Earth.

Tommy Lee: Tommy Lee is fuckin’ cute. Tommy Lee and that big cock. Interviewer: I didn’t think it was that big. Tommy Lee? Interviewer: Well, it’s big, but it’s not ground—It’s not breaking records. Tommy Lee is, like, packin’. What’s wrong with you?

Simon Cowell: I’d do him in a heartbeat. Oh, hell yeah. He’s rich and smart.

George W: Interviewer: What about George Bush? NO! What’s wrong with you?

Bill Clinton: YEAH. Interviewer: Have you done him? [long pause] I’m not tellin’.

Colin Farrell: HOT. Way hot. He better hurry up and do . . . He better make a lot of movies fast—like Jude Law, before his hair falls out.

Jude Law: He better make some movies fast. . . . You know, he’s got poor taste in women. Why would he fuck the nanny when he’s got that hot Sienna?





SOURCE: the bookstand

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