silver's good enough for me (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} stellawuzadiver) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} ohnotheydidnt,@ 2009-11-06 21:11:00 |
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| Current music: | And the ghost of Carl he approached my window |
| Entry tags: | blind item |
Blind Vice: Back From the Dead and Bisexual, Too!
AND
Who Is Toothy Tile? Here Are 12 Guys He's Not!
1: There's a humpy dude who's still gorgeous and who used to be on a hit TV show that was often centered around lots of sand, and lots of boobs.
Let's call him Sandy Boob then, shall we?
Sure is pretty, that Sandy! He's also notoriously horny, and has been for many, many years, which, for the record, is about as much time it's been since Sandy's been a relevant player in the biz. Hmm. Could that be why Sandy's suddenly getting less and less discreet about the fact that he likes to do what Crotch Uh-Lastic does, i.e, seduce guys to watery locales?
Yeah, probably, but guess what? Now that Sandy's career is on hiatus (and has been for some time), Sandy's friends tell us Mr. Boob decided for that very reason to start...
...not only acting out more sexually (hey, a release is a release, right?), but to also intentionally do it in a more cavalier fashion. Secretly hoping to get caught, just so he can deny it. After all, Sandy likes girls, has procreated, and always looks butch when he's caught checking himself out in the mirror. You know the look, right? They sort of grimace when they're checking their perfectly disheveled hair—like it's so paining them to do so.
Well, that just about sums up Sandy's acting talents, come to think of it. But that's beside the point—or not? After all, the only reason Mr. Boob's strutting it out there so much lately is because he's dying for some heat on his career again. If not on his thighs.
And it Ain't: Brian Austin Green, Jason Priestley, Peter Gallagher
1
2: The hunt's been on for as long as Angelina Jolie's been working men—and women. Closeted quasi-hunky movie star Toothy Tile has legions of folks wondering who he is, and he's become our biggest Blind Vice superstar.
While Toothy's busy—chatting up fellow not-out gay stars or apparently trying to go straight—we're gonna help the guessing game along. In more of a, uh, back-door kinda way.
See, we're going to tell you fab detectives who Toothy isn't!
Behold our People Who Are Not Toothy Tile gallery! We'll start updating this more often so you sexy sniffers can see the fellas who most definitely are not the erstwhile closeted T.T. And keep the guesses coming!
And it ain't: Zac Efron, Will Smith, Brad Pitt, Gerard Butler, Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck, Kevin Spacey, Shia LeBeouf, Jamie Foxx, Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson or Bradley Cooper.
2
Dear Ted:
Met that nerdorkable hottie Joseph Gordon-Levitt the other night and he couldn't be sweeter. What's the scoop? Is he really as down-to-earth and talented as he seems or has he got a few Blind Vice skeletons in his closet, too? Much love to you and the Awful Truth team!
—sweetdaschund
Dear Looking for Trouble:
There is none. Every time any of Team Awful's hung around JGL, he's been a peach. Not sayin' he's sinless, but he keeps it on the DL whenever we've had our eye on him. Maybe he'll crack sometime soon? Hope so!
-----
Dear Ted:
Are Josh Peck and Drake Bell (of Drake & Josh) Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? They seem to be all about that "brotherly love."
—Milena
Dear Ha!:
Love that you went there with these Nickelodeon kids, but keep guessing. And no, it's nobody on a kiddie network.
----
Dear Ted:
What happens to the beard in a relationship once the other has come out? Does the media trash the beard and embrace the other for coming out? I can't recall any supercelebrity couple in the past where one has come out of the closet and the other acknowledged that they were a beard.
—San Diego,Calif.
Dear Whiskers Whispers:
And don't expect it to happen anytime soon, either. Most gay celebs comfortable being out have always been comfortable not being attached to a woman, even when their sexuality was still considered a secret.
----
Dear Ted:
With regard to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift, are they pulling a "Jake and Reese" or is it the real deal? Also what's the story with Josh Duhamel? Yes, he's hot, but is he a good guy or does he have many little secrets behind that gorgeous smile? Has he ever been a B.V.?
—prilc318
Dear On to Something:
Yes, Josh, has indeed been a Vice-er; where's there's tabloid headlines, there's always a little truth (always). As to Tay-Tay, you know what? I don't think they've decided. So let's not rush 'em!
-----
Dear Ted:
I just don't get it with Gyllenspoon. Reese is a calculating deceiver. (Do you remember when a reporter went up to her on the red carpet just before her split with her ex-hub saying how lucky she was with him in life and she agreed?) Jake is such a nice guy. Is she using him to give a good image of herself? Please help!
—Dutch
Dear Way Off:
Love ya darlin', but your Gyllenspoon decoder is way off! They're both using each other for something in this relaysh.
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Dear Ted:
If someone emails you a Blind Vice guess and you do not post it or give any type of reply, is it because they guessed correctly?
—DDSunshine
Dear Looking for Clues:
Sure, sometimes. But it also could be because I just didn't choose that par-tick letter. Or I'll post it if someone gives the correct answer but not exactly answer it. After all, this is a puzzle, like most people's love lives happen to be, you know.
-----
Dear Ted:
Of all the Blind Vice stars, who is your favorite to write about (excluding Toothy)?
—Lemon
Dear Closet Case:
That's a tough one! Maybe Fake à la Ferocity?
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Dear Ted:
There are rumors out that Angelina Jolie is participating with the author(s) of books coming out about her. What do you think are the odds that it may be true?
—Curious
Dear Jolie Takin' Over:
Usually I would say yes...She pretty much takes control in every other aspect of her life, why not a book? But the skeletons in Angie's closet are deep. She doesn't want those out there.
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Dear Ted:
I love your B.V.'s so much! They are so incredibly delicious, if I could sustain on them alone for bodily nourishment I def would. Would you be so kind as to answer a tiny question about Seymour Plow-Me-More? I would like to know if his pearlies are pretty and white, or if they could use a good buffing.
—Nikki
Dear Tighty-Whities:
Toothy wouldn't be jealous.
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Dear Ted:
The only part of Twilight I think is worthy of attention is the gorgeous and talented Jackson Rathbone. Has that hottie ever been one of your Blind Vices?
—Jacksper Fan
Dear Hots for Jack:
He hasn't, actually. Jackson doesn't seem to have that much to hide. Unusual for that cast.
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Dear Ted:
Me again. How about Antonio Banderas for Seymour? Could you email me back? It makes me feel special. I could use a cyber-hug today.
—Bubble
Dear Very Wrong:
Sorry—but Seymour isn't the sexy foreigner type. Hug for guessing!
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Dear Ted:
Thanks for putting Seymour Plow-Me-More back on our radar. Just wondering: Do the exclusives have to do more with Seymour's ups or his downs, how hot is the journo in question, and is he known by name?
—New Trixie
Dear Too Specific for Comfort:
Both his ups and downs. And of course the journo is known by name. I don't know any unnamed people, do you?
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Dear Ted:
Is Seymour PMM Tom Cruise? Am I in the right age range?
—Bubble
Dear Too Obvious:
Wrong Vice for Cruise! Think far less chiseled.
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Dear Ted:
Texas isn't all bad. It's the home of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.
—Oppen
Dear All for Texas:
What's so special about them?
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Dear Ted:
Stinky Carrot-Crotch has to be either Jesse Eisenberg or Michael Cera. Close, right?
—A. Clark
Dear Guessing Game:
Very close. But still so wrong!
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Dear Ted:
Everyone is hot for Nevis Divine, but who does N.D. really want? What is his deal if he is not "gay, gay" à la Toothy, and he only got up to some mild experimenting back in the day, then why blow it (pardon the pun) out of proportion? Or is he really a stealth player like Crotch Uh-Lastic. And if so, will the lady in his life ever be enough to satisfy him? Isn't that just called denial?
—River in Egypt
Dear Valid Q:
I chalk it up to more of a foreigner thing—they're way more open about sexuality than we are here in the states. I think N.D. is still searching for what's really out there...he isn't convinced either way just yet. But he'll find it on his terms.
-----
Dear Ted:
So, it's no secret to any of the regular AT readers that you're a wordsmith—your subtle suggestions and double meanings make the guessing process that much more fun and it means you can answer the question without getting yourself into trouble! When it comes to Bitch-Back, do you prefer it when we're sneaky with our wording (so we can ask you a question without actually asking it) like you, or do you want us to just come right out and say it? Cheers!
—Radha
Dear Word Puzzle:
Give it to me straight, and I'll make it fun!
-----
Dear Ted:
You used to say you like Jackles, but I barely see you update them recently. You didn't even put "real photos" of them there! I mean when they are really together after work, not the ones from red carpets or from Supernatural episode shoots! Are they really that boring to talk about? You know this duo probably won't last long. They said they both have girlfriends. One of them might just get married tomorrow who knows! So please give us something.
Dear Missed the Mark:
Honey, they're hardly boring! They just make it difficult for me to talk about them since they have so many well-guarded secrets.
-----
Dear Ted:
I can't help but think that Team Awful has noticed the lack of nastiness in my posts or Bitch-Back questions and appreciates that I always log in to express myself. I was pleased that the Jackson Rathbone fan was rewarded with a Bitch-Back answer. So let's try a similar type of thing: William Fichtner is talented, hot and always comes across well in interviews. Why aren't we hearing more about him?
—Diane
Dear Oldie and Kinda Goodie:
Wait, a minute, William who?
-----
Dear Ted:
I am what is referred to as a "Balehead" because I am somewhat of a Christian Bale fan...OK maybe an obsessed fan! I have to know: Has Christian Bale ever been a B.V.?
—Tex
Dear B-Brain:
So are members of Team Awful. But the answer's no. What needs to be blinded about that boy's issues? They're already out there!
-----
Dear Ted:
Have you ever been pressured by a B.V. subject's lawyer to back off on them? That must suck!
—Miranda
Dear Great Question:
And get this: She wasn't even who the Vice was about, she only thought it was! Was over Jordache Junky, who still remains vice-ridden and very much at large, by the by.
-----
Dear Ted:
Given the new quotes from Jackson Rathbone in Glamour UK re: groups in the bedroom, etc., is Jackson one of your Blind Vices? He does travel all over with the fine young men in 100 Monkeys...That's nothing if not an excellent opportunity. Thanks!
—Rpattzlawyer [Ed: AKA Rpattzlawyerwhoshouldhavepaidbetteratten
Dear Rathboner:
Not directly, no. At least, not yet, anyway.
Scorecard:
-Crotch Uh-Lastic is not Adam Brody, Christian Bale, Diddy, Derek Hough, John Mayer, Josh Hartnett, Kevin Spacey, Matthew Broderick, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Gosling, Ryan Philippe, The Rock, Tobey Maguire, Tom Hanks, or Topher Grace.
-Fake à la Ferocity is not Ashley Judd, Ashley Olsen, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Charlize Theron, Claire Danes, Drew Barrymore, Felicity Huffman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Heather Locklear, Jennifer Connolly, Jennifer Garner, Jenna Jameson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, Kate Bosworth, Kate Hudson, Keira Knightley, Kelly Ripa, Kirsten Dunst, Madonna, Mary Kate Olsen, Melanie Griffith, Nicole Richie, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sharon Stone, Victoria Beckham, or Whitney Houston.
-Jordache Junky is not Charlize Theron, Claire Danes, Jessica Alba, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mena Suvari or Scarlett Johansson.
-Judas Jack-Off is not Benjamin McKenzie, Bradley Cooper, Brandon Routh, Chace Crawford, Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Drake Bell, Ed Westwick, Gale Harold, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Jonas, Josh Peck Joshua Jackson, Keanu Reeves, Kellan Lutz, Matt Dallas, Milo Ventimiglia, Orlando Bloom, Robert Pattinson, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Seacrest, Taylor Kistch or Zac Efron. Jared Padalecki is debatable. Dashed Dingle Dream is not Drake Bell, J.C. Chasez, Josh Peck or Joshua Jackson.
-Nevis Divine is not Alexander Skarsgård, Alex O'Loughlin, Austin Nichols, Bradley Cooper, Chace Crawford, Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Colin Farrell, Corbin Bleu, Daniel Radcliffe, David Boreanaz, Diego Luna, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Ed Westwick, Edward Norton, Emile Hirsch, Eric Bana, Gael García Bernal, George Clooney, Gerard Butler, Hayden Christensen, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, James McAvoy, Jim Sturgess, John Mayer, Johnathan Rhys Meyers, Joshua Jackson, Justin Bartha, Keanu Reeves, Kellan Lutz, Kevin Connolly, Matt Dallas, Michael Cera, Mike Myers, Olivier Martinez, Orlando Bloom, Penn Badgley, Robert Buckley, Rodrigo Santoro, Ryan Kwanten, Ryan Reynolds, Sebastian Stan, Shia LaBeouf, Simon Baker, Stephen Moyer, Viggo Mortensen, Will Smith, or Zac Efron.
-Seymour Plow-Me-More is not Antonio Banderas, Chris Rock, David Spade and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Kevin Costner, Nicolas Cage, Tom Cruise or Will Smith.
-Stinky Carrot-Crotch is not Jason Segel, Jesse Eisenberg John Krasinski, Jon Hamm, Matt Stone, Michael Cera, Sam Trammell, Seth Rogen or Zach Braff.
-Toothy Tile isn't 50 Cent, Aaron Eckhart, Adam Brody, Adrian Grenier, Adrien Brody, All 3 Jonas Brothers, Anderson Cooper, Andy Dick, Ashton Kutcher, Ben Affleck, Ben Mackenzie, Bill Clinton, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Brandon Davis, Brian Austin Green, Carrot Top, Casey Affleck, Chad Michael Murray, Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Chris Klein, Chris Pine, Christian Bale, Clay Aiken, Colin Farrell, Dane Cook, Daniel Craig, Danny Bonaduce, David Duchovny, David Hyde Pierce, David Schwimmer, David Spade, Denzel Washington, Derek Jeter, Dick Cheney, Don Cheadle, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Eddie Murphy, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Eric Balfour, Gael García Bernal, George Clooney, George Eads, Gerard Butler, Haley Joel Osment, Harrison Ford, Harry Hamlin, Hayden Christensen, Heath Ledger, Hillary Clinton, Homer Simpson, Hugh Jackman, Isaiah Washington, James Franco, James Marsden, Jamie Foxx, Jared Leto, Jared Padalecki, Jason Lee, Jason Statham, Jennifer Garner, Jeremy Piven, Jesse Metacalfe, Jim Carrey, Joaquin Phoenix, Joel McHale, John C. Reilly, John Krasinski, John Stamos, John Travolta, Josh Brolin, Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, Josh Lucas, Julian McMahon, Justin Timberlake, Keanu Reeves, Kellan Lutz, Kenny Chesney, Kevin Spacey, Kiefer Sutherland, Lance Bass, Leonardo DiCaprio, Liev Schrieber, Luke Wilson, Mario Lopez, Mark Ruffalo, Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, Matt Dillon, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Broderick, Matthew McConaughey, Matthew Perry, Michael Angarano, Michael Vartan, Mike Myers, Milo Ventimiglia, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Reed, Orlando Bloom, Owen Wilson, Peter Facinelli, Queen Latifah, Ricky Martin, Rob Thomas, Robert Buckley, Robert Pattinson, Ronaldo, Ryan Cabrera, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Scott Speedman, Sean Penn, Sean William Scott, Seth Green, Shane West, Shemar Moore, Shia LeBeouf, Spencer Pratt, Steven Weber, T.R. Knight, Taylor Lautner, Ted Danson, Tobey Maguire, Tom Cruise, Tom Welling, Topher Grace, Usher, Val Kilmer, Viggo Mortensen, Vin Diesel, Vince Vaughn, Wentworth Miller, Will Smith, Wilmer Valderama, Zac Efron, Zach Braff, or Zachary Quinto. Grey Goose is not Anderson Cooper, Chris Pine, George Clooney, Jensen Ackles, Mario Lopez, Matt Dillon, Mel Gibson, Peter Sarsgaard, Ryan Gosling, Tom Cruise, or Zachary Quinto.
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
