everybody's looking for something (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jesusbitches) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} ohnotheydidnt,@ 2008-08-28 18:04:00 |
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Jessica Simpson: I pass gas a lot - but i guarantee it smells like roses.
Review of her performance @ the Avalon in Niagara Falls?
It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going.
Simpson, on the other hand, has jumped the rails from pop to country like she’s trying on a new coat at Macy’s. And while the resulting album (“Do You Know”, out Sept. 9) might surprise some cynics, this cowgirl seems completely lost and desperate for approval on stage.
It made for a bizarre and often frustrating show. Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing.
How bad was it?
Before the new song “Man Enough,” she said her man must be ready for anything - including the possibility she’s pregnant with an alien.
Before “Remember That,” a song about abuse, she said God wanted her to record it “so I could stand up here and be witness to you guys.”
Before the Dolly Parton-penned “Do You Know,” she talked about the night she screwed up the lyrics to “9 to 5” with Dolly in the audience. She was so bummed, “I told my daddy I’m never going to sing again … I’m going to ignore this gift God gave me.”
Ahem.
Dolly, it turns out, is Simpson’s prime inspiration for this move to country, but let’s be clear: The only thing Simpson has in common with Dolly Parton are huge … hair extensions.
It was probably a bad sign that Wednesday’s show started with a taped message from Willie Nelson, basically asking us to give Jessica a chance. She then hit the stage to “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” – not the only classic she’d maim this night, but the most grating.
Sporting a blue and white farmgirl’s dress, she assured us she felt “older and wiser” after a rocky few years. The therapy session was underway.
“You’re My Sunday” off the new album was dedicated to boyfriend Tony Romo (“because he always asks, ‘How was your Sunday?’”), while ex-hubby Nick Lachey gets grilled in the bitter “When I Loved You Like That,” where our girl basically says she carried his cheatin’ ass all those years.
A cover of Shania Twain’s “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?” might also be dedicated to him. Nick may want to skip this tour.
An audience of Jess-heads ate it up. Unlike her tour opener in Wisconsin, where she was booed opening for Sara Evans, this crowd was here only for her. And they paid $70 a ticket for the privilege.
Armed with that confidence, Simpson opened up about God, divorce and, um, flatulence.
“I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.”
Seventy bucks a ticket, folks.
Fans who came for the oldies were disappointed – the only tune from her pop past was “With You,” which only made the new stuff sound even better.
It’s too bad Simpson can’t deliver a concert worthy of her new record. Frankly, it’s hard to take her serious when she declares how much she loves “Destiny” Springfield, and then performs a version of “Son of a Preacher Man” so devoid of soul, Dusty would disown it.
Undeterred, she ended the show with her hit “Come On Over” (not the Shania one) and thanked her fans “for giving me another chance.”
She’ll get plenty of chances. Jessica Simpson is the perfect celebrity for the TMZ age: Proof you can go so far doing so little. And doing it badly. In her own ditzy way, that’s what makes her so likable.
http://www.nfreview.com/ArticleDisp
Review of her performance @ the Avalon in Niagara Falls?
It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going.
Simpson, on the other hand, has jumped the rails from pop to country like she’s trying on a new coat at Macy’s. And while the resulting album (“Do You Know”, out Sept. 9) might surprise some cynics, this cowgirl seems completely lost and desperate for approval on stage.
It made for a bizarre and often frustrating show. Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing.
How bad was it?
Before the new song “Man Enough,” she said her man must be ready for anything - including the possibility she’s pregnant with an alien.
Before “Remember That,” a song about abuse, she said God wanted her to record it “so I could stand up here and be witness to you guys.”
Before the Dolly Parton-penned “Do You Know,” she talked about the night she screwed up the lyrics to “9 to 5” with Dolly in the audience. She was so bummed, “I told my daddy I’m never going to sing again … I’m going to ignore this gift God gave me.”
Ahem.
Dolly, it turns out, is Simpson’s prime inspiration for this move to country, but let’s be clear: The only thing Simpson has in common with Dolly Parton are huge … hair extensions.
It was probably a bad sign that Wednesday’s show started with a taped message from Willie Nelson, basically asking us to give Jessica a chance. She then hit the stage to “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” – not the only classic she’d maim this night, but the most grating.
Sporting a blue and white farmgirl’s dress, she assured us she felt “older and wiser” after a rocky few years. The therapy session was underway.
“You’re My Sunday” off the new album was dedicated to boyfriend Tony Romo (“because he always asks, ‘How was your Sunday?’”), while ex-hubby Nick Lachey gets grilled in the bitter “When I Loved You Like That,” where our girl basically says she carried his cheatin’ ass all those years.
A cover of Shania Twain’s “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?” might also be dedicated to him. Nick may want to skip this tour.
An audience of Jess-heads ate it up. Unlike her tour opener in Wisconsin, where she was booed opening for Sara Evans, this crowd was here only for her. And they paid $70 a ticket for the privilege.
Armed with that confidence, Simpson opened up about God, divorce and, um, flatulence.
“I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.”
Seventy bucks a ticket, folks.
Fans who came for the oldies were disappointed – the only tune from her pop past was “With You,” which only made the new stuff sound even better.
It’s too bad Simpson can’t deliver a concert worthy of her new record. Frankly, it’s hard to take her serious when she declares how much she loves “Destiny” Springfield, and then performs a version of “Son of a Preacher Man” so devoid of soul, Dusty would disown it.
Undeterred, she ended the show with her hit “Come On Over” (not the Shania one) and thanked her fans “for giving me another chance.”
She’ll get plenty of chances. Jessica Simpson is the perfect celebrity for the TMZ age: Proof you can go so far doing so little. And doing it badly. In her own ditzy way, that’s what makes her so likable.
http://www.nfreview.com/ArticleDisp
