"There's wine when you arrive, wine at dinner, wine at lunch, wine at breakfast," says another source. "I'm going into rehab."

Nobody seems to remember the labels, but there seemed to be plenty of Bordeaux.

Sydmonton is Lloyd Webber's 5,000-acre estate outside London. For years, the celebrated composer and producer and member of the House of Lords has thrown a lavish weekend party in July for 100 or so theater bigwigs from both sides of the Atlantic. Guests are treated to fancy meals, party games, a polo match and - the highlight - Act 1 of whatever show Lloyd Webber is working on at the moment.

You pay for the fun - this year, it was 400 pounds (approximately $800) - but, as one tippler says, "For 400 pounds, you can drink 900 pounds worth of wine. It's a bargain, darling!"

In the spirit of the old TV show "You Are There," here's what it was like to be a guest at Chez Lloyd Webber this year:

You arrive Friday afternoon and start in on the wine. After dinner and some welcoming remarks from Andrew comes the entertainment.

There's a comedian from northern England. The English laugh uproariously; the Americans, who've never heard of him, smile politely. A naked woman wanders around pulling red hankies out of thin air (and other places). This sort of risqué vaudeville act is, I'm told, in vogue at posh house parties in England. We've come a long way from Bertie Wooster.

The next morning there's a champagne breakfast, after which everyone heads to the pool house, where a stage has been built for the world premiere of Act I of "Phantom . . . Once Upon Another Time."

Jack O'Brien, who directed "Hairspray," is staging the show. Dapper as ever, he describes the set and narrates the action as the actors sing the richly romantic score (more on "Phantom II" later).

After the show, you have lunch, more wine and then, thank God, a nap. Dinner is a lavish, sit-down affair. That night's entertainment: the five women who competed on a British television reality show (Andrew was a judge) to play Nancy in an upcoming revival of "Oliver."

The winner, who was selected by viewers, is on the heavy side, prompting one wag to comment that "As Long as He Needs Me" will have to be changed to "As Long as He Feeds Me."

On Sunday, the final day, a buffet lunch is served. A few guests have slunk home before the meal, which, at Sydmonton, is considered bad form. A few others are snapping pictures of Andrew's fabled art collection. That, too, is a no-no; these shutterbugs will wait in vain next year for their invitations.

The afternoon polo match has been canceled due to rain, so the guests begin to make their way home, vowing to drink only mineral water for the next week.

As for "Phantom . . . Once Upon Another Time": It's set in 1906 in Coney Island. The Phantom, having fled Paris, is running a freak show. At night, he crawls into his lair and makes love to an automaton that looks like Christine.

Christine, meanwhile, has become a famous opera singer. But she's fallen on hard times because her husband, Raoul, has squandered their fortune. So she's accepted a high-paying gig from a mysterious impresario to open a new amusement park. On her first night in New York, she draws back the curtain in her hotel suite and comes face to face with her new employer - flash of lightning, crash of chords - the Phantom!

Christine has a child, Gustave, but is his father Raoul or the Phantom? I can't tell you because no one's seen the second act yet.

But I can tell you that Raoul, who was so handsome in "The Phantom," is now a drunken wreck.

Apparently, he's been a guest at Sydmonton once too often.