A lady in the street but a freak in the bed (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} not_kosher) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} ohnotheydidnt,@ 2008-01-30 21:38:00 |
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| Current mood: | stoned bitches |
| Current music: | Free My Love (The Cube Guys Remix) - Suzanne Palmer - STAR 1322, Free My Love |
Katie Holmes Cannot Run For Herself
The debate on whether Katie Holmes (Mrs. Tom Cruise) finished the New York City Marathon in November has been swirling around the Internet for the past couple of weeks, with some great reporting done by Defamer. The Iron Kahuna has done a half-dozen marathons and an Ironman, and he's been suspicious about Katie Holmes' (Mrs. Tom Cruise's) New York City Marathon performance for some time now. Here are six reasons why she may have not gone the full 26.2 miles.
1. No bleeding nipples. Katie wasn't wearing a bra (or much of one), and any guy will tell you, if your nipples rub against your shirt for 26.2 miles, you're going to have a bad case of bleeding nipples (see the dude from "The Office" below for a good example).
2. No salt stains on her hat or clothes. You can't run 26.2 miles and not have salt stains. Ask Rosie Ruiz
3. The lone run-man theory. Katie Holmes was allegedly paced by this man, Wesley Okerson, who allegedly wore a racing bib that appeared to be recycled from the 2003 NYC Marathon (#6074) but appears to have a timing chip on his foot. Why the timing chip? Did he run with Katie's chip? Why the 2003 number? There's no official results for either Okerson or #6074. BTW, #6074 for the 2003 race was assigned to Al Finger. Alan Finger is a yoga guru to the the stars in Los Angeles. Coincidence?
4. The identical splits. Katie Holmes and another of her apparent trainers, Paul Vincent (#28994) recorded the exact same splits throughout the race. To do this, you'd have to choreograph your steps with the precision of the Radio City Rockettes. It's very odd.
The exact second Katie Holmes was supposed to cross the 10k timing mat. In other photos, Katie couldn't be spotted on the other side of the street either.
5. No photos. The Kahuna has gotten a little obsessed with this. Photographers took wide angle pictures as runners across the 10k timing mat. The Kahuna looked up the photos of each runner who finished with a few seconds of Holmes' alleged 10K split (1:06:51), and couldn't find any photo that included Holmes on either side of the street. With her long pants, purple shirt and blue hat, she shouldn't be hard to spot. (On the Brightroom website, there are no photos of Holmes or Paul Vincent. Hmmmmm.
Screening Lions For Lambs NY
A few hours after her "marathon," Katie was striking a pose in high heels on the red carpet. An incredible recovery!
6. High heels. After struggling to allegedly complete her first marathon (5:29 and change), Katie Holmes put on a pair of high heels that night and attended the movie premiere with her husband, walking down the red carpet with no ill effects from the marathon.
THE END
KATIE IS A GREAT BIG PHONY (with a good nose job)
