oh! how beautiful.

bye byee

2005-06-11T21:52:22Z

sorry guys, this is dead.
you know how to get a hold of me if you ever need to.

Promo... x-posted

2005-04-29T06:05:15Z

If this isn't allowed, let me know & it will be deleted.

F.Y.I.

2005-04-13T02:36:01Z

This is Shary.
Formally known as suicidalfcuk.

New journal!

___evagination!
___evagination!
___evagination!

Cross posted everywhere!

Dead computer.

2005-03-30T20:18:35Z

I'll be gone from the internet for a bit, maybe a few weeks. I'll update when I am at Carlos's house, or I can get on my Aunts's computer. Don't bump me, I love you guys!

♥
Shary

Cross posted like a mofo.

oh_howbeautiful @ 2005-03-15T08:46:00

2005-03-15T16:46:24Z

He kissed me!!
I'm excited out of my mind right now. I have to share this with the world. It was such a movie-kiss, I swear. I'm going insane, you guys! INSANE! Can you believe someone kissed me?! Oh my GOD! I'm gonna' cross-post this everywhere!! <3

I'm hot shit.

2005-03-01T01:32:49Z

La tee daa.. Promotion!

oh_howbeautiful @ 2005-01-31T20:35:00

2005-02-01T01:36:43Z

I have to say, I've met a lot of kick ass people through this journal.

Just because I haven't posted actively on the community itself, doesn't mean I don't promote or make new friends.

I <3 O_HB.

oh_howbeautiful @ 2005-01-31T20:08:00

2005-02-01T01:10:05Z

This community isn't almost dead,
it is dead. Later kiddies. I'm gone.

farewell.

2005-01-19T23:51:41Z

i am following in _______tangible's footsteps.
it's unfortunate that the community is almost dead,
it's been good.
<3

OMGZ!

2005-01-17T19:14:14Z

I've already applied at this community. Back in October. http://www.livejournal.com/community/oh_howbeautiful/11457.html
I never got stamped though. Well, rejected or accepted. I counted 6 yes and 5 no's though :p
I thought I'd give it a second chance. I dont know if I'm allowed to do this. If not please go ahead and delete this. And I apologize in advance.

NAME, AGE, LOCATION
Gladys. Or Gem. 16 years old. Houston, Texas.
LIVEJOURNAL
Princessgem
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ?
A little over a year. I joined in November 03. I didnt really start writing in this dailyish until May 04 though.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY
Well. I dont know if my journal is all that or very intresting. But the main reason I joined is to find new reads. I'm always on the look out for intresting journals and photologs. I refresh my friends page hoping someone updated so I'll have something to read. :P
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE?
On my info page. And at my lj.
50x50 PICTURE

ENTRIES

ENTRY 1

HEY!

So the year is coming to an end. I guess I'll miss it. But I cant wait till '05. A fresh start. A new beginning. I dont have any new year resolutions, except to have as much fun as possible. Maybe I should add 'Get better grades' on the list though..

So I'll be leaving for Atlanta tommorow early morning. Early as in- 4 am early. I plan to go to Nancy's house today- and maybe even visit Hector and Carlos. We'll see where the day takes me... My grandparents will be coming from Mexico and arriving today at night. I still need to pack up and clean the house. So chances are this will be my last LJ post for the year.
EDIT: Stupid fucking LJ. I tried to re-add some old old entries.. and for some reason they appear at the top on people's friends page.. :/ Yeah well. I deleted them. fuck it. I wont be able to visit Carlos :( Shit I fucking miss him. I want to kiss him and hold him so badly. And Nancy I'll be going to your house at night- like at 10 pm. Well I have lots to do. Damn, I woke up today from the best dream ever.. it seemed so fucking real. it was about hector. yeah.
Well bye everyone. <3 I'll miss ya.
EDIT#2: haha. Well thanks Nancy for the really great Christmas present!! I loved it!!! <3 And Happy early birthday!! Everyone- Nancy's b-day is the 23rd. So wish her a happy day then okay? ;) So its 2 am. I'm leaving soon. Bye for real this time!!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!
______________________________________

It all started 3 years ago. You moved into my apartments. You said you saw me from your front door- and according to you I looked 'beautiful'. You made friends with my brothers, and when you came to my house and knocked on the foor... I opened it. And ever since then you went over to my house, daily. And you said it was beacuse you just wanted to see me.
............................................
I always thought you were cute. Short and chubby. Dorky looking with those big glasses. But I loved the way you looked at me. And I loved how much you wanted me. I thought it was cute that you had a huge crush on me. But at that time I thought of you as my little brothers dorky friend, and nothing more.
Suddenly, that all changed. And I began to notice you in a different way. And this time, I loved the way you made me smile. And I loved the way you could make my heart beat so quicky with just one look in your eyes. And I loved how my cheeks would burn like fire at just the thought of you. And I loved the way every little thing you did just took my breathe away. And I loved the butterflies I got in my stomach everytime you were around me. And I loved.. you.
So when you asked me to be your girlfriend that November night while you were at my house watching t.v and I was in the kitchen taking out the trash.. of course I said yes! yes yes yes! Yes times a million! But of course we had to keep it a secret from my brother- beacuse he had told you not to ask me out. He had told me to say no if you did. And I knew if my brother were to find out your friendship with him would be ruined. And I knew that he'd probaby slap me or kick me too..
But that didnt stop us, did it?
............................................
And even after we broke up. The drama still continued. On and on and on and on. Talking on the phone with you for the first time in four months. Hearing you say you missed me and regreted ending it all. Finding out you had a new girlfriend. Going to your house to visit and kissing you again.. even though you were still with Christina. Finding out you might be a daddy.. You and Alejandro fighting beacuse of my big stupid mouth. Telling you to never talk to me again. And you didnt- until about 4 months later. When you came up to me and said that you were sorry- and that you still cared about me.... And it goes on and on and on. And it still hasnt stopped going...
............................................
So a year has gone by. Right before my eyes. Just like that. One minute you were there with me- holding me in your arms telling me everything was going to be okay. And the next minute you're gone. I dont know the girl who's in your arms now- but she's damn lucky. Of course I'm lucky I've found someone new to hold me in their arms.. But its just not the same.
............................................
My first boyfriend. My first love. My first real kiss. My first heartbreak.

Who has had the biggest impact in MY life this year?
Hector Roman

-------------------------------------

ENTRY 2
i feel so lonely and empty right now. wait, no i dont feel empty. i'm full of nostalgia, regret, and shame. and my heart keeps wanting to hold on to something and someone that i was should have let go a long time ago.

he talked to me today. saying he might come over friday or saturday. 'to see david'. i find it funny how he said he was gonna come to visit my little brother. kinda like he said it so i wouldnt think he was coming to see me instead. beacuse i remember when he told me the only reason he ever came over to my house daily to watch t.v and play with my brothers was just so he could get a chance to see me. but then again, that was when he still 'loved me' and that was a year ago. and this is now.
so now its not to see me, or be with me. its to 'see david'. and i cant believe how envious i am of my little brother. i'm absolutely pathetic.

and i didnt see carlos today. i'm guessing he didnt even come to school. huge dissapointed. i was so excited. i got all dressed up. i even colored my hair yesturday, about 2 shades light, just a slight change- just to see if he'd notice (or if anyone would). and then he doesnt even show up. and its been more than 2 weeks since i last saw him. and when we said goodbye it wasnt even a very nice one. i just hope when i see him again (hopefully, tommorow) things will be okay between us.

and i'm so tired of people always asking me if i really like him. of course i do, if i didnt why would I be with him? really, i wouldnt waste my time like that. and i'm so sick of chris always reminding me of his abscence. "how come carlos isnt here with you?". "where is carlos?". like i really need someone to remind me that he isnt there with me.

and i wish i had someone to talk to. and someone who really cared. and someone who i could tell all my fears and dreams to. to hold my hand and kiss me softly on my lips. who would always be there for me no matter what. who would protect me. and who believes in me.

and i found that perfect person. but now he's gone.

the thought of everything just makes me sick to my stomach.
-------------------------------------

ENTRY 3

My dad never told me I was beautiful.
One of my very first childhood memories is of me, at the age of 4, standing at the window of my old apartments. My father standing behind me telling me I wasnt beautiful. Telling me I wasnt pretty. He made me look out the window into the window of the apartment across from us. I could see another little girl there, playing in her room. My dad was telling me to take a good look at her. Look at how pretty she is. Look at her, isnt she beautiful? Why cant you be more like her? Why cant you be beautiful?
I'm sorry dad. I'm sorry I cant be beautiful.

My mom never told me I was beautiful.
She tells me I'll never be. That no matter how much make up I wear, or how much gorgeous clothes I adorn myself with, I will always look the same. Underneath all the pretty things I spend all my money on, I will still be the same ugly person. Ugly ugly ugly. I'm ugly beacuse I look like my father. She hates my father. I'm ugly beacuse I have my fathers eyes. My fathers nose. My fathers personality. I'm ugly beacuse I dont look like her.
I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I remind you of dad. I'm sorry I cant be beautiful.

But until the day one of them decides to forgive me, I'll keep looking for love and acception in all the wrong places. At the night clubs and down the street. Among the guys with my miniskirts and high heels. With my bruised ego and my even worsely bruised heart.
Beacuse in exchange for a part of me, they tell me I'm beautiful. they tell me they love me.

___________________
Sorry for updating so much. This was one of the short stories I wrote. Like it? Hate it?
I have more. I'll post them another day. Wish me luck on inspection tommorow. I'm fucking scared out of my mind right now.
Goodbye.
-------------------------------------

ENTRY 4

Hector came over today. It was nice to see him. I wore my blue jean skirt, blue shirt, and I wore my hair in pigtails. I think I looked cute. I wore no make up. And ran around barefoot.
He stayed in my brothers room most of the time playing xbox. I stayed in the living room, playing music on the computer, singing along pretty loudly, and writing in my notebook/journal.

I was in the living room. Listening to NB Ridaz' "Perfect Man".
"When I was a little girl, I would sit and dream, Hopin' I would find, find the perfect man. Now that I can see, true reality, tear drops fill my eyes, cause there is no perfect man."
I was singing loudly, pretty into it, when I look up and Hector is standing there, staring at me. We just smiled at each other. He asked me something, and then left.

Then again. This time it was "Unholy Confessions" by Avenged Sevenfold playing in the background.
"I wish I could be the one, the one who won't care at all. But being the one on the stand, I know the way to go, no one's guiding me. When time soaked with blood turns its back, I know it's hard to fall. Confided in me was your heart. I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."
He just came out of nowhere. He stood there. And I stood there. We said nothing for a while.. we just looked into each others eyes. He smiled. And I smiled back. I finally spoke, asking him if he wanted to see some pictures. Pictures from the sleepover and from new years. I showed them to him. I didnt even notice how close we were standing to each other. But we were thisclose. I could feel the front of his body pressing right against mine. I have no idea how on earth we got that close. But I just knew I wanted it to last forever. We talked and talked. While "Majour" by Glassjaw played.
"You're nothing special to him. And that's nothing new for. Nothing new for you. Nothing new for you."

He finally left. My brothers left with him aswell. My mom dropped them off at Hectors house on her way to work. But before he left he stood with me in the living room, he wanted to know the name of the song I was playing. Guess he liked it. I was playing "Creep" by Radiohead.
"When you were here before. Couldn't look you in the eye. You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather. In a beautiful world. I wish I was special. You're so fucking special...Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want. You're so fucking special. I wish I was special."

I got to say goodbye. And bravely I put my arms around him and gave him a hug. And he put his arms around me too. So he walked out the door. And I sat down on the couch listening to "Walking by" by Something Corporate. And just closed my eyes.
I can still remember the way he feels. I can still remember the way he tastes. And I never want to forget. And I dont think I ever will.

"So why do you leave these stories unfinished, my Cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes? Why do you look when you've already found me? What did you find that could leave you walking by?

These nights I get high just from breathing. When I lie here with you I'm sure that I'm real, like that firework over the freeway. I could stay here all day but that's not how you feel.

So why do you leave these questions unanswered? The circus awaits and you're already gone. My Cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile, what makes it so easy for you to be walking by? And what did I do that you can't seem to want me? Why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes? Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me? What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?"

_______________________________________
January 9th. Tommorow. Is the day we broke up, one year ago. wow.
1&2

oh. one year since we broke up. about 7 months since we last made out :P
-------------------------------------

ENTRY 5
I wish I were loved. Not friend or family type love. I wish I were loved in a more romantic way. The type of love you see in the movies. The type of love you write poems and novels about. The type of love everyone wishes they could recieve.
I wish there were a guy who would fall head over heals for me. Tell me I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Write poems about me. Buy me roses. Send me love letters. Hold my hand in the hallways. And call just to say goodnight.
I wish I were loved in a way that every girl always dreams of. I wish I were loved like Juliet. I wish I had my Romeo.

I wish I could find the one person, that I mean the world to. I want to be the last thing they think about when they go to bed. I want to be the person they dream about. The first person they think about when they wake up. I wish to be loved, needed, desired, lusted. I want to mean something. To somebody.

I wish I knew, the reasons why he cant seem to want me. I wish I knew what I did wrong. I wish I could be everything he wanted.
I wish I knew why, things just never seem to work out.

It seems that just beacuse someone means the world to you- doesnt mean that you mean anything to them. I wish I meant more. Just a little more.

When will the stars in the sky grant my million wishes? All of them have been for you.
-------------------------------------

ENTRY 6
For the longest time I've had a pretty optimistic attitude. If something goes wrong I dont cry. I just smile and hope for the best. I cross my fingers and hope things will get better. And for the longest time they've just been getting worse and worse. Everyday things get worse.

For one brief moment. I was on top. I was happy. Truly happy. But I tumbled all the way back down. And I'm starting to forget what true happiness feels like.

I wake up each morning, and look in the mirror, to wash my face and brush my teeth. And every morning I look at my reflection hoping that maybe this time something will be different about me.. or that I'll look into the mirror and see a different face. All I know is, I dont want to wake up anymore, and look into that mirror, and have MY face look back at me.
I dont want to be me. I hate being me.

Up and down. Happy and Sad. My mood swings seem to be getting worse aswell. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to control them anymore. Its insane how one moment I'm absolutely ecsatic. Running through the hallways with my friends. Laughing my ass off. Jumping up and down. Talking fastfastfast. Absolutely ecstatic.. just beacuse. Next moment. I feel absolutely horrid. Depressed. I'm slamming lockers. I'm crying in class. Not talking at all. Absolutely depressed.. just beacuse. The insane thing is. Most of the time my moods change like that in a second flat, for absolutely no reason at all.

Just like. One day I think Hector is the greatest person in the world beacuse he is the only one who truly loved me. And the next day I'm ranting about how much I hate him beacuse all he ever did was hurt me and he never treated me right. One day I'm absolutely in love with Chris beacuse he's a fantastic guy. The next day I dont even want to talk to him beacuse I'm postitive he's a jerk. Its like I see everything in black and white. One day thisperson is either extremely good or extremely bad. A great person or an absolute asshole.

My friends dont understand me beacuse of this. Merna thinks I'm crazy. I'm sure alot of people do. Including Chris.
I dont understand why I think like this either. I really dont understand myself. At all.
All I know is. My life has completely fallen apart.
And so have I.

I cut again. I tried to stop. I truly did! It'd been almost a month since the last time I did.. and I couldnt help it. I just couldnt. The knive was there. And so were some sleeping pills my moms boyfriend had bought and left on the counter. Both of them had my full attention. For some reason the knive won. And after a few seconds of taking my anger out on myself. I was done.

Dont ask me if I'm okay. Dont tell me I'm going to be okay.
Beacuse I'm not. I wont be.
I mean come on. DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU? I'm not. imnotokay.
Something is seriously wrong with me. I'm fucked up in the head, and I know it.
Just go ahead and tell me. Like my mom does, like my brothers do, like my ex-boyfriends, like my ex-friends. Like everyone.

I hate school. I hate being around people that hate me. I hate walking down the hallway saying hi to 'friends' who only turn their back to me. I hate having rumors spread about me. People that I care about more than anything, but dont give a shit about me. I hate being in class and having people point at me and laugh beacuse of a rumor they heard about me. I hate it when guys assume I'm easy beacuse of the way they've seen my dress, or beacuse of the things they've heard I've done. I hate that I lost a good friend forever beacuse of a guy. I hate that, that guy now wants nothing to do with me. I hate that I'm still in love, and always will be, with someone who doesnt seem to notice me, and who has someone new to hold hands with. I hate that I saw them hugging. And he seemed, truly happy. I hate that the person I've started to fall in love with, cant seem to return those feelings. I hate classes. I hate homework. I hate not being able to pay attention in class. I hate not being able to focus on anything. I hate having the lowest grades in all my classes. I hate being labled 'stupid'. I hate it.

I hate the place I call my home. I hate the place I live. I hate coming come at 7 at night. I hate walking by myself late at night. I hate having men follow me in their cars, asking me if I want a ride. I hate being at home. I hate being yelled at for not doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, and helping my brother with his homework. Even though my other brother could do all these things since he gets home at 4:30. And all he ever does is sit and play X-BOX. But no. I get yelled a for not doing any of this in the 2-3 hours I have to spend on myself each day... beacuse I'm a girl. And thats what girls do. They clean and cook. I hate this. I hate having to turn up the radio as loud as it will go hoping it will drown out the screams of my little brother David when my other brother Erwin beats him. But I can always hear him cry and scream as Erwin punches him in the face and makes him bleed till his shirt is soaking red. And I cant do anything about it, beacuse I'm too afraid of what he might do to me if I try to stop him. I'm a coward, and I hate it. I hate finding condoms in my moms dresser drawer. I hate knowing that she's fucking someone barely 4 years older than me. I hate her beacuse she's a whore. And she assumes I've had sex with all my boyfriends as well. I hate her fiance. I hate him beacuse he reminds me of someone I used to know. I hate this. I hate it. I hate not being able to be with my dad. I hate the way everyone always treats him. Everyone hates him so much. They shouldnt, they really shouldnt. I forgave him. They should too. I hate hearing him say he's going to kill himself. I hate worrying daily if he's still alive or not. I hate it.

I just wonder when I'll finally breakdown. So far, I've been able to hold it up pretty good. I cried for about 2 minutes on Friday. In front of Hector and Carlos and everyone else in ROTC. It was just a few tears in my eyes though. No huge tears rolling down my cheek or anything. Last time I cried for real was a pretty long time ago. I just dont think I can hold it in any longer.

And I just feel like crawling into bed, getting under the covers, and saying goodnight to the world beacuse I wont be waking up ever again.

-------------------------------------

</blockquote>

I posted some of the most recent personal and private entries. So yes. They're pretty damn long.. sorry about that. I just tend to talk/write alot..

New Journal

2005-01-16T19:14:28Z

Hello. I used to be xdeadxendxroadx . I got a new journal and was hoping you could change the name on the side. Thank you.

new username

2005-01-12T05:28:21Z

hey guys, this is justwhistle I just got a new username. so yeah. That is all.

OMGZ!

2005-01-04T19:53:16Z

BASIC INFO

NAME, AGE, LOCATION dawn, 21, illinois
LIVEJOURNAL purple_dawn
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ? a little over a year
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY just heard about it today from a comment left by someone i've never met, and i was intrigued.
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE? uhm... just heard about it, so... i'm in the process??
50x50 PICTURE in case you are accepted, please submit a 50x50 picture that represents you somehow for the members list. it can be of anything.

yeah, i'm definitely on my computer at work... but i'll leave a comment to this entry with the picture once i get home tonight.

Kiwibox!

2005-01-04T10:03:08Z

Kiwibox: One of the best online communities ever!
Rack up your points and earn prizes just for playing games!
Do me a favor and sign up, you guys! And if you don't like it, you never have to sign in ever again. It's an online community that I adore. Please sign up and pay it a visit. If they ask who referred you to the website, say that sobstory did! And mark "website" or "message board" for the type of referral.

You can earn things like playstation 2's, dreamcasts, ps2 videogames, stickers, accessories, makeup -- a ton of stuff. You'd all be doing me a huge favor by signing up! To enter, just click the link I've provided at the top of my post! :) Or if that doesn't work, then just copy the following link into your browser:
http://kiwibox.com/signup.asp

Pleeease! XD Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate this, you guys! :)
<3 Cheri

omgz!

2005-01-01T19:13:09Z

BASIC INFO

NAME, AGE, LOCATION Robyn, 14, Texas
LIVEJOURNAL xx_robbob_xx
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ? Since May of last year.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY It seems like a very original, amazing community.
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE? xx_robbob_xx
50x50 PICTURE incase you are accepted, please submit a 50x50 picture that represents you somehow for the members list. it can be of anything.

By the way everyone, Happy New Years!!! <3

omgz!

2004-12-30T05:12:57Z

BASIC INFO

NAME, AGE, LOCATIONTasha 14 California
LIVEJOURNAL ____milesaway
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ?about a year but with a different user name
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITYbecause it seems like an awesome community and it's very oringial and creative.
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE?http://www.livejournal.com/community/xxmusicislife/33195.html
50x50 PICTURE incase you are accepted, please submit a 50x50 picture that represents you somehow for the members list. it can be of anything.

this next part is slightly optional. allow me to explain:
if your livejorunal is completely public, you do not need to do it becuase we can go directly to your livejournal and read your entries.
BUT if your lj is friends only you have two choices:
- make the most recent 5 entries public OR
- fill out this part:

ENTRIES

last night katie and i took a crap load of pictures. i can't even think of how many effing pictures we took but i will post them in just a moment. last night it started pouring down rain and the wind was blowing like crazy so katie and i were lying in bed and all of a sudden the power goes out...so us being the two smart children we are we whopped out our cell phones and used them for light. yes i knwo you all envy our cleaverness. then today we went to the mall and i have no idea how in the world she did it but katie convinced me to go see darkness with her. i am the biggest wuss on the face of this planet and she made me go see a scarry movie. it wasn't that scarry but i was seriously flipping out and katie had to DRAG me into the theatre...literaly. so next time i go to the movies i am bringing someone who is as much as a wuss as me and we will go see another movie while everyone else chooses to be scared.

i got a really cute shirt from areopostal and i got my orange converse♥ i love them.

sierra♥

SCARRY!! haha

oh yesss look at that sexy body...haha

home toad♥

lmao the best picture ever

...katie told me to make her laugh and then she was making fun of me so i was like cracking up

hahaha i love this picture

katie loves youuu

i look like i am crying.

-----------------------------

i hate rainy days because all they do is make me lonely, i don't know why there is just something about them that makes me have that sick lonely horrible feeling again that i just got over...spending the night with katie does seem to help it a little but i can't help myself from having that awful feeling. anyone who has ever got it knows it's the worst. i am sorry to all of you who read my journal because i know you have no patience to sit and read my journal when all i do is complain about emotions and feelings that everyone gets. and one day i will find someone and be happy but i don't know. personally i think think it's weird to be 14 and never had a boyfriend yet but shelby just goes and makes me feel like crap...i don't understand it..."tasha you have never had a boyfriend, that's a little weird i can see why you haven't" and that is the kind of stuff that brings me down and makes me lonely and only makes the whole feeling stay longer. it makes me feel disgusted with myself and feel unwanted, nobody deserves that feeling and i would prevent anyone from feeling like that but i guess she doesn't understand that i have feelings too and i can't tell her what i am going through because she simply won't understand.

i am so sorry for all this complaining. i better stop and give myself a reality check, and drop the subject before i break out into tears....

well tonight i went to the mall with julie and we meet justin, jack, and alex there and this kid mason was there too. me and julie didn't really do much shopping untill after they had left though but that's fine. i looked for my mcbeths but the smallest size they had were an 8 in mens so they were wayyy to big :(. but i got my napoleon dynamite<3 shirt and a really cute track jacket from hollister. we saw katie and sierra there too and i haven't seen sierra since summer so i was stoked!!

srfkjghskdfjsdfkjsn ahhhh i need to memorize my lines insted of sitting and talking online all day...tomarrow will be the offical day and i will call it MAKE TASHA MEMORIZE HER LINES DAY
---------------------------------------

excuse the horrible pictures. build a bear was fun and i was happy i got to hang out with katie again. haha we are so weird, at k-b toys i was rocking out to the music and dancing around the store, then katie and i found this stuffed snake so she started wrestling it but then her dad told us to knock it off. then her dad had to meet someone at the dmv so katie and i stayed out in the car and rocked out to "drop is like it's hawt" and "1,2 step", we got a lot of funny looks but it was worth it.

i finally started memorizing my lines. geez i have about 100 down, about 80 something more down to go.

a little something me and katie mcnellen like to call the child abuse line.

cheer up my pretty. you don't deserve to be sad.♥
---------------------------------------------------

i am really not in the mood to have someone go and start shit with me. i don't know if you relize this dear but when i feel shitty when someone goes and starts stuff even if they are just messing around of course i am going to be upset and start to cry. go ahead and call me a pussy or whatever you want. my emotions are kind of off right now and i can't help it. i know you were just kidding but i need to post this anyways.

i don't understand how as soon as break starts i get in theses crappy lonely moods. seriously it's the most random things. and when little things happen i completely break down. i dislike the way i look and feel, and when i look at myself i am unsatified. i don't wanna be like all thoes other girls. i think i need a reality check.

going to build-a-bear and hanging out with kaite should cheer me up. she always cheers me up. i am almost never sad around her, she has this like power to cheer you up and i love it. and i love how she can make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts for hours on end.♥
</blockquote>

OMGZ!

2004-12-28T21:27:58Z

BASIC INFO

Name, age, location:
Kat Edge. 19. Louisiana.

Livejournal: heartpirate

How long have you been on livejournal?:
since 12-26-2000 my profile says.

Why do you want to be a part of this community?:
I'd like to find livejournals with actual, interesting content, because I'm a fan of life.

Where did you promote?:
my userinfo.

50x50 picture:

ENTRIES

I had a conversation with Beast last night. Being the only girls in the posse, she and I tend to cling to each other. We were freezing at a stranger's apartment and outside on the patio with the smell of overfilled ashtrays, leaning close for warmth and secrecy.

shhh....
(we spoke of:)

1 sex and my inability to feel anything but distaste for the act, no matter how well I understand the circumstances ,

2 drugs and how the partaking of substances is an ancient, overblown act that takes others over (and how I refuse to allow anything to control me) ,

3 love and the if - and - what-if-this-is-its of the whole phenomena ,

4 death , those who've died, how often you don't wish you would die just that you had never been born ,

5 forgetting-the-forgotten and how it is easy to say you are over someone when you aren't sure if you are really ,

6 how far to go when you are scared about something but don't know if that something is truthful or not ,

7 how long it takes to get over or finally understand ,

8 the cold and how it hurts ,

9 our bones which are weak from holding up the world.

and a few more oddities.

P.S.;;; Holden is snoring very, very loudly. and I don't know if it is possible for me to love him any more than I do at this moment. Until, of course, the next moment when I love him more than I ever have.
-------------------------------------

Some say it snowed this morning, but I don't believe them. In my south Louisiana, it doesn't snow. You wake to only grey skies and thin sheets of ice on top of buckets of water that capture leaves that have yet to turn any other shade besides green because it's not cold enough for them to die. It's never cold enough for those air-filled poofy jackets and your best bet to keep warm is to simply pull on a thick hoody rather than bother with some form or other of a jacket. My mother hates any christmas songs that mention or are centered around snow and doesn't like snowmen, especially the big blow-up ones people put in their very green yards.
&. I don't like snow because it doesn't like me.
-------------------------------------

I took this picture when you left me in your room to my own devices.

Dear Corey,

For some random reason, I thought about you today when I was at work. I guess it was a long time coming. Hell, everytime I hear 36 Crazyfists your memory is like some sort of passing ghost. But it's really weird that I would think about you even before I was informed of a recent debacle near me.

You were the reason I could not answer Holden's question the first time he asked me. Though it was weird of him to ask me at the time: "Have you ever been in love?" Well, I don't mother fucking know. Because something that hurt as much as what you did... well... what is that supposed to be (besides self-mutilation)?

So, now I'm faced with a dilemma. You see, she's doing what I did. You know, defend what you did. She says she loves him. Though I have to give this asshole some credit for not dragging her along for eight months. And at least he claimed to be dating her, were as I was dating you but you weren't dating me. Anyways, besides the point. So, what do I do?

You see, the problem with this sort of thing is it makes you so damn helpless. She says he never lied to her. Well, you never lied to me, did you? I just assumed that since you were fucking me for eight months that you were obligated to remember my birthday. But after the fact, I didn't know what to do. You see, I was discarded. Quite easily, in fact. Easy on him, hard on me. A couple forgotten phone calls and I am nothing but vapor. The thing is: no one really stood up for me. No one told me you were an asshole. There was no one to tell me anything at this time. A time where I was coming to a sorta-new school, discovering my interests, and finding new ones with your help. Sound familiar?

Which is why I want to say something to him, but what? "You're an asshole. You just don't know it." But he would think that was me being a bitch, when in fact it is me trying to make him own up to something.

You know what, Corey? You're an asshole. You just don't know it.
I don't know it, either.
Maybe you're just male.
Fuck. I don't know.
Maybe it runs in the gender.
You probably don't remember what I look like.

Though I hope I look different now.
I did shed some skin along the way.

You know what?
This is all I can say right now. I have so much more, so much more on this subject.
But nothing left.

You probably never cared about me.
I just wonder if I ever pass through your mind.
I wish you'd tell me, so I could be sure to break something on the way.
Reciprocal damage.

Ghostlike,
Kat Edge
The Greatest Invisible Man Ever
-------------------------------------

and then, a feeling. Almost as if
nothing were ever boud to repeat
itself again. As if history had been as
masterfully created as the great
pyramids and any attempt to
reconstruct or relive any given
moment would have to stem from an
understanding of how the pyramids
were built from the
top down

and if one could understand such majesty one
would also understand that kisses hold codes
for unlocking new portals and that pyramids
were first made of flesh

our bonded souls
shifting through
hidden corrals
and passageways

i will find my way
to eternity
within you

-------------------------------------

Jenna: I have the best protest idea ever.
: A bunch of gay guys march on the White House and start making out.
: It would be beautiful.
: This is what needs to be done. It starts in California with a bunch of buses. Just pile all the gay people in. Go across the bloody nation, picking up protestors on the way. Especially from places like Ohio, where they will be running for their lives. End up in DC. Throw a huge party. It'll be like the gay woodstock. Protest, mixed with a party--who could resist?

&also: My cats insist on drinking from the toilet. I think this means that I've failed as a parental figure.
-------------------------------------

P.S.: Even if I don't get in, can someone pretty please tell me how to make the lj user tag with little animals? It's absolutely useless but completely adorable.

flip to side b.

2004-12-28T05:04:25Z

everything is now caught up, and current.

basically: all members who needed stamps have been stamped. all members who needed to be added to the members list have been added. all members who did not apply were removed from the members list.

having said that, i will remain on top of things from now on. all comments, queries, questions, and malatov cocktails may be directed to me at hurricane@laundromatic.net.

OMGZ!

2004-12-25T00:44:16Z

BASIC INFO

NAME, AGE, LOCATION: stephanie, twenty, philly, pa.
LIVEJOURNAL: [Bad username: [girl_disarmed]]
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ? meh, about two years now.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY: because i like ratings communities that have a certain level of depth to them.
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE? [Bad username: [grrlsroom]]
50x50 PICTURE: <--- thats me & my rat, tar. notice how "tar" is "rat" spelled backward. yay!!

oh_howbeautiful @ 2004-12-24T01:09:00

2004-12-24T07:09:41Z

man im the only boy here. =]

OMGZ!

2004-12-23T13:46:33Z

BASIC INFO

NAME, AGE, LOCATION Caitlin. 15. Toronto.
LIVEJOURNAL caitlin__
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON LJ? Coincidentally enough, exactly one year ago today. Yay. My one year anniversary with livejournal. ♥
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY I like the fact that this community is about something more than just what you look like. I also love reading people's journals & I would like to meet some new people.
WHERE DID YOU PROMOTE?
here.
50x50 PICTURE

Entries
Public. As I'm sure you've already realized.