farebellafigura ([info]farebellafigura) wrote in [info]oberlin,
@ 2004-08-27 11:13:00
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Current mood: amused

Professor Quotes!
We need something light and crazy on here, so why not share some funny crap that professors have said? I usually have written it down in my notes, because it's better than writing down the actual course material. If you have quotes, share them!


(re: animal testing)"You would hang your heads and protest, because you're Oberlinians, and we teach you to be offended better than we teach you anything ELSE at Oberlin." -Bio professor Levin (retired)
(re: amount of semen released during ejaculation)"It may feel like more to either partner, but believe me, it ain't...I only say that so nobody feels inadequate." -Levin
(re: bacteria)"They have the kinkiest sex life alive - they can do it in more ways than we can even imagine." -Levin

"This class is going to be extremely, overtly biased against all things French. We hate the French, we hate French, we hate French-isms. They are the enemy!" -English professor Jen Bryan
"That proves that it doesn't work in the animal paradigm, because beer is NOT an animal." -Prof. Bryan
(re: Old English writing)"The next word is tricky because it looks like 'populace', but it's 'world.'" -Prof. Bryan
"Season your language with little chocolate tidbits of bigness!" -Prof. Bryan
"You can't separate a Scot from his Presbyterianism!" -Prof. Bryan
"As if one of the standard features of African-American Vernacular English is to have every other word be 'fuck', 'shit', 'dimebag', or something." -Prof. Bryan

"Take your average person and ask them, 'Are you being deceived by an evil demon right now?' Well, explain to them what that means, first. Some of them might look at you like 'huh?'" -Philosophy professor Bell
"Should I assume you've all been working on your papers so hard that you have no idea what I'm talking about? Bastards. That's right, I said it. I'm glad your parents aren't here." -Prof. Bell

(after nobody in the class knew what the hell we were talking about)"This sounds like an Alzheimer support clinic!" -Anthropology professor Glazier
(about some famous immigrant upon coming to America)"He knew 8 words of English - four of them were 'son of a bitch'..." -Glazier
(re: video) "Don't be confused - the music makes it sound like Beverly Hills Cop. It's NOT Beverly Hills Cop, it's Margaret Mead." -Prof. Glazier

(about her school in Italy)"Mine was a special high school for nerds. We learned things that nobody should learn in high school, like how to translate Greek." -Anthropology professor Pagliai
"Let's look at etymology. That's something Italians do when they don't know what to do." -Pagliai


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what a fun idea! I'll find more latter, these are off the top of my head.
[info]ilunas
2004-08-27 10:37 am UTC (link)
(about the story or Andromeda) "It's incredibly kinky, which is why we teach it in this department!" -Classics professor Kirk Ormand
(shouted with arms flung out...) "Yes, I masterbate!" Politics Profesor Ron Kahn

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[info]chanzi
2004-08-27 11:30 am UTC (link)
Hmm, I have tons of good ones from abnormal psych, but they're scattered among my notes from class (same with bio118 but I don't have those notes anymore). I meant to go back and collect them but I haven't had time. Maybe when I get back to school?

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[info]priscillapuck
2004-08-27 02:10 pm UTC (link)
from Chem Prof. Terry Carlson: "Could be that Martians would land tomorrow in Ohio. My guess is, they'd choose another state!"

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[info]azgeodog
2004-08-27 02:32 pm UTC (link)
heehee... actually I remember looking at a topographic map of the Earth right after the Mars Rover landings, and realizing that if Martian engineers were as anal about landing in flat places as NASA ones, they'd send their Earth Rover to Ohio...

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Found some more for ya...
[info]farebellafigura
2004-08-27 05:16 pm UTC (link)
Clovis White, Sociology:
"I'll try to make it exciting for you. I'll do a dance up here and say, 'This is Assimilation Theory!'"

Jack Glazier, Anthropology:
(re: anthropology) "It's a pretend science. It's a science in drag."
"Have you ever read the Book of Genesis? On the 7th day, right before He rested, He created Gibson's." -Glazier
(about immigrants with immoral purposes)"How many people, when they get off the boat, are gonna say 'I'm a pimp'?" -Glazier

Jim Bell, Philosophy:
"You can't go wrong with alcohol comedy, people!"
"I've been a Cubs fan since I was a kid, and they've sucked since I was a kid."
"Let's say that I have a tiny bit of evidence that the Cubs just scored a run - like, a car drove by, and I heard cheering, and it sounded like Chicago accents."
"You now know that there's something wrong with Billy's mind. He's not HAPPILY throwing rocks at squirrels."
"What they complained about is that philosophy talked a bunch of crap."
(re: philosopher Stroud) "I met him once, he's not very pleasant. Well, he used to go on for pages about burning cats. I wonder."
"You're not going to beat the skeptic, so just chill out. Go outside, play backgammon."
"We have one more class, and then I don't wanna see you or hear from you again."

Rafael Reyes-Ruiz, Anthropology:
(re: Samoans, in the eyes of American anthropologists)"If they're the same as us, how come they're uglier than we are?"
"South Americans are very fond of dancing!" -Video Announcer (Our Colombian prof dances around)

Richard Levin, retired professor of Biology:
(re: Botox)"Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that botulism toxin, a thimbleful of which would kill everyone in New York, would be used to treat people for such a severe, life-threatening condition as wrinkles."
"Some people get off on taxonomy."

Ivana Di Siena (aka Professoressa), Italian:
(showing us a pic of two people lounging by a pool, probably about to have sex)"Che cose faranno DOPO? Errrr...andranno mangiare una pizza.(And what will they do AFTER? Errrrr...they'll eat a pizza.)"
"Nicola, sei femminista?(Nick, are you a feminist?)" -Professoressa
"No." -Nick
(to the class)"Kill him." -Professoressa

Valentina Pagliai, Anthropology:
(about audience reactions)"If an audience starts whistling in Italy, it's not good." -Pagliai

Al MacKay, Philosophy:
(regarding a student's question)"Here's how I'm going to respond to that: I'm gonna dodge it."
"As much fun as it is to speculate in the absence of data..."
(about philosopher H.P. Grice)"The fact is that Grice is a genius and we are not, so he's probably right."
"No, I shouldn't say that, because I don't know what I'm talking about."
"The present queen of England is frumpy-looking..."

Sylvan Suskin, retired professor of Music:
"Here you can see an increasing amount of soloistic passagework in the, uh, soloist."
"Kant may have been a great philosopher, but he sure was not 'with it'!...He had no clue!"
(referring to a note in Beethoven's "Eroica" symphony) "It's the most important C-sharp in the history of music!!!"
(talking about Schumann's music) "I urge you, if at this point you have a significant other, take them to one of those closed booths, hold hands, and listen to it."
(singing an aria that he made up on the spot)"Oh, my dear wife, you were wonderful last night!"

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