Obsessive Compulsive Disorder > Community

o_c_d @ 2008-07-20T15:39:00

2008-07-20T19:55:07Z

So awhile back I posted my main compulsion and how I was going to start going to cognitive behavioral therapy in Manhattan.

I've been there 3x and it already seems to be improvement. I was originally dwelling on the thoughts for hours with no relief. Then I started to take time out to purposely think of them, but that kind of didn't work. My therapist said to try to just let them be. Like, instead of getting stuck on the thought and feeling guilty and having to replay it OVER and OVER again until I found some way to neutralize it...I should just accept the thought the second I feel it creep into my head. At first I couldn't get it, but then I did. I still think disturbing things, but for mere seconds. I still get anxious-I am anxious right now...but they say it subsides. I have a lot to work on, and I want to fix myself before the damage is irreversable.

My therapist is awesome, and has even met me at 7am for an appointment. when I couldn't get off of work. It is pricey, $50 per visit in fact. I see her 4x a month. But I cannot stress how worth it it actually is. I still know the problem is there, and it's really hard to accept what I think and I now need to work on feeling the need upset my bf all the time, because I do it on purpose and can't figure out a way to control myself in that respect.

As I said, I have a lot of work to do, but I am so fed up with living in anxiety.

o_c_d @ 2008-07-19T07:04:00

2008-07-19T11:16:03Z

My OCD is getting exceedingly harder to deal with these days. I know it doesn't make sense at all, and I feel ridiculous even saying it, but I have to turn knobs 100 times before I can leave a room. Not just knobs but faucets, and locks as well. I don't understand it at all, its as though someone else is controlling me from within. If I don't perform these little rituals I'll get an incomplete feeling or a feeling as though I'm going to become endowed with bad luck or cursed. I also have hypochondria which I'm not sure is related but its preventing me from going on any medicine (my father died of a lethal overdose/combination of drugs and I can't take a tylenol without going into a panic attack).

I also have trichotillomania which is said to be related. It runs in my family. My mother has it, and her mother had it. They both pulled the hair out of their heads but I stick to my leg hair because I model professionally and couldn't afford to lose any hair. I do sometimes go a little overboard when I pluck my eyebrows though.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like the embodiment of mental illness. Its as though I can't be normal in any way possible. I had a really tramatic childhood full of extremely depressing/shocking occurances. I have a deformity on my foot. I have a grey streak in my hair. I have panic attacks, severe anxiety, OCD, and trich. I just feel completely like a freak 90 percent of the time. I always have and I probably always will.

I have an interview with Stanford University about my modeling on Sunday night, and I'm entirely freaked out that my depression/general strangeness is going to show through when all I want is to sound normal.

Thanks for hearing me vent.

o_c_d @ 2008-07-19T17:05:00

2008-07-19T07:14:44Z

Hi. I'm posting here because I'm completely confused. I've had issues with anxiety for a long time but over the last eight months or so I've developed a fear of myself or people I care about getting sick or dying in a car accident. Recently it's got to the point where I can't watch TV or read a magazine in case they talk about diseases. I've also developed the belief that if I talk about these bad things happening, then they'll happen. I can't even say the names of the specific diseases I'm scared of because if I say their names it means someone I care about will get sick.
I saw my therapist yesterday and he suggested that I've developed OCD. I was blown away because I'd never thought about it like that at all. I've been in treatment for other issues but I never thought that my anxiety met the criteria for OCD. Getting this diagnosis may help, however, because I've been feeling like I'm completely insane, and no one has thoughts like this; but now I've got a tiny speck of hope that other people might be going through something similar and I'm not alone.
Do other people have these same fears and obsessions? I'm totally uneducated about OCD so I don't know how common this is or if I'm a freak, or if I even fit into this diagnosis at all.

hypnotist?

2008-07-19T05:42:42Z

Has anyone ever seem a hypnotist? My friend told me about how it has helped her with issues. My OCD revolves around being touched and putting things in order so they will not get 'germs'. I am 29, and the first symptoms were there when I was about 7...I am tired of being fearful. It has effected my live in boyfriend...

Shell

2008-07-19T05:30:51Z

I use the word shell because thats what I've discovered I really am in the wake of slight drug induced return to normality. I almost hope I dont get completely well.
Hi people, its been what feels like ages.
There are few if any who might remember me. I'm one of many who struggles with cleanliness OCD. I have one giant fear and all else revolves around this. A little over a month and a half ago I was at a breaking point. Nightmarish days, followed by long sleepless nights. Paranoia and soap were backbones of mine.
I recently starting seeing a psychiatrist who has perscribed me (what I believe to be a bullshit push) Invega. I asked specifically for Risperdal because during my initial bout with hardcore OCD back in 1998-1999 I ended up on Risperdal and it eventually turned out to be what made me straight, I took myself off it after about a year and a half stretch thinking it was myself who was making it right and not the medicine ( a mistake I wont likely make again) And I was alright until the year 2005 comes around and towards its end I slip into a relapse that has lasted me until today.
At first the dosage I was getting along with was making me overly drowsy all day long. My intial 'high' reaction was great for the first few days. I had recently been on a marijuana binge so it was right up my alley. And so I went to the shrink, told her it was making me drowsy and she lowered it back to the original 3 mg. This is the dosage I'm currently using.
Side effects are light, so far...knock on wood.
I've been congested since day 1 of taking the Invega...no big deal.
I've noticed that I still worry quite frequently about things as simple as contact with other people, and going out in public...I live in Phoenix, so as you can imagine, in triple digit weather-and in the monsoon season of all times, this is no time to be outdoors, so I'm spending alot of my time indoors. I find myself very bored and with nothing of satisfaction to partake in. My girlfriend is an issue because I havent has an interest in sex since I started the medication which has been over a month. If I had been on this med during my first attempt at college I might have very well succeeded and had a degree by now.
Concentration is a factor, I'm able to relax in order to concentrate in more areas. For instance, if I sit down to read a book, I dont spend the entire time pacing back and forth among paragraphs, re-reading words, sentances. I dont spend my time checking things around me which might distract me.
In public, I've faced what I percieved to be the thing which I'm afraid of and I noticed a very different reaction on my part. My nerves have calmed down. So even though I know I havent come in contact with the thing I'm afraid of, I'm confident by the lack of nervous 'skin crawling reactions' that it hasnt somehow jumped onto my skin, therefore I didnt wash hardly at all...This was a huge surprise for me and I'm hoping the next incident will go just as well.
I am having a bit of a strange symptom though. I'm sleeping very hard every night. And in a strange sequence...my dreams have gone from fragmented scenes to long drawn out movie-like affairs which I have a hard time coming out of...I'll wake up slightly, enough to maybe shift around, put my arms under the pillow and shift my weight around to get comfortable again...things like this, and the dreams will still be playing in my mind, like a vague silhouette (sp) just lingering there knowing its not finished and I'll feel too drained to snap out of it. and wake up.So I'll close my eyes and it just starts back up again, I'm not even asleep before its playing itself out, and its LITTERALLY not until the dream ends, in a movie like way (sometimes there are even credits) that I can wake up...this is bothering me very much because when I wake up I feel drained...sometimes very refreshed but I feel like I've gone through a washing machine..
I'm feeling very useless and like I mentioned to begin with, like a shell...Just there, skeletel.....I dont regret not feeling the way I was a little over a month and a half ago, but at the same time I feel like I'm lacking purpose sometimes. I must be forgetting the ominous feeling that stayed with me till the moment I fell asleep at night, I must be forgetting the chapped hands and chapped skin, all the time, the taste of soap lingering all day long in my mouth.
No, I havent forgotten, I just value things more when they're gone....I think we all do...
I hope I'm still improving even as I write this...Its like watching grass grow, I feel. Maybe its all just happening and I think what I'm seeing everyday is slow progression, but maybe its stretched further than I know.
I cant say.

o_c_d @ 2008-07-18T07:05:00

2008-07-18T12:45:08Z

Hi I'm new here. Now some of the things I'll write will probably sound dumb to a lot of you but please bear with me. I know I have OCD. I have read a few websites about it and just know I do. The bad thing is that I know I've had it for a few years now. Stupid thing is I thought I would somehow outgrow it as I got older, or it would lessen to the point of being barely noticeable. I know that was dumb, but I was young and scared. I am twenty now, and have been aware of symptoms since 14. And along with the stress of college, the OCD is just a seperate and added amount of stress along with it. Though I get good grades in college, but still. It has not really worsened in all these years, nor has it gotten less either though. The obsessive/ disgusting/ sometimes pretty scary thoughts are not as intrusive as other cases I have read about, but they still come continously enough to be intrusive. And I'm worried with all the stress this is putting on my body, my heart, since I am more health conscious these days. When I'm out with friends the thoughts don't even come most of the time, it's usually when I'm home alone and not busy.

And I'm tired of keeping it a secret from my loved ones as well. I feel alone in this battle and I don't want to be anymore. Not to mention I get this feeling of great jealousy towards everyone, because they all seem so normal while I feel, with OCD, such an outsider. I'm sure that's how you guys have felt before too, but when I'm trying to make new friends on campus, I do get awful shy/ insecure due to that feeling.

Anyway, I do have a few questions. I am planning to go to my mom first, since she is pretty much the one to go to to seek comfort, and ask her to call a therapist to officially diagnose me once and for all. I want to know:

1) What do they do when they diagnose you? Is it just a series of tests? I really do not know.
2) What medications have any of you been put on, and which helped a great deal- or which didn't at all? What are some of the side affects?
3) Do I need to do both medication and therapy?
4) Also I am a college student as mentioned- they will not make me take a break from school will they? I heard sometimes they advise that you take a break from a job/ school after diagnosed. I really hope not, I want to continue in school.
5) And...after awhile of medication, therapy- how are you guys feeling? Better off than when you weren't getting treatment? And have some of you gotten off of treatment- is it possible to not need medication all your life for OCD?

I really have no idea, so I hope you guys can fill me in. I'm scared overall of my loved ones finally knowing. I know they'll look at me differently and it's going to hurt. I am seen as the perfect daughter in my family so this is going to be a huge shock. Friends'll probably disappear and everyone will want to know why I kept it a secret so damn long. But I want them to know.

Last question though: How did your loved ones take it?

Thanks for reading guys, this was so hard to write.

Coming off medication...

2008-07-18T00:11:13Z

I've recently begun to - voluntarily - come off Quetiapine, a sedative/anti-psychotic I was prescribed for my OCD three and a half years ago.

I have never felt better.

I am now beginning to think this medication was actually making me WORSE. I still rely on Clomipramine (or as I call it "the miracle drug" - the only one that worked after eight different combinations) but all in all, I feel fantastic.

And it's made me wonder... has anyone else ever felt BETTER after coming off medication?

SSRI?

2008-07-15T19:28:50Z

What is the best SSRI that has few side effects?

Is Paxil better than Lexapro?

o_c_d @ 2008-07-15T07:42:00

2008-07-15T11:43:59Z

weird dreams about ocd???

I know that a lot of people who are anorexic say that they have a ton of dreams about food and things like that. Have you ever had a dream related to your obsessive compulsive disorder? I think I may have but I don't know if it was because of OCD or whatnot.

Dear Dr. Phil...

2008-07-15T02:55:02Z

Hey guys,

I posted a 2nd video to my YouTube account about CSP (an OCD related disorder), which can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLE7oBhkckE

It's a video to Dr. Phil, though I had to cut things out and send a smaller version since this was too many MB. As much as everyone's against him, I think there is good in the fact that he exposes problems no one wants to talk about... and not yet has he spoken about this.

Please read the links on the side of the video when it says "read more information" to also see where other venues of help are located. Thanks. :)

~Angie

o_c_d @ 2008-07-15T01:17:00

2008-07-14T21:17:39Z

Hi there.
First of all, I’d like to introduce myself.
My name is Maria, I’m almost 20, and I’ve suffered from OCD since I was about 8 or 9. It’s gone through a couple of different stages, and I’ve got it mostly under control these days.
I’m currently studying Film Design, and am filming a short film, more even a conceptual video, on OCD. What I need is a couple of people who would be willing to talk about their experiences with OCD. You will not be filmed, it’ll be done by email, but I will need some very honest revelations, namely the thoughts that go through a persons head while they’re having an attack. You will need to be as honest as you can.

I hope that the video will help to raise awareness of OCD in Russia, where it’s being filmed, and also help people struggling through this problem to speak out, through anonymity, so others may understand what these people have to deal with every single day.

If your interested, please contact me here: 36degrees@list.ru or my partner Anna here: animette@gmail.com

OCD as a part of the human body

2008-07-10T06:48:17Z

OCD is normally attributed to compulsions towards/ involving things around us, but what about OCD as a part of the way our body on its own functions and lives each day?

I will provide my own examples of this taking place. I thought I'd post since it's not usually listed as a "symptom" on doctor's websites but you'll all be able to recognize it, I'm sure. Some of these were more or less extreme than others, but you'll get the picture.

1)Licking, biting, and chewing my lips to the point at which the mouth and surrounding skin was left raw and n. Got so bad that when I was 11 I called my mom from the office at school to bring me chap stick- I NEVER leave the house without it now.

2)Compulsive squinting of the eyes, hard repetitive straining/blinking.

3)Clenching of stomach muscles- not limited to muscles of stomach... Face muscles, jaw, vaginal, anal

4)Jerkings of the head, and other violent uncontrollable spasms of limbs. (These were very embarrassing in public)

o_c_d @ 2008-07-07T03:57:00

2008-07-07T07:58:03Z

Dear Dad,

Please do not accept the word of Mom as gospel. You know she likes to blow it all to the proportion her mind makes it. Then you get to repeat her words to your wife... so if I may just clarify.

I am having an OCD Attack. I chose to give up alcohol immediately when I realized that fact. It happened before, over a longer period. It has come to a point where I am ignoring bills and forgetting appointments because my mind is literally so concentrated elsewhere... because I know there is not enough money for all of it, I just spend it as it goes, and the bills are behind again, but not unmanageably so; it's not a hole I can't fill in two months.

But here's the thing, the obsession/compulsion is a fount of creativity and understanding. I have become a mimic... I can learn to speak any language (english based only, so far) only by listening and noting patterns. I literally had one Christian today ask me if I was Buddhist because I had just talked him in so many circles about God. I have discovered the ability to play rhythm guitar by ear, hear the rhythm on one side, the lead on the other, in my head. If I hear it in my head, I can narrate you how to play it by reading the tabs, and I learned the frets by number and the fingering by number combinations instead of chords, and this evening I had a guitar player tell me what chords I had just played, without ever picking up a guitar in my life. I have also made several patterns and connections with similarity to rhythm and rhyme. I can now freestyle rap. I can write a haiku without paper. I can improvise a commercial about anything I see, :30, :60, however long, and then do four more completely different versions. I literally just had a 20 minute conversation with my 28 year old drunk neighbor, and by the end had sold him a thirty second spot for $50 by improvising it in front of him... only in the last two minutes of our conversation. And it's so lifelike that it's live on HD Radio in real time! I can sell anything by relating it instead of telling it. I have improvised spots about screws (wanna screw? I'll give you a GOOOD one...) or Holly Berries, Green Holly Berries, by omitting what they were until the end and describing their ultimate potential to feed your birds once they turn red.

All I did was narrate the story I imagined, which involved the President of Malone Tree Service, Jeff Malone, because he cares about you so much, climbing that really tall tree... you know the one, it's been threatening to drop a limb on you for a week... or it could fall on your house, or that nice car you just got detailed... or your family. But Jeff really cares about you that much... and Jeff really was there Punctuating every Point I had with the word YEAH! Like I had just convinced him to Vote for the first time!

I'm ready to start learning languages now, I can already think in so many dialects and I find myself translating two out of three Spanish words by their latin roots. So your middle child is a savant. I learn everything by listening, watching, being OBSERVANT, and I CAN'T sit still normally, not for a class with a speaker who does NOT attract my attention or interest me in opening the book. But I have had good teachers give me A Grades because I just kept them interested. I also Know now that I will complete college when I am determined to ask others to study with me, and I will just explain how I learn it... in their words. And use metaphors, and show patterns, and narrate it or show it so they get it rather than just tell them and expect them to listen. That's my career, I explain, I sell things to you, I make you imagine them even if you're blind. So I imagine how to describe it to a blind person. Or how to speak the body language of it so a deaf person or foreign speaker or even a Cat, Dog, or Baby gets the gist. Come at them from as many auditory angles at once as possible, music, natural sound, and voiceover all at once. On HD Radio they can Hear why you deserve the Best Use of Sound Award, and it's here!

I spent 15 minutes with an Improv troupe this afternoon and kicked their asses. I intend to join that troupe unless I get a full time job elsewhere that can pay for the psychological care I need to do the news... and the fix for the WORST case of Acid Reflux Heartburn (Reporter's reflux)... otherwise going freelance, offering any service I could have. I can e-mail a picture or make you a poster and send it to you from that picture I just took of you, just write your address on a dollar. I can write you a limerick based on your hat, what do you think it's worth for that? I speak so you will get the words I mean because it's all spelled out... IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER. I can even write a pop song. I have an hours worth of audio of improvising off people's appearance and demeanor, my reactions only, so you get to wonder WHAT was on that T-shirt... and every .com I see, I read it out loud twice. Because those are all billboards. Suddenly I am a Walking Fark.com, funny headlines, commentary and ads, on the radio, and I fully intend to sell that Idea to the guy who runs fark, as a viral, ad based, audio visual blog, where I give live-on-tape endorsements. I am conceiving HD radio for the 21st century because there needs to be free, ENTERTAINING entertainment on the radio and in real life because this is the top of the Rollercoaster, we're not stopping until the dollar deflates the Dow to 9000 or less! So I intend to do it all freelance at pasttenseproductions.com. Maybe even start filing for NPR. I can do that from Atlanta... or wherever the job takes me, because I can do so many of them, and I need to do so full time simply for my health, to afford better healthcare, first off, with another car... and the equipment I'll need, and then the excesses I choose.

So to bring it back to the point, I have had to discover all of these things silently. Mom already did not believe I have a mental disorder. So I had to scream it at her in English and Body Language (oh, discovered that I can be a mime too, did that today on the MARTA Train). I can READ body language, and speak it to cats, dogs, even gay men, and get their attention. And I can bring you out of your shell because I can tell you exactly how you're feeling. Then I can make you smile. And I did it for two days straight just for practice. Next summer I may do it in character at Ren Fest. This has been my stream of consciousness lately... in a big circle. I did all of it while Mom was having Bipolar Attacks AT me, exactly how I narrate them, only screaming because she is angry in the moment, saying things you don't mean at all, because I'm Angry at that moment, in the first second and third persons all at once. She wonders where I got the genes for it... I feel dad did the day we moved from Columbus, drove all the way from Oklahoma for her to give away his second and third kids permanently, then WALKED back from dropping off the Ryder Truck... SIX MILES! Because it was inconvenient enough to make her complain before she conceded to give him a ride. You'd rather walk because you were tired of hearing it, at least if I were you that's how I'd feel. Mom has kicked me out of the apartment without forcing me to go anywhere. I'm already gone as far as she notices, but I'm welcome to stay until Labor day. And she has no idea what has just happened to me. She doesn't want to know, she doesn't ask, she only wants to complain about the latest thing her great job has done to piss her off. So not only all these things, but now when I get back I will hopefully be equipped to move anywhere immediately, with my cat. My couch rental runs out in August unless I pay her $50 AND another months groceries and chores and all the smoke and wine necessary to keep her from screaming for the entire night!

I have become a walking radio, voiceovers and opinions, music and commercials, all live. And had some great ideas for viral marketing to boot! I am also fully prepared to walk into a production studio and cut a personalized demo for anyone who asks, or improvise it into the voice recorder as though I'm leaving a voice message for exactly :30. If you can't hold their attention for that long... and then be able to keep it long enough for the next thirty second thought! That includes talking a stream of consciousness in a circle to a microphone for as long as one CD holds to show you I can host an entire talk show without callers as long as I can talk to someone who relates to a conservative libertarian male who just aged into the 25-54 demo and loves to bend words so they hook you.... so far the only people I've managed to piss off enough to stop listening have been those who suddenly found themselves without a counterargument!

So. Instead of getting angry I finally learned to turn the other cheek, and I will just prove it and come back to mom without the need ever to ask anything of her ever again, and then offer to share with her anyway. That started the blowup in the first place... the fact that I had dug myself a dilemma, found the solution, executed it, and to no detriment to myself, undid it, without taking her advice OR borrowing any money from her to do it. I have learned to live quietly and conservatively while still enjoying life, and I'll start with the things I need and what I've committed to, and then I'll have a budget to expand. So, thank you for worrying. I hope I have just shifted it to a different reason.

Love, Andrew

o_c_d @ 2008-07-06T21:53:00

2008-07-07T01:57:43Z

whenever I feel like I'm slipping away from somebody I feel this compulsion to try and talk to them again even if the reason why I stopped talking to them was because they treated me badly.
usually when I talk to the person they treat me badly again and I get really hurt by this but then a few months later I just talk to them again. I hate the feeling that I'm losing somebody. it tears at my heart strings and I can't take it when I think about a high school friend that I haven't seen or talked to in ages and I want to know what they're doing and if they still care about me. this fear of losing people has really taken its toll on my overall moods and I can't seem to let go of the past ever. if I had a good relationship with the person at one time I feel TERRIBLE about letting that all go. even with exboyfriends whom I hated at the time that we broke up. I can't let anybody go.
I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD but it sure is very frustrating.

o_c_d @ 2008-07-03T16:05:00

2008-07-03T20:09:21Z

one of the weirdest obsessions of my OCD.

ok, I love cleaning, organizing, tidying, and all that stuff.

but for some reason when I put away dishes I HATE putting away the forks and I'm super careful about it because I hate it when the tines on the forks get stuck to each other. I have NO idea why but I've hated this ever since I was like 11. if two forks get stuck together I get this wave of anxiety and the SOUND it makes to me is worse than nails on a chalkboard.

it's not so bad with other silverware because if you just throw spoons and knives into their place they just lay flat and there's no problems but with forks sometimes they land sideways and mess up the rest of the forks and AHH!! it drives me CRAZY!!!!!!!!

I bet no one else understands it though :\

Xposted

2008-07-01T23:47:26Z

I decreased the dose of my prescription medication, out of fear that I would not be able to keep up with my assignments otherwise. Luvox relaxes me. At times, it relaxes me too much. I feared that I would be too much of a slacker to do well in Law School.

Now, I'm questioning my decision. I am older. My OCD is worse - just because I was able to do well my first time around without medication, doesn't mean I will be able to do that again. Not that I think American Law Schools are harder than Brazilian Law Schools; on the contrary, I enjoy the material more now. But for once in my life, I believe I'm actually scared of failing. It's easier to fail when nobody believes you can do well. It's what's expected of you, so what the heck. Now I tell myself that I have to do well, because there's people who believe that I can do well. I'm not sure that I can handle the stress and anxiety that come with that. I keep telling myself that "C = J.D.", but it's not working. I'm tired, growling stressed, and consequently second guessing myself.

Of course, it doesn't help that I'm working two jobs. Nor that I'm currently dissatisfied with both of them. This evening, I surprised myself with a thought I had not had in a long time - "if I just move, things will be better." That was my solution for everything before the treatment. Before therapy, even. A new apartment, moving furniture around, organizing everything. It kept my mind busy. But I don't want to do that anymore.

I am a mental health professional. I know that symptoms come and go. I know that stress tends to increase symptoms. I know that I just need to be patient with myself, work through the episodes and try to stay focused. But knowing what I know does not make my anxiety go down when I feel like everything will fall apart if I don't get all the work done ahead of time.

o_c_d @ 2008-06-30T10:46:00

2008-06-30T15:19:21Z

Does anyone have sexual OCD? For about a year I have been having these disgusting, sexual thoughts about people-and it has indefinitely ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. He can't handle it anymore, so we broke up and I am adamant on staying broken up with him because I know these thoughts magnify in his presence. I don't want to hurt him anymore, and these thoughts manifest themself inside my brain and I repeat the situation over and over. I used to not get stimulated sexually by it, but then it started to and I couldn't figure out why because it was with unattractive people, guy friends, my boyfriends guy friends and old men. I looked up "unwanted sexual thoughts" online and I found a sexually based type of OCD. I just got a call a few days ago to set up an appointment with a therapist because these thoughts are blocking me from being happy, living my life and just doing normal things. I am afraid to wear certain underwear or clothes because when I wore those clothes I thought something sexual and I am afraid it will trigger sexual thoughts.

I am extremely upset, because I am now not only dealing with a 1 year, 7 month relationship being over, but these thoughts that cannot escape my brain. I can't see a therapist until after Wednesday because that is when she comes in, and my ex boyfriend is probably going to give our landlord notice of leave today. I don't know how to control this, and whether or not I want to be with him again because the thoughts are inescapable in his presence and they make him depressed. I don't want him to hurt because of me, and I really don't have the time to try and work things out and try to salvage our relationship because time is not on my side due to the apartment and inability to see a therapist and start trying to sort things out.

I am a mess, and I don't know how to handle myself anymore.

weird obsession

2008-06-30T07:53:12Z

I have had a long-term problem with obsessions that I can't possibly be a "true", "real" OCD patient because I am also a depressive. I don't know if it's a symmetry/perfection obsession or what, but, it's like, I get this thought that a person can only have one illness; otherwise, they are faking. I know it isn't true; but I can't stop thinking it. For the longest time, I actually hid from my doctor and myself, the fact that I have recently been having my first depression in almost 7 years, all because of this fear that if I admitted that, it would "cancel out" the OCD, and then I'd have to "switch over to" having just depression. The thoughts say that I am only a "former" or "fake" OCD patient now, because I "contaminated" it with another illness, so, I must not have ever really been a bona fide OCD sufferer.

I tried talking about this on "Stuck in a Doorway"; but they were very dismissive and flip about it- really got on my nerves. So, I thought I'd talk about it here.

o_c_d @ 2008-06-30T03:07:00

2008-06-30T07:09:18Z

this is a semi-graphic description of something that is making my OCD go absolutely crazy, so if you're easily affected you might not want to read it.

i hurt myself today at the animal shelter i volunteer at. my hand got caught in a fence as i was closing the gate, and my fingers bent back farther than they should have. it hurt, and ive probably done some damage, but the worst it could be is a fracture. but all day ive had the image and the sound of fingers snapping stuck in my head, and it keeps replaying over and over and i cant make it stop, and it's driving me nuts. it makes me all cringey and i could absolutely cry right now, it wont stop. it's seriously upsetting me.

there isn't really a point to this post besides to vent i guess. i wanted to tell my boyfriend about it but he REALLY wouldn't understand.

New Here

2008-06-25T19:50:59Z

I'm new to this comm, but not new to OCD and anxiety. I've had OCD since I was 6 or 7 and it has become what the doctors like to call an extreme case. Yay for me!... Not. Anyway, I was wondering if many people with OCD have trouble with compulsive lying or truth alterting and what the best way to take care of it is. Or if anyone has general information on the subject, that'd be appreciated as well.

Thanks!

-Captive

o_c_d @ 2008-06-19T21:45:00

2008-06-20T01:46:39Z

This is just a curious question. I've had my ups and downs with OCD in the past few years. Now it seems as though I know I have OCD, but the compulsions not as much, just the thoughts of bad things through my head most of the day, thinking of different situations that could happen. The physical part of OCD used to drive me up a wall to the point of crying. But has anybody had this problem, but kind of misses the OCD?

o_c_d @ 2008-06-20T00:24:00

2008-06-19T23:25:14Z

So I've posted before. I have OCD and associated issues and am starting an MA in Social Work in September. So tonight I'm filling in my Disabled Student's Allowance form, stating that I need help with stuff like travel, library loans and computer use because I'll be living away from campus to be closer to my mental health team, that my medication makes me fatigued so I may be late every so often and so forth. I went to ask my family if they thought I'd missed anything important and they all just spent twently minutes telling me how my application's going to be rescinded as soon as they see the form, that I shouldn't go if I need to "make all those demands", that nobody will accept me on placement and I'll have to drop out, and that I'm "taking the piss" by saying fatigue makes starting the day difficult.

I know this isn't REALLY true but they've got me so upset and panicky I can't finish the form. Reassurance? Anyone? Please?

how is OCD diagnosed? + ranting

2008-06-16T12:34:31Z

I am thinking of going to my doctor about OCD. I think it's possible I have it.
But I would want a proper diagnosis. I have a free doctor because I am under the age of 25, theres this service for youths I use. Anyway I told my doctor there about my anxiety for about 4 minutes and she said I had social anxiety, but I feel like it should be diagnosed by a psychologist or something. Also I'm kinda scared of talking about it(ocd) with her because I feel like I probably don't have OCD.

current: disturbing thoughts like images of people dying/ in pain that I don't control. I have this fear of hallucinating. I feel like the more I see these images the more likely they will become real.
Awareness of germs, this isn't a problem, I'm just aware of them like if i touch something dirty I can feel the dirt on my hand for ages even though I can't see anything there. for example if i hold a small child's hand.
And also when I need to wash my hands I feel like they aren't clean unless my hands are burning from the water.
Before I leave the house I have to check about 2 to 5 times that I have my wallet, phone, keys ( i thought this was normal, my flatmate says no)
I also pick scabs and bite my skin and tap my fingers in patterns.

younger (5 upwards) sense of touch had to be even, like when I walked the pressure on each foot had to be exactly the same.. All the time. I still have this a bit like when people massage me and if i bump my arm on something and sometimes when I'm sad i revert back to the walking thing.

I've reread this post about 5 times.. I feel stupid one for thinking I may have OCD and two for dissing small children.. I love kids

o_c_d @ 2008-06-08T00:49:00

2008-06-08T04:00:33Z

Hi!
Since I was kid I had strange rituals that I have to do, if I don't do them something terrible would happen (just in my mind, I know). My parents noticed it, and they made me go to the psychiatric. But I didn't told her the truth, and she thoughts it was just tic, she said it would pass in the future. I had about 11 years old when she told me this, today 5 years later I still have it. I don't know if it is OCD, but looks like it.
I always have to do strange things (these rituals) like don't choose a shirt (or other clothes) because if I wear this shirt something bad will happen.
I always imagine bad things happening, like someone that I care is having an accident.
But sometimes I can control it.
Is this OCD?

Sorry for my bad english.

MEDICATION??

2008-05-31T05:26:54Z

What medications have/are you guys taking, and how have they worked for you? Did they cause weight gain??

Right now I'm on Wellbutrin and Lexapro and starting Topamax next week.