Bathroom reading

(piratehead)

9:25PM

Have received #5 here in Canadia City, Canadia, and will distribute in near future. I think it can only improve their opinions of us yanks. Excuse me while I tend to lashing my dogsled.

(thevulgartrade)

1:22PM - #5

Noxious Minutiae #5 is done, thanks to the efforts of lester22.  I'm going to print them tomorrow, and if I can't get them mailed tomorrow, they'll go out on Monday.  If you have a printer and would prefer an electronic copy, it'll get there faster.  And just to whet your appetite, here are some of my favorite excerpts from the various articles.  This time, I'll try to balance it between the funny and the poignant.( bwaha! )

(thevulgartrade)

2:27PM

Dear Americans,

If you are voting in the upcoming election, who will you be voting for? Why? If you are not voting, why are you not voting? May I quote you?

Love,
Tim

(thevulgartrade)

3:05PM

Ah, just about done.

Proofs have been sent to the authors for Noxious Minutiae #4. The following are selected quotations from the new issue:

Flavor Flav is Jesus in Disguise.

Kingdom come in your mouth.

What are you fidgeting with in your pocket?

I looked away but heard the gun go off.

Tokyo residents are still rebuilding from the damage left by last year's attack by Margaret Thatcher's fluorescent clitoris.

Launch the accordion solo.

Replacing a hows of prayer full of pews of worshipers with a grandstand full of beer-drinking louts is not how you get on the Supreme Being's good side.

. . . he responded by telling the cops to "shove it up their ass."

Mother exploded during dinner, as I was reaching for the potatoes, and bits of her brain spattered all across our plates and on the tablecloth.

My life was a lot like that regrettable Eddie Murphy song "Party All the Time," except not as lame.

Find out whose cornflakes you pissed in, so you can minimize the damage.

But at least I blared decent music back then. Journey? Fuck those guys.

To make sure spaceflight was safe, the United States launched several non-human primates into suborbital space (and even into orbit) before they sent up a man. These are their stories.

I didn't want to go into battle standing in only my boxer shorts.

Well, Mr. [Zell] Miller may consider himself a moderate Democrat, but his voting record, speeches, and unwavering support of President Bush show him for what he really is: a Republican in jackass' clothing.

My life has been full of many things: good things, bad things, things that I probably should not have eaten.

Blood. Blood. BLOOD!

What's up with guys spitting on their own cocks?

For more information on how not to kill first-graders, contact noburnevanston@aol.com

I close my eyes; I pretend I'm with that Olsen twin: not the twiggy one, the pretty one.

Avoid the tomb, but still consume -- the Homeland Security way!

It's a little-known fact that zombies love to dance.

(thevulgartrade)

9:52PM

Just a quick recap of stuff that's been going on with NM recently:

• Submissions for issue #4 are due Tuesday, 8/31 by midnight.  If you're going to be late, let me know and I'll hold some space for you.
• Format is expanding.  Submissions can be longer now.  The deliberately vague length requirement is "short."
• Graphics.  This damn paper needs to look more interesting.  Therefore, we want to include pretty things to look at.  High-contrast is preferred, as these are getting xeroxed.
• Advertisers wanted.  If you have a business, website, publication, or whatever that you think would want to drop a small sum on buying some space for advertising, and you're not an evil corporate empire, please let me know.  Also, if you know of someone who might want to advertise, please let me know.  We want to avoid charging readers, but I'm going broke.
• Distributors wanted.  If you're not in Chicago and want to help distribute things around your area, please let me know.  If you can print your own copies from a pdf, that's preferable, but if you're broke, I suppose I can mail you some copies.

(thevulgartrade)

9:37PM

Clarity at last!  For those who are interested in the drunken ramblings of Tim Minutiae, please consult my personal journal, at thevulgartrade .

However, this community is the news and participation page for Noxious Minutiae, because I always felt weird just having it in the personal journal.  Now I may rant at will about this paper in a legitimately defined separate forum.  And so can you.