Cypher Grey ([info]jagwire) wrote in [info]note_to_asshat,
@ 2005-09-05 17:23:00
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Dear asshat cinema patrons;

Why is it that, in an almost empty theatre when you have at least a HUNDRED different seats to choose to sit in, at least half of which are a comfortable distance from the screen, you choose to sit immediately next to/in front of/behind me??

I deliberately stay away from the most popular seats (read: back few rows, centre), and most popular session times in an effort to avoid having a stranger sitting practically on top of me, yet you INSISTED on moving from your seats a couple of rows in front of me to sit ONE SEAT AWAY from me in my row! What the fuck is with you people? Are you unaware of the concept of personal space?

I have now started to buy frozen Coke purely to pour it on the seats around me. Oh no! Your bum is now cold and wet! Serves you right for being an inconsiderate a-hole; consider me karma in human form you testicle wart. Be thankful I haven't figured out how to smuggle a sufficient quantity of battery acid into the movies yet.

And another thing - if you are going to sit behind me and giggle and fart about sending and receiving text messages the entire way through a movie I paid $15 to see, I will leap over the back of my seat like a jackrabbit on PCP and jam that fucking Nokia so far up your strata chocolata you will have to punch yourself in the throat to dial a number. And if you mutter "What an arsehole" when I turn around and ask you to please stop fucking around, I will show you how painful being throat-punched can be. I don't care if you're a girl, and I don't care if you're 15; if your parents were too inbred to teach you respect and courtesy for others, I will, and that is not a topic you will want to study at the School of Jagwire, I promise you that.

Many wishes for much suffering,

Disgruntled movie guy.

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[info]bantering_fetus
2005-09-05 09:06 am UTC (link)
Hahaha, oh, this made me laugh a lot.
I really hate going to the movies anymore.
It's a bunch of christmas lights and kindergarten behavior everywhere.

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[info]soulmetal
2005-09-05 02:50 pm UTC (link)
consider me karma in human form

Thats just brilliant, and you should be the representive of all Karma everywhere in the world. Asshats everywhere be warned, begin throat punching training

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[info]scarybaldguy
2005-09-05 06:01 pm UTC (link)
I have now started to buy frozen Coke purely to pour it on the seats around me.

That's rather an asshat thing to do. Do you find it amusing to damage the theatre's property, as well as leaving a sticky puddle for whoever sits there during the next show?

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[info]cocacola_sorrow
2005-09-05 09:47 pm UTC (link)
I don't think you're meant to take it seriously

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[info]jagwire
2005-09-05 11:29 pm UTC (link)
Cheers, thanks for having a sense of humour. Good to see some people here aren't walking around with 8 foot rods up their arses.

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[info]soulmetal
2005-09-05 11:01 pm UTC (link)
I know the dude, it aint serious

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[info]libco
2005-09-05 06:42 pm UTC (link)
I have now started to buy frozen Coke purely to pour it on the seats around me.

So you want to punish minimum wage theater workers instead?

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[info]soulmetal
2005-09-05 11:02 pm UTC (link)
he aint that serious

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[info]jelloink
2005-09-05 07:44 pm UTC (link)
I wasn't aware I had to leave a ten metre blast zone around every person in the theater. *eyeroll* And uh, pouring the Coke there is shitty to the people at the theater who have to clean up your mess, idiot. Have some fucking respect. I don't like people talking in theatres either, but I think you need to calm the fuck down about everything else.

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[info]jagwire
2005-09-05 11:30 pm UTC (link)
I was unaware that anything you actually had to say held any meaning for me whatsoever. Thanks for your comment though! :D

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Mod stepping in
[info]evilwildlex
2005-09-05 10:00 pm UTC (link)
Everyone, if you're going to flame, please follow [info]teh_oregano's example and make your own Note to Asshat post.

As for the original poster...maybe try getting up and moving, or asking the chatty people to be quiet. Seems to me either would work better than pouring ice cold coke on the seats around you. Particularly if the theatre happened to fill up, and then people couldn't take those seats because you gunked them up with cold liquid.

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Re: Mod stepping in
[info]soulmetal
2005-09-05 11:06 pm UTC (link)
Its just the usual angry shit you see from [info]jagwire he's an awesome dude that wouldnt pour the coke, just making an Asshat post with the usual threats and strange punishments that will never be carried out by all us angry little LJers

Everyone just calm the fuck down already

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: Mod stepping in
[info]jagwire
2005-09-05 11:28 pm UTC (link)
Seems if people showed a bit of courtesy, I wouldn't have to get up and move, and for the record, I do turn around and ask people to STFU. So thanks for the counselling session, but it's really not needed ;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]chr0nocidal
2005-09-06 02:21 am UTC (link)
I have now started to buy frozen Coke purely to pour it on the seats around me.

Ohh, what a good idea! I'll use ice water though, so it doesn't damage the seats.

I share your anger and misery. I fucking hate when people have to crowd around me when there are plenty of seats elsewhere. And I'm short, so invariably some 8-ft-tall guy will sit right in front of me. And the talking, and the eating which causes so much noise- I don't even bother going most times. Can't these idiots just eat before the movie, or wait two whole hours to stuff their faces?!

And I'm not kidding about the ice cold water- that's an awesome trick. Me, I'll feel the seat before I sit down now in case someone else gets the idea too :D But I'm NOT going to sit right near someone unless it's a sold-out movie anyway!

The last time I went to a movie, the bastards behind me had their young child with them and none of them would STFU. I turned to them and said, "Oh, is this your once-yearly excursion from the trailer park?"

Sorry for ranting in your rant post.

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