no_pity: What does being a woman with a disability mean to you?

Alejandra (Lady Baroness of Xternetsa) (

aleja) wrote in

no_pity,
@ 2008-02-17 17:13:00

Current mood:	curious
Entry tags:	disability

What does being a woman with a disability mean to you?
Over at gimpgirl, we're celebrating our 10th anniversary online, and our topic for the month is:

What does being a "gimp girl" (AKA woman with a disability) mean to you?

For as long as these two LJ communities has been around, and long before that, people with disabilities, and especially women, have thought, written and talked about their identities -- how having a disability and identifying as a woman shapes (or doesn't shape) their lives.

What does it mean to you? GimpGirl is a phrase used by our community, and of course it's not one that everyone uses. If you prefer a different phrase, what is it, and why?

(Post a new comment)

nightengalesknd
2008-02-17 11:10 pm UTC (link)

I have a couple of thoughts about this

One is that as a woman, there is often a lot of backlash against stereotypes. And one common stereotype is that women are physically weak. I agree that this notion should be combated. But often it is replaced with "no women are weak" instead of "women aren't necessarily weak" And so here I am a weak woman and I have more than once found myself in the position of explaining my weakness as due to disability while also having to combat the "women't aren't considered weak anymore what nonsense" issue. It was worse before my weakness was formally diagnosed of course.

Another intersection I encounter is in the realm of fashion. Well truth is I had limited interest in fashion even before I developed a mobility impairment. But I did wear shoes from time to time that I simply can't wear now. No big deal. Except when I'm at work and the other women are talking about shoes. I can just not join in of course. But if I do join in what do I say? I like black clunky lace up shoes? True at least some of the time. I can't wear heels anymore or anything that doesn't lace up? True also. The latter marks me as weird - disabled. The former marks me as weird - non feminine. Luckily I don't usually mind being marked, just as I don't (usually) mind clunky lace up shoes. But I don't appreciate having to be marked at all. And I'm definitely at a loss what to wear to family weddings. . .

One NEAT thing about being a woman and having a disability is the truly pretty cane I picked up last week with pink roses on it. It will go perfectly with some of my spring wardrobe. Did I say I was non-feminine? NOPE just marked that way sometimes. ..

(Reply to this)

nightengalesknd
2008-02-17 11:25 pm UTC (link)

Going away and thinking about it more from a different angle. . .

Overall I think more about disability than gender. I think. I often say I am more disabled than I am female, more disabled than I am Jewish, more disabled than I am asexual. Even though I am definitely female, Jewish and asexual. And that my disability is mild.

What I mean is, I think that my disability affects how I live my life, how I look at the world, my opinions and attitudes and all that more than my gender does, or my religion or sexuality. When I do something for a "reason" chances are disability factors into the reason somehow. I don't think being female factors into the reason nearly as often.

Or maybe I am SO entrenched with being female I don't really notice just how entrenched.

WOW lots to think about here.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

more disabled than female

3kitties
2008-02-18 01:03 am UTC (link)

I would tend to agree with this in many ways, although I think that some of it also comes from my general personality. I know blind people who enjoy "primping," fashion, etc. I just don't I don't think it would change if I was sighted. I enjoy dressing nicely, but I don't want to go to a ton of trouble for it. And I don't find myself thinking about "woman issues" a lot. I get into a lot more "disability boxes" than I do "woman boxes."

I get called "girl" a lot and it bothers me because my contemporaries don't experience this if they don't have visible disabilities. People often wonder why it bothers me... It bothers me because I am 35, not 12. It bothers me because I am attempting to build a professional identity, and I am often seen as someone who needs caregiving. I don't have a problem accepting help when I truly need it; but I don't want assumptive help and I certainly don't want to be looked down on because I need help.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: more disabled than female

baxaphobia
2008-02-18 02:28 am UTC (link)

I've been lurking in the community for a bit and this is now something I can jump in on!

It's interesting that, if you are a disabled woman (I am blind) and married, you are immediately absorbed into your husband's identity if he is non disabled. I have a career, a great education, am very independent, but of course my husband has to "take care" of me. NOT!

As for fashion, I probably am obsessed a bit. I love clothes and I suppose that my appearance is a way to overcompensate for my blindness. If I look as good or better than my sighted counterparts, then I feel better about my self image.

Interesting topic and I hope to participate more.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: more disabled than female
(Anonymous)
2008-03-18 08:12 pm UTC (link)

what being a Gimp Girl means to me

[I apologise if this makes no sense -- I've put it anonymously because I'm embarrassed.]

Being a woman with a disability [let's call it what it *is*, shall we?!] means feeling like you have to be grateful for any male attention you get or stay in any relationship you enter into [whether it's a happy one or not] because, OHMYGODTHISISIT, you'll probably never find anyone else or do any better. Let's face it, who's going to want you? Lots of women worry their husband/boyfriend will leave them for someone prettier, thinner, generally more interesting, or all those things; add a disability onto that & it gets 1,000 times worse.

If you're in a relationship it means worrying that your significant other is going to leave you for someone who isn't disabled.I've always had lots of male friends. If somebody fancied me I would think they had some sort of weird "thing" for disabled women & back away.

Lots of books I enjoyed in the past have weak female characters in, who are or become disabled in some way, then they meet a man who sees them for who they are, not what they are. If you try to act in that way [as I did once], men either think you're stupid, have no idea what you're doing, or are put off you.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: more disabled than female

baxaphobia
2008-03-18 08:44 pm UTC (link)

I am blind and married to a sighted man. Although he neverr thought of me as anything less than an equal in our relationship, much of society views our relationship as him having to "care" for me as opposed to "care" about me. It frustrates me, but I suppose that living my life every day, doing my every day things of life shows the world that it isn't that way. People will see what they want to see and if I tried to change the entire world's perception of who I am or what my relationship is, then I'd be very tired and get nothing else accomplished in my life.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

laurielou862
2008-02-28 08:20 pm UTC (link)

I can think of a few things.

I have a spinal cord injury, fully paralyzed from about the waist down. When I have PMS, it just about takes over my life. One week out of the month not only do I get some of the more common PMS symptoms, like bloating, mood swings and acne, I also get symptoms that are integrated with my spinal injury: the slight bowel discomfort becomes very painful around my sensitive waist. I get spasms like hell in my butt, hips and back because my uterus is cramping, and I guess everyone else wants to join in. My nerve pain around my waist becomes a lot worse, unrelated to everything else going on.

And mood swings + disability?? ARRRARRR. On some PMS days I can get suicidal, because I feel completely overwhelmed by everything I have to do to live plus the chronic pain. Thank god for marijuana.

I've also experienced some of the "weak woman" stereotype that the above commentor talked about. It's like, yes I'm a woman, and yes I am "weak", but you know what? That doesn't mean I'm not strong. I would even venture to say that I feel stronger than most people because of all the shit I've gone through.

And there is no escaping chivalry a lot of the time, when you're a woman w/a disability. I don't particularly like it when men try to help me get my coat on, even if I know and like them.

It seems like 95% of people I meet don't take me seriously, don't see me as a person to reckon with, someone of equal standing. So I simply try to plow on through, pretty much by myself, because most of the world refuses to see who I am. I just try to avoid the "sweetheart"s and "honey"s and jokes about drunk driving and speeding tickets.

(Reply to this)

Mini Sitemap:

Username:		Create an Account Forgot your login? Login w/ OpenID
Password:
	Remember Me
	English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…