Naruko -- a crack!Naruto RPG

So. Today was the day of the big 'date' - a term no longer avoidable, since Asuka herself had finally admitted that yes, this was a date, not just a dinner out. A date. A first date. A very, very nervous date.

( At least the Nicorette was working. )

Two weeks, Rin said. Two weeks working with the new team, without cigarettes, and see how she did before he'd decide whether or not to let her start smoking again. It was a matter of life or death, she'd said, theirs or hers or more likely both, but he still wanted her to wait two weeks.

So she had.

And now she couldn't find hide nor hair of the bastard to beg him for her cigarettes. He was probably on a mission. Jerk.

That Asuka had gone so long without a cigarette - over a year! - was nothing short of a miracle, she thought. The cravings never went away, really, they had just been muted by pain and satiated by narcotics back when she'd still needed pills to keep said pain under control. But now her chest didn't hurt any more, and even if she had pills left she wouldn't need them, and now she had a TEAM again and a fancy date in which she had no idea what she would be doing coming up, and her nerves were kicking in big time, and Rin was missing so she couldn't have a cigarette.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And that's why she found herself in front of the Nicorette display by the pharmacy of the grocery store downtown, hands on her hips and deciding whether or not she should get the fruit or the cinnamon flavored gum, when she spotted Kureno over by the... condoms?

What?

Hinaji was pacing near Kureno's home well before 6pm. He couldn't stop his nerves from snapping, and everytime he managed to remain still he was jolted into moving again. He hadn't even planned what he was going to say, what this conversation would really be about. You didn't just go up to your sensei and ask these kinds of things.

But there wasn't anyone else he could ask, and Kureno would understand he hoped.

By 6:30 he'd convinced himself otherwise, and by 6:45 he began to think maybe things really would work out alright and he wouldn't be sent back to his mother in a body bag. He was whispering "It'll be alright" to himself like a mantra by the time he spotted Kureno on his way home, and what little he'd prepared to say quickly disappeared.

"S-sensei, good afternoon."

Teasing Asuka had given Kiba an idea. An awful, wonderful idea.

And it was time to implement that idea.

Walking with purpose (and a slight swagger in her step) Kiba headed towards Kureno's office, humming under her breath. A bag dangled from her fingers as Akako waited outside and below, amused at her master's enthusiasm for what she was about to do. It was likely to get her half killed or at least in trouble, but it was so glad to see her happy again. Having Kureno back as her sensei made everything right again.

Her now long hair tied back, Kiba knocked on Kureno's door, and then waltzed in without waiting for a reply. She smiled cheerfully and then moved over to his desk before pulling the bag away to reveal her package for her sensei.

Extra. Large. Condoms.

"Now sensei," the Inuzuka said, her most 'teacher' like voice. "Now that you're going on dates again," Asuka was going to murder her and it be WORTH IT "you need to be careful. And being safe is always best. So you take these and be careful, okay?"

...he was going to kill her. But it be SO WORTH IT.

[Also in old timey chat log style]

( The Meeting With Tsurude )

[[back dated to Kureno's birthday, June 11th. Old fashioned chat log style!]]

( In which Kureno proves he IS capable of a food fight. Gasp! )

[continued from here]


Chiriku didn't glance back to make sure that Asuka was getting out of there. Though she did want to. Their time together protecting the Daimyo and the trust they cultivated asserted itself and Chiriku focused on the threat at hand.

Moving quickly and nimbly so as to avoid touching anyone or anything with the chakra nimbus swirling around her. This raw energy burned everything it touched--including the wielder. Takanobu would be plenty upset to see she had new scars.

This was Chiriku's "Genius Technique": the ability to snatch a person's chakra from them before it could be expelled in a jutsu, and then utilized in any way she saw fit. Of course there were limits and drawbacks. The biggest was the amount of chakra she could have 'on-hand'. Her own personal chakra was off-limits from this. Cultivation of the technique meant forcing her chakra pathways to develop differently from that of a shinobi's. So she coudn't do jutsu, except for the henge. Even that was a strain.

Once outside she searched for the source of the attacks, and only barely caught the glow of fire reflecting off a very strange bird. Not wishing to take the time to process it overmuch she simply spun and thrust her fist out like she hoped to simply slug the bird in the beak a straight punch.

The actual intent, however, was to just punch through the bird's brain with a lethal, sharp-tipped lance of pure energy.

[ooc: Sorry for not posting this earlier! Set some odd hours before the asplosions at the gala.]


( The biggest downside to being the world's most brilliant and super-awesome intelligence agent, Jimaiya figured, was that nine times out of ten you got bad news rather than good. )

[[Set back to two or three days before everyone leaves for the gala.]]



( You know I can't come. )

The days were all becoming the same to Kureno. Get up, coffee, exercise (those two not in any particular order), clean up and get dressed, have breakfast (if he felt like it), then head to the academy for another several mindless hours of floor scrubbing and pre-adolescent egos; afterwards a hard drink, maybe dinner or a grocery store for what's to become dinner or maybe just no dinner at all, then a night spent as alone as possible. His thoughts kept him company enough. Sometimes he'd think about his team and his friends, other times about his choices, his past, his father, his job... Unavoidably he'd think about Asuka, except for the nights where he very deliberately didn't. Eventually he'd sleep, and eventually he'd wake up and do it all over again. One after another, sunrise, sunset, with up to six months worth the repetition had been ingrained to the point of leaving practically no thought to much else.

It was for that reason they were able to catch him off-guard. It was for that reason that Kureno forgot what day it was for the first time in years.

( Today's Forcast: All Hell breaking loose. )

[[Backdated: set roughly 3-4 days after this thread; still previous to Tsurude's announcement.]]


Three days was a lot of time to think, especially if you didn't do anything else. Kureno was rather talented at thinking, being the rational person he was and meditating regularly. Only two or three things in his life had ever taken him more than a day to sort out, and that included the fact that he concentrated on them entirely. And any time after spending so much time in such focus, he always came out with a decision that changed his life in some directional way. Although, in this instance, for the first time it didn't seem his decision was about changing his life but rather...( keeping it the same. )

[Backlogged to the beginning of January!]

( He'd been down that road. And never wanted to return. )

[[after the team decides they really need to get together and see Kureno, shortly after Hoshino assassinates visits Asuka in the hospital]]

None of them really looked... well.

Every member of Team Eight currently present showed signs of wear, so to speak. There was no comfortable banter between them, banter meaning Kiba talking and Hinaji adding in a word or two and Hoshino only speaking telling her to shush. There were no smiles, no laughter, only a wearied exhaustion almost. It hurt Kiba physically as much as it did emotionally but she was smart enough to realize that she was not in a position to truly help her teammates. Right now, all they could do was do what they had all been unable to do at first.

( Go see Kureno. )

Being a Hyuuga, Hanabi was aware that he was meant to mind his own business. It was the most important business, so that was why; but for the past year or so Suzumo had been busy teaching him about humanity in general - and it had rubbed off.

Hanabi was now set in the ways of minding everybody's business. So as he walked into the Academy in search of his sensei and spotted the man cleaning the floor on his hands and knees in an empty classroom, Hanabi kept walking for about ten paces. Turned. And walked right back.

Being the sort of child he was, Hanabi didn't bother to crane his neck curiously around the doorframe for a better look; instead he strode right in, looked down at who he undoubtadly recognized as his brother's sensei, and looped his hand casually behind his back.

"Hello, Yuuhi-san."

Gaia's team was infamous for how they left their training ground, which was afterwards essentially known as a localized disaster area. Eventually they had more or less been confined to certain areas so they wouldn't destroy too much forest and land. Kureno wasn't absolutely certain he could find Nejiko here, but when he caught word that she was out training, it seemed the best bet.

Having already come face-to-face with Yuugao--albeit not really voluntarily--Kureno had become hesitant about facing the other members of the mission team he left behind; especially when none of them came to see him during his time in jail where he was open to visitors. If they didn't see him then, chances were they didn't wish to see him at all.

But he had to face them. Not out of any requirement, expectation or order, but simply because...he had to. He owed it to them, and in turn deserved what they gave back.

( ...Why did he always have to do the things he 'had to do'? )

[[Backdated to Oct. 18th, Asuka's birthday.]]


( Some things had to change, and not all of it was going to be pretty. )

[[Takes place less than an hour after Kureno's sentencing.]]


The weight of his punishment and new future was still being adjusted to when Kureno received his first visitor, not quite one hour after being relocated back into his old detention cell. He'd been expecting to have people come see him soon--one or all of his students, er, former students in particular--but even this was a little sooner than he'd anticipated. But word always traveled fast in Konoha, he should have been more ready for this. ...He should have been more ready for a lot of things.

He let them approach the bars until looking up, not wanting to look needy for company. Looking needy might lead to pity, and that was the last thing he should be receiving right now. If he remained indifferent to all who came to see him, then the new reputation Hokage bestowed upon him should spread faster, and the sooner he got accustomed to it the better.

But pity wasn't something he was in any danger of getting from this visit as his red eyes moved up to meet a rather spiteful gaze--one that meant a lot to him, considering whom it was coming from. One of the members of the mission team to Sound. Uzuki Yuugao.

( Something told Kureno whatever he was about to get out of this visit, he was going to deserve a lot. )

ooc: For the sake of the sanity of our mod who will gnaw on me through cyberspace if I wait on this anymore please assume this will occur right before meeting with Team 8 i.e. Tsurude'll break part of this to them personally

When Tsurude turned twenty-two, he asked his sensei whether it was worth it.

"What?" Sarutobi had asked.

"You know, the whole thing. Hokage. Ruler of all."

Sarutobi had raised an eyebrow. "Ruler of all?" She had huffed. "I don't think of it like that."

Tsurude had sighed. "Yes, I know, you're simply a custodian and protector. I had a few relatives in the job, you know."

"So then you should know everything you want to about being Hokage."

"Not really... they always said I was too young."

"You still are."

He had tried not to pout, but he always hated being referred to as a child. "I am not."

"If you think that Hokage is 'ruler of all' you are."

"Well, you are in charge."

"But that's not what Hokage is about. You are a custodian, you are a protector. Those are the things you hold on to. Because yes, you are also ruler of all, the absolute power, the final word. But if you think that's the judge of whether this job is worth it or not, then you don't understand the job at all.

"Who do you think they come to for approval on those zero-chance missions? Who do you think bears the responsibility of making that choice, of informing the families when ninja you do end up sending don't come home? Who do you think has to decide the fate of those who fail at their mission, who break the law? Who do you think passes judgment on captured enemies, who orders the executions or interrogations of friend and foe alike?

"If all my days as Hokage could be spent as a custodian and protector, I would be the happiest woman in the village. But there are times that all the days I do get to play those roles barely balance out the ones when I have be 'ruler of all'."

( Let the punishment fit the crime. )

( Who better to test them on, than a master illusionist? )

[[Takes place approx. 6-8 hours after Rin and Kureno find Asuka.]]


The hallway just outside the emergency room was quiet compared to the noisy chatter going on in the waiting room. It was also normally off-limits to those who weren’t staff members. However Kureno was currently being allowed to sit there on a chair provided by…someone, he wasn’t really paying much attention to who was coming up to talk with him. If he didn’t know their face already there was little point in learning now when all he really cared about was the woman on their operating table. Rin was too exhausted to perform any more surgery but apparently had enough life in him to insist on overseeing the remaining procedures, leaving Kureno outside to wait.

( He reeked of blood. )