Miyavi x Toshiya

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:46:43 GMT

Title – Learning To Stop Running

Rating – NC17 overall

Warnings – Explicit sex, fun with genital piercings

Pairings – Kaoru x Die x Toshiya

Disclaimers – Unfortunately I do not own Toshiya, nor do I own Miyavi. This is a source of considerable irritation to me, so if anyone can figure out a way to rent them for a while then let me know, yeah?

Description – People are scared of commitment for all kinds of reasons. What’s your excuse?

Chapter 27 – Treacly-sweet threesome ahead, please have your toothbrushes at the ready
Comments - So apparently I got JRock hated! Seems that there are some lurkers (hi, lurkers!) who object to my use of words like "dude" and "cuddle" in conversation. To which I can only say...lighten up, dude! Oh, and you may want to skip this chapter - way too much cuddling going on.

Kaoru smiled as he relaxed against Toshiya’s strong chest, one hand sliding up his friend’s back, the other squeezing his lover’s hip.

“You’re right. It feels so natural, I don’t understand what I was so worried about.” Kaoru lifted his head as his shyness faded, meeting Toshiya’s eyes. “What about you? Are you feeling OK?”

“Yeah” Toshiya’s face split in a wide smile as Die nuzzled his neck affectionately, chin tucked over his shoulder. “I really am. I mean, it’s like…I thought it would be weird, but I just feel…”

“Feel what?” Die’s voice was soft in the quiet room.

“Loved” Toshiya blushed, ducking his head slightly. “I know it sounds silly, but ever since Miyavi dumped me I’ve been feeling so damn lonely. I keep thinking that maybe that was my one chance and I blew it and what if nobody ever really cares about me again and…”

“You know that’s not true” Kaoru lifted Toshiya’s chin, fingers gently stroking the hair out of his eyes. “We care about you. Your family cares about you. Maybe Miyavi will eventually calm down and at least let you explain and maybe he won’t, but either way you’re not going to end up alone. We’re here for you for as long as you need us, and we both adore you. You don’t need to worry any more.”

Toshiya’s eyes were wet as he looked up at Kaoru. He tried to respond but he was too choked up with emotion. All he could do was stare at Kaoru, everything he was feeling written plainly on his face.

Kaoru leaned up and kissed away the single tear that had leaked out of the corner of Toshiya’s eye. “It’s OK. I know.”

“Me too” Die squeezed Toshiya tightly. He smiled as Toshiya gave a little sniffle, because it was so like the man to be so easily overcome by emotion and it was one of the things Die had always loved most about him. “Shh…it’s okay, we’ve got you.”

Kaoru gave Die’s arm an affectionate squeeze before reaching up to cup Toshiya’s face. “We do” He smiled as Toshiya opened his eyes, gently wiping away another tear.

Toshiya was struggling for composure as he looked into his old friend’s eyes. To see Kaoru, who was usually so stoic, so openly expressing his affection…it was balm perfectly made to soothe his loneliness. The feeling of Die’s arms around him, Die’s familiar body against his, was so comforting, so safe. Kaoru, looking into his eyes, gently caressing his cheek, was equally familiar but in a different way, the feeling of his bare skin against Toshiya’s still new, but welcome. Being embraced by both of them, surrounded by warmth and affection on all sides…it was what he wanted, what he needed.

Toshiya made a helpless little noise as he tangled his hand in Kaoru’s hair and leaned down to kiss him. It was perfect…soft lips, warm skin, two sets of arms wrapping tightly around him. Die nuzzled into his neck, kissed his ear, breath tickling him. Kaoru’s fingers slid into his hair, tilting his head slightly as their kiss deepened. It was so strange, because as aggressive as he knew that Kaoru could be the way he kissed was soft and gentle and full of affection.

He gasped as Kaoru moved closer and he felt a warm hardness press against his belly, and opened his eyes to find Kaoru’s inches from his own.

“Is this OK?” Kaoru’s voice was quiet and husky, his eyes dark with emotion.

Toshiya nodded, tightening his grip on Kaoru’s narrow waist. For a moment they just looked at each other, and then Kaoru leaned in again, sighing gently as his lips claimed Toshiya’s.

“Damn, you two look so beautiful together”

Both men turned to look at Die, finding him watching them.

“I wasn’t sure how I would feel, but watching you…” Die reached out to touch Kaoru’s face, then Toshiya’s shoulder “You’re gorgeous, both of you.”

Kaoru smiled warmly at his lover, all of his earlier nervousness long since forgotten. “So are you. How did I ever get lucky enough to end up in bed with such gorgeous people?”

Die laughed, leaning across Toshiya’s body to kiss Kaoru. “I dunno…good karma?”

Kaoru laughed back as Die pulled them all closer together, hand sliding up his lover’s back. He looked up to find Toshiya watching him and smiled, tightening his other arm around Toshiya’s waist. “So everybody is really OK like this?”

“Yeah, everybody’s OK.” Die smiled. “Isn’t that right?” He took a hold of Toshiya’s chin and gently turned it so that he could look into his friend’s eyes.

Toshiya nodded, craning his neck until he could kiss Die. He was smiling when he pulled back. “Yeah. I feel like it’s my birthday.”

Kaoru laughed and leaned up to kiss Toshiya’s exposed Adams apple, working his way up the smooth neck to Toshiya’s ear. “So what do you want for your birthday, then?”

“This” Toshiya slipped his hands down to grab Kaoru’s ass and pull him closer, head still turned towards Die, trying to steal words in between kisses.

Kaoru leaned into Toshiya, hands sliding over bare skin, gasping as Toshiya’s erection brushed against his own. It felt so different to the way it did with Die – Toshiya less yielding, more aggressive. It was a subtle difference but unmistakable, and Kaoru really hadn’t anticipated how erotic it would be, the contrast between them. He could feel both their hands on him, Die’s skinnier and with that odd note of submissiveness even when they were quite blatantly running over Kaoru’s bare skin, Toshiya’s bigger and more masculine and far more demanding.

Toshiya was simply lost in sensation. Die’s lips on his, Kaoru’s on his neck, teeth grazing his Adams apple. Kaoru’s dick pressing against his belly, Die’s against his ass, both of their hands caressing his bare skin, both of their heartbeats pounding against his chest and back…

He gave in to the feelings washing over him completely. It was what he wanted, what he had been wanting for weeks…to lose himself in touch and taste and the affection pouring off of both of them. The icy fear that had been gnawing away at him ever since Miyavi had left finally receded as the reality of it sunk in – he wasn’t alone. They were both with him, they loved him, they wanted him, he didn’t have to be afraid any more.

Strong hands on his shoulders turned him and then Die’s lips were on his again, soft and full and utterly familiar. Kaoru was a warm presence against his back, delicate hands sliding over his chest, tracing out the shapes of muscles, soft lips pressing wet kisses against his shoulder. One small hand slid over his belly and then it was closing around his dick, squeezing gently, thumb rubbing slowly over the oozing tip. Toshiya arched back into Kaoru and gasped as teeth bit into his shoulder, softly, clearly not seeking to hurt, Kaoru simply losing himself in the moment.

For a moment Die’s hands left him and he was about to protest but then they returned, the familiar shape of a bottle of lube pressing against his hip, and Die pulled back to look at him, eyes dark with need.

“You want me?”

Toshiya nodded as Die leaned in for another kiss, hands tangling in his hair. He was gasping when Die pulled back again, cheek sliding against his as he whispered in his ear. “What about Kao? Do you want him? Want him inside you?”

Toshiya blushed as he heard Kaoru’s little moan, felt teeth sink into his shoulder again in what was obviously Kaoru’s way of fighting for self-control. “Yes” He gasped out the words as Kaoru’s dick pressed firmly against his ass, slick tip sliding between his cheeks. “Oh fuck, please.”

Kaoru moaned again as he kissed Toshiya’s shoulder, his neck, the shell of his ear. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Toshiya arched back into Kaoru, gasping as that delicate hand tightened around his dick. He moaned as Die’s hands slid over his ass, one of them slick with lube. Long skinny fingers worked at his entrance, massaging, coaxing, as Die’s other hand spread his cheeks and Kaoru’s dick slid closer. Toshiya leaned against Die’s chest, blood pounding in his temples, the sensations almost overwhelming him for a moment because it all felt so good, Die’s familiar body against his and Kaoru’s lips against his neck and both of their hands all over him.

He buried his face in Die’s neck as the familiar fingers withdrew and Die’s hands spread his cheeks apart and then Kaoru was sliding inside, hot and slick and hard and perfect. Soft lips pressed against his neck in a quiet moan as Kaoru slid deeper, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist, the other sliding across his chest, pulling him closer.

“Love you” Kaoru’s voice was deep, hoarse. “Love you so much. Want to take care of you.”

Toshiya leaned back against Kaoru’s chest as a wave of feeling washed over him. Fierce, protective, devoted to the few people he really loved…he could feel Kaoru’s bottomless emotional strength holding him up, as if it was seeping into him through the touch of their skin. Suddenly it all made sense, why he wanted this, why Kaoru did, how Kaoru’s urge to protect fit perfectly with Toshiya’s vulnerability and need to be taken care of.

He was almost delirious with pleasure by the time Die slid upwards until his chest was level with Toshiya’s face, slick hands doing something that Toshiya couldn’t focus enough to see, and he had no idea what it was until Die slung one long leg over his waist and leaned back and slid down again and then Toshiya was groaning helplessly as he slid into familiar heat. Die’s muscles closed around him as Toshiya grabbed his thigh and pulled him closer, other hand sliding up his back and supporting him as he leaned back far enough to allow Toshiya to slip all the way inside.

Kaoru’s hand left Toshiya for long enough to pull Die’s leg all the way over his own body and then Die’s arm wrapped around all of them and they were moving together, slowly and haltingly at first as they tried to find a rhythm, then faster. Toshiya arched back against Kaoru as lips moved wetly across his shoulder, his neck, long slow kisses saying all the things that Kaoru was much too far gone to say aloud. Die’s hips worked against his belly, penetration not as deep as it would normally be because of the angle but it didn’t matter because all three bodies were pressed together and it was so good, the way they fit, the deep affection that flowed between them. Hands clutched at sweat-slicked skin and nobody could really tell whose hands were whose as they all started to lose control, brains shutting down as orgasm approached. It wasn’t until Kaoru instinctively reached for Die’s dick, knowing that he wouldn’t last much longer and not wanting to leave his lover behind, and found Toshiya’s hand already there, stroking slowly, that he remembered whose hands were whose but it didn’t even matter because fingers were tightening and muscles were clenching and suddenly they were all coming, so lost in pleasure that none of them would ever be able to say who fell over the edge first, and who next. All any of them knew was heat and pleasure and need and love, feelings so intense that none of them said a single word, just buried their moans in slick skin and soft hair and an embrace so tight that they could hardly breathe.

Toshiya had tears in his eyes when he came back down to earth, and he buried his face in Die’s chest, arms clutching his friend tightly, fingers linking with Kaoru’s as the older man’s hand slid across Die’s sweat-slick back to find Toshiya’s. Die wrapped his arms around both of them and held them close, bending his head to kiss Toshiya’s hair, squeezing Kaoru’s shoulder and smiling as his lover kissed his hand. Kaoru’s lips curved into a smile as he kissed Toshiya’s neck, feeling the tremors run through his friend’s body as he began to cry, knowing that those were good tears, not bad ones. He pressed another gentle kiss against the back of Toshiya’s shoulder as he slid one hand over the trembling chest, holding Toshiya close.

“Shh, baby, it’s OK. We love you too.”

Learning To Stop Running

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:05:06 GMT

Title – Learning To Stop Running

Rating – NC17 overall

Warnings – Explicit sex, fun with genital piercings

Pairings – Kaoru x Die x Toshiya

Description – People are scared of commitment for all kinds of reasons. What’s your excuse?

Chapter 26 – And then, back at the hotel room...

Kaoru was more than a little tense as he went about his usual getting-on-the-road preparations. It had been nearly an hour since Die had gone to look for Toshiya. Kaoru had packed up their bags and checked out of the hotel, and then went to find the crew. He was supervising the loading of the equipment truck when Die and Toshiya finally emerged from behind the bus. Die had his arm around Toshiya’s waist, and Toshiya’s arm was draped comfortably over Die’s shoulders.

They look happy.

That was Kaoru’s first thought. The Toshiya that he had last seen earlier that morning had been coiled up like a spring with a nervous frown and a general air of quiet misery about him. The Toshiya that he was looking at now was relaxed, comfortable. He smiled and rested his chin on Die’s shoulder, laughter clearly audible from where Kaoru was. It wasn’t the tinny, nervous laugh that Kaoru had occasionally heard when his friend was trying to convince people he was OK – it was a real Toshiya laugh, like a hyena on crack. As ridiculous as the sound was it brought a smile to Kaoru’s face. He had missed that laugh.

He was still grinning when a staff member standing behind him yelled something at one of the people closer to the bus and Toshiya turned in the direction of the voice. Their eyes met and for a moment Kaoru was nervous, wondering how the conversation had gone and what exactly Die had said, but then Toshiya smiled, a sweet, slightly shy smile that Kaoru hadn’t seen from him for years. Before he knew it he was smiling back, nervousness fading as he saw the warmth in his old friend’s eyes.

Somehow Die wasn’t too surprised when he turned to find his lover and his best friend smiling at each other, and his own answering smile was positively blinding.

The day passed much the same way it always did on the road. None of the three men really had much of a chance to talk to each other, because there always seemed to be people around, but somehow it didn’t matter. There was a quite clear sense that something had been settled, that a tension that none of them except maybe Die had really understood had suddenly lifted.

It was by mutual understanding that the three of them left the usual after-show party early. It hardly raised an eyebrow, since everyone else was so used to the three of them slipping off somewhere – the crew simply assumed that Toshiya was still depressed.

They were all a little quieter than usual as they stepped into Die’s hotel room, bags in hand. There was an odd sense of shyness between them, because they all knew what was probably going to happen but the reality of the moment was a little overwhelming.

It was Die, being the most comfortable with the situation of the three of them, who finally broke the ice. Grabbing all three bags and throwing them onto one of the beds, he turned to the other two.

“I think I’m going to go take a shower.” He smiled gently at Kaoru. “That OK, babe?”

Kaoru looked into his lover’s eyes and saw what Die was doing, giving him a few minutes to talk to Toshiya privately and say anything that needed to be said, giving both of them a moment to clear up anything they had left unresolved that morning.

“Yeah, sounds good.” He smiled at Die, a moment of understanding passing between them.

With another smile and a gentle squeeze of Toshiya’s shoulder Die headed towards the bathroom, leaving Kaoru and Toshiya alone. Both men were feeling a little awkward as they turned to each other. A few shy glances and they were both laughing.

“This is ridiculous. You’d think we’d never been alone in a room together before.” Toshiya’s grin was a little crooked as he turned to face Kaoru.

“Yeah, well, we’ve never been in quite this position before.” Kaoru took a deep breath, then looked up at Toshiya, expression serious. “Toto…Die said that you guys talked, but we didn’t really have time to go into much detail…are you sure about this? I don’t want you feeling like you’re being pushed into something just because it’s what I want.”

Toshiya laughed softly as he met Kaoru’s eyes. “That’s funny, I was about to say the same thing to you.”

Kaoru smiled, reaching for Toshiya’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re a pair of idiots, you know that? It’s a good thing we have Die around to intervene or we’d both probably still be freaking out.”

“Yeah” Toshiya gave Kaoru another shy smile, eyes full of something that Kaoru had never seen in them before. “I was worried about you, you know.”

“That’s supposed to be my job”

“Actually it’s always been Die’s job, but I guess now maybe it’s yours too.”

“It is, if you’ll let me.” Kaoru took a deep breath and stepped closer to Toshiya, eyes intent on his old friend’s face. “Can we really do this, Toto?” Small hands slipped around Toshiya’s waist as Kaoru looked up into his eyes.

“If you want to” Toshiya’s voice was soft, nervous.

“Do you want to?”

Toshiya nodded, hands slipping tentatively around Kaoru’s back. “I do. I just don’t want to mess things up for you and Die.”

“You won’t” Kaoru closed the distance between them, standing up on his tiptoes and wrapping his arms around Toshiya’s neck. He looked intently into his friend’s eyes. “We want you with us. I want you with us. I know that we can’t make up for your losing Miyavi, but I want you to feel like you have a home with us for as long as you need it.” He took a deep breath, dropping his last trace of pride as he looked into Toshiya’s eyes. “I want in on what you two have always had. I know I was jealous before, but now…I just want you and I to mean as much to each other as you and he do.”

“You’re getting pretty close.” Toshiya smiled and leaned his head against Kaoru’s. “These last few weeks, you’ve been so great…it was almost there already. I was just holding back a little because I didn’t want to make things weird.”

“Don’t” Kaoru tightened his arms around Toshiya’s neck and leaned in closer. “You don’t have to hold back any more. Trust me?”

Toshiya nodded, breath catching in his throat as Kaoru tilted his head and leaned in for a kiss. It was slow, soft, a wordless admission of the deepening bond between them, and it was exactly what both of them needed.

Toshiya was smiling when he pulled back. “I really do love you, you know that? Not like a boyfriend, but…”

Kaoru just smiled and hugged him tightly. “Yeah, I know. Me too.”

When Die got out of the shower he found Kaoru and Toshiya sitting on the edge of the bed where the bags were, hands linked, talking quietly. It was Toshiya who looked up at him first, eyes shining with affection.

“Hey”

“Hey” A sense of quiet acknowledgment passed between them – that Toshiya was OK, that whatever had needed to be said had been said, that he was at peace. Die smiled. “Want to go shower now? Your hair’s all sweaty.”

Toshiya laughed. “Yeah, I know. I’m going.” He turned to Kaoru with a smile. “I won’t be long, OK? I promise not to use all the hot water.”

Kaoru laughed. “You better not. You know what I’m like when I’m cold.”

“Yeah, I know, I’ll be quick.” He gave Kaoru’s hand a little squeeze and then stood. His head was down and he looked a little shy as he walked past Die, but the gentle smile he gave his old friend as he passed said it all.

Die was still smiling after him as he stepped into the bathroom, and it wasn’t until Kaoru spoke that he turned to look at his lover.

“This really is going to be OK, isn’t it?”

Die turned towards Kaoru with a smile. “Yeah, I really think it is.”

Toshiya was feeling uncharacteristically shy as he stepped back into the bedroom. It was strange, because he had been wandering around in a towel in front of Kaoru for years, and he had never felt particularly self-conscious before, and yet…well, now it was different.

It wasn’t just about Kaoru, either. It was the whole situation – knowing that things between the three of them were changing, knowing that like it or not he was at the center of the whole thing. It wasn’t like when he and Die had picked up men, or women, back in the old days. This time whatever happened mattered, because they were all far too close for sex between them to ever be casual.

He found Kaoru still sitting on the bed next to the bags, rooting around in one obviously looking for something. Die was sitting on the other bed drying his hair with a towel.

“What are you looking for?”

“Beard trimmer” Kaoru looked up with a rueful grin. “It’s getting too long, this one was complaining.” He jerked his chin at Die.

“It’s scratchy” Die’s muffled voice emerged from the towel. “It’s OK for me, but Toshi doesn’t like scratchy. You need to trim it.”

Toshiya blushed slightly, shyness returning, as Kaoru started digging through the bag again. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Hah!” He emerged with trimmer in hand. “I don’t know why I always lose this thing. I never used to. I swear you’re hiding it.”

Die was grinning as he draped his towel across his shoulders. “Well, I like it kind of long. It’s sexy.”

Kaoru rolled his eyes as he got to his feet. “You could just ask me to keep it long, you know.”

“But it’s more fun watching you search for your weird razor thingie.”

Kaoru shook his head, chuckling. “Brat” His smile was oddly shy as he turned to Toshiya, and the slight nervousness visible in his eyes did a lot to make Toshiya feel less like he was being an idiot. “I’m gonna go shower now, OK? I’ll be done soon.”

“OK” Toshiya smiled as their eyes met, trying to communicate something of the odd mix of emotions he was feeling. He knew when Kaoru smiled back that he had succeeded.

He was still a little nervous when he turned back to Die, a feeling that faded as soon as he saw the look on his old lover’s face.

“Come here”

Die smiled and held out his hand. Toshiya stepped closer and allowed himself to be pulled down onto the bed, fingers linked comfortably with Die’s.

“I missed you, you know.” Die gently stroked the hair out of Toshiya’s face.

“Liar” Toshiya grinned. “I know how things have been going with you two. Kao’s pretty quiet, but you’re kind of noisy sometimes.”

“Things are great. I love him so much it’s insane, and he’s perfect for me in bed, but no matter how happy I am I’m always going to miss you a little.” Die shrugged as he met Toshiya’s eyes. “You were my first, you know?”

“You were mine too” Toshiya smiled. “It’s weird how things come back around. I really never thought we’d end up like this again.”

“Call it karma” Die smiled as he leaned in for a kiss. “We promised that we’d always be there for each other, remember?”

“I remember” Toshiya laughed. “Damn, we were so young. How could we have been so smart? I look at people that age now and they look like babies to me.”

“Between the two of us we made one smart person.” Die shrugged. “I dunno, all I know is that I’ve never regretted how things happened.”

“Me neither” Toshiya smiled, eyes full of affection. “I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

“Come here” Die got rid of the towel wrapped around his hips and climbed under the covers, holding up the edge.

Toshiya was still smiling as he discarded his own towel and slipped in beside Die. He sighed in contentment as he slid into Die’s arms, cheek resting against Die’s chest, skin against skin, bodies falling into a comfortable, familiar embrace.

“God this feels good” Toshiya’s voice was muffled against Die’s chest. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, hugging you when we’re both in our PJs is great too, but this…”

“Yeah, I know” Die smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around Toshiya.

“Hey, can I get in on this?”

Both men turned at the sound of Kaoru’s deep, smooth voice. He was standing a few feet from the edge of the bed, one towel wrapped around his hips, rubbing at his hair with the other. He had a wry, slightly nervous little smile on his face, a certain something about his body language revealing how unsure of himself he was.

Die smiled and sat up slightly, chest flat against Toshiya’s back, the sheets pooling around Toshiya’s lap. Toshiya could see Kaoru’s eyes trailing over his exposed chest and belly, could see the little spark of lust mixing in with a few remaining traces of guilt and a whole lot of nervousness.

“Plenty of room for you, babe.” Die grinned and held out his hand. “Come on, get rid of the damn towel and get in here before you catch a cold.”

Kaoru flushed and bit his lip nervously, radiating self-consciousness. There was something so unexpected about how shy he was, and yet Toshiya knew that he should have expected it, having known Kaoru for long enough to realize how fundamentally modest the man was. He couldn’t help but smile as Kaoru looked up at both of them and then ducked his head, hiding behind his hair.

“Come on, babe.” Die leaned forward, over Toshiya’s shoulder, and grabbed Kaoru’s hand, pulling him closer. “Too late to be shy now”

“It’s just…you’re both so damn perfect, you know? I feel all…”

Toshiya’s heart melted at Kaoru’s embarrassed tone and the flush that spread across his pale cheeks, and he reached out to take his free hand, smiling gently as Kaoru looked up at him through a veil of hair.

“You’re gorgeous, Kao.” Toshiya linked his fingers through Kaoru’s and pulled his friend closer. “Don’t worry so much.”

Kaoru’s blush only deepened as he was pulled closer to the bed, until he was standing only inches in front of Toshiya. Die’s hand caressed his side, traced the shape of his hip through the towel, brushed teasingly over his growing erection. “We want to see you. Let me take it off?” Die’s voice was dripping with seduction as he ran his fingers over Kaoru’s belly and then slid them under the knot at the front of his towel.

Kaoru nodded slightly, face still mostly hidden behind his hair, an odd mixture of embarrassment and arousal pouring off of him. Toshiya just watched them, hand still linked with Kaoru’s, squeezing reassuringly. It was fascinating, the dynamic between them, the way it shifted from moment to moment, Kaoru naturally more sexually dominant but Die far more self-confident.

Kaoru bit his lip and gasped slightly as Die undid the knot in his towel and let it fall to the floor. He was fully erect, shallow breathing emphasizing his arousal, but still oddly shy. It was a combination that Toshiya would never have expected, and yet somehow it made perfect sense, and it occurred to him just how much his relationship with his friend really had changed, because six months before Kaoru would never have allowed Toshiya to see him so vulnerable.

“You’re beautiful” Toshiya’s voice was soft as he squeezed Kaoru’s hand, smiling as his blushing friend looked up at him. “Idiot, being so self-conscious…it’s just me.”

Kaoru laughed slightly, biting his lip. “Yeah, I know, it’s just…I’m shy, you know? I can’t help it.”

“I know” Toshiya smiled again. “But you don’t have to be, not with me.”

“He’s right” Die’s voice was soft and full of affection. “Toshi loves you, and you know how I feel about you.” His smile was warm as he took Kaoru’s other hand and pulled him closer. “Now get in here.”

Die and Toshiya both scooted backwards to make room for Kaoru as he sat on the edge of the bed, still hiding behind his hair. When he finally looked up at them his eyes were full of emotion. “What the hell did I ever do right to deserve you two?”

“Everything” Die lay back down on his side and pulled Toshiya with him, one hand reaching over to Kaoru and wrapping around his waist, pulling him down with them. Toshiya opened his arms and smiled, blushing a little himself as Kaoru slid into them. It was so strange, holding Kaoru like that, all delicate frame and soft skin and wet silky hair…Toshiya always forgot how small the man was, how very compact. He fit perfectly against Toshiya’s body, face burrowing into the space where chest met shoulder, still blushing. Toshiya’s face split into a wide grin as he pulled Kaoru closer, squeezing gently, and Die’s long arms wrapped around both of them.

“You feel good” Kaoru’s voice was hushed as his arms finally slipped around Toshiya, one hand reaching past the taller man’s waist to slide over his lover’s hip, instinctively seeking reassurance.

“So do you” Toshiya grinned again and hugged Kaoru, overcome with affection, because who would have guessed that his usually bossy friend would be so cute, so shy…and yet it made perfect sense.

“See? I told you that this was what we all needed.” Die’s voice was a quiet murmur in the stillness of the room as all three men moved closer to each other, finally feeling all the pieces fall into place.

Could somebody help me?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:18:39 GMT

Cause my ticket service had some problems with their suppliers, and now my ticket for the Miyavi concert in Amstelveen is never gonna make it in time. So does anybody have a Miyavi ticket for the concert in Amstelveen they would like to sell??

You would really really really help me out here!!

Miyavi concerts

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:36:37 GMT

The European Miyavi tour is on it's way! Therefor, a group of Co-Miyavi-chan has worked hard to put our European Fanproject together. It's never too late to join! We have lots of great ideas for the Miyavi-concert, so that we can make a good impression on Miyavi! You can read about our projects in the following links:

Our project is based in this Forums: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/
Guide for new commers: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=27670893
Share your concert preparations piccies here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=28211317
The list of our CoMiyavi Crew ( join us!) for each concert here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=27398512
KOLN thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=28518929
BERLIN thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=28065722
AMSTELVEEN thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=27810442
UK thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=26437805
SPAIN thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=26437696
FINLAND thread here: http://myvproject.forumfree.net/?t=28756994

Learning To Stop Running

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:18:31 GMT

Title – Learning To Stop Running/Taking The Long Road together at last!

Rating – NC17 overall

Warnings – Explicit sex, fun with genital piercings

Pairings – Toshiya x Miyavi, Kaoru x Die

Description – People are scared of commitment for all kinds of reasons. What’s your excuse?

Chapter 25/35 – Time for Die to explain his interesting new idea to Toshiya

Toshiya stood with his back leaning against the side of the bus, smoking. It was only noon and he had already worked his way through half a pack – never a good sign.

He still hadn’t seen either Kaoru or Die since he had left the hotel that morning. He assumed that they were talking, or at least hoped that they were, and that Kaoru hadn’t chickened out of telling Die what had happened. Toshiya was hoping that Kaoru would do it so that he wouldn’t have to, because he really didn’t relish the idea of explaining how he had managed to wake up with an erection and an equally aroused Kaoru clinging to him like a limpet.

He was still having a hard time working out what the hell had happened himself. OK, so on a practical level it was pretty straightforward – Kaoru had been cold and had snuggled up to him, which made sense since Kaoru was always cold. What did not make sense was the fact that Kaoru had had his hands up Toshiya’s shirt. Morning wood was one thing, but the way Kaoru had been touching him…well, that was something else.

Toshiya could almost have dismissed the whole thing as just a case of mistaken identity or sleep-induced confusion if it wasn’t for the way Kaoru had reacted. He had been devastated…upset and frightened and so damn guilty that Toshiya had hardly known what to do with him.

“I’ve felt like this for months, I just didn’t realize before”

That was the part that had really thrown Toshiya for a loop. The idea that it wasn’t just some random moment of horniness, that Kaoru had been thinking about it…well, he really had no idea how he was supposed to feel about that. It was obvious that Kaoru wasn’t very happy about it, because Toshiya had never seen the man look so guilty. Which only increased Toshiya’s nervousness, because for Kaoru to feel so guilty…what the hell was going on in his head? What had he been thinking when Toshiya woke up that could have reduced him to such utter panic?

“Your throat is going to feel like crap later, you know.”

Toshiya looked up to find Die standing in front of him with an amused look on his face. “Huh?”

“You’re chain smoking again…you know you’re going to regret it when you have to start singing.”

“Oh” Toshiya glanced down at the half-empty packet of cigarettes in his hand. “Yeah, you’re right. I know I shouldn’t, it just helps me to relax when…” he trailed off as Die gave him a rueful grin.

“When you’re stressed?”

“Yeah” Toshiya scanned Die’s face, trying to figure out how he was feeling. “Die, we have to talk. This morning…”

“Yeah, I know, he told me.” Die walked closer to Toshiya and pulled the cigarette from his hand, taking a long drag.

“Is he OK?”

Die chuckled. “Figures that would be the first thing you’d ask.”

Toshiya sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand before focusing on his friend. “Sorry, I know I should ask how you are first, it’s just that you seem OK and he was a mess.”

“No shit” Die handed the cigarette back to Toshiya and settled back against the bus next to him, squirming until he was comfortable. “Took me about half an hour to get him to the point where he was calm enough to even talk to me.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Toshiya turned to look at Die, expression serious. “I swear that I didn’t mean for anything like that to happen. If the idea had even occurred to me I would have got up and left when you did.”

Die laughed. “That’s pretty much what he said, too. Anyone would think the two of you had rehearsed this.”

“Die!”

“Eh, calm down, I was just joking.” Die turned to Toshiya with a smile, reaching out to push the hair out of his face. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I’m not even mad, just…it was a stressful morning.” He stroked Toshiya’s forehead, fingers brushing over tense frown lines. “What about you? Kao said that you were pretty shook up this morning too.”

“Yeah” Toshiya sighed, leaning back against the bus. “It’s just…I really didn’t see that coming at all. I feel so guilty now, like I should never have agreed to stay with you guys and let you take care of me because obviously it’s making him confused.”

“He’s not confused. Well, he was for a while, but actually I think he’s less confused now than he has been in a while, at least since we talked.”

Toshiya turned to face Die with a frown. “What do you mean? He looked pretty damn confused this morning.”

“Well, I finally got him to admit that he’s not straight, that’s definitely a step in the right direction.”

Toshiya raised his eyebrows. “He was still saying that he was straight? After what, 6 months? Is he not clear on what the word means?”

“No, he was just desperately in denial.” Die laughed as his eyes met Toshiya’s. “Remember what you and I were like in the beginning? Like, oh, it doesn’t mean that we’re gay, we’re just helping each other out…”

Toshiya laughed. “Yeah, that thing where you sucked me off and then I gave you a hand-job in the shower…we were just playing. Can’t a guy do something nice for his friend without people thinking he’s queer?”

Die chuckled. “And neither of us was half as macho as he is. He was totally trying to convince himself that it was just true love conquering all and that it meant nothing at all about his sexuality in general.” His grin widened as Toshiya snorted. “I’m totally serious – ‘but I’m straight!’. It was like watching someone standing in the middle of the train tracks going ‘No, I don’t see any train coming…what, that huge thing with the lights on it? That’s not a train, it’s just…splat!’. I wasn’t sure whether to hug him or laugh at him. “

“Oh man, poor Kao…he’s so fucking stubborn, no wonder he’s having a hard time coming to terms with it.”

“I think you may have finally given him the proof he needed that it’s not just about me.” Die smiled at the pained look that passed over Toshiya’s face, reaching out and pulling his friend into his arms. “Quit panicking, will you? I told you I wasn’t mad.”

Toshiya sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms around Die. “Thank fuck for that. I really wasn’t sure how you were going to react…I mean, I know you’re not normally the jealous type, but this is Kao, you know? He’s kind of a special case.”

“Yeah, he is.” Die tightened his arms around Toshiya, turning his head to kiss his friend’s cheek. “But then so are you.”

Toshiya laughed. “You do realize how wierd this is, right? All those times we used to joke about seducing Kao and proving to him that he wasn’t straight, and you kept telling me that I was just imaging things, but it turns out that I was right all along, he was just trapped in the closet too scared to come out.”

“Yeah, I know.” Die give Toshiya another affectionate kiss. “If I had just listened to you maybe we could have figured all this out a lot sooner.”

“Maybe you’ll listen to me from now on.” Toshiya hugged Die tightly, chin tucked into his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of Die’s skin as he steeled himself for what he knew he had to do next. After a few long moments he pulled back, looking his old friend in the eye. “Like now…listen, I know that you’re worried about me and I appreciate it, and I really don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few weeks without you, but after what happened this morning I think it’s time for me to back off for a while. Having me around all the time is putting you guys in a weird position, and the last thing I want is for either of you to feel…”

“No, this time it’s my turn to be the smart one.” Die lifted his hands to Toshiya’s shoulders and took a deep breath, gaze intent. “I don’t want you to back off. Kao doesn’t want you to back off either, and you’re not ready to be by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m not a baby, I can cope with a little loneliness without breaking down.”

“But you shouldn’t have to, and we don’t want you to.” Die smiled. “Toto, let me ask you something…are you still attracted to him?”

“What?” Toshiya’s eyes widened in shock. “Die, what are you…it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m attracted to him. He’s yours. I would never come between you.”

“What if you weren’t coming between us?” Die looked deeply into his friend’s eyes, trying to see what he was really thinking. “What if we both wanted you there?”

“What? Die, have you lost your mind? What the hell are you..?”

“Come on, Toto, tell me the truth.” Die leaned back against the bus and pulled Toshiya with him, hands sliding around his friend’s waist. “When we’re all lying in bed at night, cuddled up together, haven’t you sometimes thought about how much it’s like the way things used to be with you and me? The way we would always go to each other when we were hurt or lonely?”

“Yeah, but it’s different now. Kao…”

“Kao loves you almost as much as I do.” Die leaned in to rest his head against Toshiya’s, smiling at the familiar feeling of Toshiya’s hair brushing against his face. “Can’t you see the way he looks at you now? The way he touches you? It never used to be like that, but now that he’s finally admitted that he’s not straight and he’s not scared that you’re going to take me away from him any more…he loves you the same way I do.”

“No” Toshiya raised his head and met Die’s eyes. “Die, it’s not like that. We’re friends and maybe he’s even attracted to me – I mean hey, you and I are a pretty similar type – but it’s not like the way it is with you and me.”

“It could be, if you let it.” Die smiled, stroking his friend’s cheek. “Toto, be honest with me…don’t you feel differently about him now? The way you told him about what happened with Miyavi, and the way you let him take care of you…you would never have done that before. And when we’re all together…can you honestly say you haven’t wished that it could be more like it used to when it was just you and me? Just with a little something extra.” Die laughed softly as Toshiya blushed and ducked his head. “Toto, I know you…the way you sigh when he kisses your shoulder, and the way you snuggle into him when he’s spooning you…do you honestly think I don’t know what that means?”

“But Die, we can’t!” Toshiya leaned his forehead against Die’s shoulder and sighed. “OK, so I’ve thought about it, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea or that you’re under some sort of obligation to give me sex just because I’m lonely.”

“Obligation?” Die laughed, pulling his embarrassed friend closer. “Idiot. You’re the most gorgeous person I know. In what alternate reality could sex with you ever feel like an obligation?”

“But Kao…you and he are a couple. You love each other. How can we…”

“You and I were a couple too, and we slept with other people sometimes. And Kao and I care about you far more than you and I ever did about any of those people.” Die lifted Toshiya’s face to meet his. “Toto, we love you. We don’t want you to distance yourself, and we sure as hell don’t want to see you trying to cope with all this alone.” Long fingers stroked Toshiya’s face, lovingly mapping out the familiar features. “Let us take care of you.”

“Are you sure?” Toshiya’s voice was hoarse, and it was clear that he was trying to hold back, not wanting to intrude where he wasn’t truly wanted, but there was no mistaking the longing in his eyes.

“I’m sure” Die lifted Toshiya’s chin and leaned in for a kiss, soft and gentle and full of affection. “We’re here for you, for as long as you need us.”

Toshiya’s eyes were wet as he threw his arms around Die’s and held on tightly, too overcome with emotion to speak. Die just smiled and hugged him back, finally feeling as if everything was the way it was supposed to be.