mock_the_stupid: Vegetarian chicken

Dan (

danamongden) wrote in

mock_the_stupid,
@ 2005-12-18 16:49:00

Vegetarian chicken
I ate lunch down at a pizza parlor today and learned about vegetarian chicken. Just after I placed my order, another customer came to the counter to complain.

Veg-man: This pizza has meat on it. I didn't want any meat. I'm a vegetarian.
Pizza-boy: But you ordered the "Chicken Smokehouse" pizza. It has meat on it.
Veg-man: I didn't know it had any meat. I want a vegetarian pizza.

This went on for a bit, but Pizza-boy at the counter offered to make him a new vegetarian pizza. Later, while I was eating, the new pizza arrived:

Veg-man: Where is the chicken?
Pizza-boy: But you said you didn't want any meat. This is the "Garden Deluxe" pizza.
Veg-man: But I wanted the chicken.
Pizza-boy: But sir, chicken is meat.
Veg-man (growing irritated): No it isn't. Chicken is not meat.
Pizza-boy (astounded): Then... what is chicken?
Veg-man: It's chicken.
Pizza-boy (stunned): I'm sorry, sir, but I'm only allowed to replace the pizza once. Maybe you should take your complaint to the franchise headquarters.

I'm going home now to plant me some chicken.

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_scarlet_ibis_
2005-12-20 05:46 am UTC (link)

I was a vegetarian for 12 years. I've heard it all. I've often heard that chicken isn't meat. Also, fish aren't animals. Lots of people asked me how I survived without eating meat since everyone knows that if you don't eat meat, you die. Other people were confused when they'd see me eating sugar. "But you're a vegetarian... How can you eat sugar?!" It really made me wonder about the human race.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	offbalance 2005-12-20 05:49 am UTC (link)
	I'm an omnivore, and I used to wonder about the human race, too, until I saw a t-shirt that said this: "The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits." After that, I didn't really wonder anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	cyaneus 2005-12-20 05:48 am UTC (link)
	What does he think chickens are? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	caitykitola 2005-12-20 05:51 am UTC (link)
	A subspecies of sapient pearwood? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	portowalls79 2005-12-20 05:51 am UTC (link)
	this post made my day. planting chicken probably works best in the sprng, though :P (Reply to this) (Thread)

	credendovides 2005-12-20 06:02 am UTC (link)
	Could you make an omelette out of "chicken seeds"? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	scarybaldguy 2005-12-20 06:01 am UTC (link)
	Well of COURSE chickens aren't meat. They're a kind of Chinese cabbage. I mean, why else would it be called "bok choy"? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	mermaidjeans 2005-12-20 06:19 am UTC (link)
	0.o I love you. New pun champeen of 2005, y'all. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	adrateia 2005-12-20 06:03 am UTC (link)
	I'm going home now to plant me some chicken. And that comment is why my cat hates you now. She does not appreciate her owner disturbing her from a sleep in a warm lap through fits of laughter. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	the_terrible 2006-01-01 07:24 am UTC (link)
	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Reply to this) (Parent)

	clare_dragonfly 2005-12-20 06:11 am UTC (link)
	All right! Now that chicken isn't meat, I can fulfill my lifelong dream of eating kung pao chicken! Hurrah! (Reply to this)

	alaitallon 2005-12-20 06:22 am UTC (link)
	Your post made me seriously start craving some chicken strips from Wendy's. Pizza, too (though not from Wendy's, of course). Thanks a lot. But dang . . . My brain is having trouble wrapping around the concept that someone actually thinks chicken isn't meat. I've heard the whole "fish doesn't count" thing and all, but chicken? o_O; Very weird. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lots42 2005-12-22 04:50 am UTC (link)
	Maybe it's an extrapolation from that Catholic holiday where like everyone turns vegan for a day but fish is an exception (Reply to this) (Parent)

	luminita 2005-12-20 06:25 am UTC (link)
	There aren't words for this level of stupidity. The first pizza HAD chicken on it and he was told so to start with... o.O Did you call to see if the local bins were missing any loonies? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	the_terrible 2006-01-01 07:25 am UTC (link)
	Hear, hear. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	mrwaffle 2005-12-20 06:25 am UTC (link)
	Out of curiosity, does the Chicken Smokehouse pizza have any meat other than chicken on it...? (I've never seen such a pizza, at least under that name) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	overloved 2005-12-20 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	it's got bacon on it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	matgb 2005-12-20 06:30 am UTC (link)
	I get that a lot, from the other way around. Fish is served to me because "vegetarians eat fish", etc. No, we don't. Pescetarians eat fish, and a lot of them call themselves vegetarian, but aren't, by definition. People. Stupid. How this guy thought Chicken wasn't meat is beyond me. Maybe he thought it was Quorn or something? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	onegreysunrise 2005-12-20 07:06 am UTC (link)
	That'd work a bit better if he hadn't had the chicken on the pizza in round one. I love having to explain what a vegetarian or vegan is to stupid people >>; In my two years of this, I've heard everything from "you eat chicken, right?" to "Oh my gosh, that has sugar in it, you can't eat it!" People. -shakes head- (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	thelegendarystm 2005-12-20 06:57 am UTC (link)
	I'm just wondering what "meat", exactly, WAS on the "Chicken Smokehouse" pizza if it wasn't the chicken... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	wussycat 2005-12-20 08:23 am UTC (link)
	My guess is a vegetarian friend pointed out that there was meat on it and this dumbass didn't know he/she was talking about the chicken. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	dkogan 2005-12-20 07:29 am UTC (link)
	"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Since he clearly identified the chicken in the first pizza as 'meat', I wonder what he expected 'chicken' to look like. And how he got through life believing it was whatever he thought it was... (Reply to this) (Thread)

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	blackjackrocket 2005-12-20 08:32 am UTC (link)
	Maybe he played too much Super Mario Bros and was under the assumption that mushrooms were meat. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	lizbtropez 2005-12-20 08:32 am UTC (link)
	To a lot of people meat = red meat. Excluding pork, chicken, etc. I call anything that's an animal's flesh "meat" But what other "meat" was on there besides chicken? bacon perhaps? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	dietotaku 2005-12-20 11:53 am UTC (link)
	why do you think they're called "spring chickens"? the only conclusion i can come to is that he would roll the dice to determine whether chicken is meat. so he orders the first pizza, rolls a 20, chicken = not meat. gets the pizza, rolls a 6, chicken = meat. gets the new pizza, rolls a 16, chicken = not meat. (Reply to this)

	jennlee2 2005-12-20 01:16 pm UTC (link)
	I'm guessing he eats poultry, but not red meat, but he's an idiot to say he wanted a vegetarian pizza and then wonder why there's no chicken on it. I do think of chicken as meat but in most recipe books and such it has it's own category of poultry. But IMO poultry is just meat from fowl instead of meat from mammals. (Reply to this)

	wiebke 2005-12-20 01:45 pm UTC (link)
	That makes my head hurt. (Reply to this)

	biscayne 2005-12-20 05:28 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe this guy wanted that substituted shit that tastes like chicken but is too tough and nasty to really be chicken. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ragingemu 2005-12-24 03:28 pm UTC (link)
	Do you know of what brand you're thinking? In my experience, all fake chicken is at most just as tough as chicken, but usually softer. As to the taste: to each their own. I've certainly had multiple kinds of fake chicken that tasted better than anything I've had from fast food places. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	obfuscatingpoet 2005-12-20 07:41 pm UTC (link)
	Should have given him some animal crackers. That would have confused him. ... (Reply to this)

	crazy_catlady 2005-12-21 01:37 am UTC (link)
	...? Are you sure he didn't go in there to mess with them? Sounds like something my brother would do if he was bored. (Reply to this)

	consortofvenus 2005-12-21 04:17 am UTC (link)
	The correct answer is that Chicken is bird, or fowl. But now I'm wondering why he doesn't eat "meat" and what constitutes "meat" in his mind. (Reply to this)