while(luser==stuipd){mock(luser)};'s Journal
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Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in
while(luser==stuipd){mock(luser)};'s LiveJournal:
| Thursday, May 18th, 2006 | 4:05 pm
[2g2l]
 |
When Morons Walk The Earth (some strong language) Just found this community so I'm shunting this from my own Journal for your entertainment. It's from last Friday. Some robust language of a sexual nature follows. Gentle reader, I present two chilling tales. Tales of Lusers and Vendors and of how All Hardware/Software Sucks. Sit right back, my BOFHly friends and remember: Down, Not Across. We'll start out gently. ( Happy X's (Con Is Over) )Not for the faint of heart. Reader beware: ( The Luser and the mysterious case of the missing server ) | | Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | 11:11 pm
[snoof]
 |
Sflah.
I work as a sysadmin/dev/slave for my partner's software development and consultancy company. I have... stories. Unfortunately, I can't post any about the clients, because they might, you know... Get upset. Apparently.
However, luckily I do stuff on the side and get mockfodder handed to me on a silver plate.
A few days ago, I threw a copy of CGI:IRC onto my webserver (which is also the company server), for members of a specific forum to use. I run an IRC server for work, since we're based in Britain but some clients - particularly, our most long-standing one - are in America. I started a channel for that forum, registered it, and linked the forum to the CGI:IRC I'd configured to autoconnect to my server and autojoin that particular channel.
No sooner had a bunch of them joined, than one of them had a problem. She was experiencing terrible lag - several minutes of it. She pastes a line to illustrate:
10:23 <User> Bla dee bla.
She follows this up by saying she typed that at 10:26.
Weird lag, eh? Furthermore, nobody else is having any trouble with lag (not being geeks, they're all using the interface) and I know for a fact that the server's doing fine bandwidth-wise. And she can browse without any trouble. And everything is showing up as soon as she types it.
I ask her to look at her computer clock.
Gasp.
It's several minutes fast. | | Tuesday, December 6th, 2005 | 2:18 am
[slaunchaman]
 |
| | Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 | 11:29 pm
[dennisthetiger]
 |
The length of what? A friend of mine told me this a while back.
At one time, said friend was tutoring a student in computers -
specifically, the BASIC programming language. Apple BASIC,
specifically, I believe. Unfortunately, this person was having a
rough time of things.
To give you an idea, one of her better...um, works of art
(bombastity?) were the following line:
LET A$=CHR$(LEN(A$))
When asked why she did this, she responded, "Well, at the time, it
seemed like the right thing."
| | Monday, September 26th, 2005 | 11:29 pm
[barek_moon] |
Use your eyes...
Love the idea of this mockery :). anyway - first post here.
Several months ago while helping our support lackey keep the office working smoothly, we had a buzz from a worker with a printer not printing. That station contained a dot matrix printer on a legacy system that had been around for years. It worked so hey - why change it. I didn't have much to do with the area, but had always seen the same guy at the station, doing his thing. I get there to find out he's having problems when he goes to print, but the printer is just dumping a few lines of text all in the one place. Printer is quite obviously jammed.
More than obviously. The guy had come in and sat his jacket on top of the back of the printer, and as clear as day the old dot matrix was pulling a sleeve in the top over the sheet feed. Couldn't miss it if you TRIED, yet here was workerguy turning the printer off and on and trying again, oblivious to the obvious just inches from where his eyes would have HAD to see the defective printing.
At least he was appreciative that I got him up & working again, if not conscious enough to notice how. | | Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 | 7:09 pm
[v_digitalwytch]
 |
A quick half dozen As I am over the phone tech support for a dialup only ISP, I could very well give more than six examples of the more bizzare calls I get, but these are the most memorable that have stuck with me amid the days in and out of what comes in. 1)This is WAY out of scope of support-It's 3am and from when I hear the distinctive watery gurgle, I know it's going to be a live one. I politely ask for his info to bring up his account and ask what the problem is. According to the guy, his computer is melting and dragons (yes dragons) are flying out of the monitor. I look up to see if this is a prank call from one of the guys I work with and everyone's busy with an honest call. I advised the guy that his problem's completely out of what we're able to handle over the phone, recommending he takes his computer to a shop tech to deal with the melting and to look through the Yellow Pages for an exterminator for the dragons. Guy thanks me profusely and hangs up. Call ended up being monitored by the system for my supervisor to check quality and was emailed around the other supes. 2)Almost up there with the cd drive cupholder tale-Lady calls stating she's not able to connect when she tries to use Outlook Express, and doesn't have the error message that came up. Not at all uncommon, I ask if she could get that error message for me because it's very important. Lady informs me that her computer is currently turned off, and there's no way she can turn her computer on and be on the phone with me at the same time. Before I can explain to her that there is a difference between having the computer turned on, opening OE just to see if it gives the error message then, and being online, she hangs up. 3)Um...yes, that would clear up the problem-Lady simply needs to reinstall our software after reformatting her computer, and the software disk she's got isn't working. Pretty common type of call, especially with the older versions of the software. I ask what version of Windows she's got on her computer. Her reply: You mean I've got to install that first? 4)Well, I guess that's the new one coming out after XP-Guy calls with a simple No Browse that he's not called over before. Simple fix, but I need to know what version of Windows he's got for my case notes. So, I ask him what version he's got... His reply: Thermal. 5)And a Child shall lead-Call started out as what should have been a simple build a dun and scoot them off to download, but has gone through the cascade of typical PEBKAC errors (691..etc..). Lady is getting snappish with me despite so far it's been her misspellings that have dragged this out, and it's really not helping that she's got me on her cellphone speaker option. We're attempting the umpteenth try to download the software, finally got dialed in, got to the webpage to download the software, but now she is near ballistic telling me that she's not getting any window popping up showing the download status. In the background, I hear a little girl, probably still in the single digits agewise speak up: "Grandma, see. It's right there where it's downloading." The woman suddenly quiets, then thanks me before hanging up. 6)You want me to wha?-Man calls at 4am and immediately starts demanding I fix his TV. I pause, first thinking he's misdialed for WebTV somehow, but no, turns out his new widescreen TV is apparently not working and despite my stating that I'm only able to help with problems related to the ISP, he's convinced since that I'm a tech, then I should be able to fix his TV...over the phone. I told him to make sure it was plugged in and quickly released the call. Current Mood:  amused | | Thursday, July 21st, 2005 | 2:42 pm
[zaitan]
 |
Stories from the Helldesk
I had the pleasure (sic) of running the helldesk for about 3 years. One of our part time techs always felt it necessary to comment on anything that I was doing, even if he knew nothing about it.
I had pulled out of the skip a 20" Sun monitor which I could use on a PC by means of an adapter. While I was fitting said device he asked "Is that a SCSI to VGA adapter?"
He also thought that SMP entailed all the processors running the same instructions on the same data and comparing the results to see if one of them got it wrong!! | | Sunday, July 17th, 2005 | 12:26 am
[tonyisyourpal]
 |
I suppose this list had to happen... Favourite user story from our site #1 : Our site has a notoriously bad power feed. We generally stay in the computer hall area which is all UPSd etc. But, this day we were attempting to be sociable and hang out in helpdesk land. Never again. Just before lunch, we had yet another power cut. Before long, we got *the* call. Me: "Hello." (I've done the help desk training, not) Luser : "My computer has crashed." Me: "Mm-hmmm." Luser : "I was typing a document and suddenly the screen went blank." Me : "Yes." Luser : "What should I do ?" Me : "Look around." Luser (confused) : "What ??" Me : "Look around. Is it dark where you are ?" Luser : "Wait .. umm .. yes."
Luser : "Oh."
Story #2 involves trying to explain clearly to a financial directory why their shiny new finance system was steadfastly refusing to accept 31st April as a financial year end, without making them feel like a complete dork (and hence, malevolent later...) | | Sunday, May 22nd, 2005 | 4:49 pm
[katimus]
 |
This new worm has led to everyone at work getting lots of propaganda spam emails, and pretty much everyone understands that it's spam and deletes the bullshit, but my trainee Y is just oblivious. Every time she gets a new email, she goes "Ooh, there's another one of those strange emails. Seriously, where do these people get our email addresses from?" She's entirely internet-illiterate which is really kind of sad in our time and age for a 21-year-old. | | Sunday, May 8th, 2005 | 12:17 pm
[dennisthetiger]
|
On the subject of online standards Crossposted to my own journal and ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) mock_the_luser.
Those of you guys who have been around for a while probably know all
about textual interfaces on the internet. Those *really* in the know
might know about how we do it nowadays (ssh). FTP is of course still
around, but somewhat deprecated due to the fact that it's not
encrypted.
So now that you know where this comes from, here's a bit of
mockishness.
( That's not the internet I use! )
( When standards aren't standard )
Current Mood: bemused | | Thursday, May 5th, 2005 | 8:11 pm
[darkmage]
 |
| 7:35 pm
[alcina2]
 |
My ex-husband used to act as sysadmin for his parents' company (part time). One day mother-in-law rings. I answer. She wants technical help. Nope, husband is out. Maybe I know the answer, can't hurt...
Mother-in-law: Well I want to repaginate this document, but I want to start the first page at number 8, rather than number 1...
Me: OK, let me see if I can find it out and call you back. *and you are incapable of looking at the same help file that I'm looking at because?* *finds answer* *rings back*
Me: Hi, MiL. You need to do *foobar*
MIL: Oh! It's the same as on the other computer I use!!! (running the same version of Word for Window$)
Would stories of kids at school in IT lessons count, if the story was about computer-uselessness? | 6:57 pm
[katimus]
|
...am I the first? Well gee, I wish I had something better to say than this...I thought it was pretty damn hilarious, you may not agree. It's short, so really, not much of your time will be wasted reading it.
Necessary background: This is in Germany. Most people above the age of 60 do not read or speak English fluently, or at all.
So...once upon a time.
My nan's phone bill showed some 0190 (1800 for you Americans, I believe) numbers that she definitely hadn't called. So I figured - might be a dialer on her computer. Ran a prog and sure enough, found one. I pointed the result out to her and it said "somethingsomething dialer something". She shrieks, and says to my grandad: "Oh no, there's a dealer on our computer!" |
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