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29 July 2008 @ 11:45 pm
[fanfiction] forever secret  
Title: Forever secret [1/?]
Author: 1jet2unknown
Disclaimer: Don't own! // This is a fanfiction 
Pairing: Kangteuk
Category: Angst (?)
Counts: 1.081 words
Summary: Eeteuk is discovered as he watches kangteuk-fanvideos...
Comment: My first fiction here.... and the first in english language. Please remember that english isn't my mother tongue ^^;; there might be huge mistakes - please tell me! And well... I'm not sure whether I know Kangteuk enough to actually write a fic... but.... i tried....

„What are you doing, hyung?“

I jumped at the question thrown at me and gulped as I knew who this voice belonged to. “N… Nothing in special…”, I muttered but seemed to be too slow at closing the windows on my laptop as I heard Kangin chuckle next to my ear. “Fanvideos?”, he asked with a smirk on his face.
I felt my cheeks burn with a blush as I cleared my throat and answered “Yeah… it’s funny, right?” My laugh pitched a lot higher as it normal does and I lifted my hand to free my face from my bangs.
I heard other voices behind me. “Is it really that much fun watching videos where people pair you up with our badass-Kangin?”, Eunhyuk laughed as he tried to get away from Kangins fist.
“If your fangirlies would see you watching their videos they might feel that they’re right about you and Kangin being a couple!”, Sungmin smiled and reached over my shoulder to open up one of the minimized windows and push the play button to rewatch the kangteuk-video. I just sat there, my heart racing with fear, my fingers playing with my hair trying to cover my bright red face.
“You guys really are over each other a lot… did you notice that?”

“Come on, guys… it’s for the fans and you know it…”, I tried to get them to shut up but Sungmin just lifted the shield of his cap with his index finger and grinned. “Well well… you sure about that?”
I knew he was joking, but I felt cornered and about to fall into panic. What would I do if they ever found out about my mixed feelings for my dongsaeng? Wouldn’t they start to avoid me if they found out that my eyes target a guy? That sometimes I can hardly hold back to not just push my lips on his? If they ever found out – if HE ever found out – he’d be done for Super Junior. They wouldn’t be able to perform together, wouldn’t be able to live together anymore… there was nothing more frightening to me than this. So it should be kept a secret. If things could just stay the way they were… hanging around and having fun with everyone, being able to sometimes enjoy the feeling of Kangins fingers on my hips, my shoulder, feel him giving me a slight hug, … . I wouldn’t risk all of this happiness. It was enough for me to sometimes watch those videos and imagine him really loving me… I was fine with my way of mixing reality and imagination to create my own happiness… .

It was Kangins comment that made my heated cheeks freeze and my heartbeat stop: “You really think I’d be that desperate to go after Eeteuk?! I can have more girls than any of you guys, ya know!” He folded his arms in front of his huge chest and grinned. I stared at him for a second, than averted my eyes and plucked on my bangs again, pushing Sungminnies hand away from my laptop and shutting it hastily.
That’s it. I had the answer I didn’t want to hear… and hence would never be able to make the line between reality and imagination blur. He’d never be that desperate. He’d never chose me. How could he? I’m a boy. And even when cross-dressing for some stupid show, there was no one who would believe in me becoming a real woman.
“Yeah right,” I agreed with a cracking voice. “You know how much a player Kangin is, right? He’d never chase someone like me…” I was able to form a fake smile but just couldn’t bring myself to look in Kangins eyes.

“Don’t underestimate your girly features!”, Eunhyuk laughed loud but got punished with a hard hit on the head just seconds later. “Don’t you talk like this to your hyung!”, Kangin growled. “Eeteuk might be beautiful but he’s no girl!”
It hurt. It hurt so much that all I could do was smile at the gentle protection of my beloved dongsaeng. As always he protected me. He’d never let someone talk bad about me or hurt me. He’d always be there by my side, being nice, being gentle . But there was no deeper meaning behind it. I was his hyung, his leader, his friend. Nothing more.
But it was enough. It was enough. It had to be enough. At least this was what I had told me all along. And now was exactly the time I just had to believe in those words… .
“Come on, don’t get violent..”, I mumbled with a simper and patted his strong arm. I couldn’t smile directly at him. He’d look into my eyes and he’d just know. He’d know everything. And this would be the end. So I couldn’t look up, I couldn’t smile at him, I couldn’t lie to him with this fake smile and those trembling dimples.
Kangin sighed, a gentle smile on his beautiful face, his eyes caringly on my lowered head. “Right, right.”

Sungmin just watched us and pinched Eunhyuks elbow so that he squeaked in pain and pouted at his friend. Minnie was sharp. Very sharp. And I feared he might have seen right through me. I risked a look in his direction, but averted my eyes the second I met his sharp eyes, his look inquiringly lying upon my face. My heartbeat increased, the blood rushing through my veins… .

I had to get away. Away from Sungmin, away from Eunhyuk, away from Kangin. They might find out. I had done my best to keep it secret after having a hard time accepting my own feelings. When even I wasn’t able to fully accept those feelings how could the others possibly do so? How could they follow a leader that looked at one of them in this way?

“Hyuuung~! Don’t run away!! I’m sorry, ok?” I heard Eunhyukkies voice as I walked past Kangin through the door without having said anything anymore. “You’re not girly! Not at all! You’re a true man!” I couldn’t help but slip a laugh at those words. I lifted my hand and smiled at him for a second before continuing my way to the kitchen. He didn’t mean any harm, I knew this. At least his words proved that he was unaware of my feelings for Kangin. I should have been happy. But it hurt. You’re a true man. Yes… indeed… .

-end of installment-

well.... we'll see if i continue fanfiction or just stick to fanart ^^;; thanks for reading anyway~ <3
Current Location: couch
Current Mood: drunk
Eggiewatashi_sama on July 29th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
>w< Aw. That was cute. You should definitely continue.

I loved how realistic Teukie was about his feelings... how he couldn't risk the current happiness he had with Kangin and the other members despite his feelings for Kangin.

And perceptive Sungmin <3
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on July 29th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC)
thanks for reading and liking it ♥
if you like it that's enough encouragement for me to continue some time ^^ *smile

and well.. i think sungmin is someone you can't keep a secret from... he might look like a cute little stupid boy but i'm sure he's a brave, clever and very caring guy... who might be able to see through every little lie ^^
dozing_skyedozing_skye on July 29th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
awesome, I am really in love with it!
1jet2unknown: thanks1jet2unknown on July 29th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
thank youuu~ ;_;

is this kyo in your ava? ö_Ö
dozing_skyedozing_skye on July 30th, 2008 08:25 am (UTC)
Your welcome, it is only the truth ♥♥

Yes that is Kyo-san^^
연아 (YeonAh)yeonah on July 29th, 2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
*pokes* Sequel? Sequel? *pokes*
*sniff* Poor poor Teukie, he deserves a happy ending... And KangIn's a dolt for not seeing his feelings.
SungMin's sharp though ^.^ Lovely!
Luv the ficcu~! <333
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on July 29th, 2008 10:46 pm (UTC)
firstly: GOSH i love your ava XDDD soooo cute~ ♥

secondly: thank yooou ;v; ♥ i feel encouraged now~ !
I'll think about working on a sequel during my work on the small kangteuk-doujinshi i'm working on right now ^^;
연아 (YeonAh)yeonah on July 29th, 2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
Yay~! <333
You should feel encouraged, that was so good and realistic and SAAAAD~... T.T
*mems this*
I'm gonna stalk your entries from now on... *muahaha...*
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on July 29th, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
^///^ wheee~ i feel honored ♥
i'm often unsure about my writing style - especially in english - so this really makes me feel happy right now :3
kichul1106kichul1106 on July 30th, 2008 12:23 am (UTC)
awwww poor teukie!!!!! i hope kangin realizes teukie's hte only man/woman (he could be mistaken for one) for him!! ^^

can't wait for the next chapter!XDDD


btw, there was nothing wrong and your english isn't bad, it's really good! XDDD
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on July 30th, 2008 09:40 am (UTC)
thank you ^///^

i'll work on the next installment soon ^^

kichul1106kichul1106 on July 30th, 2008 05:42 pm (UTC)
yay!! i can't wait!!! XDDDD
(Deleted comment)
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on July 30th, 2008 09:41 am (UTC)
thank you ♥
dark_hunterjenndark_hunterjenn on July 30th, 2008 01:07 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this! A really great first fic, you should do more!
1jet2unknown: thanks1jet2unknown on July 30th, 2008 09:41 am (UTC)
dream4fatgirl on July 30th, 2008 05:23 am (UTC)
That was SHORT! I want more! I need more kangteuk! please stick to the fanfiction please...
1jet2unknown: thanks1jet2unknown on July 30th, 2008 09:42 am (UTC)
^^ yeah it really turned out quite short... but well.. it was just a quick idea wanted to get out of my head ^^;;

but i'll try to work an a secon, longer chapter :3
Jishujishu on August 10th, 2008 03:06 am (UTC)
love the angst <3
hope everything will turn out fine for teukie~
babuwabu: pic#77952649babuwabu on August 13th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
Eeteuk is beautiful in this lol. I like the style of it. Kangin is always a dumb-dumb sometimes! I'm off to read the next chapter! :D
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on August 13th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC)
^^ thx for the encouraging words :3
Angelepikroo on August 17th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
aww D: . teukieee~


i like this it's interesting XD.
i_collect_cars on August 24th, 2008 12:29 am (UTC)
awwww. Poor Teukie. It may seem weird, but this is actually how I picture it really being a lot of the time. You write it well :) I'm enjoying it a lot so far, and I need to continue right now!
korichankorichan on October 1st, 2008 10:08 am (UTC)
I like this, and I'm already hating myself since I have around 30 minutes to read through this story (I hate the idea of getting to a great point and then having to go home). I really like how this is starting out, and I think I would be worried about SungMin a lot too. Some of the members are noticeably perceptive (like Kyu and Bum), but I think SungMin's the kind that sneaks up on you and you can easily forget catches more than you'd think. I get that feeling with DongHae a lot too.
1jet2unknown1jet2unknown on October 1st, 2008 11:43 am (UTC)
yeah i get the feeling like there's a sharp fox behind minnies girly features *___* he sometimes makes me feel like he simply knows everything ö___ö
korichan: Totally Sexykorichan on October 2nd, 2008 04:09 am (UTC)
I was super-surprised to find out he never cries. I thought for sure he'd be up there with Ryeo and Hyuk as far as crying a lot, so ever since I've always kind of figured he's a lot sharper and has a lot more depth than one would think.
1jet2unknown: yesung1jet2unknown on October 2nd, 2008 09:40 am (UTC)
yeah.... you hardly see him cry. and he seems like a frightened little puppy sometimes but there's e.g. tghe super adonis camp episode where they have to go up a mountain through a dark forest all alone without light and sungmin is like the only one who's NOT scared. not at all *lol*
this was when I was SURE that there's much more to him than first meets the eye...
korichan: Dorky Lovekorichan on October 5th, 2008 04:10 am (UTC)
I think, for me, the one I was really surprised was when they did the live streaming of the 24 Hope Run and they showed him up all night talking with the other members and being very supportive overall. And then, when they had to do Driving School challenge and he told them he saw the car move, but they had to look at a replay to show where it was BARELY touched. He needs to be shown with this kind of personality more often I think. :D
amasakireyoko on February 27th, 2010 07:49 am (UTC)
Gaaah~~ Tuekie hyung~~ ^^ god I'm such a sadist. *dashes to part2*