The Meta of Pern

A couple of weeks ago, my uncle asked me to help him buy an Asus Eee for my aunt's birthday with Windows XP on it. Being my uncle, he gave me all of a week's notice, and it turns out they're quite hard to get hold of if you don't want a Linux machine. Local shops didn't seem to have anything, and most online retailers would only deliver to the cardholder's address - not possible without my aunt finding out.

So, I was really relieved to find <a href="http://www.laptopsdirect.co.uk">Laptops Direct</a> which offered next day delivery to your workplace, as long as you ordered before 5. It was still only about 2, so I ordered it, placing it on my own debitcard (I know, I know, stupid, but there was a charge for credit cards). It was Thursday, and her birthday was Monday, so I ordered it next day delivery and considered it job done.

Friday, I notified our receptionist that a package would be coming and sat down to wait. By around 3:30 I was getting a bit worried, and called to check they were coming. It took me a few goes to get through - they seemed to be having issues with their phones randomly cutting off while you were in the queue - but I did, and was assured that yes it would be coming that day and I could call the delivery service if I wanted to check times.

I called the delivery office, to be told that there were no deliveries due to my postcode that day. That would be where I started to worry.

A call back got me through to a girl who assured me that yes, yes, of course it would come sometime before 6PM, and maybe the guy had just given me the wrong delivery service. She wasn't sure what delivery service it should be but hey, she'd check and call me back.

I knew the customer service office closed at 5PM. At 4:45PM, seriously worried, and with no call-back I tried to get back through. I was number 1 in the queue at 4:59 and 30 seconds when the phone connected and went dead.

I swore a lot, then in desperation called the telesales line which was still open. Yes, they confirmed, customer service had left for the day. I begged for the guy just to find out the delivery service for me - he said he couldn't, but he'd send an email round for me because *someone* should be able to and call me back.

At 5:30PM, kicking my heels at the office and starting to despair, I called them back.

Oh well, they couldn't check that. No-one there could. In fact I should never have been promised that. The guy hadn't even added notes to my account. No, he couldn't do anything for me other than arrange a manager callback on Saturday.

At 6, laptop-less and pissed off, I left the office.

First thing Saturday morning, I got up and called them to cancel the order. Spoke to a nice girl who promised it would be recalled to the distributor, and I would be refunded. Relieved, I thanked her, and called my uncle so we could drive 40 minutes to the nearest PC World which actually stocked the damn laptops.

Monday, the receptionist called me down as - tada! - they attempted delivery. I refused delivery, and explained politely why.

By Friday, I was starting to get concerned about the fact no refund had hit my account. I called and spoke to a girl who told me that the distributor probably hadn't recalled it from the depot yet. I pointed out that this wasn't actually my problem, as my contract was with laptops direct. The distributor could easily enough check whether the thing had been signed for - it only took one phonecall. If they had distributor problems, this was not my problem. (If I sound pissed off, remember that the £206 was on MY CARD, and I can hardly ask my uncle for money for goods never received. That money is my living expenses). She offered me a manager callback for Monday. I took it.

At 3PM Monday (today!), I called to check I was going to actually get that callback. I was told yes, but I was 11th in the queue (gosh, I wonder why they get so many complaints, huh?) At 4:30, beginning to have that horrible feeling of deja vu, I called again and spoke with a lady by the name of Nicola, who claimed she was the manager. (I must point out that I wouldn't normally name the person I dealt with. I've worked in customer service and know that most folk there are helpless peons who have no choice but to follow policy. However, Nicola seemed to go out of her way to be rude, so she gets to be special. Had she given me her surname, that would be going up too.) She proceeded to tell me that no, it hadn't been logged as back from the distributor yet, that no-one had bothered chasing it up as the person who might normally do so was ill, and that no, she didn't have to hurry over that just because I wanted to. I could expect a refund in a week or so, probably. Oh, except for the postage, which they wouldn't be refunding as I refused delivery - despite the fact I paid for next day delivery <i>which I didn't get</i>. When asked if I would have been refunded at all had I not chased it, I was vaguely told that I would have been, eventually, after maybe a couple of weeks or so.

Nicola really needs training in things like <i>the law</i>. I called the Consumer Helpline directly after, logged a complaint with them and was informed that I was indeed entitled to a full refund under the Sale of Goods Act as the failure to deliver on time constituted breach of contract. A letter will be going out tomorrow by registered post informing them of this, and after that, if neccesary, I look at legal action. Happily for me, the Consumer Helpline exists to help with such things.

But the story doesn't end there. Unfortunately for Laptops Direct, what I <i>didn't</i> tell them was that one of my jobs of the paaaaast was as an internet marketer. Yes, I know how to get word out. Yes, I will. And yes, I will enjoy it.

So, I've already logged a complaint with the Consumer Helpline. After this come the Better Business Bureau, and the watchdog section of ComputerActive which I'm pretty sure half their target audience read. Then <lj community=bad_service>, <a href="http://www.moneysavingexpert.com</a>the Money Saving Expert Forums</a>, <a href="http://www.dooyoo.co.uk">DooYoo</a>, and <a href="http://www.ciao.co.uk">Ciao</a>. Then I reopen my old Google adwords account and start specifically targeting folk looking for their site. (the neat thing is that because Google Adwords now appears in Gmail I can specifically put ads warning folks receiving confirmation emails from them to cancel their orders before it hits dispatch stage.) That part might cost me more than the postage did in the first place, but at this point I'm pissed off enough to budget for it.

We're in the middle of a credit crunch. Laptops are a big ticket item - and having worked for a company selling big ticket items, I know damn well that if people stop buying them you're in trouble pretty damn fast. At this point they ought to be trampling their grandmothers to please their customers, not repeatedly annoying them. Can I have an effect? Oh hell yes. I wouldn't be worth my training if I couldn't.

Hey, laptops direct? My order number is 576914. If you want to call me and fix this, you have my mobile number. Just don't ask me to talk to Nicola.