Melodic Muse

You Know Me (Smallville, Sept, R)

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:51:16 GMT

Title: You Know Me
Author: all_you_wanted
Pairing: Lana/Lex, Lana/Clark
Fandom: Smallville
Rating: R
Challenge: firstline_fic
Prompt: week 20
Challenge: un_love_you
Prompt: #27/ Author's Choice - "I can't be like you"
Challenge: melodicmuse
Prompt: Sept / Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: It's amazing how day later editing and a new challenge community can change a piece. Hopefully it still makes sense.
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 7 / up to Wrath with some embellishments
Summary: She's cheated again, but she's not sure on which one.
------------------------------------------
Their eyes met across the crowded room.

September's Muse is...

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:37:05 GMT

Sometimes I come into the 'new' music game late cause I don't listen to commercial radio or MTV/VH1 anymore. I love the retro vibe of Amy's music but with a more storytelling kind of lyrical fashion.

Go forth and get 'mused' :D

Download Album Here

"Rehab"

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

I'd rather be at home with ray
I ain't got seventy days
Cause there's nothing
There's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr Hathaway

I didn't get a lot in class
But I know it don't come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

The man said 'why do you think you here'
I said 'I got no idea
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby
so I always keep a bottle near'
He said 'I just think your depressed,
this me, yeah baby, and the rest'

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know

I don't ever wanna drink again
I just ooh I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
have everyone think I'm on the mend

It's not just my pride
It's just 'til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

"You Know I'm No Good"

Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard
Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt
You say why did you do it with him today?
And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

'Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You tear me down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed, with my ex-boy,
He's in the place, but I can't get joy,
Thinking of you in the final throes, this is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet your chips and pitta
You say when we're married 'cause you're not bitter
There'll be none of him no more
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain
Were like how we were again
I'm in the tub you're on the seat
Lick your lips as I soak my feet

Then you notice lickle carpet burn
My stomach drops and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble, yeah you know that I'm no good

"Me And Mr Jones (Fuckery)"

Nobody stands in between me and my man, it's me
And Mr Jones (Me and Mr Jones)

What kind of fuckery is this?
You made me miss the Slick Rick gig (oh Slick Rick)
You thought I didn't love you when I did (when I did)
Can't believe you played me out like that (Ahhh)

No you ain't worth guest list
Plus one of all them girls you kiss (all them girls)
You can't keep lying to yourself like this (to yourself)
Can't believe you played yourself (out) like this

Rulers one thing but come Brixton
Nobody stands in between me and my man
'Cause it's me and Mr Jones (Me and Mr Jones)

What kind of fuckery are we?
Nowadays you don't mean dick to me (dick to me)
I might let you make it up to me (make it up)
Who's playing Saturday?

What kind of fuckery are you?
Side from Sammy you're my best black Jew
But I could swear that we were through (we were through)
I still want to wonder 'bout the things you do

Mr Destiny 9 and 14
Nobody stands in between me and my man
'Cause it's Me and Mr JOnes (Me and Mr Jones)

"Just Friends"

When will we get the time to be just friends
It's never safe for us not even in the evening
'cos I've been drinking
Not in the morning where your shit works
It's always dangerous when everybody's sleeping
And I've been thinking
Can we be alone?
Can we be alone?

When will we get the time to be just friends
When will we get the time to be just friends

And no I'm not ashamed but the guilt will kill you
If she don't first
I'll never love you like her
Though we need to find the time
To just do this shit together
For it gets worse
I wanna touch you
But that just hurts

When will we get the time to be just just friends
When will we get the time to be just friends, just friends
When will we get the time to be just friends, just friends
When will we get the time to be just friends, just friends
Just friends

"Back To Black"

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to.....

I go back to us

I love you much
It's not enough
You love blow and I love puff
And life is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

Black, black, black, black, black, black, black,
I go back to
I go back to

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black

"Love Is A Losing Game"

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

Why do I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I'm rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

"Tears Dry On Their Own"

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we knew,
And this regret I had to get accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night,
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in this grey, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many better things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes thru,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
In this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own,

So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I wish I could SAY no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
And as we kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
The shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
In this blue Shade,
My tears dry on their own,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
My deep shade,
My tears dry

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
My deep shade,
My tears dry.

"Wake Up Alone"

It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light

His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone

"Some Unholy War"

If my man was fighting
Some unholy war
I would be behind him
Straight shook up beside him
With strength he didn't know
It's you I'm fighting for
He can't lose with me in tow
I refuse to let him go
At his side and drunk on pride
We wait for the blow

We put it in writing
But who you writing for
Just us on kitchen floor
Justice done,
Reciting my stomach standing still
Like you're reading my will
He still stands in spite of what his scars say
I'll battle till this bitter finale
Just me, my dignity and this guitar case

Yes my man is fighting some unholy war
And I will stand beside you
Who you fighting for
B - I would have died too
I'd of liked to
If my man was fighting
Some unholy war
If my man was fighting

"Addicted"

Tell your boyfriend next time he around
To buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down
I wouldn't care if bre would give me some more
I'd rather him leave you then leave him my draw

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

Once is enough to make me attack
So bring me a bag and your man can come back
I'll check him at the door make sure he got green
I'm tighter than airport security teams

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

I'm my own man so when will you learn
That you got a man but I got to burn
Don't make no difference if I end up alone
I'd rather have myself a smoke my homegrown
It's got me addicted, does more than any dick did

Yeh I can get mine and you get yours
Yeh I can get mine and you get yours

August Challenge - Fairytale - The Office - Pam; Jim/Pam - PG

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 10:33:55 GMT

Title: Fairytale
Author: Cassandra Mulder
Rating: PG
Classification: The Office; Pam; Jim/Pam
Disclaimer: Painfully, regrettably, irrefutably not mine. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Casino Night
Summary: The day she decided it was over, it was like the world had fallen in around her and no one else noticed.
Written: August 7 - 10, 2007
Word Count: 4370
Written for: melodicmuse
Prompt/lyric: Fairytale by Sara Bareilles

So I sing and hold my head down
And I break these walls 'round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

'Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting
On the next best thing

A/N: When I first heard this song, for some reason I thought of Pam. I wanted to do a fic for it for awhile, but other pieces got in the way, so when I made Sara Bareilles this month's challenge, it seemed like the perfect time. I had already laid a lot of the groundwork in my head, all I had to do was write it. There's a definite theme here, but I didn't force it so I left it in. I haven't seen a great deal of fic dealing with what it must have been like for Pam after Casino Night, considering what season three made it clear she had had to do. So this is her story, and I hope I have done it some kind of justice. If you like it, remember, feedback is love! ♥

***

The day she decided it was over, it was like the world had fallen in around her and no one else noticed. It was dark and she felt like she might suffocate. It was a Wednesday, and Jim had never come back to work after the previous Friday’s Casino Night.

In a rare show of compassion, Michael had told her privately that Jim was transferring to the Stamford branch. She wondered if it was solely for her benefit, or because he wanted to vent his grief about Jim leaving.

Whatever his reasons for telling her first, she was grateful for the knowledge when he made the announcement to the entire office twenty minutes later. At least three-quarters of her co-workers were looking at her after, and she just pretended she had urgent e-mails to answer so she could easily avoid their eyes.

She was quiet for the rest of the day, and she tried to formulate a plan of action. She knew now she could never marry Roy, and she knew for certain that he wasn’t going to take it well.

She figured the best thing to do would be to wait until Friday and go home early and pack some things. Then she would wait for Roy to get home, tell him, and go to her mother’s for the weekend; maybe a day or two more if she could swing it. She had used all of her vacation days, but she had all of her sick days if they became necessary.

For the next thirty-six hours she was a wreck, alternating between confidence in her decision, and doubting the wisdom of it. She wanted to hunt Jim down and scream at him for leaving her all alone to deal with the damage he had caused, even as she never wanted to speak to him again. She was scared and she was sad, and she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to execute her plan. All she knew was she had to try because she couldn’t go on living a life she didn’t want anymore.

She was withdrawn as she struggled with restructuring her life, and Roy never noticed there was anything wrong. The realization helped to strengthen her resolve, but it was still going to be hard for her. She wondered if she just left without telling him if he would even notice she was gone.

She silently cried herself to sleep on Thursday night, and Friday morning she called her mother to make sure it was okay for her to stay for a few days. She knew she was always welcome, but she wanted to be sure they would be there when she arrived. She didn’t want to specify the reasons for her visit because she was trying to hold it together until she could get out the door that night.

She made it to work and tried to smile and laugh with her co-workers, but they were still treating her with the kid gloves they had all sported since Jim left. She was starting to wonder how transparent the miserable saga that was her life really was to everyone else, and why what was apparently so obvious hadn’t been all that obvious from her point of view.

They were all being exceptionally kind, except for Dwight, who made it a habit to narrow his eyes and smile at her evilly. All he cared about was the fact that his much smarter desk mate was long gone.

When he went to the restroom that afternoon, she broke two ink pens and poured the ink into his full coffee cup.

He was still smirking at her with blackened teeth when she left at three o’clock with Michael’s permission. She was just sad she wouldn’t be there to smirk back when he finally found his way in front of a mirror.

When she got home, she hurriedly packed two suitcases with her best clothes and put them in the trunk of her car. Then she went about gathering irreplaceable things that meant something to her - photo albums, sketchbooks and a few art supplies, keepsakes, jewelry - and put them in the backseat of her car.

If Roy got drunk and burned the house down when she left, she was not going to lose her things. She had lost enough already.

Roy didn’t get home until a quarter to six, and by that point she had been sitting at the kitchen table anticipating his arrival for so long that she thought she was going to throw up.

“Hey, babe,” he said as he walked through the small kitchen and straight to the refrigerator for a beer. “How long have you been home?”

She pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. “A couple hours. I wasn’t feeling well, so I left early.”

He frowned but didn’t say anything, and took a swig of his Budweiser.

She was wringing her hands, trying to calm down, but despite the number of times she had rehearsed her speech none of the words seemed worth saying.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. “Are you sick?”

“No, I -” Pam licked her suddenly dry lips, and then nervously chewed on the bottom one. “I want -” She stopped, took a deep breath, and started again. “I’m leaving, Roy.” Her words rang in the sudden silence, and she watched his face change from concern to disbelief.

She wished at that moment that she had just left; that she didn’t have to put him or herself through this scene.

He recovered somewhat and set his beer down on the counter by the stove. A firm, “What?” was all he could seem to manage.

“I’m leaving,” she said again and only found it marginally easier. “I can’t marry you. I can’t - none of this is right, not anymore.” She was starting to wonder if it ever had been, or if it was all just some high school fairytale given life by her teenage mind. This wasn’t anything she had ever expected.

“Are you kidding me, Pam?” he said and she could see his shock fading into anger.

She merely shook her head.

“It’s three weeks till our wedding, and you’re just going to bail now?”

She wanted to yell at him that she couldn’t count the number of times he had bailed on her, but she held it in just like she always did.

“I can’t go through with it, Roy.” She was trying not to cry, but she could feel the stinging behind her eyelids. “I don’t want to,” she said and her voice was a little more firm.

“Are you at least going to explain to me why you’re throwing away the better part of a decade?” he asked, trying to keep control.

She blinked and she saw his eyes darken.

“Does this have anything to do with Halpert?”

All of the air flew out of her at his near-accusation. “What? No! Why would you even think-?” She huffed out a breath and her hands balled into fists. He was closer to the truth than she would have liked, but this wasn’t all about Jim; it never had been.

“I can’t believe you, Roy. Did you ever stop to consider maybe this is about you?”

“Me? What did I do?”

She just stopped herself from laughing bitterly. Shaking her head, she looked down at her feet. “It’s more all the things you didn’t do than the things you did,” she said quietly. Maybe he didn’t want to hear it, and maybe he wouldn’t even know what she was talking about, but that’s what it all came down to.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“I know, Roy. Don’t you see? I don’t understand you and you don’t understand me, and I lost all the reasons we were together a long time ago. I just don’t know why it took me this long to see that.”

“But I love you,” he said.

“I know,” she said, wondering how things became so crystal clear in such a short time. This was supposed to be the most difficult thing in her life to this point, but all she felt was resignation about the sham they had become. “You think you do, or you’ve told yourself you do for so long that it just became a routine.”

She knew that she had loved him once, but things weren’t the same anymore. It had been a high school sweetheart kind of love, and it hadn’t quite survived the transition to adulthood, in which she now stood, the vestiges of youth and hope and bright, shiny dreams seemingly scattered on the floor at her feet.

In every scenario she had imagined he had been yelling or throwing something, but the Roy in front of her simply looked like she had just kicked him in the gut. She hoped that he could forgive her someday, not only for this, but for perpetuating the lie as long as she had. She had been so frustrated and hopeless about what they had become for years longer than she cared to admit, and she couldn’t help but think this would have been so much easier before they let it get this far. But there was nothing to be done about it now, so he was just going to have to hate her if he wanted. She had to take the first step to free them both because she knew he never would.

“I’m going to my mom’s for a few days.” She didn’t know what else to say.

He took a couple of steps closer, slowly, as if he thought he might startle her. “What am I going to do without you?” he said.

Pam closed the short distance between them, raised up on her tiptoes, and kissed him on the cheek. “I think you’ll be better off than you think,” she said and backed away.

He looked crushed, and she hated the fact that she apparently had the ability to break the heart of every man that had ever meant anything to her.

She started to leave, but turned in the doorway and looked back. “I’ll call you in a couple days. Mom and I will… take care of things.”

He nodded.

“Goodbye, Roy,” she said, and when he said nothing she turned and headed for the front door. She grabbed her keys from the end table, and just before she shut the door she flinched a little at the sound of a beer bottle shattering against the kitchen floor.

It wasn’t until she was safely in her car that she began to shake. She was shocked that she had held it together as well as she had, but now she wasn’t so sure she had the strength left to drive the two hours to her parents’ house. But she didn’t have much of a choice since she had just walked out of her own home and she couldn’t afford to stay in a hotel on what she made.

She willed herself not to cry, because she had to drive whether she liked it or not. Tears would have to wait for later.

The radio served as something of a distraction on the drive, but not really because of the music itself. The biggest distraction was the number of times she had to change the station because a song reminded her of Jim, of all people. She did hear the opening notes of Jewel’s You Were Meant for Me at one point, and that was when she totally gave up and left it on a country music station even though she hated country (but secretly liked Keith Urban and Rascal Flatts, and no one would ever find out about either).

That was enough for her to keep it together until Islands in the Stream came on, and she shut the radio off altogether. It was like the whole universe was plotting against her to remind her of Jim until she wanted to scream.

She wished she hadn’t left her CD case in the backseat, though she doubted that would be any help. At least half of her collection consisted of mix CDs Jim had made for her or albums he had copied. Looking through that case now would be like an emotional minefield.

It was not lost on her that, an hour and a half into her drive, she had mostly been thinking about Jim. She had just ended a nine year relationship, and somehow her best friend abandoning her was foremost on her mind.

She supposed that said something, because after all, wasn’t he the catalyst for everything that was happening? If it hadn’t been for him it would never have occurred to her that she should call off her wedding, or that there was the hope of something better in her life. It didn’t necessarily feel that way at the moment, because she was more lost and confused than she could ever remember being in her life.

The thought of never seeing or speaking to him again was terrifying, even though her anger at him had made it an appealing prospect earlier in the week. She wondered if she should call him; not that she thought she could survive another scary conversation in one night. She hadn’t even told her own mother what was going on yet, so she figured it would have to wait.

Everything was so up in the air, and by the time she pulled into the driveway of her parents’ home she felt like she had run a marathon. She put the car in park and gave herself a moment to lay her head on the steering wheel and steel herself for another difficult conversation. It seemed like she was having a lot of those lately.

When she finally felt ready, she took some calming, deep breaths and got out of the car. She went around and pulled the suitcase with all of her most pressing items in it, and lugged it up to the front door. It was only about eight-thirty, so she rang the bell and waited.

Her mother answered almost immediately, as if she had been waiting, and Pam gave her a weak smile and hauled her luggage into the foyer. She dropped it with a dull thud, and her mom opened her arms. That was when she totally lost it, and she fell into her mother’s embrace, sobbing so deeply her chest hurt.

“Oh, honey, what happened?” Patty Beesly asked, and stroked her daughter’s hair.

Pam could only shake her head against her mother’s shoulder, completely unable to speak.

“It’s okay, let it out,” Patty said. “Just one thing, are you hurt in any way?”

Pam shook her head again.

“Okay, then,” her mother said understandingly and they stood there for several minutes until Pam was calm enough to take a step back.

Tears were still rapidly coming, but she thought maybe she had regained at least a little bit of control.

“You want to go in the living room, Pam? Dad’s upstairs watching baseball, so we can talk.”

Pam nodded miserably, rubbing at her eyes, looking around until she found a box of Kleenex on the table by the door. She grabbed a handful and followed her mother into the comfortable living room, and took the seat she patted on the couch next to her.

When they were settled, Patty resumed looking at her worriedly.

“Did you have a fight with Roy?”

“No, I -” she sobbed again and paused to take a deep breath. “I l-left him.”

She was worried when her mother didn’t look more surprised, but then again she had been the first person she had called the night Jim told her he loved her.

“Are you sure, Pam? This is what you want?”

Pam nodded, blowing her nose. “I couldn’t stay. Everything’s wrong now. Jim left. He went to Stamford, Mom, and I know it was because of me. I know he transferred because of me, because I told him I was going to marry Roy. And that was such a stupid lie. I knew I couldn’t do it after that night, but he didn’t give me time to - to think or to process or anything. He just walked away, and he never came back. I don’t even know when he got his things from his desk, but it couldn’t have been during working hours, even though everything was gone Tuesday morning when I came into work. Now I don’t know where he is or what he’s thinking. And Roy, oh God, Mom, you should have seen him. He was crushed, and I did that to him. He doesn’t even really know why, because I couldn’t tell him. I am such a horrible person, and now I don’t know what to do.

“And the plans! How do you even cancel a whole wedding? I don’t know who to call or how to notify all the guests at once, and I just -” Another sob broke free and she was gone again, which was kind of a relief since she was well aware that she was a frantic, rambling mess.

Her mom patted her arm gently and waited it out. “You’re not a horrible person, Pam,” she said. “You are so far from it. If you don’t want to marry Roy it’s better you decide that now instead of the day of the wedding or ten years after it.”

Pam wiped her eyes, horrified at the amount of mascara that was coming off on the tissue and what she must look like. “You’re not mad?” she asked, like she was five years old again.

Patty smiled at her. “Why would I be mad, Pam? I’m sad that you’re in so much pain, but I’m not mad. The only thing that would make me angry with you is if you did something you didn’t want to do just because you think everyone thinks you should. That’s not how I raised you.”

Pam swallowed hard. “I know. It’s just - This isn’t the way it was supposed to go. Ever since I was sixteen I thought I was going to marry Roy and live happily ever after, and what do I do now?”

“Honey, life isn’t a fairytale, you know that. Still, sometimes our Prince Charming does exist, he’s just not always the one we notice to begin with.”

Sniffling, Pam looked at her lap.

“As for what you do now,” her mother continued, “anything you want. I’ll help you cancel the wedding, find a new place to live, anything you need you know you have me and Daddy to help you, right?”

Pam nodded, feeling her eyes start to sting again.

“And if you need me to hunt Jim Halpert down for you, I’ll do that, too,” Patty offered with a gentle smile.

Pam let out a broken laugh, sincerely doubting he wanted to hear from anyone named Beesly now, if ever. “I imagine he hates me right now,” she said, twisting the tissue in her hands.

“I highly doubt that from what you’ve told me,” Patty said. “I’m sure he’s disappointed and probably even heartbroken, but I don’t think he could ever hate you.”

Pam sighed deeply. “Yeah, well, you weren’t there for that total obliteration either,” she said dully. “What is wrong with me? How could this have all gone so horribly wrong?” she wondered out loud. “Why couldn’t I see it? Jim would do anything for me. He would go to any lengths to just to make me smile through the horror we put up with everyday, and Roy barely mumbled a question about how my day was when I got home. It was like… Jim was the one I was having the emotional relationship with, and if his eyes Friday night were any indication, it must have been killing him. I was killing him, and Roy didn’t even really know who I was anymore, and that’s what I told myself was normal. I mean - God.”

She was pretty sure she had never talked so much in such a short span of time in her life, and it was starting to sound like she was conducting her own therapy session, but she couldn’t help it. She was absolutely stunned at the level of blindness she had achieved, and how quickly it all became so obvious once she could truly see.

“I think you’ve answered most of your own questions,” her mom said.

“I wish it felt that way,” Pam said with a sigh, having finally stopped crying. At least for the time being.

“Are you -” Patty started, but stopped when she saw Pam shake her head sharply.

“No,” Pam said. “I’m not going to call him. That would be so… ridiculous, I guess? It’s too soon. I mean, I know that I l-” She flushed bright pink. “I care about Jim, but he can’t be the rebound guy, Mom. He’s more than that,” she said before she could catch herself, and the words slammed into her with all the force of a punch. She clutched at her stomach and tried to stay calm.

Her mom scooted closer and put her hand on Pam’s shoulder, squeezing a little bit.

“I just need time. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and that’s scary. And even with the way things had gotten lately, it’s going to be weird living without Roy. I was supposed to marry him in three weeks, not walk out on him, and I couldn’t even do that right.” She felt her lip start to tremble again and buried her face in her hands.

Patty pulled her into her arms and let her cry again. Pam suddenly understood why she hadn’t done this sooner - it was too hard. She suddenly never wanted to leave her parents’ couch ever again, because she didn’t know what she was going to do without all the plans she had been making for so long. They had become like a security blanket or a safety net, and now she was all grown up, all alone, and nothing felt safe anymore.

When she settled down a bit, her mother pulled back, hands still lightly holding her shoulders. “Pamela Anne Beesly, you are not a failure, which is what your last statement seemed to indicate. I won’t have you thinking of yourself as one either, got that?”

A small smile broke through on Pam’s face in spite of herself. Her mother was her best friend, but she could still be such a mom when she wanted to be. She nodded and her mom’s face softened, smiling at her.

“You are going to get through this, and I believe you’ll be better off for it. And if you tell Jim what’s happened and he wants to try again, or you want to give it time and go to him when you’re ready, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine. Everything is up to you, and you can go for whatever you want whenever you want it.”

“Thank you, Mom,” Pam said, reaching out to hug her.

“And you’re not alone,” Patty said as if she had read her mind.

Pam pulled back and nodded. “I know.”

“Good. Now do you want to get some tea or go to bed? You can pop in upstairs and tell your father goodnight, but you know he’s not coming out of that room until his game is over,” Patty said with a laugh.

“I think I just want to go to bed. It’s been a really long, exhausting week.”

Her mom nodded in understanding, and followed her from the couch to the foyer where she helped her daughter pick up her heavy suitcase and drag it up the stairs.

Pam stopped at the first doorway on the left to greet her father and kiss him goodnight, while her mother gave him a look that clearly said ‘I’ll tell you later’.

She stopped at the guest room door and hugged her mother one final time, told her goodnight, and wrestled her suitcase just inside the door where she left it, and then collapsed on the bed. This was not the house in which she had grown up, so there were no familiar things to keep her company, but the room was neat and cozy. She slipped off her sneakers and wondered why she hadn’t thought to change clothes before she had left Scranton. She was still wearing her work attire, so she made herself stand up again and dig through her suitcase for pajamas and her toothbrush.

When she was in her pajama pants and tank top, she crossed the hall to brush her teeth and splash some water on her tear-ravaged face. She barely recognized the face in the mirror, and she wasn’t sure yet whether that was a good thing or not.

She went back to her room, climbed in the bed, and turned the TV on for a little while. One trip through the channels assured her she wouldn’t find much of anything there to ease her mind, so she turned it off, fluffed up her pillow, and turned on her side. She couldn’t remember sleeping alone since she had moved out of her parents’ house, and that was just another thing to which she was going to have to become accustomed again.

Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes tightly against another onslaught of tears. She hoped that Roy was all right and hadn’t done anything stupid. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if he had. She wondered where Jim was and if he could possibly still love her, and how she was going to be strong enough to rebuild her life all on her own.

She felt totally responsible for the mess they were all in, and she just hoped they could all survive it. If there wasn’t a happy ending somewhere past all the destruction, she didn’t know what she would do.

Then again, she was no longer a believer in those childish fairytales. She would just have to find a way to make it on her own, because no one was coming to her rescue this time.

Finis

ADMIN - August Challenge Reminder/Update

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 08:12:56 GMT

The album download for the Sara Bareilles challenge is up right here. So please check that out and show us what you have to offer! :)

Back To You (Smallville, May, R)

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 20:56:53 GMT

Title: Back To You
Author: all_you_wanted
Pairing: Chloe/Clark
Fandom: Smallville
Rating: R
Challenge: melodicmuse
Prompt: May / Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
"Find a way to bring myself home to you"
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: So this is late... real late. Deal with it. Basically this is AU in which Jimmy was a non-factor and Clark manned up early on.
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 6 / post; Sneeze
Summary: The morning after the first time they have sex.
------------------------------------------
Clark could tell the very second she woke up

August Challenge - Little Voice by Sara Bareilles

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 07:48:45 GMT

Banner by all_you_wanted.

August's artist is Sara Bareilles. Her album Little Voice just came out last month, and it's a great pop album full of piano, great beats, and amazing lyrics that I can't pry out of my CD player.

Beneath the cut are the lyrics to all 12 songs, and the link to the full album.

Stories are due by September 1. Come on, y'all! Let's have some participation this month!

Little Voice - SendSpace

1. Love Song

Head under water
And you tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today

2. Vegas

Gonna sell my car and go to Vegas
'Cause somebody told me
That's where dreams would be
Gonna sell my car and go to Vegas
Finally see my name upon the Palace marquis

Gonna quit my job and move to New York
'Cause somebody told me that's where
Dreamers should go
Gonna quit my job and move to New York
And tattoo my body with every Broadway show

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees.
But next stop, Vegas please
Gotta get to Vegas
Can you take me to Vegas?

Gonna sell my house and cross the border
'Cause somebody told me dreams live in Mexico
Gonna sell my house I got to lose ten pounds
And cross the border
And make sweet love upon the white sandy shore

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees.
But next stop, Vegas please

It's always just around the corner or you're
On your way to somewhere
That is bigger or better...
If you could only get there
It's never your fault you can't start your
Own winning streak
But I'd hate to lose you to the fortune you seek

I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
'Cause somebody told me there were
Cherry blue skies
I'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination
And have a deep sleep upon a sweet dream
I'll never realize...no

Listen up now honey, you're gonna be sorry
Can't get out from under a sky that is falling
And you say
No fame no money I'm nobody
The way I'm running has sure got me down
On my knees
Next stop, Vegas please.
Can you take me to Vegas?

3. Bottle It Up

There'll be girls across the nation
That will eat this up babe
I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up and
Get down to the heart of it,
No it's my heart you're shit out of your luck
Don't make me tell you again my love love love love
Love love love love

I am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts
With her delicate soul
I don't claim to know much except soon as you start
To make room for the parts
That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of
Love love love love
Love Love love love

Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us
Oh,
But sensible sells so could you kindly shut up
And get started
At keeping your part of the bargain aw please
Little darlin'
You're killing me sweetly with love love love love
Love love love love

Only thing I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be

Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

Started as a flicker meant to be a flame
Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same
Still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall
Baby's getting next to nowhere with her back
Against the wall.
You meant to make me happy make me sad.
Want to make it better better so bad.
But save your resolutions for your never new year
There is only one solution I can see here.

Love you're all I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's
Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for love, love, love, love
Oh, only gonna get get what you give away,
So give love, love
Only gonna get get what you give away
Love

4. One Sweet Love

Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of
My own devices....
Could I be wrong?

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do I'll open up
The moon for you
Just come down soon

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on
The southern rain
As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything
But hope that there is a you

The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me...to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary's suicide
Oh I wish I knew

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love

5. Come Round Soon

I could use another cigarette
But don't worry daddy, I'm not addicted yet
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you
Like you were mine

All your stormy words have barely broken
And you sound like thunder though
You've barely spoken
Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God
'Cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right.

He's taken and leaving
But I keep believing
That he's gonna come round soon
(He'll come round soon I know)

You may be my final match
'Cause I chase everything when you play
Throw and I play catch
It never took much to keep me satisfied
But all the bullshit you feed me you miss me
You need me
This hungry heart will not subside

He's taken and leaving
But I keep believing
That he's gonna come round soon
Until I see him again
I'm staying believing
That it won't be deceiving
When he's gonna come round

Well I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I'm just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I'm watching
You go aren't tearing me apart
I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I'm just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I'm watching
You go aren't tearing me apart

The angels said I'd smile today
Well who needs angels anyway?
He's taken and leaving
But I keep believing
That he's gonna come round soon
Until I see him again
I'm staying believing
That it won't be deceiving
When he's gonna come round

I could use another cigarette

6. Morningside

I'm not scared of you now
Or so I say
There's no reason to run
Although I may
I'm not as sure as I seem
This much I know
What does it mean you leave and I follow

I could try to forget what you do when I let you get
Through to me but then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire and you'd bring rain I desire
Til you get to me on my morningside

Keep my distance I tried
No use
But no matter the miles
I'm back to you

I could try to forget what you do when I let you get
Through to me but then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire and you'd bring rain I desire
Til you get to me on my morningside

Let me down you say never baby blues don't you ever
I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find
Afternoons run for cover and full moons just wonder
What it looks like here on my morningside

Look back don't you dare let me start to do that
I don't care if the things that i have
Only make me afraid to lose I
Need to let go
Need to want to keep letting you know
That we both have a reason to follow
Long as we let this lead I'm barely breathing

I try to forget what you do to me but then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire and you'd bring rain
Til you get to me on my morningside

Let me down you say never baby blues don't you ever
I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find
Afternoons run for cover and full moons just wonder
What it looks like here on my morningside

7. Between The Lines

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause I can't continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought I thought I was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So I've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me I'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

8. Love On The Rocks

We met on a rainy evening in the summertime
Don't think I need to tell you more
I needed a raise I worked so hard for this love of mine
Still I got nothing to show for it

Tongue tied and twisted, go on baby and go to my head

Here's a simplification of everything we're going though
You plus me is bad news
But you're a lovely creation and I like to think that I am too
But my friend said I look better without you

Tongue tied and twisted, go on baby and go to my head

Babe, baby believe me
If I stay it ain't gonna be easy
Okay we'll do it your way
But this is the last time
You'll hear the beautiful sound of love coming down
Love on the rocks

You love the chase but hate me for the runaround
We both just tired of the whole thing
You tell me what you want you need you know you have to have
And I just pretend I'm listening

Too tired this time to deal with old suits you wear with your ties that won't bind

Babe, baby believe me
If I stay it ain't gonna be easy
Okay we'll do it your way
But this is the last time
You'll hear the beautiful sound of love coming down
Love on the rocks

Hot as hell cold as ice sip it slow cause it's so nice
Dulls my senses drives my pain but I do it again
Burns a bit to the touch dangerous if it's too much
If this bottle could talk
Love on the rocks

Babe, baby believe me
If I stay it ain't gonna be easy
Okay we'll do it your way
But this is the last time
You'll hear the beautiful sound of love coming down
Love on the rocks

9. City

There's a harvest each saturday night
At the bars filled with perfume and hitching a ride
A place you can stand for one night and get gone
It's clear this conversation ain't' doing a thing
Cause these boys only listen to me when i sing
And I don't feel like singing tonight
All the same songs

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
Nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold you?

The situation's always the same
You got your wolves in their clothes whispering Hollywood's name
Stealing gold from the silver they see
But it's not me

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold you?

Calling out somebody save me I feel like I'm fading away
Am I gone?
Calling out somebody save me I feel like I'm fading

In these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold on to you?

10. Many The Miles

There's too many things that I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

I do what I can wherever I end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause I've had my fiar share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And I'm better for that

Sing how far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Send me the miles and I'll be happy to
Follow you Love

Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I've been talking to God don't know
If it's helping or not
But surely something has got to got to got to give
Cause I can't keep waiting to live

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to yeah
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Been talking to God don't know if it's helping or not
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Oh send me the miles and I'll be happy to
Follow you Love

There's too many things I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets I haven't seen

11. Fairytale

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing
I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting
Spent her whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

12. Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

A Needed Thing (Supernatural, June, PG-13)

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 21:38:54 GMT

Title: A Needed Thing
Author: all_you_wanted
Pairing: Dean/OFC, Sam/OFC
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Challenge: melodicmuse
Prompt: Month; Little Big Town - The Road To Here
Inspired by: Bones
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: This features a little female character of my own creation. I tried not to 'sue' her up. Warning - Character Death
Spoilers: All Hell Breaks Loose and my own speculations--
Summary: Things end earlier than planned
------------------------------------------
This wasn't how it was suppose to end.

July's Muse is...

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 16:39:01 GMT

This month I decided to change it up a bit. This one was one of the first CD's I ever owned. It's rock'in, it's punk'in, it's full of @#$&.

Download Album Here

Green Day -- Dookie

Burnout

I declare I don't care no more
I'm burning up and out and growing BORED
In my smoked out BORING room
My hair is shagging in my eyes
Dragging my feet to hit the street tonight
To drive along these shit town lights

I'm not growing up, I'm just burning out
And I stepped in line to walk amongst the DEAD

Apathy has rained on me
Now I'm feeling like a soggy dream
So close to drowning but I DON'T MIND
I've lived in this mental cave
Throw my emotions in the grave
HELL, who needs them anyway

I'm not growing up, I'm just burning out
And I stepped in line to walk amongst the DEAD (3x)

Having A Blast

I'm taking all you down with me
Explosive duct taped to my spine
Nothing's gonna change my mind

I won't listen to anyone's last words
There's nothind left for you to say
Soon you'll be dead anyway

Well no one here, is getting out alive
This time I've lost my mind and I don't care
So close your eyes
And kiss yourself goodbye
And think about the times you spent and what they've meant
To me it's nothing (several x)

I'm losing all my happiness
The happiness YOU pinned on my
Loneliness still comforts me
My anger DWELLS inside of me
I'm taking it all oujt on you and all the shit you put me through

So no one here, is getting out alive
This time I've lost my mind and I don't care
So close your eyes
And kiss yourself goodbye
And think about the times you spent and what they've meant
To me it's nothing (several x)

Do you ever think back to another time?
Did it bring you so down that you thought you lost your mind?
Do you ever want to lead a long trail of destruction and mow down
any BULLSHIT that confronts you?
Do you ever build up all the small things in your head
To make one problem that adds up to NOTHING

To me it's nothing (several x)

Chump

I don't know you
But, I think I HATE you
You're the reason for my misery
Strange how you've become my biggest enemy
And I've never even seen your face

Maybe it's just jealousy
Mixing up with a VIOLENT mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much SENSE
Or maybe I'm just DUMB

You're the cloud hangin out over my head
Hail comes crashing down welting my face
MAGIC MAN, EGOCENTRIC PLASTIC MAN
Yet you still got one over on me

Maybe it's just jealousy
Mixing up with a VIOLENT mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much SENSE
Or maybe I'm just DUMB

Longview

Sit around and watch the tube but, nothing's on
Change the channels for an hour or two
Widdle my thumbs just for a bit
I'm sick of all the same old shit
In a house with unlocked doors
And I'm fucking lazy

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn bored I'm going BLIND!!!
And I smell like shit

Peel me off this velcro seat and get me moving
I sure as hell can't do it by myself
I'm feeling like a DOG IN HEAT
Barred indoors from the summer street
I locked the door to MY OWN CELL
And I lost the key

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn bored I'm going blind!!!
And I smell like shit

I GOT NO MOTIVATION
WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION
NO TIME FOR MOTIVATION
SMOKING MY INSPIRATION

Sit around and watch the phone but no one's calling
Call me pathetic call me WHAT YOU WILL
My mother says to get a job
But she don't like the one SHE's got
When masturbation's lost its fun
You're fucking breaking

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn BORED I'm going blind
And loneliness has to suffice
Bit my lip and close my eyes
Slipping away to paradise
Some say, "Quit or I'll go BLIND"
But it's just a myth

Welcome To Paradise

Dear mother,
Can you hear me whining?
It's been three whole weeks
Since I left your home
This sudden fear has left me trembling
Cause now it seems that I am out here on my own
And I'm feeling so alone

Pay attention to the cracked streets
And broken homes
Some call it the slums
Some call it nice
I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home
Welcome to paradise

A gunshot rings out at the station
Another urchin snaps and left dead on his own
It makes me wonder why I'm still here
For some strange reason it's now
Feeling like my home
And I'm never gonna go

Pay attention to the cracked streets
And broken homes
Some call it the slums
Some call it nice
I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home
Welcome to paradise

Dear mother, can you hear me laughing
It's been six whole months since
I have left your home
It makes me wonder why I'm still here
For some strange reason it's now
Feeling like my home
And I'm never gonna go

Pay attention to the cracked streets
And broken homes
Some call it the slums
Some call it nice
I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home
Welcome to paradise

Pulling Teeth

I'm all busted up
Broken bones & nasty cuts
ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN
But this time I can't get up
She comes to check on me
MAKING sure I'm on my knees
After all she's the one who put me in this state
.
Is she ULTRA-VIOLENT?
Is she DISTURBED?
I better tell her that I LOVE her
Before she does it all over again
OH GOD, SHE'S KILLING ME!!!

For now I'll lie around
HELL, that's all I can really do
She takes good care of me
Just keep saying my LOVE is TRUE
.
Is she ULTRA-VIOLENT?
Is she DISTURBED?
I better tell her that I LOVE her
Before she does it all over again
OH GOD, SHE'S KILLING ME!!!

Looking out my window for
Someone that's passing by
No one knows I'm LOCKED in here
All I do is cry

For now I'll lie around
HELL, that's all I can really do
She takes good care of me
Just keep saying my LOVE is TRUE

Basket Case

Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About NOTHING and everything all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Am I just STONED

I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
SHE says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
HE said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cause it's bringing HER down

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?

Grasping to CONTROL
So I BETTER hold on

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Am I just STONED

She

She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Waiting for a sign to smash the silence with the brick
of self control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?

Scream at me until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you

She's figured out all her doubts
Were someone else's point of view
Waking up this time to smash the silence with the brick
of self control

Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?

Scream at me until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you (2 x)

Sassafras Roots

Roaming 'round your house
WASTING YOUR TIME
No obligation, just
WASTING YOUR TIME
So why are you alone?
WASTING YOUR TIME
When you could be with me
WASTING YOUR TIME

I'm a WASTE like you
With nothing else to do
May I WASTE your time too?

Warding off regrets
WASTING YOUR TIME
Smoking cigarettes
WASTING YOUR TIME
I'm just a PARASITE
WASTING YOUR TIME
APPLYING myself to
WASTING YOUR TIME

So why are you alone?
WASTING YOUR TIME
When you could be with me
WASTING YOUR TIME

I'm a WASTE like you
With nothing else to do

May I WASTE your time too?

When I Come Around

I heard you crying loud,
all the way across town
You've been searching for that someone,
and it's me out on the prowl
As you sit around feeling sorry for yourself
Don't get lonely now
Dry your whining eyes
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my back yard so don't get so uptight
you been thinking about ditching me

No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around

I heard it all before
So don't knock down my door
I'm a loser and a user so I don't need no accuser
to try and slag me down because I know I'm right
So go do what you like
Make sure you do it wise
You may find out that your selfdoubt means nothing
was ever there

You can't go forcing something if it's just
not right

No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around (2 times)
When I come around (sev times)

Coming Clean

Seventeen and strung out on confusion
Trapped inside a roll of disillusion
I found out what it takes to be a man
Mom and Dad will never understand

Secrets collecting dust but never forget
SKELETONS come to LIFE in my closet

I found out what it takes to be a man
Mom and Dad will never understand
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME

Seventeen and COMING CLEAN for the first time
I finally figured out myself for the first time
I found out what it takes to be a man
Mom and Dad will never understand
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME

Emenius Sleepus

I saw my friend the other day and I don't know
Exactly just what he became
It goes to show
It wasn't long ago
I was just like you
And now I think I'm sick and I wanna go home

How have I been, how have you been
It's been so long
What have you done with all your time
And what went wrong

I knew you back when
And you ... you knew me
And now I think I'm sick and I wanna go home

Anybody ever say no?
Ever tell you that you weren't right?
Where did all the little kid go?
Did you lose it in a hateful fight?
And you know it's true

It wasn't long ago
I was just like you
And now I think I'm sick and I wanna go home

In The End

All brawn and no brains
And all those nice things
You FINALLY got what you want
Someone to look good with
AND light your cigarette
Is this what you really want?

I figured out what you're all about
And I don't think I like what I see
SOOOOO ...
I HOPE I won't be there in the end
if you come around.

How long will he last
Before he's a CREEP in the past
And you're alone once again?
Will you pop up AGAIN and be my
"SPECIAL FRIEND" 'till the end?
And when will that be?

I figured out what you're all about
And I don't think I like what I see
SOOOOO ...
I HOPE I won't be there in the end
if you come around.

F.O.D.

Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where's the other face?
The face I heard before
Your head trip's boring me

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've had this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

Stuck down in a rut of dislogic and smut
A side of you well hid
When it's all said and done
it's real and it's been fun
But was it all REAL fun

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell
I've felt this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to say

You're just... a fuck,
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm taking pride
in telling you to fuck off and die.

I've felt this burning in my guts now
for so long
My belly's aching now to sing
I'm taking pleasure in the doubts that
may still grow
So listen up cause you might miss it

You're just... a fuck,
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck.
I'm taking pride
in telling you to fuck off and die.

And die.

(long silence, hidden track)

I was alone, I was all by myself
Now I was lucky, I was thinking of you
Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself
All by myself (sev times)

I went to your house, but no one was there
I went to your room
I was all by myself
We had such wonderful times
When I'm all by myself, all by myself...

June '07 Challenge - Little Big Town

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 09:21:21 GMT

I apologize for the delay (I always seem to be doing that), but I swear this time my tardiness is legitimate. My grandfather passed away last Tuesday, and I was out of town until a couple of days ago. So this month's challenge will run till July 4th, with the July challenge starting on the 1st, as scheduled.

June's challenge is The Road to Here by Little Big Town, a platinum-selling country quartet, consisting of two women - Kimberly Roads and Karen Fairchild - and two men - Jimi Westbrook and Phillip Sweet - a combination unheard of in this genre. Their honest lyrics and melodies, coupled with their amazing harmonies, make this group a refreshing sound in country music.

1. Good As Gone

There's a cold feelin'
Runnin' up and down my spine
It seems to say, We're just wastin' time
It's like a bad movie
One I wish I'd never seen
The plot gets old, do you know what I mean?
Don't try to tell me it ain't what it is

I'm good
I'm good at seein' the signs
I'm good
I'm good at reading between the lines
No use in hangin' on
'Cause you're good to go
And baby, I'm good as gone

On a lost highway
I don't know how I got where I am
Take the next Splitsville exit ramp
It's like a cheap vacation
One we thought we planned very well
Now we're checked out of the Lovely Love Hotel
Don't try to tell me it ain't what it is

I'm good
I'm good at seein' the signs
I'm good
I'm good at reading between the lines
No use in hangin' on
'Cause you're good to go
And baby, I'm good as gone

2. Boondocks

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

I can feel that
Muddy water runnin' through my veins
I can here that lullabye of the midnight rain
And it sings to me and it sounds familiar

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

I can taste that honeysuckle
And it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down at Old Camp Creek
And it calls to me like a warm wind blowin'

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

It's where I learned about livin'
It's where I learned about love
It's where I learned about workin' hard
And having a little is just enough
It's where I learned about Jesus
And knowing where I stand
You can take it or leave it
But this is me, this is who I am

Give me a tin roof
A front porch and a gravel road
That's home to me, feels like home to me

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go fishin' in the crawfish hole
Five card poker on Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

3. Bones

What goes around comes around
Feel it breathing down heavy on you
You made that bed that you're layin' on
Deeds that you have done now you can't undo

You've got bones in your closet
You've got ghosts in your town
There ain't no doubt, yeah, they're gonna come out
They're waiting for the sun to go down
You can't hide from your demons
Feel 'em all lurking around
You're runnin' scared 'cause you know they're out there
They're waiting for the sun to go down

It's a long and hard row to hoe
When seeds that you sow grow by the wicked moon
Be sure your sins will find you out
Your past will hunt you down
And return to tell on you

You've got bones in your closet
You've got ghosts in your town
There ain't no doubt, yeah, they're gonna come out
They're waiting for the sun to go down
You can't hide from your demons
Feel 'em all lurking around
You're runnin' scared 'cause you know they're out there
They're waiting for the sun to go down

It all stands to reason
Every dog will have his day
But your day is leavin'
Better hold on tight
Here comes the night

You've got bones in your closet
You've got ghosts in your town
There ain't no doubt, yeah, they're gonna come out
They're waiting for the sun to go down
You can't hide from your demons
Feel 'em all lurking around
You're runnin' scared 'cause you know they're out there
They're waiting for the sun to go down

4. Bring it On Home

You got someone here wants to make it all right
Someone that loves you more than life right here
You got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I got what you need
Bring it on home to me

You know I know you like the back of my hand
But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here
I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep
When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here
Yes, I am
So take your worries and just drop them at the door
Baby, leave it all behind

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I got what you need
Bring it on home to me

Baby, let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come and carry you away

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I got what you need
Bring it on home to me

You got someone here wants to make it all right
Someone who loves you more than life right here

5. Wounded

You plowed over me like a tractor
You used me up and put me out to pasture
I'm left to eat your dust
Guess you're thinking that we must be done
You said you got my back every minute
Well, you do
You've got it there to put your dagger in it
And knowing what I need
Still you stood and watched me bleed

Wounded, I'm wounded
I'm battered and broken and bruised
Wounded, I'm wounded
All tore up inside over you
Wonderin' why you do me like you do

I feel betrayed and so manipulated
I call a spade a spade, you call me jaded
Well, what do you expect
You give me no respect

Wounded, I'm wounded
I'm battered and broken and bruised
Wounded, I'm wounded
All tore up inside over you
Wonderin' why you do me like you do

And this monkey on my back has stopped me in my tracks

Wounded, I'm wounded
I'm battered and broken and bruised
Wounded, I'm wounded
All tore up inside over you
Wonderin' why you do me like you do

6. A Little More You

Don't you wanna dive on in, yeah the water feels right
Dancin' on the edge of the love you're a beautiful sight
So why're you still standin' there in the half moonlight
Come on, baby, give me a little more you
You're battin' those baby blue eyes and, honey Iswear
The way you got me needing you girl, it just ain't fair
You've given me a little bit yeah, but don't stop there
Come on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a little more you

I'm here fallin' for you
My hearts callin' for you
I know I never can get enough
Don't hold back one bit of your love
Strong and steady for you
I'm all ready
Come on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a little more you

You're teasin' me with a touch and the whole world shakes
Keep holdin' that river back and the levee may break
There's only so much that this ol' boy can take
Come on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a little more you

I'm here fallin' for you
My hearts callin' for you
I know I never can get enough
Don't hold back one bit of your love
Strong and steady for you
I'm all ready
Come on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a little more you

7. Live With Lonesome

Hear the train in the distance
Such a lonely sound it makes
When it's gone there is silence
You can hear the sound of my heart break
See these arms, now they're empty
'Cause they used to hold on to you
I said I'd never let go
But somehow you slipped on through
Now I know that's how love goes
When love goes away

I'm gonna cry some
Then I'm gonna lay here and die some
All because I know there ain't no one else
Baby, if I can't live with you
Guess I'll have to
Live with the lonesome

There's a prayer that I'm prayin'
There's a dream that I always will dream
And the hope keeps me waiting
For the day when you come back to me
It's a curse and a blessing
To find love above all the rest
Now I'd rather have nothing
Than to settle for less
Now I know that's how love goes
When love goes away

I'm gonna cry some
Then I'm gonna lay here and die some
All because I know there ain't no one else
Baby, if I can't live with you
Guess I'll have to
Live with the lonesome

8. Mean Streak

What did I do, tell me what did I say
That kicked up dirt and brought out this side of you baby
It's one of those moods, yeah it's the one of those days
What kind of dark snuck up and took a bite of you baby
The longer it goes well, the shorter your fuse
Maybe you'd know if you walked in my shoes
Damned if I don't and I'm damned if I do

Cold as the concrete
Tough as a backstreet
Like a frat boy at hell week
Babe, you got a mean streak

Fire in the hole and a hole in my heart
You're on a roll and I'm takin cover now baby
Where does it end and where do I start
To soften the sting one way or another now baby
Be good to me honey I'm on your side
I'm gonna bend gonna let a lot slide
But hey what's the deal with your Jekyll and Hyde?

Rough as a dry creek
Sharp as a hawk's beak
Coming fast as a stampede
Babe you got a mean streak

Hard as an oak tree
Mad as a queen bee
Hot as Majave
Yeah it burns like a dry heat
Tight as a kite string
Bad as a black sheep
Sure as a heart beat
Babe you got a mean streak
There in your shadows, save room for me

9. Looking for a Reason

Lookin' for to make some sense out of nothin'
Lookin' for the hunger to hang on
Lookin' for to know if you're really worth it
Lookin' for a reason not to be gone

Your signs are fadin', baby
I can't read 'em anymore
Can't you see where I'm standin', baby
I got one foot out the door
You better show me somethin' fast
'Cause my patience for you ain't gonna last

Lookin' for to make some sense out of nothin'
Lookin' for the hunger to hang on
Lookin' for to know if you're really worth it
Lookin' for a reason not to be gone

If there ain't nothin' there
Well, that's my time your wastin'
If you say you're givin' all you've got
Well, that's my chain your yankin'
Love is on a slippery slope
Barely hangin' on at the end of my rope

Lookin' for to make some sense out of nothin'
Lookin' for the hunger to hang on
Lookin' for to know if you're really worth it
Lookin' for a reason not to be gone

So tell me what you're gonna do keep me around
And baby, whatever it is you better do it now, now, now

Lookin' for to make some sense out of nothin'
Lookin' for the hunger to hang on
Lookin' for to know if you're really worth it
Lookin' for a reason not to be gone

10. Lost

I don't know who I am
Staring at a million broken pieces here
I don't know where I stand
While I'm still, the world goes round so free so cavalier
Aimlessly I wander, like a drifter
On a narrow winding road
I've got plenty of direction but I don't know where to go

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

No it don't seem right this canyon of lonely lying in our bed
Lord how I've cried a waterfall of tears until my eyes turn red
Ever since you left me it's been like a bullet through my heart
And I know I should move on, but I don't know where to start

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

11. Welcome to the Family

Welcome to the family
Hope you have a real good life
With my little sister
Yeah, she'll make a real good wife
Hope you have lots of babies
Hope you get a real good job
Hope you don't mind company
'Cause we'll be there alot
And brother here's some brotherly advice
If you know what's good for you you'll treat her right

'Cause grandpa's the local sherrif
Yeah he's the judge and the jury too
Uncle Bill's the undertaker, son
He'll dig a hole for you
Cousin Jesse, he's just crazy
He'll fight you just for fun
Mama's got a real bad temper
And daddy's got a shotgun

Welcome to the family
And this side of the tracks
If you ever leave her
You ain't coming back
My nephew Red's a hunter
He's gonna hunt you down
Just like he did the last one
And he still ain't been found
Now I like you just fine, don't get me wrong
But boy take care of her 'cause if you don't

Grandpa's the local sherrif
Yeah he's the judge and the jury too
Uncle Bill's the undertaker, son
He'll dig a hole for you
Cousin Jesse, he's just crazy
He'll fight you just for fun
Mama's got a real bad temper
And daddy's got a shotgun

Welcome to the family
Hope you have a real good life
With my little sister
Yeah she'll make a real good wife

12. Fine With Me

Everybody's gonna go downtown same hang with the same old crowd
Talking like it's just the greatest thing you've ever seen
Telling me that if I don't go I'll be the one missin' out
Yeah but I don't really think I'm gonna miss a thing
As for myself I'm just as well
With something else in mind (like)

Blue skies and amber sunshine
As far as I can see
It's just me and my sweet baby
And that's just fine with me

Lay me down in the tall green grass be still and let the world go by
Baby let our minds wander like the river does
Or find a place we can hide away where all we do is take our time
Making life and loving sweeter than it ever was
Take the whirlwind that life has been
And trade it in for the freedom of

Blue skies and amber sunshine
As far as I can see
It's just me and my sweet baby
And that's just fine with me

Everything's coming up roses
Everything's feeling right
We got the naysayers supposing
It may not last but it just might
It just might

Blue skies and amber sunshine
As far as I can see
It's just me and my sweet baby
And that's just fine with me

13. Stay

How can I bear to wake up and you're not there
What will I do when I turn and reach for you
I'll lay my tears on the windowsill
I'll only cry till I get over you
But how long will that take me
Won't you save me... and

Stay
Just a little bit longer
Till I'm a little bit stronger to take all this
Stay
Just a little more time
Till I can find a way
Please stay

Will I ever smile again
When losing love takes my best friend
To wonder where, wonder how
Wonder what you're doing
One more night just before you break me
Hold me safely

Stay
Just a little bit longer
Till I'm a little bit stronger to take all this
Stay
Just a little more time
Till I can find a way
Please stay

So I'll be a big girl, and close my eyes
As you walk away don't say goodbye
God save me
Please won't you

Stay
Just a little bit longer
Till I'm a little bit stronger to take all this
Stay
Just a little more time
Till I can find a way
Please stay