Adventures in Twitter:

On a scale of 8-10, how much do I look like Robert Pattinson? Please leave your answers all day.

70% of People.com readers said they would not date me. By the numbers: 13m site viewers-86% female= 11.1m-70% 'no' = 3.33m who WOULD!! To my 3.33m foxy little ladies: requests for sweet, sweet love making will be answered in the order they were received.

Mick Jagger hasn't gotten any less famous, but fame has gotten a lot less Mick Jagger.

You may have my image, but you cannot take my sound.
-- john mayer
(To the magazines, blogs, entertainment shows, etc.)

We all need more of him in our lives, I think:

"Who I am as a guitarist is defined by my failure to become Jimi Hendrix."

"If I wake up in the morning and I don't want to get you a coffee or if I don't see you for a week and I don't want to go figure out something to FedEx you, then we've got a problem. You can fake the words I miss you, but you can't fake getting someone a book." (on knowing that he really likes a girl)

"I can get into anything, like training a hawk or learning how to fly a helicopter. I collect watches. I went through a blackjack phase. I'd like to learn locksmithing. Being more multifaceted makes you a better companion, and it would make you a better husband." (on hidden talents)

"It's almost charity work, what people have done, turning other people on to my music."

"I am beginning to know what it feels like to be a woman. To have people looking at you all the time. And I'm sorry ladies, I had no idea! But people are looking at me all the time. It's like I have musical boobies!"

"Ladies, if you want to know the way to my heart...good spelling and good grammar, good punctuation, capitalize only where you are supposed to capitalize - it's done."

"I love you all so much. We really need to come up with a new name for 'fans'. How about really-good-friends-who-can't-come-over-to-my-house?"

"I don't mind making sissy rock... I'll rock your ass sensitive-style."

From John's blog entry entitled "douchebag".

"In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy's got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it's not your dad's rock star template, but he'd be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They're ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete's going to keep pretending. Because that's all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that's what people think being a douchebag is?)"

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Anyone like Pete Wentz? Dislike him?

“What I enjoy about the live experience is getting onstage, being handed a guitar that is in tune, taking it off mute, knowing that the very moment I want to play a note, I can play it. People are waiting on me and I'm waiting on me, and I have no idea what I'm going to play. That's the biggest joy in life.”

Amen. Anyone else know exactly what he's talking about?

Most of ya have probbaly heard this once, since it's older, but I love it anyways.

"I'm in seventeen magazine this month. Not that thats a bad thing, it just wasnt a part of the fantasy. Thats ok though cause sometimes I like giving my answers at an eigth grade level.Its kind of come full circle though cause I learned everything I know from Seventeen magazine. Like menstruation can really get in the way of dates. And the only thing you guys have clean during that time is white shorts. I didnt know that. So I took everything I learned from 17 magazine and wrote a little song about it." (Precursor to Your Body is a Wonderland.)

This rant is from "As/Is: Cleveland/Cincinnati, OH - 8/03-8/04/04 (Live)" Daughters

I love it so much, it really rings true for me.

I tried, did all I can do, to solve the puzzle that is you and I
Come to find my ego don’t belong don’t here, it’s just a fact of life,
My ego don’t belong here you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife.
And I was cool, and I was cool, so cool
Thinking of you, thinking of you as a fixer upper someone I can come and pair up with, change a little bit, change a little bit. And all your previous guys they would see you and me and they would say “what’s that boy got that I don’t have?”
And I smile when I'm walking by, and I’ll know in the wink of an eye that I’ve got the right girl for a time, I've made her mine.

The fact is that all of that is completely unrealistic and makes no sense at all
You might as well try and raise the dead while your at it, cus its not gonna happen
Like one day, she’s just going to be looking at you, and you’re going to string together the perfect series of words in the most articulate way you ever have, in ways that even astound you, but should you stop to congratulate yourself you’d stop making your point so you just continue on.
And she going to look at you and the tears, the tears are gonna well up in her eyes and she gonna go “ I never saw it that way”
When really the fact is if she could’ve seen it that way she would’ve a long, long time ago.

There’s only a few ways that you can explain it to somebody, maybe two things . . .
Number one “I love you”
Number two, something that a lot of girls need to learn on their own, I’m not pushing any body its just saying, one thing a girl needs to learn to understand
Three words “I’m . . . . Not . . . .Him”

When I saw John at the Royal Albert Hall in October, he poked fun at the fact that 'Your Body is a Wonderland' had been voted one of the most annoying songs in the world by saying that the song had 'been voted the best song in the world but all the presidents of the world.' Okay, so it wasn't as cleverly witty as the things he usually comes out with but it made me chuckle.
I love that song though, I can't see why it's seen as annoying..
:)

John on Justin Timberlake's Lovestoned/I Think She Knows from his blog:

Not so much for the "Lovestoned" part, but for the 45 seconds of ultimate sonic bliss that is "I Think She Knows. It's JT's breakthrough moment as an artist; a novel mix of Coldplay guitar lines, hip hop beats and a vocal approach somewhere in between. When that track comes on I spend the first 3:30 preparing for the awesomeness to come. Then I yell at the speakers, "Make this 4 minutes long and put it on the next disc!"

Heee!

I was in bed just now, and I watch tv like most people do. TMZ was on, so I was watching it, and apparently, it's some sort of celebrity gossip show? Anyhow, it's on after the Colbert Report, so that's why I was there. ANYHOW.

Just came downstairs so that I could quickly say it one more time: John Mayer is the coolest of the cool. It was showing some paparazzi video of him at an airport (JFK, possibly, and he had on a really great sweatshirt; his hood had cat ears, but that's besides the point). Anyhowww, the guy with the camera asked him if he was in town for something or other, and John just goes, "nope, just here for some bathroom sex". Right as clear as day to the camera. ♥

“I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

o_0 ahaha

so it's dead here but i plan to give it some life! a few of my favorite john quotes.:]

[about In Repair]: "this is a song about being fucked up but coming out of it. when you're a kid and you get a tennis ball to the nuts, it's one of the worst feelings in the world, but as all men will tell you, there's no better feeling than when it STOPS hurting."


"and by the way we're just trying new tunes out, i just wanted to play some new songs to see if they suck, which is really a moot point out 'cause they're going on the record anyway. i just wanted to know how close i came to it."

both from april 10th, live in hollywood concert.

Since no one else has posted in forever I thought I would give you a couple of my favorite quotes:

John: Ok, I don't want to be stupid and say "its hot" because you know and you're just going to be thinking "we know its hot you bastard we live here."
(When I saw John in 2004 in Phoenix, AZ, this was after Maroon 5's set where Adam Levine complained it was "hotter than a motherf*cker")

John: (really long guitar solo) I am going to tell you what tomorrow's newspaper headline is going to read--- John Mayer is long winded and self indulgent (continues ridiculously long guitar solo).
(When I saw John in 2004 in Phoenix, AZ)

John: "I just forgot the words to my own song!"
(When I saw Trio in 2006 at the Tempe Music Festival, the song was Gravity if I remember correctly)

I was going through all the random john mayer recordings I have - and I found a copy of "No Such Thing" with an adorable intro. It's actually Mayer just singing a silly little song:

Freshman year,
My mom asked what do you want to do
when you get out of here?
I said, well gee,
I'm only 13
But I think I'd like to play my guitar
Be a star
She said "well that's nice, you got time to go
Good sense will kick in any time, you know
I'm not worried,
I'm not worried"

Sophmore year she asked the same old thing
My answer had remained unchanged
I saw her fidget with her thumbs
She said, "you like computers John
You like computers don't you?
Yeah, I always see you with a computer, you like computers
Maybe you could do something with computers
Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?"

Junior year,
It's a little more intense, she says
"What do you want to do with your life?"
Oh I'm not on the fence,
I know exactly what I aim to be
And I'm only 17

She said "well, all I ask is that you pay attention in class
So that if you happen to change your mind in time
You can still go somewhere reputable
And do us proud"

So I went downstairs,
And I played guitar loud

Yeah, senior year, same old question
She said "what do you want to do?"
I said "play my guitar and sing"
She said "there's no such thing"
She said "there's no such thing..."

I love you mom.

---

and then he goes into No Such Thing :)

the song, if anyone wants it

So, I re-watched the Any Given Thursday DVD today, and this quote in particular amused me:

"You ever have that thought that bums you out--you have a thought that bums you out and you're bummed out by the thought, but the thought escapes you, so all you're left with is being bummed out, but you can't remember what it was that bummed you out in the first place so you spend time going back in your mind trying to figure out why you're not looking forward to Tuesday, whatever Tuesday is--you're like, 'What's wrong with Tuesday? Hasn't even happened yet and I'm freaked out about it.' Well, this is a song about going back in your head and making a list and checking it twice and--that was a holiday reference during the summer. Let's hear it for me! *claps*"

^.^;

“Even if you think the flame has died, there's at least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then you'll find yourself as fucked as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see her again.”

“It is too easy to watch music coming out of people's mouths lately and you're not quite sure if it was written with the best of intentions.”

Do you agree with these? Especially the last one. I agree, because I think that most people writing music today just do it for the sake of doing it... they want to have a song, so they write it. I try and write songs occasionally, and I have to admmit that I usually write what I think other people will dig, not what I want to write, or what I want to say. Any thoughts?

Hey guys. I think I'll start doing a sort of weekly update with quotes and such... whatdya think?

Keep posting, in any event.

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"

This was at the end of a live performance of 'Breakaway'. I don't remember it exactly, but here's the basic gist of it:

JM: We're gonna play a couple more songs for you... (twiddles with guitar) I could make somethin up, but.. (audience starts cheering) Should I make something up? (more cheering) Well, we've gotta make it fair. I mean, if I asked you guys to give me a topic, I could suck.
Someone in audience: Buying a frog in a pet store!
JM: What?
(Audience member repeats himself)
Someone else in audience: Masturbation!
JM: Nah, too easy. (audience laughs) I have no secrets at all...


*shakes head* John, John.

"...like Willy Wonka says, "Strike that and reverse it.", it was the other way around...I JUST QUOTED WILLY WONKA! ... I would like to take this moment out to reassert the fact that I like girls."

That? Is awesome.

That one was for you, Sarrah. <3

Welcome to the John Mayer Quotes community.

Read the rules, join, post and have fun.

I'm gonna start us off with some of my favorites.

"My fans are probably the people who had to bounce around to a couple different lunch tables before they found one they could sit at. Not because they were strange, but because they were just a little ahead of their time. And I'm onstage being paid to tell them, 'It's OK, I'm with you.'"

“Go broke for what you love; it’s only money, only stuff.”

"In the yearbook, I was that kid who wrote 'See ya when i'm famous'. BTW the percentage of people who say 'see ya when i'm famous' and actually succeed in becoming famous?: 0.002"

"This is a song about, uh, you know you're either in love or not - it either works or it doesn't. It's about trying to make that square peg fit, you know? Where your brain says 'yeah' but your heart says 'no' and your brain goes 'shut up heart, shut UP - this is perfect'. And your heart goes 'nuh uh'. Then your brain goes 'Come ON john, tell heart to just go for it' , and i'm like 'brain, i'm tryin' all i can' Then heart says, 'both of you shut up', and brain's like 'don't talk to me' "

"The problem with girlfriends is that they think stupid stuff is sexy. Like square tipped shoes. Square tipped shoes are a girl thing not a guy thing. And peacoats! Peacoats are stupid. David Labruyere wears a peacoat now."

"It's so great just rocking out on the guitar, but you're probably thinkin 'you're song is becoming way to long mister.'"

"There's nothing I hate more than going to a concert and the guy says 'You having a good time?' and you scream your head off and then the guy says 'I can't hear you!' and I'm like 'The fuck you can't!' I absolutely hate it when guys do that. So I promise you I'll never make you do that. If you scream respectably the first time anyway."

"Justin Timberlake! If he were a stock, I would cash out all my publishing and buy it. I think Justin Timberlake is the next Michael Jackson. That kid is walking around with this melody bomb in his head and nobody knows it's about to go off."