Yeah. I spent a week in a phlegm-laden coma. It took me about a week longer to write this than I expected. Background/catch-up links:

Twilight
Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
Made of Fail podcast that I was on: Twilight movie discussion episode
Original commentary on Twilight (book)

New Moon
Discussion of New Moon (movie) and fan behavior at an early preview
Made of Fail podcast that I was on: New Moon movie and celebrity/fandom discussion episode
Original commentary on New Moon (book)

By the way, I would recommend clicking the links here within the text itself; a couple of them are really... something else. Reading 2012 in Fifteen Minutes may also help.


( Warm your hands at my chestular fires, baby )


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Tags: new moon, parodies, twilight
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Thom Yorke - "Hearing Damage"

1) O hai! I'm going to see the ~*Special Preview Omg*~ of New Moon tonight! I feel it's more fair to wait until after opening weekend, though, so if my performance anxiety lets up long enough for me to write anything, it will appear no sooner than Monday.

2) This one's quick and loose (as quick as TWO HOURS AND THIRTY-EIGHT MINUTES can be), hope you enjoy it.

3) STOP REPOSTING MY STUFF, SERIOUSLY


( MY HAREM'S ALREADY DOWN BY TWO! )


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

Tags: 2012, parodies

Well, that only took eight months a week and a half, then.

1) Warning: strong language. Not quite as persistently as in POA/15M, but there you are.

2) No, I never went back and did Order of the Phoenix for some reason (nor Chamber of Secrets). I should get on that. But Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone is in the book and Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire are online.

3) Yes, I left out your favorite part. Was your favorite part already funny? Well, that's why I had to leave it out.

4) I do have a new agent and we're looking into American distribution for the book. (No, there's still just one. The other one is the hardcover.)

5) Feel free to link this places or make icons or make videos, but PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THE WHOLE THING SOMEWHERE ELSE. Send people here to read it. You can put up a few quotes and everything. Really, isn't it easier that way?


( Can you only mumble the mumble blah? )

Tags: harry potter, harry potter and the half-blood prince, parodies

Before we get started:

1) Other Twilight entries on my cleolinda journal (they tended to get more detailed over the course of the summer): Twilight discussion; New Moon and Eclipse commentaries; Breaking Dawn recap; Midnight Sun recap; final trailer rundown; discussion when I came home from the movie.

2) I also know people are about to inundate me with recs, so let me give you my favorite Twilight links up front and save you the trouble: ( Read more... )

ANYWAY. ( This is actually the Illustrated Twilight in Fifteen Minutes, because I'm not sure you'll believe me otherwise )

Tags: parodies, twilight
Current Mood: peaceful

Hey, because it was there and it called to me. It's just about the only way I can write these days--just letting it happen.

Note: This is very much an R-rated movie, with the sex and the expletives and the shootings of people in the brain. The language in the recap, parody, whatever you want to call it, is going to reflect that (and trust me, this is the mild version). Also, Wanted is the kind of movie where half the charm of it is in the novelty of the visuals and some really funny surprises, so I'm... actually going to leave several good moments out. Believe me, there's plenty left over. Just--go see it. It's outrageous and stupid and funny and knows it, unlike some movies I could name COUGHTHEHAPPENINGCOUGH. ( So why, exactly, do you take orders from a magic loom? )

Tags: parodies, wanted
Current Music: Danny Elfman, "The Little Things"

It's just as bad as you've heard. I went in hoping that people were just being harsh on Shyamalan out of habit, because I like suspense movies and would like to see him pull it back together. They really... aren't. ( Hey, get out the binoculars you use to spy on our neighbors )

Tags: parodies, the happening

Because numbered lists make me feel organized:

1. I really liked the movie.

2. I don't know when I'll do another one or what it will be. These things kind of just... happen. I can't force it, so I can't take requests, either.

3. Haven't done Golden Compass icons yet (eeek, sorry about that). I'll... do a double batch or something.

4. Last I heard, Erin hadn't had her surgery yet, but an anonymous donor gave her $9000 (!), so she will be able to pay for it.

5. As always: linking and quoting is cool. Posting the whole thing is not.

6. Enjoy.


( … And now, back to John with the weather )

Tags: cloverfield, parodies
Current Music: The Killers, "Mr. Brightside (Blank & Jones Remix)"

Thank you for calling Cleolinda Industries! We appreciate your interest and/or concern.

If you would like to complain that His Dark Materials is leading our children straight to hell, please press 1.

If you would like to complain that The Golden Compass waters down Philip Pullman's anti-religious intent, please press 2.

If you would like to complain about the quality of the actual movie, please press 3.

If you would like to grinch about the use of Movies in Fifteen Minutes to benefit a charity, please press 4.

If you would like to ask Cleolinda if she has a Personal Relationship with Our Savior, please press 5.

If you would like to read the actual parody, please stay on the line.


Updated entry, 12/28/07: I've taken down the download links and posted the parody in full the way I usually do. MegaUpload's reneged on their reward system offer, so there's nothing to gain by making it harder for people to read. I had to reformat it by hand, so here's hoping all the italics and font sizes are correct.

( I would save the hell out of you! )

Tags: parodies, project download, the golden compass

A few quick notes:

1. I'm posting this in honor of Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Wretchery Day, since I got my book deal because I put my work online for free.

2. The parody includes spoilers for Goblet of Fire (obviously) and at least one major spoiler for Order of the Phoenix. If you're not caught up, beware.

3. Things in this parody have been altered, rearranged, compressed, or left out entirely. When you write a parody, you can do that.

4. "Prisoner of Azkaban in Fifteen Minutes" is here; "Sorcerer's Stone" is in the book. "Chamber of Secrets," to date, has not been written.

5. Feel free to link, quote, or make icons. Please do not repost the entire parody anywhere, period. There's no reason to do that when you can link back here far more easily than reposting a 4000-word piece. By the way: reposting the whole thing without my name on your journal or fanfiction.net? Still stealing. Yes, people have been reported (and not by me, either) and lost ff.net accounts over this. For your own sake, don't do it.

6. It was harder to write than I thought, probably because the movie was 1) actually good and 2) chock-full of plot. But I did my best. Enjoy.


( I love the sound of discipline in stereo )

Tags: harry potter, harry potter and the goblet of fire, parodies
Current Music: "This Is the Night"

Well, finally. I would have done this weeks ago, but I didn't get to see the movie until Monday night as it was. A few quick notes:

>> Feel free to quote, link, or make icons, as always. The one thing I've always asked people not to do is repost an entire parody on any board, site or journal, and certainly not without my name. It's still plagiarism if you let people believe you wrote it by omitting the real author's name, y'all.

>> Speaking of icons, whatever I get done tonight I'll post in a new entry tomorrow.

>> Still no word on a North American release of the book.


( Can you make do with a party hat? )

Tags: 300, parodies