rum_inspector

Ficlet 
(inspired by a line from 
Hornblower: Ship of the Line)  

The Little Black Book.

Mr. William Bush is the first lieutenant in His Majesty's ship Sutherland, under the command of Captain Horatio Hornblower.
His written duty is to take command of the ship if something should happen to his captain. His every day duty, however, is to maintain the ship in the finest condition. He carries out that duty, with the help of a little black book.

He carries his little black book (it is the size of a bicorne hat cut flat to make a rectangle) with him wherever he goes. He has it with him in officer's mess and when he climbs up the mizzenmast. The book weights two stones. One of them granite.

The book is filled up with names. The names represents people who have done serious crimes towards the ship's wellbeing. Offences as hideous as being 2/100sec too slow (or fast) in gathering the sails, having too many creases on their hammocks or being stupid enough to smile when the first's feeling down. 
Some names occur more often than others; there is only seventeen out of the whole ship's crew  (minus the highest officers) whose names aren't there. Fourteen of them because their names are impossible for him to spell. That is a reason enough to mark them down anyway. It is an obvious offense towards His Majesty's Navy to have a name too difficult for His Majesty's Officer to pronounce.

He has even written down Hornblower's name. It might raise an eyebrow if the captain should ever read the book, to find a page filled with "William Hornblower". But if you've ever been a young girl you find nothing strange in that page whatsoever.

Captain Hornblower wishes to be the most feared man aboard. After all, he is the Captain, whom men shall both adore and fear.
He has a long way to go to beat William Bush. Amongs the ordinary crew they have a word for him. 

Petty-little-nitpricker.

Below decks, they only like him when he's drunk. He then dances with the book and is easily lured into writing down imaginary names that Hornblower, the day after, does not find that funny at all.

The little black book is even more feared than quartermaster Harrison's cane. For the cane may dance on your butt once and then be forgotten while once you have your name on the black book it'll be there forever. Cane has no memory. Bush has a slippery mind. But his book remembers EVERY NAME.

The book went missing and remained so for a fortnight. The whole ship was searched and names were put down to his memory - it was characteristic of him to forgot every single one before one can say Jack Robinson. The whole ship was searched again. And again. And again. It wasn't until he demanded the ship's timbers to be torn apart when captain's steward Polwheal stepped out and handed him the little black book. He did not tell where he had found it. Bush was ready to put Polwheal in to his book when "ha-hmm" from Hornblower standing demandingly behind Polwheal put him back to his place and he put down his own name instead (which irritated Hornblower later when Bush was demanding punishments for himself). It never occurred to his mind that searhing the whole ship never applied to captain's quarters. It was as obvious to his mind as the setting of the sun that Hornblower should have nothing to do with the missing of his little black book. Hornblower only said Ha-hmm.